Chapter 16

28/04/2011 15:21

"Lena" I wake up to the sound of Brendan's voice. I forget where I am for a second, but the beep of the machines reminds me of the horrible nightmare I've been living for 3 days. I look up at Ahmity and curl up closer to her on the hospital bed. "Ahm?" I say quietly. Nothing. Her face is pale and her lips are dry. I hate the oxygen tube in her nose. I want to rip it out. Her eyeballs roll around under her eyelids. I know she hears me. "Lena, go home. Take a shower. Get something to eat. Do something." Brendan tells me. I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days. "But what if she wakes up while I'm gone?" I tell him, almost crying. He kisses my forehead. "Lena it's gonna be fine. Come on, let's go home for awhile." Home. That sounds funny. I don't move. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll be with her the whole time. Go on. You need to get out of this hospital for a little bit." Adrian says. "And your mom is here too." I look over at Mami, asleep in a chair. She didn't even make it to the airport. I thank God she's alright. I reluctantly get up, never taking my eyes off of Ahmity. Brendan drags me out of the room. As we walk down the hallway, I bust out into tears. That's all I've been doing since we've been at the hospital. He puts his arms around me and just holds me while I sob into his shirt.

When we get to the house, I throw myself on the bed. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. Brendan throws a towel and clothes at me. "Take a shower. It'll help you." I sigh and take one. He's right. It does help a little. I get out and lay down next to him. He plays with my wet hair. "Ahm's a good driver. There's no way it was her fault." I say. "The cops said the guy was doped out, and he ran the light." He says. He's told me this for 3 days, but it doesn't stick in my brain. "I'm gonna kill him." I say. "Lena, hush." is all he says. He closes his eyes and his breathing gets steady. He's sleeping. The day Mami was supposed to leave is still vivid in my mind. Ahmity left out the door with a smile on her beautiful face. She was supposed to come back. This wasn't supposed to happen to her. Tears well up in my eyes. Ahmity is so care free and she loves life. She always has a smile on her face and it's impossible to be in a bad mood around her. Bad things don't happen to her. They happen to me. This should've happened to me. Why her and not me?! I scream, tears rolling down my face. Brendan pops up and grabs me. "Ssshh Lena! Stop screaming! Calm down, breathe... breathe.." He has my face in his hands and I try to breathe normally. He sighs and pulls me close to him. "God Lena, you can't keep doing this." he says. He looks worn out and a lot older than 19. I look at him and I see Bruno. I did this for 3 weeks to Bruno after the funeral. My heart breaks. I hate making him feel like that. "I'm sorry." I tell him. Stupid word. I wish it didn't exist. "It's alright.. Don't be sorry. I'm here for you." he says. A couple tears manage to escape and roll down his cheeks. Ahmity is his sister too, I think to myself. How selfish am I? I act like I'm the only one this is effecting. Ugh. I hate myself even more than I ever did. I end up someway, somehow falling asleep. When I wake up, Brendan's not next to me. I go downstairs and he's in the kitchen, cooking something. I sit at the table, curling my legs under me. He turns around. "Hey babe." he says and kisses my forehead. He puts a plate in front of me. Pancakes and scrambled eggs. "It's 7:30 at night." I tell him. "I love breakfast for dinner." he says, a small smile on his face. I take a bite and my mouth waters. Damn, the boy can cook. He sits next to me and we eat in silence. I lean my head against his shoulder. "I want to wake up from this nightmare." I tell him. He strokes my hair. "I know. I do too." I sigh as he picks up his keys and we walk to his car. Back to that horrible place.

