'help me up'
'what do you mean why? i need to see him!'
danielle, you go out there, you'll never see me...or michael...again.'
i stopped struggling to get out of bed. my head throbbed as i tried tocontemplate why my brother, who i thought loved me, dared to threaten to do the unthinkable...
'why, david?' i held my breath as i waited for him to answer.
'danielle, i'm tired of this bruno person being the only thing that runs your life! he's all you ever think about whenever you do anything! i refuse to let my nefew take the backseat for this...OBSESSION! it's us...or him.'
'make the choice danielle! us or him!' he shouted, i backed into the bedpost as his voice shook me to my core. i couldn't believe he was really trying to do this. i felt...betrayed, hurt, alone...then, what rose above all of these emotions...was anger. i refused to be so easy to minipulate, to contort into someones obedient prodigal child...i would be who i wanted to be without question, without hesitation...no more doubt. i rose slowly from the bed and walked slowly towards david. i stopped only when i was so close to him i could feel his breath, hot and heavy with anger, against my forehead.
'you will not controll me, david.' with that, i walked out of the room and got michael out of his bed.i watched my sleeping child open his eyes, look at me and smile, then drift back off to sleep. i was going to stay true to this: everthing i did from that point on would be for my son...but it had to start with bruno....if i didn't fix things with bruno and i, it would linger like a storm cloud in my son's life with me...i was going to fix this...
i placed michael in my car where i could watch him and i searched for bruno on the street. i turned in circles; my head was throbbing from the lightning and thunder. it was still raining. it seemed like everything in my life was going wrong and even mother nature knew it. i was soaking wet when i saw him; standing under the awning of a local coffee shop that was closed that day; he stood there with a cigarette between his lips while he stared out into the distance. watching him even now, i realized that this whole ordeal that i went through and even before it, was worth re-living...as long as it brought me back to him. i got into my car and pulled it up slowly until i was right in front of him. he watched me all the way until i got out of the car. i stepped out and walked up to him slowly; he just stood therelike he was frozen. i wasn't sure how to feel, but something in me told me to keep walking, it would get better.
'why'd you come back?' i asked in a semi-loud voice. the rain was pounding over our heads loudly like a crowd applauding me for coming so far.he looked past me for a moment before answering.
'cause i knew you would do somethin' stupid.' he said plainly. i watched his face quizzicaly as he furrowed his brow...apparently in deep thought.
'what are you thinking?' i asked.
'that i almost fell for it...'
'fell for wh-'
'you know what! thinking that that whole "i'm sorry' bit would really change what you did!?!?!? that i'm that soft?!?!?! you're just like the rest of them, after nothing but my money, my music, hell, everything but my blood! really danielle?' i couldn't believe he thought i was like the others...after all i gave of myself to him...
'bruno, i meant every word, believe me!' i pled, tears welling up in my eyes, making everything blurry and confusing. what would make things change?
'why should i believe you danny, why?' you didn't believe me when i said that i wouldn't hurt you, that i cared for you; that wasn't good enough! but now, what's changed? what's changed?!?!?!?!?' so much noise, he was yelling, the rain was falling hard from the sky, i couldn't think. i started to shake my head furiously, at a loss for words, when bruno took my arm, forcing me to look up at him.
'let me ask you one thing, then maybe, i might believe you. why did you come to find me? you knew i would be mad...but why?' i really thought about this. why would i come to find him, only to potentially be hurt even more, lose even more? what caused the leap of faith?
'because... i know, that you still loved me...because you didn't trust me with myself...you wouldn't let me get hurt...somehow, you managed to still care for me as much as i do for you.' i took a deep breath and waited. he looked me in the eyes with a penitrating gaze that lit my soul ablaze. he let my arm drop and his gaze became soft as he watched me with sad eyes. he sighed...
'danny, this is too much. we can't keep hurting each other like this; we can't hold each other down like this with these pent-up emotions and secrets...'
'then let's set each other free.' i said softly, and kissed him, there in the rain. i held him close and hard against my body as my heart pounded, knowing that it, not me alone, had won. it was my heart that kept fighting after my mind had given up,knowing that, it only made sense for this to not be happening, but inside...my heart knew even better than my mind. i knew this feeling wouldn't, couldn't last forever but for now...
'bruno i love you, i love you,' i murmered between kisses. no more doubt. he would know everything that was lying buried deep in my heart...my love for him would rise to the light,and he would see...
'i love you too,' he said in a hushed whisper almost into the base of my neck. we were both letting our hands slowly wander across each clothes, sliding our hands under them to expose the warm skin underneath, feeling each others blood rush from the heat of the moment. i knew that if he had his way we'd have been making love then and there, in the middle of a street in the rain. if i had my way... i wouldn't stop him; but we both knew that our problems didn't stop with us being together... in fact, that's exactly where they now start...
we walked into my apartment, tense at the thought of what might be awaiting us when we got there. i opened the door slowly and looked around. nothing. i turned the corner and explored the hallways. neither me or bruno found anything out of order. then came my room.we both stepped in cautiously and looked around. all of my things were as they should have been...then we looked at my nightstand...
