Chapter 34
“Lex when did you get here!?” It’s Bruno! I just wanna hug him and take him back to L.A with me. But I can’t. I need to sort this out. He stinks of alcohol, this isn’t going well. “Bruno why did you turn the tape off?” his eyes widen and he looks away from me. “Theirs nothing you’d wanna see on that tape” “Why. What’s on the tape?” Fuck. I’m so scared right now, I feel like I could cry, my heartbeat starts to increase and so does my breathing. Bruno says nothing. In a stronger voice I repeat “Bruno. What’s on the tape?” “Lexii, I love you, remember that ok. Never EVER forget that baby, you’re my whole entire world” His eyes start to well up, why is he crying!? FUCK. WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO!? I feel faint. “Bruno what the fuck did you do!?” He doesn’t reply and he’s still looking away from me. Oh my God. I turn around to watch the tape “Baby don’t watch it! Please. Please don’t watch it. Please” My heart breaks to hear him beg like this, but I need to see what’s on the tape. I decide to ask the hardest question I’ve ever asked anyone before. “Bruno. Did you have sex with her?” He looks me straight in the eyes and replies “No” “What did you do then?” He balls his fists up and moves them up to his forehead and shouts “I DIDNT DO ANYTHING OK!” “You’re lying” “Baby I didn’t do anything” I think for a second. Fuck. I take a deep breath and with all the rage I feel at this moment, in a quiet voice I say “Then what did you let her do?” He looks at me with a pleading face. The tears roll down my face “BRUNO WHAT DID YOU LET HER DO!?” “BABY I’M SORRY OK? I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME AND CHANGE EVERYTHING!” He’s crying too but I feel no sympathy for him. I hate him. How could he do this to me? When I don’t respond he says “Baby say something, please” as much as it pains me, I shake my head and say “I’m not your baby. Not anymore” and I turn to leave. He grabs my arm and try’s to pull me back “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I scream. “BRUNO I HATE YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I JUS-I CAN-I HAVE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH THIS KILLS ME. Why did you do it? I at least deserve to know why I wasn’t good enough for you so you had to run along to the next easy bitch that came along” My eyes are so blurry now from the tears, I wish I could stop crying and be stronger. But I can’t. “Baby, how could you say you’re not good enough for me!? I don’t know why I let it happen. I really wish I didn’t but I just don’t know why! Maybe it was all the alcohol, I had no idea as to what I was doing” That’s his argument!? “Bruno. Don’t use being drunk as your argument, being drunk just makes you do things that you’d want to do but wouldn’t do whilst sober. I hate you” “But I love you, so so much, baby don’t do this, I don’t know how I’ll cope without you” He’s crying just as much as me now. “You should have thought of that before you let some British bitch suck you’re dick. Fuck you Bruno” and I turn to leave. He stops me again and just as I’m about to say something he pulls me in and kisses me with all the passion he has. I kiss back, I wish I wouldn’t but I just can’t stop, our tears mix together on our faces as our tongues dance together. I love him so much, of course I don’t hate him, I could never hate him. But what he did was just pure wrong and who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again!? I can’t take that risk again. Bruno obviously wants someone else; I’m clearly not the one for him. I hate myself for that. As much as it rips me up inside, I pull back, Bruno leans in for another kiss but I stop him. I look in to his bloodshot red eyes and whisper “Goodbye Bruno” “Baby don’t do this” and I run out of the studio.
