'danielle, if you had known...he was just trying to protect you....from re-living your past.'
phil sat me down and told me bruno's real story. i couldn't believe it...all the pain he's experinced...trying to hide all of that from me...it was really starting to hurt...
he left hawaii for his music, but like me, ran into some problems along the way. it started with one girl, just one, that he adored more than anything, and she took him and abused him...
what did she do? i asked like a child waiting impatiently for the next part of a fairy tale.
'danny, she tried to gyp him of all he had. not just material things...his music...
she would apparently act sugar-sweet to bruno and then get to what he loved the most-his songs. he was working on some great stuff; then she just started to gradually started to 'borrow' his books. he looks up and she's gone starting her own career.he was hurt, but this wasn't the worst of it all. every woman after that exposed a darker and darker side of bruno. some made him steal for them, lie for them, run away from his family and friends for them...he did it all for women he thought loved him.
'but he would know when things would go south' phil said.
'when?' when could you see that all hell would soon break loose in your life and you still let it come?
' when they would beg him to say it'
i love you. the three most potent, beautiful, meaningful words that would ever be uttered by any man on the face of the earth...and bruno thought that they were poison...
'out of nowhere they would demand, "bruno, i won't belive you unless you say it" and he would give them what they wanted then...and everything after that point that they demanded too.' phil knew what he meant by being good enough. he wanted to be strong enough to walk away from something going bad...he loved me because he could trust me not to bring back the past.he thought he was safe from his dark side with me around. he thought that i understood when he would say, 'you just don't know'. but i really didn't...i was so blind...
'he was ashamed to leave. but after so many times....he didn't know what else to do...'
'bruno thought that i would turn into something like that' i muttered in disbelief. he finally got strong and left...but this time he didn't need to...
'so now what are you going to do?' phil leaned back on the sofa. i watched his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. he was so easy going...i needed that...
i shrugged 'what can i do?' 'find him. kiss and make up. then invite me to the wedding.' he smiled
'i wish it were that easy...' i let my voice trail off, thinking of bruno coming back so easily into my life. no. i had screwed up beyond just a quickfix now. i would have to work for my bruno again. i glanced over at phil for ideas, but got nothing but...confused.i watched phil with a certain interest that i had never felt before. his eyes, a deep rich brown, shone in a way that i hadn't seen in awhile...his voice and smile were both such comforts...it was like morphine sometimes, having him around.
'what are you staring at danny?' he asked with a chuckle. i knew what to do. it was wrong, but i knew i could do it. i leaned in closer to phil like i was searching for something, placing my hand gently on his cheek, looking fearlessly into his eyes...i needed this more than anything...
'nothing, just something about your eyes...' i went in for the kill. i pressed my lips against his, full and soft, and let myself be taken away by the sensation i'd been craving. he didn't resist. in fact he started to wind his arms around my waist, but stopped his hands at my hips, then i realized what he was doing. he gently pushed me away and sighed. i looked up at him with pleading eyes.
'please phil?' i begged, tears welling up in my eyes.
'danny, no, you belong with bruno.' he said. he was right. no matter how badly i wanted to fit with someone else, be with anyone else, i would always be stuck on bruno...
' i know.' i started to weep silently. phil hugged me tight, knowing that what had just happened was simply a moment of weakness.
' just be strong until we fix this...don't worry,i won't leave you in the dark.' we didn't let go of each other for what seemed like years. this was what i needed; the knowledge that someone cared for me...would look out for me, no matter what.
' i have to leave'
'i know' i pulled away and looked up at him. he was like the brother i never had, and i loved him for that. i could always count on him even in the worst of times...
'i love you.' he whispered
'i love you too phil' i smiled. maybe love wasn't so hard after all.
' danny, you sure you don't want me to drive?'
'phil, i'm fine; a little rain won't bother me.'
'uh...it's more like the wrath of God pouring down on us...just sayin'"
'phillip- Let. Me.Drive.' phil just turned and looked out of the passenger side window. i understood why he would worry...besides the fact that i was driving through a hell of a thunderstorm...i was wound up about seeing bruno again. it took me awhile to finally decide to go on and see him. i was on pins and needles as we pulled up to the studio.
' well, no turnin' back now.' i mumbled. phil looked over and smiled.
'calm down. things'll work themselves out. just let me soften him up a bit.' he winked at me and got out of the car. i followed him a little ways behind with timid footsteps; as though being quiet would mean he couldn't see me, that i wouldn't have to go through with this. i watched them both from around the corner, bruno was smiling and laughing as usual, but something was missing; some of the life in his eyes had been drained, his laugh wasn't quite as it was when i first met him. i was so worried; this wasn't how i was used to seeing him. suddenly, those drained eyes were looking my way.
'bruno, i'm really sorry about-'
'don't. look daniell, i realized that we are... we're not on the same page with our lives...
no. don't do this to me;not now
'i don't think we should be together anymore...it's just too much, babe; at least not right now...'
how could he? just say that so plainly? like it was so easy to forget him....i simply couldn't take it anymore...
'whatever happened to you being there, bruno! what happened to all of that?!?!?!?!?! you say you're not like every other man that i've been with, but you are! you're no better than anyone else that left!' i couldn't stop the tears; i left the studio and jumped into the car; i didn't know where i was going, only that it was far away from everything...
'danny... come back, please? i'm really sorry about what happened between you and bruno, and that may be kinda my fault...but you can't keep running, danielle. you have a son that needs you, you need to come back...' my voicemail box was full of messages like that...begging me to come home. the problem was, where was home now? i couldn't bear to go back and let my son see the shameful woman i'd become...but what other choice did i have? it had been days since i had left and all i did was refill the gas tank in the car and keep going....
pick up the damn phone....just grow a pair and pick up the phone-'
'mommy?' oh no.
'yes baby?' i didn't know what to do...i couldn't ignore him again...he'd never forgive me...
'mommy, why did you leave me?' how would i answer. would i tell him thati fell in love with a man who might never want to see me again...?
'baby i-i didn't leave you. i just had to...take a little time by myself.' i could hear him start to cry on the phone...
'when are you coming home?' he sobbed. it took everything in me not to cry too.
'soon, sweetheart, soon' i heard nothing on the other end, then i heard a voice say "hand me the phone, michael.' bruno. i refused to let him run me away any further.
'damnit, this is ridiculous! you get your ass back here like the grown woman you act like you are and get on with life! i'm sorry things happened the way they did but that doesn't excuse you from taking care of your kid! Daniell- danielle are you there?' i let him stay on the phone for a minute, then he hung up. this was horrible, but i knew that the last chance i had to be with him was right now. i hit the accelerator peddle and turned around...every minute counted...