Chapter 14 - The End

And then the envelope landed in my hands. I didn’t move.

 

Everyone looked at me.

 

Finally I came back to reality and shook my head. I passed the envelope to the person next to me, but he pushed it back at me.

 

‘’No. I’m not playing this game.’’ I said confused, not wanting that bad stuff in my hands.

 

‘’Yes you are. Take it. It will give you a kick.’’ the guy that looked like a hippie said with a huge grin. He looked out of this world, probably was too high.

 

I kept shaking my head.

 

‘’Take it. I promise you, you will feel so much better. It’s fun.’’ a woman opposite of me said. They all kept whining.

 

‘’Ok, ok.’’ I opened the envelope and took some heroin out of it. I made a disgusted face.

 

‘Oh who cares, my life is already full of crap...’

 

I brought my nose down and sniffed it up. Immediately I started to cough. It was strong. I shuffed, almost threw, the envelope to the person next to me and stood up.

 

The room started to move in front of my eyes as I tried to make my way out. I needed to get out fast.

 

I managed to get outside, almost pushing people over. I leaned against the building and took a deep breath, looking up to the moon.

 

‘What was I thinking?’

 

I wanted to get home, but I didn’t know where I was, so I just started walking, in the middle of nowhere. Then it started raining. I sighed, then realized I didn’t care and just kept walking. I walked around a corner and noticed a red carpet. The Grammys.

 

I hurried my way over, in the hope Matt, or my driver was still there so I could take a ride back home.

 

Luckily there weren’t many people around, but I must say I felt very emberassed the way they were looking at me. I was soaking wet.

 

‘’Bre! Wow, what happened to you? You fell into a river?’’ Phil looked me all up and down.

 

I gave him the ‘don’t be sarcastic’ look. I looked around, searching for my driver, or Matt, but they seemed nowhere to be found.

 

‘’Need a ride home?’’ he asked.

I looked at him, hesitating.

 

‘’Don’t worry, Bruno already left earlier. So it’s just you, me and the rest of the band.’’ He added, like he could read my thoughts.

 

I nodded. He took his coat off, put it around my shoulders and led me to the car, where the rest was waiting.

 

Of course they were all happy to see me and wanted to know what I have been doing now. I told them everything. Before we knew it we stopped in front of my house and it was time for me to go. I said goodbye to them all, promised I would stay in touch with them and stepped out.

 

I waited ´till the car vanished around the street corner and entered my house. I went upstairs, to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and my hair was a mess.

 

I remembered again what happened at the party and started crying.

 

´How could I do this? What was I thinking?’

 

I swore my whole life I would never take drugs. I promised to God I would never ever do that. I committed a sin.

 

I looked in the mirror again. In horror I slammed my fist in it.

 

The mirror broke and all of a sudden my hand all was covered in blood. But I didn’t care. I deserved this pain.

 

I let myself fall down to the floor, pulled my hair and started crying again. I looked at the floor and saw the broken mirror pieces. They shined in the light of the room.

 

Harsh I picked one up. The piece slit my finger open. I was so angry at myself that I turned the piece in my other hand and with the sharp edge I drew a line on my wrist. Blood started to come out, but once again I didn’t care.

 

I drew two other lines on my underarm. I deserved to be punished.

 

Then I threw the glass on the floor and brought my knees up to my chest. And that’s the position I stayed in for at least two hours and then fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

 

-

 

Next day I woke up, feeling cold. I stood up; looking at the mess I made last night and started cleaning up the floor.

 

*****************

 

Phil threw the Dirty Gossips magazine on the table.

 

‘’There she goes again.’’ He sighed. Bruno kept his mouth shut.

 

‘’The paparazzi is totally destroying her life. What was she thinking going to that party? It has been rumoured that a lot of drugs are being used there. Oh my God, what if she took some.’’ Phil panicked. He gave a lot about Bre. He started caring about her, like a brother.

 

Again Bruno said nothing.

 

‘’I know this is killing you man. Just say something.’’ Phil said.

 

‘’I have nothing to say about it.’’ Bruno finally murmured and faced the window.

 

But deep, deep inside it was killing him.

 

****************

 

‘’You have a little red spot on your shirt right there.’’ Lea looked closer at my shirt. ‘’Is that blood?’’

 

I looked at my shoulder and remembered last night.

 

‘’Oh, that. No, I was cutting some tomatoes and it accidentally landed on my shoulder.’’ I quickly said.

 

‘’Oh, right.’’ She squeezed her eyes a little.

 

I secretly prayed she wouldn’t go further about it. Luckily she changed the subject.

 

‘’So tomorrow, Kenji’s big day. Have you already found the perfect dress?’’ she said, pouring herself another cup of green tea.

 

‘’ Tomorrow? What do you mean?’’ I said confused.

 

‘’Kenji’s wedding?’’ she said, frowning her eyebrows. ‘’Don’t tell me you forgot.’’

 

Oh, shoot, I totally forgot about it. The wedding. Weeks earlier Kenji’s wife sent an invitation to us. She was pretty nice. I met her couple of times on rehearsals. They really loved each other; you could tell by the way they looked at each other.

 

‘’Good thing I went shopping yesterday, while you were gone, and bought you a dress too.’’ she said, sipping from her cup.

 

‘’Oh, Lea. You are the best.’’ I smiled.

 

‘’I’ll bring the dress over tomorrow. I’m sure you’re gonna love it.’’ she said excited. ‘’But now it’s time for work.’’ She looked down at her watch. ‘’I’ll call you.’’ she said, took her bag and jacket and left.

