Chapter 5

Sorry guys, it's a long one lol

My alarm clock goes off. It beeps. And beeps. And beeps. I roll over and stay buried under my blanket. My mom comes in and turns it off. She looks at me. "Ready for breakfast?" With my eyes closed, I say. "No tengo hambre Mami." She sighs and stands there for a minute. Than she softly shuts my door. I hear her and my brother talking again in the hallway. I know they're worried about me. But there is nothing in my heart and soul that I can do to even try to pretend I'm okay. My door opens again. I feel someone sit on the bed. "Alena Michelle." Whoa. He broke out the full and middle name on me. I don't respond. My brother pulls the blanket down. I don't move. "Alena, get up." I turn and face him. His eyes are filled with fear and a little bit of anger. "No quiero." I tell him. "No me importa si no quieres. Levantate ya!" he yells at me. I close my eyes. I feel him lift me off the bed and stand me up. My legs are wobbly and I almost fall over. I look around my room, as if it's changed somehow, but I know it's just me. "Go eat" he tells me. I shake my head. He pushes me towards the door. I let myself fall to the ground. "Damn it Lena! I"m sick of this shit! Get your ass up and go eat something. It's been 3 months. I know your hurting, but something's gotta give." I lay on my floor and curl up into a ball. Only 3 months? Seems like an eternity. He steps over me and says, "Si Papi estaba aqui..." I jump up from the floor and fly at him. "Si estaba aqui que!? What would be different? Why do you always bring Daddy into something?!" I fling my fists but I'm no match for him. He holds my arms down. I didn't know I was crying until he wipes my tears away. "I'm sorry Lena, but look at you. Your scaring Mami. She cries herself to sleep every night. I can't hear her do that anymore." My heart aches to know that. I sigh and walk back into my room. I look in the mirror. Dead people look better than I do. My clothes are falling off of me. I have deep black circles under my eyes. There is no color what so ever to my face. The last time I looked like this was after the funeral. I shut my eyes in pain. Oh god. To Mami, it's like Daddy died all over again. If it's even possible, I felt worse. I take a shower and try my best to look alive. All of my clothes are big on me and my hair had grown down to my waist. Jeez. Things like this I wasn't even aware of because all I do is sleep or stay under my blanket. I walk downstairs. It looks familiar and different at the same time. My mom is standing at the stove. I smell bacon. I pull out a chair and sit. She turns around quick. Her eyes are bloodshot and she looks distraught. I smile a little. Wow. It feels weird to smile. She drops the fork in her hand and hugs me. I squeeze her back, breathing in her flowery scent. We stay that way for awhile. She kissses my forehead. "Estas bien mijita?" "No, but I will be. Mami, ya no llores. It's not good for you." "No no hija, no te preocupes." she tells me. How can I not worry about her? I guess it goes both ways. "Here, eat your breakfast." She puts a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon in front of me. The smell makes my mouth water and my stomach growl, but the first bite I take, comes back up and I run to the bathroom. I'm more messed up than I think. I come back to the kitchen and my mom rubs my back. "I'm sorry Ma, I tried." She tells me it's okay, that's all she wanted. I start to head back upstairs but stop. I don't want her to get upset all over again, so for the first time in 3 long tortureous months, I step foot into the outside world. I squint my eyes as the sun welcomes me into it's presence. The yellow taxi's honking sound extra loud and it seems like New York overpopulated. I look left than right, and don't know which way to go. I decide on right, cause left is the way to Bruno's house. I keep bumping into people on the sidewalk. Seriously. I forgot how to walk down the street. I sigh because I'm miserable but keep pushing on because I don' t want to be this way forever. Like my brother told me, something's gotta give. As much as I don't want to admit it, the fresh air and being back in civilization is actually doing me some good. I walk past a clothing store and stare at the mannequin in the window. I do need new clothes, since I'm skinny now. I make a face and decide not to go in. One I don't have any money on me and two, I'm really not in any kind of mood to shop. I turn back to the sidewalk when someone bumps into me. "Oh, Sorry about that." he says. He's carrying a guitar case. "It's okay." I say, but when I look up I almost pass out. He has the same expression. "Lena?" I swallow. "Hi Eric." I say. He blinks a couple times and keeps staring. I look around, not knowing what to say or do. He drops the case and pulls me into his arms. I hug him back, wanting to cry. He kisses the top of my head.

