Chapter 17

01/01/2012 17:02

“Baby, what is it?” he says to me. “Lex, Lex, Lexii! What’s wrong!?” I can’t speak. I just look in his direction but my mind is somewhere else, he shakes me slowly until I realise he’s standing in front of me. I look at him and whisper the words “It’s my Mom. She… Hospital” I just look at him until I feel myself being pulled out of the studio, next thing I know we’re in the car and Bruno’s speeding along the road. He opens the window for me to get some air and I can feel myself coming back to reality, but I don’t say anything. I just continue breathing. He looks over to me and grabs my hand. That’s all I need right now. I look up at him and he looks like he’s about to burst in to tears too, but I just hold it together. As soon as we get to the hospital we both run in to the reception desk. I try to speak to the woman. “Uhh, I got a call, saying that my mom is here” “What’s your mom’s name?” “Katie” “Right, come through with me” and we follow her, my heart starts to beat and I feel weak, Bruno places his arm around me but it does nothing. “There was some kind of incident that happened. We don’t know exactly what happened, but an ambulance was called when she was found to be unconscious in her hallway this morning, the paramedics said that she was out for a good hour before they came. She’s in a critical state at the moment” When she says this, I start to feel faint. I hold on to Bruno for fear that I’m going to fall. I feel sick, my head is spinning and my breathing starts to increase in pace. “How can you not know what happened!?” He asks the Nurse. “We don’t know, because she hasn’t woken up yet” I take a sharp inhale of breath and fall. Before I completely pass out, I realise that Bruno catches me and I fall safely in to his arms.

I slowly start to regain consciousness as I feel something wet against my forehead. I can also feel someone kissing my hand. I recognise Bruno’s touch and try to open my eyes and hope all of this was a bad dream. As I open my eyes I see bright lights, white walls and ward numbers. We’re outside her room. Fuck. I sharply turn my head round to look at Bruno and I burst in to tears in his arms. He just hugs me and strokes the back of my head. “Baby, she’ll be ok” “But she hasn’t woken up yet, I passed out and I woke up fine, is she up now!?” He just shakes his head. “What’s going through your mind?” He asks me. “What?” “Speak about it, let it out. Tell me what you’re thinking” “I… I don’t know, I can’t lose her. I know no one wants to lose their mom. But she’s different! She’s like my best friend. You know this. I’ve never had to go through something like this without her! She’s always been there for me. She’s always been strong for me when I haven’t been able to. I can’t handle this. I need her in my life. She’s been through so much in her life for her to just give up like this” I attempt to say all of this as tears roll down my face. Bruno just listens, but that’s all I need now. Just someone to vent all my feelings out too. “Baby. Just listen to me. Don’t say anything. Just do as I say” and I do. “Take a deep breath. And another. My God you’re so beautiful. But there’s something more important than your beauty. It’s your strength. I know you sometimes feel like you’re not strong. But believe me you are. You’re stronger than most people out here. Never forget this. You’re stronger than what you give yourself credit for. Every day you get up. No matter what you’ve gone through, whether it’s been something from your childhood, or something in your adult life, you still get up and appreciate every single thing you have. After all these years. You still have hope. Maybe you’re not aware of it, but you keep going every fucking day. And that’s what makes you so damn incredible. Sometimes things will get too much, and yes, one day, there will be a time when she’s not there to stand by you and tell you what to do, but you gotta know that everything will be ok. I promise. You’ll always have me. And you’ll ALWAYS have her. You know this Lex. By having these feelings and emotions doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. It just shows everyone that after all you’ve been though, after all the pain and heartbreak you’ve suffered, that you can still feel, that you’re not left numb and dead inside. That’s a true gift to have. Never underestimate this gift. I love you so much” and he slowly comes in for a kiss. I try to kiss back, but I just can’t, not when he’s just said something so beautiful to me. All these emotions I have are making me feel dizzy again. He wipes away my tears as I ask “Have you seen her? You know. When I passed out?” He shakes his head and says “I wanted to stay with you, they wanted to put you in her room whilst you woke up, but I thought that would be a bad idea” I slowly stand up feeling stronger by what Bruno said. He’s right, I need to be there for her, like how she’s always been there for me. “Let’s go and see her” he nods and takes my hand as I lead him inside. As I slowly open the door and peak my head around, I see a Nurse inside with her taking her blood pressure. I haven’t looked at my mom yet. One thing at a time. I pull Bruno in and close the door and face him, still not looking at her. “How’s she doing?” he asks. “Better, much, much better, we just want her to wake up, then we’ll be happier. Is this her daughter?” he nods. I feel the nurse’s hand on my shoulder “She’ll be fine sweetheart. I’m not gonna lie. It did look pretty bad earlier, her heart rate was down and so was her blood pressure, but it’s all come back up now, like I said, we just need to get her to wake up” “Thank you” is all I’m able to say back to her. And I watch her leave the room. I look up at Bruno and ask “How is she?” “She looks peaceful, but she’s just hooked up to monitors and she’s got a drip too, honestly Lex, just take a look” I trust him, so I take a deep breath and slowly turn round. The first thing I notice is how pale she looks, then my mind starts to register all the cables and tubes and needles sticking out of her. I just keep breathing and hold on tighter to Bruno in fear that I might faint again. “Go sit down” he says to me, I go and sit on the chair as I watch him walk up to her. He first touches her face as if he’s feeling her temperature “She’s cold” he says as he pulls the covers up on her to keep her warm. I move the chair I’m sitting on next to her bed, I get up and let him sit on the chair and I sit on his lap, he places his arms around me, holding me tight. I reach my hand out to touch her too, he’s right, she is cold. I move a piece of hair from her face and gently kiss her forehead. I love her so much. “Don’t cry, you’re doing so well” he whispers to me. I change the subject “How do they usually wake up? Do they just wake up on their own? Or… what?” “How about just talking to her?” he suggests. “Isn’t that for people in comas?” “Isn’t this basically the same thing but not as severe?” “Uhh, I don’t wanna talk at her, that’s weird…” He just laughs and says “Baby you might as well try it” I nod and start to talk….

