I wake up and look at the clock, 6:30pm, Still in my wedding dress, I feel the letter still in my hand and cry. My voice is horse my eyes burn and my throat is dry. I look at the letter through my blurry eyes and see that I’ve cried my makeup off onto the letter. It's been a whole week and I haven't left this bed, all I can keep down is soup and because that's all Bruno can make with out burning. Maria comes over everyday but I haven't seen Alisia since the wedding. Even my father called to get me up but I couldn't stop thinking about Gi and how he cared for me like I was his own and cared for me even more when my father left, I just tell him that he just don't understand. I hear a noise like someone was breaking in but I didn't even care to get up and see.
“The neighbors think your loco, gurl seriously crazy”
“I don't care”
“People are talking about you, they think you've lost it”
“Maria I .really. Don't. Care.”
“Alicia, I am so sick of this, Lavantese!”
“No quiero a coloque en mi cama”
“No maria, I don't feel like doing anything, I just wanna lay in my bed.”
“Look at what your doing to Bruno”
I look over and see him sitting on the chair with the guitar next to him. He looks just as bad as I probably sounded, his hair grew out and he now has a little beard. He opens his eyes and they're red, the brightness that I used to see is now gone. Yeah he went on his little tour but they only made the guys back up sing and write songs for the band they were singing for but at least the pay was good. He was just as sad as I was, we were both stuck on a sad song of a record that someone keeps on replaying over and over again.
Him and his music career going nowhere and me stuck on this bed and I wasn't making it any better. This is not who I am, I am not a weak minded person. I wasn't making Gi proud by being so weak. He loved my ability to make it through anything and this, sobbing my eyes out wasn't me. I took a deep breath and slapped myself.
“what the...” bruno said laughig
“aye yo mios “ Maria said laughing as well
Bru fell out the chair and that made us all laugh harder. You could tell in his eyes that he was only laughing because we were.
“it felt good to laugh” I said
“yeah” Maria and Bru said
I put my hand out to help Bru up
“ugh, come on” I said
“come on weakling pull” Bru said
“UUGH” I said
I finally get him up but he pulls me down and I fall on top of him laughing. I get up but he holds me down. I look into those eyes and they have looks of concern.
“I want you to be ok, Gi would want you to be ok” he said
“ya he would chica” Maria said
“we need you to be strong, no matter the situation” Bru said
He put his hand on my stomach and I just nodded my head yes.
“promise me” Bru said
“I promise, but promise me you'll never leave me”
We kissed on it and things felt a little better. I got up and helped him off the floor. We all walked downstairs, to the living room.
“who's been taking care of the diner?” I asked Maria
“well it didn't feel right to open it back up yet so next week we'll all reopen it” Maria
“alright, I think that's a good idea” I said
She put her hand on my lap and smiled. She didn't need to say anything but I knew she knew that I was going to get better.
“where Alisia?” I asked Maria
“she's with Phred” she said
“yeah, her and Phred are stuck at the hip”
“i'm happy for her, what about Phil?”
“Mejor, i know he's still upset about the whole scam of a tour but ya know, he's always keeps a joke around ya know”
“yeah that's Phil for you” Bru said
“El amante Philippe” she said
“you guys are pretty serious” Bru said
“yeah, but we take it really slow.” she said
“You, guys thinking about marriage” Bru asked
“yo no sey....”
“well anyways, Maria thank you so much for coming by”
I decided to change the subject because Maria and marriage was an awkward conversation
“your welcome, I made you some dinner just in case you didn't feel like cooking” she said
“thanks” I said
“well let me get going, Phil can't stand me being away to long” she said
We all started laughing but she stood up and gave us both a hug then stood by the door.
“By the way, the funerals tomorrow at Gi's church”
I just nodded my head and she left. My stomach growled and Bru took me to the kitchen. He warmed up the Fajitas in the oven and pulled out the sour cream and salsa.
“do we have any pickle juice?” I asked
“pickle juice?, oh boy here we go.” Bru said
“what?, I just think that it would go good with the fajitas”
“yeah, and next thing you know your gonna want yogurt”
“your gonna stop calling me piggy”
“or else what Piggy”
He didn't say anything but he had the biggest smirk on his face. He was up to something so I had to stay on the balls of my feet. He grabbed the pickle juice and put it in a little bowel. I mixed the sour cream, salsa & pickle juice all together and dipped the fajita in it and took a bite. God, it was heaven. I scarfed all of my fajitas down while Bru just looked at me.