"You, don't look like yourself at all." he says. I play with the straw in my soda. I know he doesn't mean that in a good way. I try to smile, but it doesn't work. He takes my hand. "Lena, we've....I've been frickin worried sick about you." "I'm fine Eric." I say. It's clear he doesn't believe me. I fidgit, wanting to ask about Bruno. He reads my mind. "He moved. About two and a half months ago." he says. I nod. "To L.A.?" I ask. His turn to nod. That day we were laying on my bed talking about taking a road trip there flashes through my mind. "Is he...um, happy?" I ask. Eric shrugs. "Bruno's a good actor." I shake my head, knowing what he means. I must've looked more depressed than I thought because Eric got up and sat next to me. He pulled me into his arms again. "It's been weird not having a little sister around to bug me." he says. This time I smile for real. "Don't ever do this to me again kid." I look up at him. His brown eyes. Exact replica of his brother's. I look away. "Sorry." I tell him. "I pounded his face in, just so you know." He says. I stare at him, shocked. "What did you do that for?" "For being an idiot..." "You didn't um, You didn't tell him th---" I couldn't get the words out. "I didn't tell him anything Lena. I don't see how he doesn't know you're in love with him, but I didn't say a word." he says. I look at my hands. 'You're in love with him' echoes in my head. Eric's phone rings. He looks at it. His eyes bug out and he puts it back in his pocket. It rings again. He keeps ignoring the call. "Eric, answer it. I don't care." He shakes his head. We try talking but the damn phone won't stop. "Just answer it!" I tell him. He looks around, than excuses himself. I watch him as he walks to the door of the restaurant. He laughs and seems to be carrying on a normal converstation until he looks over at me and I see his mouth form the words, "She's here." My head pounds and everything gets fuzzy. Please, no. I hear Eric telling him, "I don't think that's a good idea. At least not now." I put my head on the table and try to stay conscious. I knew I shoudn't of woke up this morning. I can hear him arguing. Stubborn Bruno. Eric hangs up and grabs my arm. "Come on." "Where we going?" "Anywhere besides this place." He practically runs out of the door. He flags down a taxi. We jump in and as soon as the door shuts, I see a black car pull up. A very familiar black car. A black car that I've been in more times than I can count. His hair is a little different. It kinda looks like Elvis, with a curly twist to it. He has black shades on, with a blue and green plaid button up shirt, dark jeans and his usual converse. I want to look away, but I'm frozen. He sees me. He takes the shades off and only than is when I look away. Eric tells the driver some address I don't recognize. Bruno stands on the sidewalk, getting smaller as the taxi zooms it's way down the streets of Brooklyn. Eric shakes his head, looking angry. "You knew he was coming?" I asked. "He's been here for a week." He keeps shaking his head. "He's been trying to see you, but I know you Lena. There's no way you would be able to face him." I lean my head against the window. Sweet Eric. As long as I've known him, he's always went out of his way to protect me. Never did I think it would be against his own brother. The cab pulls up to apartment buildings that look strangely familiar. "Where are we?" I ask. "My place." he says. I get out and it all comes back to me. "You moved in here?!" I ask, excitedly. It had to have been about a year ago. Eric, Bruno, and I looked at these apartments. All three of us loved them so much, but me and Bruno were still in school and Eric didn't have the money to move out. "Does he know you live here?" I ask. He smirks. "Nope, I moved in last week." I laugh out loud. "Wow, Eric that's awesome!" We go upstairs and it's even more beautiful inside. Boxes are everywhere and the only thing set up are 2 couches, a t.v. a kitchen table and his drum set. The place is huge. "I love it. It's so gorgeous." I tell him. He smiles and looks out the window. I let myself fall into the couch. He sits on the one across from me. We stay quiet for awhile. Eric leans forward, putting his chin in his hand. "He feels the same way." he says. I turn to look at him. "The same way about what?' I ask. "You." "No he doesn't." I say, clenching my jaw. He nods. "He does. He's too scared to admit it though." I glare at him. "Don't look at me like that kid, I know what I'm talking about." "He's told you this?" Eric sits up. "No, but he doesn't have to. It's obvious to me." I look away feeling sick to my stomach. His phone rings again. "What?!" he answers. I hear 'Give her the phone' Eric rubs his forehead. My heart pounds. I reach out my hand. He looks at me crazy. He puts the phone down and tells me, "Lena, you don't have to, I can hang up right now." I shake my head. "I'm fine." He slowly hands over the phone. I take a deep breath and put it to my ear. I don't say anything for a minute. "Lena." His voice sends me on an emotional roller coaster that I'm in no way shape or form ready for. I feel like I'm out of my body and my legs and hands are trembling. Eric is watching me. "Hi Bruno." I say. It comes out better than I thought it would. He doesn't say anything but I can hear his smile and feel his beautiful brown eyes. "I miss you." he says. I don't respond. I can't respond to that. "How are you?" he asks. I close my eyes. "I'm doing great!" I say enthusiastically. I can almost see him nod. "That's...great." he says. It stays quiet for a minute. "I wanna tell you something. Please don't hang up." I listen. He takes a breath. "I lov--" Click. I cover my face and curl up on the couch. I don't want to hear that. You don't love me. You don't love me. You don't love me. I try to brainwash myself. Eric uncovers my face. It's full of tears. "He doesn't love me." I say, sobbing. He wipes them away, but it's no use. I say it again. "He doesn't love me." Eric holds me while I bawl my eyes out. I start to hypervenilate. He grabs my face and yells at me. "Lena! Calm down, breathe!" I try, and it works, a little. He gets me a glass of water. My hands are still shaking as I bring the cup to my mouth.