About 10 minutes later I finally realise how weird this is “Urgh, it’s not working, and it’s really awkward too” “Why is it awkward, it’s only me here” “You know what I mean” and I kiss him just in case I offended him a little. He starts to kiss my neck and it takes me a while before I stop him, “Stop! Don’t even think about it!” “Took you a while to stop me though” and he continues. “No, Bruno, stop. Seriously” “Then talk to her” he mumbles against my skin. “Ok, but I’m gonna pretend like you’re not here listening” “Go for it” “Mom. I finally found out why all of you were being so secretive around me. It’s because I have the best fiancé in the world. I’m happy I found him. I’m happy he came in to our lives. I’ve dated some horrible people before and they really damaged me, I mean they really fucked me up. I never thought I could be loved like this. I never thought I’d find someone that I know for sure that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I love him. I love him so much that sometimes I get scared that he doesn’t realise just how much because I can’t show it as well as he can. He can be so open with me about everything, and I love that about him. I try to be open with him about everything, but it’s hard for me. I really wish I wasn’t like that but I am. I know that he’s always there for me, and he’s always there with the right things to say, he’s always there to push me in the right direction. Not only is he my fiancé, he’s also my best friend. You’re my best friend too, but this, well, this is something different, I feel a special connection with him. Like a bond, I don’t know what it is, but it’s something strong. I know I’ve been putting it off, but I know he’s going to be an amazing husband too. I can’t wait to marry him, I can’t wait until he’s fully mine and I’m all his. I also know he’s going to be an amazing father to the children I wanna have with him. I can’t wait to one day start a family with him. And I wanna have more than one child, because I know how much you yearned for another child, and I went through the heartbreak of growing up alone. I don’t want that for my kids. Not at all. And I know it’s not your fault that you never had another child, I understand that. But I can tell you 100% that Bruno will be nowhere near like how dad was. I know I don’t speak about him. Ever. Especially when you want to talk about him. But. The thing is, bruises fade, but the pain remains the same. But as I’ve grown up and gotten older, now is when I’ve truly been able to appreciate just how much strength you had, I have vivid memories. I remember how he used to hit you and how I was beat up too. Even though I was so small. But you did the right thing by just taking me and moving away. You’re the reason I met Bruno mom. You gave up your own dreams in order to help me pursue mine. We moved to L.A. when we had no money at all, we could’ve been living on the streets if it all went wrong. But that thought never crossed your mind because you always had 100% faith in me. If you hadn’t had taken that chance, and not let me give up every time I wanted too. Then I wouldn’t have met my soul mate. Mom I love you so much, please wake up. He rubs my shoulders, but after an hour of talking to her. Still nothing.