Chapter 23

We wake up in the morning and Bruno’s still stressing about his album, I suppose I see why, but he really has no reason to be. “If they don’t like it, I blame you” he says to me all depressed. “If they don’t like it I’ll have sex with Dre as a punishment” “Lex, stop lying, you want Dre, you think he’s a sexy motherfucker” “FUCK YES! Oh God, he is so damn fuckable… I just wanna get him and kiss his head…” “Ew, baby you just too it to a whole new level. What about Ryan? If you weren’t dating me would you date Ryan?” “Uhh…” “Answer me” “Uhm, I don’t know. I don’t think so, I mean he’s nice, you know I love Ryan, but I don’t think he’s my type…” “Exactly how?” I look Bruno up and down and say “He’s too muscly, I like my guys not to be as toned as he is” Just as Bruno’s about to say something back, his phone goes off. *“Hello?” “Yeah, we decided to send it last night because we were done before the deadline” he looks at me. “Yeah I’m free then” “Ok, we’ll see you then, bye”* “WHO WAS IT!?” “It’s the head on Atlantic/Elektra, they wanna speak with us about the album, I knew it, they hated it, what if they drop me!? I can’t handle being dropped again! How am I gonna face everyone?” He says as he puts his head in his lap, I rub his back and say “Don’t be stupid, why would they drop you? You’ve already had 3 successful songs out, plus you’re an amazing producer whose written number one hits, and they’ve already booked you out for a tour, why would they drop you? They’d have to be stupid, you really don’t believe how amazing you really are” He doesn’t say anything, I sense something else is wrong and he’s hiding something from me. I run my fingers through his curly hair because I know how much he likes it, and he lifts his head up and kisses me. I pull away and ask “What’s wrong? Tell me what else is going through your mind?” “Baby, can we not do this. Please” as he says the please, his voice starts to crack, why is he so upset? He rests his head on my shoulder and we sit in silence. I grab his hand, hold it, and just wait for him to speak. It takes a while for him to say anything, but I’ll wait as long as I have to. For him. Anything.
Eventually he begins to speak. “It was such a shock last time, when it happened. I wasn’t expecting it, no one was. I remember the day it happened. Everything was going well, or so I thought, they called me in to his office and they said *It’s not working out, we’re gonna have to let you go* and at that. My heart sunk and I felt useless. I‘ve only ever felt like that once after. When we broke up. But just the shock of that happening really messed me up. You know I could go in to any studio I wanted and say *Hey I’m Bruno, and I’m signed to Motown records* After that it became, *Hey I’m Bruno, and I got dropped from Motown* You lose credibility. You lose trust. I can’t have that happen again, this is the only thing I know how to do, and you and music are my life” His voice starts to crack again. “I can’t live without either one of you. How am I gonna tell people Lex? How am I gonna be able to go back home to Hawaii and say that it didn’t work out AGAIN. Yeah producing is amazing too, but that’s not just all I wanna do. I wanna be on stage, I wanna feel that atmosphere and energy from the audience, I wanna never have to worry about money again, you know what? It’s not even about the fucking money, I just wanna perform. That’s all. I wanna make albums, have singles, have fans and perform. That’s not that much to ask for is it?” I wasn’t expecting all this. “Do you feel better now?” I ask him. He nods his head and smiles “Talking helps” He says. I know this is a dig at me because I rarely open up to him. “Baby, if they drop you for some stupid fucked up reason. Then I swear I’ll never produce again, and that’s a promise” “You’d really give up producing for me?” He asks. “Of course, we can go and get a job in a CD store or something so we’re still doing something related to music” I joke. He leans up and kisses me and I happily let him, he pushes me back down against the bed and pins me down, he runs his hands all over me whilst I deepen the kiss. He then relaxes his body against me so I can feel him. All of him. Something’s wrong. This doesn’t feel right. Just as I’m about to remove his shirt he lifts himself up off of me and says “Actually. I’m not in the mood for sex… I gotta go shower and leave anyway” THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!? “Wait, you DON’T wanna have sex?” “Nope” and I see his clothes fly out of the bathroom as he gets in the shower. What an Idiot. “I need a shower too” I yell at him. “Cool, you can join me, but I’m not having sex. Payback for yesterday” “I said I’d make it up to you!” “Yeah and you fucking will! But this is my fun” Urgh, I hate it when he with holds sex from me. He’s so God damn hot… I don’t think there’s ever a moment when I don’t want him, just thinking about him in the shower, all hot, wet and nak-STOP IT LEX! I turn the TV on and wait for him to come out; I need something to distract me.
He eventually comes out in nothing but a towel, all soaking wet. I stare him up and down “See something you like?” “Yupp” and that’s all I say. I don’t take my eyes off him; I don’t think I could even if I wanted too. “You gonna watch me get changed?” “Yupp” He just laughs, removes his towel and throws it at me. Mmmmmm that ass… that flat, flat ass. “Can you call Phil and Ari for me and tell them that we gotta have that meeting in about an hour?” He says, at least I think that’s what he says. I wasn’t really paying attention. “I’M NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!” I snap my eyes up to his face, and raise one eyebrow. “Ok, I guess I’m your piece of meat” he says. I just laugh and grab my phone and call Phil and Ari, the jump in the shower. Once we’re both ready we go down to the studio. Bruno’s anxious, I can tell, he’s already had 5 cigarettes today. “You should stop smoking” I say. “I’ll stop when you stop” Damn… As we walk through the halls I get slightly depressed, this is where I used to be everyday having these meetings, I mean I hated having them, but I still miss them. I don’t mind “Freelance” producing, the best part about it is that I don’t have a boss, I’m my own boss. But I miss getting up and going to work every day. I miss having strict deadlines and I miss running everything. I think I just miss working with The Stereotypes. I was with them when I met Bruno, It feels weird producing with “The Smeezingtons”, I used to be the head, and I used to run everything. Bruno does let me take control, but I just don’t like bossing my fiancé around like that. I suppose, I could go back to The Stereotypes, I mean I know they’d have me back, I know Mid would join me too so I wouldn’t be on my own. But do I wanna be working with Jacques again? I can’t even think about that now, right now it’s all about Bruno. We get up to the door and we just wait. They all look at me. Why are they all looking at me? “What?” “Err, can you let us in?” Oh shit, my card never got deactivated. I swipe it and let them in. That’s it. I miss this place so bad… I wonder if Jacques is in today, he should be, maybe I could have a word with him later about coming back…..