* * * *

The floor bumps with every beat Eric hits on the drums in his room. The only light is the soft glow of the t.v. that I'm not watching as I lay on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. I hear him start to sing an old doo wop song. His voice is just as beautiful. I close my eyes and listen. He's amazing. I smile. He goes back to the drums. I get up and walk to the room. I sit cross-legged on the floor and put my chin in my hand. I watch him, like I used to watch Bruno. It's mesmerizing seeing them practice what they love. He smiles at me while he nods his head to the beat. He switches to a Michael Jackson song. I nod my head with him. I don't know how or why but I start singing "The Way You Make Me Feel" Eric looks at me in shock and than plays more intensly. When it was over he jumps up screaming "Whoo! Lena, where the hell did that come from?!" I feel my face turn red, as it always does. I've never sang in front of anybody in my life. Not even my mom. It's always been something I keep to myself. "I don't know." I say, feeling extremely shy. He laughs and picks me up and spins me around. "Dude that was amazing! Where have you been hiding that at?" I shake my head, not knowing what to say. "Sing something else!" "No!" I say, covering my mouth. "Yes, do it now." He sits at the drums waiting. "I can't." I say. "What do you mean? You just open your mouth and it comes out." he says. Maybe for you. I shake my head again. "You're gonna do it Lena, whether you like it or not." he says. Why do I let these brothers boss me around? "How do you figure that?" He starts to play another song. "Because, your a singer. It's in your heart, your soul, your spirit..." I feel the beat in my chest, in my ears, in my head. It fills me and runs through my whole body. I close my eyes and let it wash over me. He was right. I open my mouth, but before anything has a chance to come out, I hear a different Bang Bang Bang. Eric stops playing. We both look toward the door. Bang Bang Bang. I run to the window and parked across the street, I see a black car. Oh no.