It’s raining but I don’t care. I sit on a pavement and start to cry. I miss him. I want him. I need him. I love him. Why can’t I be stronger!? I knew I wasn’t good enough for him, why didn’t I make him happy like how he made me feel? I’ve never felt like that before, I’ve never felt as if someone else truly loved me. He clearly didn’t. Fuck I really do love him. Just WHY!? My heart feels like it’s been ripped to shreds, my heart rate increases and I’m finding it hard to breath. My head starts to spin, what’s happening to me? I put my head between my knees and try to concentrate on my breathing I’m absolutely soaked right now. I feel a hand on my back rubbing it. Why did he have to follow me out here? “I came to this exact same pavement after it happened, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m such a fucking idiot. I hate myself. I hate that I’m putting you through all of this. It kills me to see you like this. Believe me. I’m hurting so much more inside right now” In a defeated voice I say “You weren’t the one that got cheated on Bruno. Think about it. You cheated on me. I would NEVER do that to you. Never. You told me you loved me you’re a liar, if you truly loved me then you wouldn’t have done it” I get up again and he stands with me. I feel stronger now. In a low whisper I say “Give me some time Bruno. I can’t promise anything but I need some time. You need time to really think about what you did. You need to hurt. You think you’re hurting as much as me now, but believe me. You’re really not. I still love you” and with that I walk off back to the hotel to dry off and think of what to do next. I know I need to get back home though. I can’t even be in the same country as him right now. I’m too weak and I know I’ll just run back in to his wanting arms. This is so fucked up.
I can’t get a flight back until the early hours of tomorrow morning. Fuck. So now what do I do? All my stuff is in Bruno’s room and there’s not another hotel around for a while. SHIT. I guess I’m staying in the same hotel as Bruno tonight. Be strong Lex. Be strong. “Excuse me; can I book a room for tonight please?” “We’re quite booked up, but I’ll see what I can do…” Fuck, please have a room, please have a room. “You’re in luck, we have one room available, room 132” NO WAY. “Anything but that room, please!? There must be another one? I’ll pay whatever” “I don’t understand ma’am, what’s wrong with this room?” “I know someone who’s in 133 and I’d really like to avoid being anywhere near them at this point” She looks through her computer again “I’m sorry, but this is the last room we have available. Would you still like it?” “Yeah, whatever” She looks at me and moves in close. Does she want a kiss or something? “I don’t see why you’re complaining about this room, the guys who occupy it at the moment are hot. Actually I don’t even think hot is even the correct word to use” “More like drop dead irresistible?” “Hell yeah!” I hate this bitch already. “If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you wanna be near them? Scared you’ll get tempted or something?” “Yeah, something like that.” I take the room card and make my way to my room. I lean my ear against the connecting door and hear nothing. Phil and Ari must be asleep. I have no idea where Bruno is; I hope he’s ok out there on his own. I miss him. I miss him so much. How could he do this to me? I thought he loved me. You don’t do this to someone who you love. I turn all the lights off and just sit drowning my tears with a bottle of tequila I find in the mini bar. If I died tonight from too much alcohol who would care? I don’t care if it sounds pathetic or stupid. THAT’S how I fucking feel right now, I’m so disgusted with myself it’s unbelievable. I hate this; I hate being hurt like this. I so want to just rip the tiffany key necklace off he gave me right now, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I should just forgive him and run back in to his wanting arms…
At about 4am I hear talking. Bruno? He’s talking on the phone and it sounds like he’s crying. It breaks my heart to hear that. “Yeah I really messed up this time, I’m such an idiot, and she’ll never forgive me. Never” Damn straight I won’t. “I don’t know why I did it! Or should I say, I don’t know why I let it happen, I just want her back. I just wanna hold her in my arms again, it’s not fair. Make it better? Please?” Who is he talking to? “Of course I do! Of course I still love her, I’ll never stop, and I don’t care if you think I rushed in to things with her, but I love her. And…And” I hear him sobbing. “It kills me to know how much I’ve hurt her” By this time I’m a mess too, just to hear how much he’s hurt too is killing me. “Mom, I wanted to marry her, she’s the one. The ONLY one I’ll ever want, with her I felt complete” He’s talking to his Mom? He’s never mentioned that he’s told her about me before. Wait. Did he really say that he wanted to marry me? Oh Bruno. “Yeah I’ll be fine, well I won’t, but I better let you leave. No I don’t know where she is right now, probably on the next flight home; I hope she’s ok on her own. Ok Mom, love you and thanks. Bye.” I hear some shuffling and see Bruno go out on to the balcony, I go out on to mine too but make sure he can’t see me and just wait. He has his guitar. He starts to play some chords and sings “As I Stand Here Before My Woman, I can’t Fight Back The Tears In My Eyes, Oh How Could I Be So Lucky, I Must’ve Done Something Right, And I Promise To Love Her For The Rest Of My Life-” I can’t stand here and listen to this anymore, he loves me, I know he does. But I just can’t. I can’t just go back to him like that. Bruno’s phone goes off and I recognise the tone, it’s a message. I see his eyes and moth pop open, what did he just see!? “Holy Fuck” He whispers. Wait, did he just get that picture I sent him? The one of me in my underwear!? FUCK. He starts to play the guitar again “I lay you down, take off your clothes, and kiss your lips It feels so good, ooh you’re saying more I wanna be inside you Ooh girl you got that fire I can’t wait no longer I just gotta take control” “Seriously Bruno!?” Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that out loud….. “I knew you were listening Lex. Did you like them?” Oh I really want to say no, but I loved them. “Of course I did” I say still sitting on my balcony not looking at him. “Lex can we just talk, please?” “No” Next thing I know Bruno’s climbing over the balcony and jumps down on to mine. Idiot. I make no move to get up. After a couple of seconds I feel Bruno pick me up and move me on the bed, he turns me round and I look in to his deep brown bloodshot eyes. He just waits for me to speak. I don’t know why I should speak first; I’m not in the wrong here. But I still speak first. “I heard you speaking to your Mom earlier” “Did you hear everything I said to her?” “Yes” “I always speak to her about you, always. I love you Lex” I look away from him. “I love you too” and the tears start to roll again. I feel Bruno come up behind me and move my hair to the side, I feel his warm breath on my neck. Fuck. He starts to place gentle kisses from my shoulder right up to my ear, I should stop him but I just can’t. I want him too; I want to feel his lips all over me. I miss his touch, I miss him. Then Bruno does something unexpected and new. But I like it. He slowly moves his hand around to my stomach and goes under my top. Just as I think he’s going to move his hand up. He doesn’t. He moves it down. HOLY FUCK. His hand goes lower in to my trousers and in to my underwear. My breathing increases and I feel him smiling against the back of my neck. I try so hard not to moan his name but it’s impossible. This man knows exactly what I like, he knows me and my body so well, I lean my head back and just let him do his thing…..Before things get too heated, I stop him. I need him. NOW. I move his hand, turn around and kiss him with all the passion I have, I missed kissing him, and I missed us. Our clothes start to fly everywhere and to be honest I don’t care anymore. I forget everything that happened, the only thing that matters right now is me and Bruno. This time our love making is different, he takes his time with me, I feel it’s more about pleasuring me this time than the both of us. I can feel how much he’s hurting inside. I love him so much.
As the light shines in on us, I feel Bruno kissing my neck as I start to wake. I feel like I could cry again, this has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me, and sure enough as I think that, the tears start to roll down my face. “Shhhh baby, don’t cry” “I love you” “Lex I love you so much more” I start to wipe the tears away and as I do Bruno asks. “Marry me?”……..
“No” “What do you mean no?” “I mean no Bruno. I won’t marry you” “But why?” “Because you just asked me after sex! And if that wasn’t bad enough, you just asked me after makeup sex!” He stops and thinks for a second then says “Baby, do you forgive me?” I look away from him. “Not completely, to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you completely. I just can’t believe you did that. But the whole staying away from you thing didn’t work so…” “Tell me you love me” and he moves my face round to his. “You know I do” “Say it Lexii” “I love you Bruno. So much” “Then marry me!” “No” “Fine, don’t marry me, see if I care” urgh what a child. After a while he says “Why won’t you marry me Lex?” Erm, because you just asked me after sex!? Guys can be so oblivious sometimes, I don’t want to say yes when he asks me like this! “Baby, I’m not ready to get married yet” I lie. “Will you marry me one day then?” “Sure, maybe, but if the sex starts to go downhill then don’t count on it…” He smiles and I get serious “Bruno I need to go back home, back to L.A. Alone.” “Yeah I know, I don’t want you to leave though, I’m still gonna miss you” I get up, wrap myself in the bed sheet and go over to the window and start to smoke. I can’t deal with all these emotions again; I just wanna take him home with me. Fuck. “You still wrap yourself up in the sheet huh?” “Yes. Now let’s move on” He gets up and makes his way over to me. “Lex, you’ll never understand your true beauty will you? I don’t see why you’re still shy around me” “Bruno, I’m just not comfortable walking around naked unlike you ok” I say not looking at him. I wish he’d just let this drop. “One day I’m gonna make you see just how beautiful you really are” and he kisses my cheek whilst at the same time pulling at the sheet I’m clutching. “No Bruno stop…..please” too late. It’s gone. Great. Now this is awkward. “Can I have the sheet back please?” “No, you’re gonna do something for me first” “HMM I WONDER” “No, not that, well, you can do that after if you REALLY want” He says with a smirk. Then what does he want me to do? “Go on….” “You’re gonna pose for me” “WHAT!?” “Yup, now get on the bed or shower; it’s really up to you” Oh God Bruno. “Tell me why I should do it!?” “Because if I’m gonna spend another 20 days here in London alone, I’m gonna need something to keep myself busy with at night” ”So you’re gonna jerk off to a naked picture of me?” “Pretty much” Urgh, what a guy, what a stupid, sexy, fuckable fool. I suppose I could…….no wait. THE FUCK!? I have more self respect than to do that. I run past Bruno and jump in the shower.
