Chapter 14

21/04/2011 13:23

The moon shines bright as I walk down the street. Why oh why would I decide to leave at 1:30 A.M.? Only something Lena Osvala would do. There's only one place for me to go. As much as I was going to hate going back there, I have no choice. It takes me awhile, but I find Ahmity's house. The water looks black and I can hardly see the sand on the beach. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. Are they even awake? Before the thought gets a chance to leave my mind, the door flings open. Green eyes stare at me. Oh no. The door slams shut in my face. I sigh and look up. Swallow your pride Lena. I knock again. "Go away" "Brendan, open the door so I can talk to my sister." "I don't want to see you." he says. I make a face. Oh god, he sounds like a girl. "Can I talk to my sister please?" I ask, getting annoyed. Minutes go by, than the door opens again. My sister's eyes are red and her hair is a mess. She looks a mess. "Mama's!" she snatches me up in her arms and doesn't let go. I hug her back, trying not to look at Brendan glaring at me. This was going to be just lovely. She kisses me on the cheek. "I love you, I'm so sorry, I take back everything I said." "Don't worry about it Ahmity." I tell her. I walk past her and make my way upstairs. Back to square one, I think as I set my bag down and sink into the bed. I need a job. A job will get me outta here and I can eventually find my own place. Now, to get one is the problem. I cover my face with the blanket. So much to do. So much work. So much time. So much torture along the way.

I try to sleep, but it's no use. I toss and turn, thinking of all the events that happened. I know I have to make things right with Brendan. There's no way I can live in this house leaving things the way they are with us. I look at the clock. 2:40 A.M. I know he's awake. I hesitate, thinking over whether or not I should do this now or wait til morning. I hear him shuffling around in his room. Now. I get up and quietly walk to my door. His light is on. I take a deep breath and tip toe down the hall. I softly knock on his door. The shuffling stops. The door swings open. His green eyes turn to fire when he sees me. He slams it. I close my eyes and lean my head against the frame. "Brendan, please talk to me." No response. I sigh and stand there. "You can't stay mad at me forever." "The hell I can't" I hear him say. I roll my eyes. "Can you at least open the door?" Silence. Screw this. I fling the door open and walk up to him. He has his back to me. I turn him around. "Look, we've only known each other for 3 days, were not together, I don't owe you anything, you don't know my life or my history. I'm sorry if I hurt you, those were not my intentions. But if I'm going to live under the same roof as you, were going to get along otherwise were both gonna suffer." His olive green eyes are big and round and he reminds me of a lost puppy. My heart breaks. "I know I'm being stupid, but it sucked when you went with him, instead of me..." He looks at the floor and runs his fingers through his curls. I hate that I hurt him, especially cause I know exactly how he feels. "It's complicated" I tell him. "What's complicated? I know he's the one who hurt you..." "Oh really? And how do you figure that?" "I saw the way you looked at him." "How did I look at him?" He runs his fingers through his curls again. "The way I look at you." he says. My heart aches for him even more now. He shakes his head. "But you still took his side, I don't get it." I sigh. "It's better if you don't understand." I tell him. He doesn't say anything. I kneel down in front of him. He avoids my eyes. "I'm sorry, for hurting you in any way. I know that word doesn't help, but I don't know what else to do." He puts his chin in his hand. "It doesn't." he says. I nod, understanding. "Is there anything that will?" I ask. I don't want him to feel the way I do. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. He leans forward. I pull away and shake my head. "No.." I say quietly. "Ugh!" He throws his head back in frustration. I get up. He watches me walk to the door. "Lena..." "What?" He sighs. "Nothing." I walk out. I don't know if that went well or not. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I lay down and stare at the ceiling. Bruno's voice echoes in my head. "Even if that means being without me." I can't be happy with or without him. So what the hell am I supposed to do. Move on. I know I have to move on. But how do you move on if your losing your best friend in the process? I cover my face with the pillow. I miss Mami more than ever right now. No matter what I'm going through, she always makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. I close my eyes and try to sleep but it's no use. I toss and turn and before I know it, the sun is coming up to greet me.