'bruno,' i whimpered. he crossed the room quickly to be at my side. i was staring down at the table beside my bed. on it was a locket; one that i haven't worn in years, only to perserve it's beauty, but the inside exposed shards of broken glass where david broken the locket by hand with his finger, staining the only good picture i had of our mother in blood. i slowly picked up the ruined trinket and held it close to my chest. i let a few tears fall from my eyes before showing bruno what my brother had done.
'i'm so sorry' he said, pulling me close. i cried into his chest, quivering like a small animal out in the cold. i felt so helpless, like the worst was yet to come...
'what should i do?' i looked up at him with the hope of getting some kind of answer, but instead another question.
'what can you do?' he asked. what could I do? could i do anything? i realized that there was only one thing i could do,
'i just have to let it go, move on' he was trying to make me feel pain he couldn't let go of. he wanted me to stay with him for all of the wrong reasons. no more. it was all a part of my promise to myself.
'can you do that?' i nodded my head, looked up at him, and smiled.
'as long as you're around, i can do anything.' he smiled and for once, i saw the same bruno i saw the night i met him. it felt good having him around; like the perfect day that never ends...
'momma, whatcha wanna do today?' i looked at michael and smiled
'i dunno...why don't you ask bruno?' he giggled and turned over to bruno.
'bruno, whatcha wanna do today?' he asked again. bruno looked around like he was really trying to think of something.
'i dunno....let's... tickle michael all day!' michael squealed and ran while bruno chased after him. i laughed as the two of them wrestled on the floor. then they both stumbled around and made it back into my bed again.
'alright, no more messin' with michael.' bruno acted like he was out of breath beyond belief.
'yeah i'll mess you up.' michael said,acting as tough as he could; then he bounced off of the bed to watch tv. bruno rolled over closer to me and put his arms around me.
'i love you' he whispered.
'i love you too.' i mouthed the words. it felt so amazing having it come from him, knowing it was true. i wouldn't let anything disturb this moment. but something was still bothering me in the back of my mind...
'so when are you going back to L.A.?
'i don't really know.' he stroked the tips of his fingers across my forehead. i watched his eyes as they followed his hand. i noticed something in his eyes that i hadn't seen before... they looked so tired. not that he had bags or circles under or around them, but they looked like they belonged to an old soul. he was so much more profound than he gave himself credit for...and yet, he still had such a young spirit; never letting the worries of that day bother him...not usually...
'what are you staring at?'
'nothing, just something about your eyes-' before i could utter another word, bruno burst out laughing. i was startled, not having a clue about what was so funny.
'how about you tell that one to phil?' he said between laughs. what? phil? oh no. phil told him about what i did when he came over to visit me. i started to blush inhumanly red when bruno stopped laughing and kissed me. it was a bit more passionately than i thought he was capable of at the moment...
'what was that for?' i asked, still embarrassed.
'that one, was for phil,' he said still laughing. i started to pout when he brought his laughter down to a small smile.
'this, is for me.' he said, giving me all he had to offer; our tounges exploring each others mouths while we were wrapped in a tight embrace
'wait- michael.' i managed. bruno sighed, then got up and left the room. i heard the front door open and close and wondered why it upset him so much that we had to take this one afternoon and not devote it to our physival relationship... then the door opened again and bruno returned, a bit more perky than when he left.
'michael's upstairs with your friend mrs. carter.'
'wow... you just couldn't wait could you?'
'uhhh, lemme think about this...no!' he tackled me on the bed and we continued where we had left off....
'what time is it?' i murmered. bruno glanced at the gold watch on his wrist
'calm down babe! what, you have some hot date?'
'very funny. im just not used to...sleeping this late.' i stretched and yawned. i was always having to either be somewhere, or leaving somewhere, doing something; but now i was just...home. it felt very strange, but in a very good way.
'funny, i don't remember much sleep going on in the past few hours...' he grinned like a schoolboy caught doing something he knew he shouldn't have been. i rolled my eyes and looked out of the large window that was opposite of my bed. the sheer curtains were drawn so that only a sliver of the rich twilight glow of the evening entered my room. i got up and opened the curtains a bit wider; then i curled up in front of the window on the floor in a ball with my knees close to my chest as i watched the sunset. bruno came beside me and joined me on the floor.
'don't you just love the sunset?' i asked dreamily. he pondered this for a moment, then shook his head.
'i prefer watching the moon rise.'
'the moon's easier to talk to.' he said and winked at me. i stared at him for a moment, then shook it off as being a musician thing. i watched his face as a smile slowley crept onto his lips; it felt like in that instant that life could now go on...