 

The rest of the afternoon I spent mostly on the computer and the phone, searching for inspiration, calling Matt about my next plans on my career.

 

-

 

Next day Lea arrived early, so we could get dressed for the wedding. She was right, my dress was perfect. It had a light crème/brown colour and came a little above my knees. She even got me matching shoes and earrings.

 

Lea was wearing a light grey dress, same height. We applied our make up on, took our bags and left off.

 

The reception was held in a beautiful ballroom. A lot of people already arrived. We were guided to our table and took place.

 

‘’Kenji and Sierra look so beautiful. Her dress was just like Cinderella’s.’’ Lea said. I smiled and looked around.

 

There was a stage, where probably a band would perform. All the instruments were already set. Phil walked past us, waved at us, and hopped on the stage. Soon also did Phred, Jamareo and Eric. At last Bruno came up and took the mic.

 

‘’Our beautiful couple Kenji and Sierra. Congrats. Hope yall live happily ever after. This one’s for you.’’ He smiled at them.

 

The music started to play and he sang.

 

‘’Every day I wake up next to an angel. More beautiful than words could say.’’

 

Kenji took Sierra to the dance floor and they started slow dancing. I smiled. The love between them looked so magical.

 

Then my eyes went back to the stage and noticed Bruno’s eyes were rested on mine.

 

‘’As I stand here before my woman, I can’t fight back the tears in my eyes. Oh, how could I be so lucky? I must have done something right. And I promised to love her, for the rest of my life.’’

 

He finished the song. Everybody clapped for the beautiful couple and the band, then started talking again. Food was set on the tables, so people grabbed a plate and digged in.

 

‘’I need some fresh air. I’ll be outside.’’ I said to Lea, stood up and walked out.

 

Finally outside I sat on the porch and covered my face with my hands. I breathed in heavily and started crying.

 

****************

 

Bruno looked at her table again, but she was gone. He saw Lea was sitting there, so he assumed she might be outside.

 

‘’Go get your woman.’’ Phil patted his arm and smiled. He smiled back and started walking out.

 

****************

 

I must had been sitting there a long time, cause I felt someone standing near me. I assumed it was Lea.

 

‘’Are you ok?’’ the voice said. I recognized it. Bruno.

 

I just nodded my head, still not removing my hands from my face. He sat next to me on the porch, keeping a little distance.

 

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

 

And then he started. ‘’Bre, I’m sorry.’’ he whispered, loud enough for me to hear.

 

I looked up, staring in to the streets.

 

‘’This is all my fault. If I didn’t go down so hard on you this would have never happened to you.’’ It was hard for him to say that. You could tell he was nervous, the way he was playing with his hands.

 

Another awkward silent. He bent his head, realizing I would never want to talk to him.

 

‘’No,’’ I finally said, still staring in to the streets. ‘’If I didn’t sign, this would never happen. I’ve seen the sides of fame, the good and the bad.’’ I removed a strand of hair out of my face, revealing the scars on my hand.

 

‘’What happened to your hand?’’ he said shocked. I didn’t answer.

 

Then his eyes went to my arm and he tried to figure out.

 

‘’You cut yourself, don’t you.’’ he said low.

 

I looked down.

 

‘’Oh my God.’’ He covered his face with his hands. ‘’Look what I have done to you.’’ he said with a shaky voice.

 

I scoot closer to him. I removed his hands and looked at him.

 

‘’You didn’t do this to me. I did this to myself. I’ve been a fool. Don’t blame it on yourself.’’ I threw my arms around his shoulders and smiled. He smiled back.

 

‘’About that thing back in the club. I only did it to make you jealous. I saw you with that other man and I got mad.’’ he confessed.

 

I sighed. ‘’Bruno, he was flirting with me, but I realized he wasn’t like you.’’

 

‘’I never didn’t mean to hurt you like this. Every time you were in those magazines because of those bad things I felt more quilt. It killed me. I did al those things to make me feel better, but it just didn’t.’’

 

‘’I know. I had the same things going on. But lets just leave it all behind us.’’

He smiled again and hugged me. ‘’I’m sorry.’’ ‘’Me too.’’

 

He gave me a passionate kiss and placed his forehead on mine. ‘’I love you.’’ He whispered. I smiled and said the same.

 

‘’Now lets go back inside and party!’’ he grabbed me by my hand and pulled me of the porch, back inside.

 

People started to notice that everything was good betweens us again. Lea gave me a thumbs up and I laughed. I whispered something in Bruno’s ear and let go of him. He directly went over to Phil and the rest and they went on stage, grabbing their instruments.

 

I followed them up on the stage and held on to the mic and spoke.

 

‘’Ladies, grab your man and tell him you wanna dance.’’ I said and then the band started to play ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ from Whitney Houston. I started to sing.

 

‘’Clock strikes upon the hour and the sun begins to fade. Still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away.’’

 

Ladies started to pull their man on the dance floor and they started to dance, even Sierra and Kenji.

 

I laughed at the way Lea was dancing with some nephew of Kenji.

 

‘’Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me.’’

 

I couldn’t stop smiling. Everybody was so happy. And I found my love again.

 

‘’Don’t you wanna dance, say you wanna dance, don’t you wanna dance.’’

 

People started to sing too.

 

I threw my hand up and was surprised when someone grabbed it. I turned around and saw it was Bruno.

 

He started to spin me around and pulled me to the dance floor. The band kept playing on and on until the end of the night.