I take a shower and grab something to eat. Brendan comes down the stairs as I'm sitting at the table. He doesn't say anything. Neither do I. He sits down with a bowl of cereal. I watch him mix it around with his milk. He looks up at me and raises an eyebrow. I take a bite of my apple and stare at him back, chewing. He eats some cereal and chews extra loud. I bite my apple and chew just as loud. He sniffs and eats more. "That looks like some good cereal" I finally say. "It's very good cereal!" he yells, looking at me, wide-eyed. I smirk and swallow my apple. "This apple is pretty good too." I say and take another bite. "That apple looks disgusting" he says, but his green eyes are twinkling. "Do you like sea food?" I ask. "What?" he says, confused. I stick out my tongue with chewed up apple on it. He busts out laughing and soggy cereal comes flying out of his mouth all over the table and my apple. "Ewwwww!!" I scream and throw it at him. "My breakfast is over" I say. He wipes his mouth and smiles at me. I smile back and I know everything's going to be alright. Ahmity comes down and wraps her arms around me. She doesn't let me go. I leave her for a minute. "Ahmity, I can't breathe" I finally say. "Sorry Mama's!" She jumps up. I get up and she follows me. I look at her and she smiles. I start to walk to the bathroom and she's right behind me. I stop. She stops. I walk, she walks. I stop and she bumps into me. "Why are you following me?" I ask her. She blushes a little. "Sorry, I didn't realize--" I watch her stutter and stammer. "Are you okay?" I ask her. She plays with her wavy hair. She stays quiet. "Okay, well I'm going to the bathroom....alone." I tell her. She nods and walks back to the kitchen.

I stare at the mirror, brushing my teeth, perplexed as to why Ahmity is acting so weird. She's just really sorry and doesn't know how to express it. I think to myself. I shake it off and walk out of the bathroom. I hear voices in the kitchen. "Aqua o jugo?" Spanish. Who is Ahm talking to? As I get closer I hear the second voice and I freeze. "Nomas agua Mijita" "Okay Mami." Mami. No. I stand there and shake. I can't do this. Not now. Oh god, why? She didn't know how to tell me. That's why she was acting weird. Aaaahh!!!!! Can I just have one drama free day? Just one! I look at the front door. I'll just run out before she even sees me. As I'm making my escape, Brendan yells "Lena! Where you going?" Shit! I breathe deep and I'm afraid to turn around. After a minute, I hear Ahmity. "Mama's.." I stare at the doorknob. So close. I slowly turn around. Ahmity looks like a lost little girl. Her eyes dart back and forth between me and Mami. My heart is racing and I can't bring myself to look at my mother. "No puedes ni ver me? Fuiste sin decir nada, y no puedes ni ver me!" She yells. I swallow back tears. "Mirame Alena!" I obey and look at her. Her eyes are blaze red. Her tiny frame is shaking from anger. She lifts her hand and slaps me. I keep my head turned, waiting for the stinging to stop. Brendan is quiet and is trying to distract himself. Ahmity has her mouth covered and is looking at the floor. Tears flood her eyes. My heart drops into my stomach. I hate that I hurt her. She turns and runs upstairs. I let my own tears fall down my face. Brendan looks at me, terrified. ", are you okay?" he asks. I don't answer. Ahmity runs up to me and hugs me. She rambles on in Spanish and English. Something about being sorry and not knowing how to tell me. I don't know. Everything is a blur. Brendan hugs me with Ahmity, but it does no good. I want his arms around me. I want to smell his cologne, not Brendan's. I want to look into his beautiful brown eyes. I want to hear his voice to tell me everything is going to be fine. Dammit! I contain myself from running out the front door. I have learned that running does no good. Look at the problems I'm in because of it. "Just give her some time. She's really hurt Lena." Ahmity tells me. I can't just leave her. I ignore Ahmity and go upstairs. She's in the room down the hall from mine. I can hear her sobbing even before I get to the door. I open it quietly and walk in. She looks at me, her face wet. "I'm so sorry Mami" I tell her, breaking down. I hate that word. Sorry. It doesn't make anyone feel better and it doesn't fix anything. So why do we all say it when we've done something wrong instead of admitting to it? I suppose were trying to make ourselves feel better by saying it, but in all reality it's just a word with no meaning. I hug her and she hugs me so tight, my ribs feel like they're gonna crack. She cries in my hair. My heart breaks. "I thought you were kidnapped, I thought somebody took you away from me and I was never going to be able to see you again" She cries harder. "Why did you run away? Por que mijita?" I can't bring myself to tell her the truth. All I can say is "I don't know." She holds my face in her hands. "Por favor, don't ever do that to me again. Never again Alena." "I won't Mami" I tell her. She kisses my forehead and smooths down my hair. "Bueno, tommorrow we'll go home." I look at her, startled. I back away from her. "Que te pasa mija?" I shake my head. "I'm not going back Mami." I say. She freezes. "What did you say?" I back up into the door. "I'm not going..." I whisper. She stares at me, her eyes blazing. "Yes you are, don't tell me no" I inch closer to the door. "No...I'm not" I don't look at her. She gets up. Before she has a chance to say anything back, I bolt out and run down the stairs. Here I go again...