The shower feels amazing; it releases all my tensions and makes me forget about everything. *Click* THE FUCK!? I turn and through all the steam I see Bruno standing there looking at his phone with a huge smile on his face. He didn’t. Holy shit. He did. “BRUNO WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!?” He’s still looking at his phone smiling. “YO, BRUNZ!” He looks up “Huh?” “I hate you” “Lies” and with that he walks away. I’ll get him back. I get out of the shower, get changed and Bruno does the same. He looks hot in a grey hoodie and an old pair of jeans. Damn “You gonna come down to the studio today?” He asks. As much as I don’t want to, I think I need to have a word with this Roxy girl. I still need to know what happened and maybe watch the tape……When I don’t respond to Bruno’s question he replies with “I love you” “I know” and I peck him on the lips. “Breakfast?” I say as I get up. “Maaaan, I haven’t eaten breakfast in forever! Actually I haven’t eaten in forever. Weeeellll, I haven’t eaten food in forever, I ate something else much better last night” He says with a wink. He’s so dirty it’s unbelievable! “Hell yeah you did!” I get serious for a moment “I told you your money wouldn’t be enough, why didn’t you call and ask for some more, money isn’t an issue” “Because I shouldn’t need to rely on you for money, it should be me providing for you” “One day you’re gonna be a millionaire and sell all these records and tour all over the world, the money is gonna be rolling in, but until then, lets swap roles ok?” “Ok, but I still get to be on top” “That’s debateable….” and we leave for breakfast before I fall in to his arms again.
Naturally Bruno eats everything off the menu, damn he must have been hungry and we make our way to the studio. As soon as we walk inside “Daaayyuummm ya’ll were LOUD last night!!” “Hey Ari….” Fuck. “Oh, so you have a voice then?” Phil responds. “We can’t have been THAT loud” Bruno says as he walks by them, is that a smile on his face!? “Ok, Lex was screaming, but you were yelling out random shit” “At least I got some last night…” Bruno says, and with that they all shut up. We enter the studio and its empty, but it feels weird. It feels dirty to me, because in here is where…..I can’t even think about it. Bruno comes up behind me and starts to rub my shoulders, I instantly shrug him off. I can’t have him touching me, not in here. “Sorry” He whispers and I know he means that in more than one way. I can’t do this; I see a black leather chair in the centre of the room. THAT’S the chair. I feel Bruno take my hand and I instantly shake him off “Seriously, don’t touch me” “Are you gonna be ok?” “No. I wanna watch the video” “Baby, don’t, you don’t need to watch it” “I want to, I think I need to” “Ok” “Let me just have a smoke first, I’ll be back”
I walk outside and light up and who do I see? Roxy. Great. “Hey! I saw you last night huh? I think, man I was BLAZED” EW she still stinks of alcohol. “Yeah we met last night, how are you?” Not that I care. “Yeah I’m fine, got some badass headache though, I’m only up this early for that guy I was telling you about, I think I was telling you about him….anyway, he’s this smoking hot fuckable guy inside, he just makes me horny thinking about him!” I WANT TO KILL THIS GIRL. I play along, I don’t know why, but I do. “Describe him.” “Fuckable, that’s it. That’s all I remember to be honest oh and easy” So she doesn’t remember his beautiful chocolate brown eyes? Or his smooth tanned soft skin? Or his jet black curly hair? Or his perfect smile? Just that he’s fuckable!? I ball my hands in to fists to try and contain myself. “What do you mean by easy?” I ask trying to change the subject…. “Well he let me suck his dick last night! And let me tell ya something” Oh God, please don’t….. She