Adrian is sleeping in a chair next to the bed, holding Ahmity's hand. Mami is curled up on another chair, but she's awake. I kneel down and hug her tight and kiss her over and over. She does the same. A nurse walks in and checks the many annoying, complicated machines behind Ahmity. She listens to her heart. I watch in anticipation. She walks out without saying a word. I jump at her, but Brendan catches me by my waist. "Lena!" I glare at the door. "Is she mute?! Why the hell doesn't she tell me if my sister is getting better or not! Stupid bitch." Brendan covers my mouth. "Lena, calm down. She's just doing her job." I stare into his green eyes. They're filled with exhaustion, worry, sadness and any other depressing emotion you can think of. I lean my head against his chest. I know I'm wearing him out. I know he's worrying about Ahmity AND me. If he still wants to be with me after this whole ordeal, than maybe he really does love me. The door opens. I look up. Black hair. Same brown eyes as me. Tall, skinny frame. Joe! I let go of Brendan and jump on him, squeezing him as tight as my 123 pound 5'2 self can. "Joe!" He squeezes me back. It feels like heaven to see him! He's see Ahmity? This has Mami written all over it. He puts me down and stares at our sister in the hospital bed. His eyebrows are furrowed and I can't tell what he's thinking. He stands next to her. Adrian wakes up and looks at Joe, than at us, than back at Joe, confused. I run and introduce them before any one of them decides to get violent. "Joe, this is Ahm's boyfriend, Adrian. Adrian, this is our brother, Joe." Joe nods his head. "What's up man?" Adrian and him shake hands. Joe stares at Ahmity again. "Her hair's lighter." he says, mostly to himself. His eyebrows furrow again. "Is she gonna wake up?" He asks. "They don't know, they said her head got hit the most. They've been running tests to see if she has any brain damage--" Adrian gets choked up, trying to tell Joe what the doctors told him. Joe walks to the side of her bed and takes her hand. "Selena.." he says quietly. Whoa. Memories hit me like a ton of bricks. How could I forget his nickname for her? He never called her by her real name. Neither did Daddy. Ahmity used to dance around and sing Selena all the time, so they started calling her that. Since it rhymed with my name, it stuck. Alena and Selena. Tears sting my eyes. He leans down and says something in her ear. A couple seconds later, her eyes start to move back and forth and she's making noises. We all run to the bed. Her face is deeply concentrated and her mouth is moving. I see something on her face. Tears. She's crying. "Abre los ojos Selena" Joe says. I can see how hard she's trying and it pains me. After a minute, her face shows no expression and she's back to how she's been for 3 days. Unmoving. Joe lets her hand go and backs up. "That's the most progress she's made." Adrian says, stroking Ahmity's hair. I look at my brother as the tears run down his face. Joe didn't even cry at Daddy's funeral. My own emotions overwhelm me and I hug him, the both of us crying. I know the fact that the last words he said to Ahmity were "I disown you as my sister" is what's killing him. I think he thought that sometime in the future things would just go back to normal. You never really think anything bad is gonna happen to anybody you love until it's too late. A second can change a whole lifetime. The rest of the day goes by with us lounging everywhere in the room. It's 9:30 P.M. when the nurse comes back in. I glare at her and Brendan pushes me. I roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. She checks her heart and plays with the machines and i.v.'s. After a minute, she looks at us. "She's not brain damaged." Hallelujah! "And she's not in any pain. She can feel and hear everything, but she's too weak to wake up" She tells us. "When WILL she wake up?" I ask. She shakes her head. "That I don't know. It could be a couple days, months......years." She says the last part under her breath. "Just be patient, talk to her let her know you're here." I look at my sister. The thought of her not ever waking up tears my heart apart. I can't lose her. I already lost Daddy, and than Bruno. Not Ahmity. I lay next to her in the hospital bed. At 10:00, the nurse tells us that visiting hours are over. Only one person can stay. I look at Adrian with pleading eyes. As much as he doesn't want to, he lets me stay tonight instead of him. After the hugs and kisses and goodbyes, the door shuts and the room is silent except for the beeping and humming. I lay there and listen to her heart beat. I take her hand. "Does it feel weird? Like a dream?" Nothing moves but her chest going up and down. I sigh. "I lied. Member when I told you me and Bruno didn't hook up?" Her hand twitches a little. I smirk. Even in a coma, she's ready to hear some juicy news. "I went to his house, like always. He wasn't himself, he was really quiet, and Bruno's not quiet." I laugh lightly, thinking of my Bruno and his nonstop talking and sense of humor. "I asked him what was wrong, but he didn't tell me which is weird because, we always tell each other everything." I stare at the i.v. in Ahm's arm, remembering. "So I decided to let him have his space and leave him alone, But he told me no, he wanted me to stay." I get butterflies in my stomach. "We didn't talk, we were just....there. Together. No biggie, we did that everyday. But that day....was different." Her hand twitches again. "He sat up and looked at me, he just stared into my eyes, like he was looking for something. Of course, my face got red. How could it not when the guy I'm in love with is just staring, so close to me." I stop for a minute, remembering the feeling he gave me. I still feel it. The day is still so clear in my mind. "He asked me why I always turn red around him." I laugh again. "When he kissed me it was surreal. I literally went numb." I close my eyes and let myself get lost in the memory. I miss his lips, his eyes, his voice, his comfort. He always made me feel safe. "I know it shouldn't have gone any farther. Especially since I was still a virgin." The heart monitor beeps faster and I see her chest going up and down as she breathes harder. "I didn' t care cause I loved him. I never thought that when it was over, he would reject me. That to him, it was a mistake and he was sorry for it. I hate that word. Sorry doesn't mean shit!" Ahmity's eyebrows are down and she has an angry expression on her face. I didn' t mean to upset her. "So he's the reason I ran away. I couldn't look at him anymore, I couldn' t be around him. It hurt too much." I squeeze her hand. "I lost him, but I got you." All of a sudden, I feel her squeeze my hand back. I pop up. "Ahm?" She does it again, and she has tears rolling down her cheeks. I bring her hand up to my face and kiss it. I watch her struggle to wake up. Her eyes are frantically moving back and forth under her eyelids. She's making little moans and trying to form words. "Open your eyes Ahmity" I touch her face. "Come on Mama's, you can do it." Her eyelids slowly start to lift, and than her brown eyes are staring back at me. I scream. "Ahmity!" She looks at me, blinking. She's trying to say something. "What Mama's?" I lean close to her. "T--th--" I don't understand her. She makes a face and tries again. "T-that---" "That what Ahm?" She blinks again. "That asshole." she says. I cry and laugh at the same time while I hug her. "I love you!"