“that's nasty” he said
“no it's not, try it it's great”
He bravely took a bite then spit it back out in a napkin
“it taste like dog food” he said
“how would you know what dog food taste like” I asked
“because it taste like your cooking”
He stuck his tongue out and ran over to the basement door. As soon as I ran over there he ran away and upstairs he went. I followed after him and went into the room. I didn't see him.
“oh piggy where art thou” I said
All of a sudden I was picked up.
Bru spun me around and around then put me on the bed. He started with the snorting episode.
“Stop, Bbbbrunoo!” I laughed
He just squealed in my neck as his response.
“Ok ok ok ok, no more piggy” I screamed
“What?” he said with a squeal
“No more piggy!”
He stopped and kissed me. Those eyes started to sparkle like they used to. I kissed him on his neck. He just looked at me with a naughty smile, so I kissed him again this time with a little bit of sucking.
“Mmmh baby, what you trying to..”
“shh” I put my finger to his lips
He sucked on my finger and that sent a tingle down my spine. He sucked on every single one of my fingers, making me go crazy. He smiled that smirk of his and started kissing my ears lobes, his hands slipping my straps down and pulling my dress off of me. I kicked off my shoes and he helped me take off my pantyhose. He started kissing my collarbone and took off my bra like a pro, he started kissing his way down till he got to my panties and tool them off as well. Kissing his way back up to my lips, he pulled away and he undressed faster than a derby race. He held his hand out and grabbed it, we walked to the window and it was another full moon out. The light shining up the whole room making everything look magical.
“Every night I talk to the moon” Bru said
“what?” I asked
“I talk to the moon”
“my....mom.... told me when people pass away their spirits go live on the moon”
“why do they go there?”
“so that there loved ones can talk to them”
“i want you to try it”
“talk to the moon, talk to Gi gi”
I felt my self tear up “Bruno i'll look like a fool talking to the moon”
“try it, it helps. Trust me”
He opens the window, stepped out on the roof, naked, and held his hand out. I look at him wide eyed
“what are you doing?” I asked
“you can't do it in the room, you have to do it out here” he said
“the last time I was on the roof, I winded up in a hospital”
“i got you babe”
“i don't know...”
“but were naked”
“that don't bother me”
Bru didn't say anything but he kept his hand out and I knew he'll keep it out forever. I sighed and grabbed his hand. He pulled me onto the roof and I was squeezing his had for dear life. He just laughed
“it's not funny” I said
“trust me Alicia, I have you”
“cross my heart, now sit down on the towel”
“how did this get here?”
“i come out here a lot”
“who do you talk to?”
“it doesn't matter”
I didn't push the subject, I would rather him tell me on his own. I sat down in front of him and he wrapped his legs around me. He started to massage my shoulders and it helped me relax a little bit.
“so, what do I say?”
“talk like he's here with you”
“but I don't know what...”
“just imagine that he's here right next to you, with out the nakedness”
I felt him say that with a smile and closed my eyes.
“um, hey Gi, I know your somewhere out there, somewhere far away....I want you back Gi....my neighbors think i'm crazy but they don't understand,your all I had....and now i'm sitting here, talking to the moon”
The wind started to blow and you know, it felt as though it was Gi telling me he's here, like he was talking to me too. I let a single tear fall from my eyes but I promised that I would be strong. I took a deep breath and smiled.
“that felt good actually” I said
He just looked at me and I stared back.
“what?” I said
“babe, that's it”
“I found what song I'm going to write next”
“well... I'm glad I helped”
He kissed me and we walked back inside the bedroom. We took a shower and got back into bed, he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and seen Gi, I got a knot in my stomach reminding me that the funeral was tomorrow.
I looked over at the clock, it was 7 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, all I could think about was the funeral. The wake I figured was yesterday but I missed it even if I knew, I don't think I would of went anyways. I get out of bed and see Bru was sleeping, I smiled and inhaled his cinnamon smell. He looked so adorable when he slept and even when he was awake. Bru was just so beautiful. I kissed his forehead and went into my closet. I looked down and noticed that his suitcase was still packed with clothes, seeing that bothered me. He still didn't feel at home here and I feel like he'll never feel at home till he unpacks.
I grab my black short sleeved dress with white beading just on the top. It went to my knees when I put it on,I haven't worn this since my grandfather funeral. I put on my black pantyhose and black heels. I grab my black hat, with the white flower and the netting over the face. I went to the bathroom brushed my teethe, put on some eyeliner and eyeshadow, when I go back into to room I see Bru all dressed and ready in his all black suit, white shirt, his hair combed and glasses on.
“lets go eat” I said
“I'm not hungry but you eat”
He was acting strange.
“I'm fine, babe go eat” he said.