leans in and whispers “He’s huugeee” “Tell me something I don’t know” I say out loud without thinking. Fuck. “What?” “From what I can see that is…….” “Lemme be serious with you for a second, he resisted a lot last night, I forced him in to it, his eyes weren’t on me at all, they were somewhere else and it looked like he didn’t even enjoy it, I mean, just between you and me, he didn’t even get hard for me” But we’ve NEVER had that problem before! “So, he never…… I mean, you never made him…..” “Nope, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not gonna try again tonight” “Did he ever mention his girlfriend?” “Yeah he mentioned her, a couple times actually, not that I really cared” I hope this bitch gets run over. By my car. With me driving it. I hear Bruno calling me from inside, he’s probably scared that I ran off or something. “Is he calling you? I never asked your name” “Yeah, I’m Lex….. I’m outside Bruno” I see him running outside and as soon as he sees me and her together he stops “Oh, hey Roxy……” well this is awkward, but I’m enjoying watching Bruno squirm. “Roxy was just telling me about last night” “Oh, erm, she was?…..” I nod. “Yeah, I was” and she looks at him in the most seductive way she can. Damn. Why does she have to be so pretty? “Hey! Stop raping him with your eyes!” I yell at her before I have a chance to think, Bruno notices and pulls his hoodie lower so she can’t stare at him like that anymore. “Sorry Lex, but this fine piece of ass in front of me is turning me on, rawr” “He’s not a piece of meat” “Woahh, what’s up with you!? Jealous that I got to him before you? I know you wanna fuck him, and even though I didn’t, I still did one better than you” She looks at him and licks her lips. Just as I’m about to rip this bitches hair out Bruno looks at Roxy and says “She’s wrong, I am A piece of meat. I’m HER piece of meat. And SHE can look at me anyway she wants” “WHAT THE FUCK!? You weren’t saying all this last night when you let me go down on you!” “Exactly what did I say last night huh?” “Well, you didn’t say anything, but you didn’t need to……” “Didn’t it make you feel cheep to know that I couldn’t even look at you last night?” I interrupt “Or at the fact that he couldn’t even get hard for you?” Bruno looks at me and nods “Yeah that too” She looks confused. “Wait, what’s going on here? What’s going on between you two?” He looks at her and says “This” and he grabs me, and gives me such a steamy, passionate hot French kiss that all she can do is stare in shock. His hands move all over me freely. I’m feeling frisky. Whilst he’s still kissing me I take my hands and run them through his hair, move them down to his irresistible neck, if he wasn’t kissing my lips right now I’d be attacking his neck with kisses. I move my hands on to his chest and graze my fingers down to his abs. She’s still watching but I can tell she’s disgusted. Well if this bitch wants to play…… I graze my hands lower and feel Bruno smiling against my lips. He starts to make noises, sexual noises. They’re all fake, I can tell, I know the noises he makes quite well by now. He’s only doing it to piss her off. THE FUCK! She’s still watching!? Well, if she thinks I won’t do it. I stop kissing Bruno and slowly move down his body. I pull his hoodie up and start to undo the button of his jeans. I look up and see Bruno trying to conceal a smile. I undo his jeans and pull them down leaving him standing in his boxers. I turn and look at her and say “That’s what he looks like hard” She shakes her head and says “FUCK YOU” Bruno replies “You wish” and he bursts out laughing whilst she runs inside. “Holy fuck Lex, I do love you” “Never forget that ok?” “Never” and he leans in and kisses me, I stop him and say “Now put your clothes back on, we have a video to watch……”