We went downstairs and I made some eggs and bacon for the both of us but he didn't accept any food. So I ate alone, he's acting really strange.
“don't seem like it”
“just because I'm not talking... never mind, just eat Alicia”
I looked at him frustrated, I couldn't see his eyes because he had them glasses on. So it was hard to read him.
“Whats your problem” I asked
“like I said, nothing” he said
Not another word was said. What was his fucking problem, getting all cold on me when I didn't even do anything to him. I finished my food and his then we got on his bike and was on our way to the church. We got there and he got off the bike, not even grabbing my hand. The bastard, well if he wanted to act this way today then fuck him. I don't got that to do right now, I'm about to see... my other father get put away forever.
Before we even got inside, the chorus was singing a sad song making me emotional but when we get to the door and I see Maria on Gi's casket crying, she was in all black with a big black and white stripped hat on with Phil by her side. I looked around and damn near everyone in the neighborhood was here, the butcher butch, the baker molly and johnny, everyone. Even the other girls who worked in the diner.
“Maria” I said
She turned around, her dress was stunning but her face was a mess. Mascara and eyeliner all over her face and her eyes were red. She jumped on me and we hugged, she stared talking in Spanish but I couldn't understand because she was crying and talking so fast. I squeezed her back and let a tear fall from my eye. She pulled back and looked at me even though I had on my sunglasses. I couldn't say anything because I knew if I did I was going to cry, Alisia came out of no where and we all started hugging each other and crying.
“lets make a promise, to always stick together no matter what” Alisia said
“I promise” I said
“I promise” Alisia said
“prometo” Maria said
We all kissed each other and hugged again. When we walked over to our seats, there was Bru, Phil, Phred, & E. We all sat next to our guys and I sat next to grumpy. The Pastor started talking, saying kind words to help us mourn. The chorus sang emotional songs that got Maria going again, by the time it was over, Gi casket was surrounded with flowers and pictures of him before and now.
When his wife came up she spoke. She had on an all black suit with the skirt and jacket, black pumps and long black wavy hair that she had up in a bun. Her hat covered up her whole face but who could blame her, she was at her husbands funeral.
“Jean Gio Gilliando was my husband but he was my best friend, we always laughed, ate and loved together. He had the biggest heart that filled the whole neighborhood with love. He loved everyone especially his family. He always talked about his three boys but he mostly talked about his girls, Maria, Alisia and his favorite Alicia. He loved them like his own even though they weren't but you know Gi would always say, even thought they ain’t mine I still love them like they're mine.”
She stopped and pulled out a handkerchief, she started to cry. Alisia, Maria and I walked up to the podium and stood next to her and rubbed her back. She gathered her self back together and we all held hands.
“Gi always described his girls by his favorite foods and flavors. Maria was his spice as he always called her because she could be sweet or sour, Alisia was his candy, hard on the outside, sweet on the inside and Alicia was his wedding cake, when he first told me her name I looked at him crazy” she made a face and we laughed “he said Alicia is my cake because when you make a cake, you have to put love into it, passion of the design, determination to make it perfect and lastly patience.”
Mrs. Gilliando looked at me “Alicia puts love into everything she does, she is passionate about things she loves, determination to get what she wants but with patience’s and all together you make a Delicious and Beautiful masterpiece and that's why I love them girls like I do.”
She looked at all of us and I started to cry, I never would have thought Gi had felt this was about us. He always told us that he loved us like we were his daughters but, never would I thought like this.
“So thank you girls for making him apart of his happiness”
Everyone started to clap as we all hugged her, she kissed us all on the cheek and we walked her to her seat. The chorus started singing again and it was time to walk to the cemetery, we all walked to the cemetary with the Mrs. Gilliando , Alisia, Maria and I, walking up front holding her up. The guys behind us and the rest behind us as well. Us girls left a trail of tears to Gi's burial site and my heart felt so heavy, I felt as though I was going to drop but we all had each other. With the chorus singing behind us, I felt so emotionally distraught that when we finally got there.
The pastor spoke and they were about to but him in the ground. I started to tremble, knees wobbled and head spun. I promised I would be strong.... I couldn't help it, I lost it and threw myself on his casket and cried. I didn't want to see him go, I wanted him to be alive, I wanted all of this to be a dream, I just didn't want all this to be true.
“I've been looking for you, for hours but you weren't in the church”
I turned around and it was Eric
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE ERIC” I screamed
He just smirked. I looked around and realized I was alone. Damn I must have been here for hours because the sun was setting. I guess people were giving me some alone time but now I was here with the enemy
“I came to pay my respects” he said
“You Don't respect anyone but yourself, you selfish..”
He pulled me up and kissed me. I pushed him off of me and slapped him. He just smiled.
“Man I miss your feisty ass” he said
“you mother fucker!” I screamed
“now is that how you talk around Gi?”
I charged at him but something held me back, I turned around and seen it was Bru. I looked at Eric and his smile melted right off his face.
“well hello Hernandez” Eric said.
“Eric, get the fuck out of here” Bru said.
“like I was telling your girlfriend, here, I'm paying my respects”
Eric narrowed his eyes at me but I smiled at him. Glad to of pissed him off. Especially after what he did to me, his time was coming and today might be his last day to breath. The way Bruno has his fist balled, I knew he wanted to swing at Eric. I wouldn't of stopped him
“well well well, so your father was telling the truth” Eric said.
“yes” Bru said.
“Don't you move fast bitch”
“Gladly, once you leave this sad excuse of a person”
I wanted to claw his heart out, no one like him deserved to live. I tried to get out of Brunos grip but he wouldn't let me.
“control your bitch, or your father will pay for it”
I felt Bruno grip get tighter on my waist, I know he wants to go after him but his dad was under his control. Ugh! That drove me crazy, that I couldn't do anything. I could only imagine what Bru was feeling.
“Eric, just get out of here” Bru said.
“Well I was done anyways, Marrying her was a mistake Hernandez but I guess I’ll see you two around.”
Eric walked away and Bru didn't let me go until he was out of sight. He started walking and I followed him. We both got on his bike and went home.
We got home and I stripped down to my bra and panties while Bru was still in his suit. Sitting on the couch. I ate me some sandwiches then drank some juice and Bru was still sitting in that same position.
“Bruno, why don't you just tell your dad to quit” I said
“I already told you why he can't”
“Well how much does he owe him?”
“I don't know”
“yes you do”
“no I don't Alicia”
“why can't you just tell me”
“I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THAT'S WHY, SO KEEP YOUR FUCKING BIG MOUTH SHUT”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?”
“YOU, YOUR MY PROBLEM”
“OH I'M THE PROBLEM, SO IT'S MY FAULT YOUR DAD FUCKED UP”
Bruno got up and slammed me into the wall. His face in my face ready to fight me, I swear it slipped. I didn't mean for that to come out like that. He squeezed my wrist then bit his lip and closed his eyes. Ready for him to hit me, he let go and ran upstairs. When he came back down he had his suitcase in his hand. Fury came over me, fury like never before. If I was a color red would have been dull next to my anger.
“That's right, run. Fucking run. That's what your good at. Running. You never stick to something and that's why you can't get a record deal. Your not mature enough”
“you know what, Alicia ? You think your the bees knees, you know but your just as fucked up as I am”
“i'm fine, so fuck you”
“yeah, marrying you was a mistake. Eric was right”
“all you care about is your feelings, you didn't even ask me if I was ok”
“I did so!”
“not this morning, you had a fucking attitude like always”
I didn't say anything, because I hated being wrong but he was right.
“what was wrong with you”
“....today is the day my mother died”
Damn. I did it again, being selfish with my own emotions and here he was suffering with the anniversary death of his mother.
I open my mouth to speak but he put his hand up.
“If, you weren't so caught up in yourself and asked, you would have known”
“now that's not fair”
“oh it's not fair because you were only thinking of yourself”
“Alicia, yes you were, Maria came over here knowing that she was mourning too but you didn't see her complaining and moaning around”
“you don't know what Gi did for me”
“yeah we all know he was a father to you but also to Alisia and Maria”
I didn't say anything.
“exactly, you always make it about you”
“your right, and as much as I hate to admit it, you are.”
“I'm glad you realized that”
“I promise that I'll be more open minded. But you have to stop running away”
“what do you mean”
“ Bruno, you have a suitcase in your hand, you can't keep running away when things aren't perfect, your killing me. Making me think that our relationship will never be stable if you always think that you have to run away”
He dropped the suitcase and I let out a sigh of relief. Even though he put me out there I still loved him. He came over to me and I cried, we hugged and just held each other.
“I... I didn't mean to say that Eric was right” he said
“you don't think that?”
“no baby, I... just”
“I know, were in this together”
He picked me up and walked me upstairs to the bedroom. He took off his clothes and got into the bed with me. We laid face to face towards each other, he grabbed my hand and entwined it with mines. We kissed and kissed until our bodies became one.
Today was a rough day, even though it wasn't over, it was a rough day. I didn't want to do anything but lay here with Bru and feel the love. We were going to stay strong and work this out till the very end. He had to change but so did I. I know I'm not perfect but at the end of the day, who is.