'take me home...please...' i felt myself drifting in and out of conciousness as i was being sped further and further away from my home. we had been driving for hours, judging by how high the sun was in the sky, and though all i knew was the sound of their voice, i knew exactly who was taking me to my unknown destination...
'sweetheart, i am taking you home' william said, then laughed as though i was just being playful with him. i loathed everything about him; his laugh, his voice, the way his mouth twitched when he didn't get his way. it made me so sick. especially the fact that it seemed that he could always creep his way into my mind without even uttering a single word...
'please william.....' was all i could manage. we drove on country roads for quite sometime until we came to a large expanse of neatly manicured lawn. shadowing this grand yard was an enormous mansion, easily four or five stories high. i couldn't help but gasp at it's extravigant beauty and grandiour as we drove closer to the entrance. william, who was all too pleased with my reaction turned and smiled.
'see, i knew you'd love it.' i scowled as we pulled up to the front of the gargantuine home. my body became tense as only one thought crossed my mind: run. i wasn't bound in any way, so when the car door opened, i could simply make a run for it. but, when we stopped, there were large men surrounding the car, ready for anything i might try to do. william came around to my side and gently took me by my arm and led me to the front doors. two huge white doors seemed to open without any human command or assistance, as though with magic. i simply kept my head down as we walked through the doors and into a very well-lit and into what seemed to be a dining room. i refused to be enchanted by anything that i might see; but even the carpeting was difficult to ignore, soft and rich in colour. it was difficult, even, to ignore the tinkling of the crystal chandelier i knew was right above me. i just sat and kept one thing in mind: bruno. i needed to stay strong for him, him and michael were the only things keeping me from giving in...
a simple breakfast was placed before us; fruit and a glass of water. i only glanced up for a moment and saw william gesture his hand towards me as a cue to begin eating. i remembered that i hadn't eaten in almost a whole day and i wolfed down every bite. i started to get up from my seat when i found that my body felt as heavy as lead. i paniked as i watched him slowly get up from the table and approach me. the last thing i heard was a thud as my head hit the table and william meniacly chuckle over my body...
when i wake up, i feel a tightness around my wrists, i look down to see that i was, in fact, bound to a large bed by thick ropes that were tied to the bedposts. i began to panik as i looked around franticly to see where i was. it was a large, dimly lit bedroom which wreecked of incence. there was hardly anything in it besides a bedside table, a desk, and a silver floor lamp. i looked down to discover that someone had dressed me in thin, black, frilly lingerie. i had to get out. as i started to twist my wrists this way and that to see if the ropes had any give, i heard someone at the bedroom door. I held my breath as the door slowly opened...
' oh no'
william stepped in slowly through the door. i began to writhe and twist and turn furiously, but all was in vain. i smile crept upon his face as he stood over the side of the bed.
'hello to you too.' i went insane. there was no way this could be happening, not to me. and yet...
'get the hell away from me, you creep!' i shrieked so everyone in the house could hear. he simply came to the side of my bed.
'now that's no way to speak to your husband.'
'husband? more like abducter!' i retorted. he just simply took my hand and kissed it softly; i spat in his face. he laughed. i looked over at the hand he kissed, and i wanted to cry. where the wedding ring bruno gave me should be, was a gaudy gold band with too many diamonds to look anywhere near classy on such a thin band. william smiled.
'beautiful, isn't it? made it just for you.' he crawled on top of me and began to kiss my forehead, my neck, my chest. i wept silently as he caressed every portion of my body. it was too much to bear. his disgusting hands where bruno's should be...his breath on my skin should be bruno's; i would've gladly cut it off with a blade, a gun, anything, if it would bring me back to bruno. william just kept groping me, then stopped to reach into the nightstand. he produced scissors; rusty, large scissors. my eyes grew wide at the sight of them; he simply chuckled and looked down on me.
'just relax' he said. i watched his hands as he used the scissors to cut dangerously close to my stomach, only to cut at the fabric covering it. paice by peice he cut away and removed pieces of my clothing until there was nothing left. i thought the worst was over. he started to breathe heavily as he stared at the scissors in his hand. he took one look at me.
'be still, love'. he said. i watched in horror as he kissed my lips, then brought the scissors to the middle of my bare stomach, where he proceeded to cut across the soft brown skin. i whimpered in pain. he continued to kiss and cut, faster and faster. i thought he was trying to kill me. then he stopped, and started to kiss each and every one of my fresh wounds. he started to tug at the black underwear i wore, when i couldn't take anymore. i kneed him in the face and watched as thick dark blood began to run from his nose. he silently got up from the bed, and left the room.
it went on like this for a few days. he would come in and mutilate my body, then try to sleep with me, but i would fight. that's all i could do. i got ours of sleep where i was, but it always felt like like i had stayed up from day one. it didn't help that i couldn't get any nutrients from the food that was served to me. all i could eat was the fruit salad served to me every morning; everything else was....rancid, at least that's how it smelled. one day, william couldn't take any more of my abstinence from the food he served to me. he marched across the dining room to my chair and refused to leave until i had eaten my food.
'i'm trying to tell you, you're giving me rancid food!'
'let me see,' he scooped up a forkfull of pasta from my plate, and chewed it slowly. my stomach turned. he put the fork back down on my plate.
'just fine. now eat.' i frowned as i realized that there was no avoiding it. i got a small portion of food onto my fork, and brought it slowly to my mouth; but before i could take one bite, i got a whiff of the food, and vomited all over the floor. william looked horrified.
'we're taking you to the hospital'
the ride wasn't long to a small local hospital. we had already 'rehearsed' what i would say when they asked about my scars. apparently i had been assulted on the street by a psychotic maniac. everything was true except the location...
we waited as several tests were ran, but by then i had given up hope; if i was dying, so be it. what did it matter if i was so far away from my potentially dying child and the love of my life....?
'well, i may have some... surprising news for the two of you...'
'what is it?' william asked franticly. i, of course, looked extremly nonchalant.
'well, at first we thought it was food poisoning, as mr. flynn had suggested.' i got a slightly smug look on my face as william put his head into his hands and groaned.
'but then we looked over your patient questionaire sheet, and noticed you forgot to fill out the portion that asks about your monthly cycle...' i paniked. no way. i started doing mental calculations...
' uhh, mrs. flynn?' i shuddered at the thought of being referred to by william's last name.
'when was your last period?' i was steady at my calculations. then i came up with terrifying results.
'as a matter of fact' i said almost with a certain bounce in my voice ' i'm about two weeks late. thank you for noticing doc.' i gave him a cheesey smile, which made the doctor give me a sideways glance.
'well, we'll take another test....but it looks like you may be pregnant.' i closed my eyes. how could this have happened? i should be finding this out with bruno by my side, both of us anxious and excited at the thought of a child of our own. instead, here i was, held captive by this maniac, frightened for the life of now not only myself, but the child growing inside of me. we waited a few more minutes for a simple pregnancy test to come back with the results no one was surprised to see.
'well, mrs. flynn, looks like you're gonna be a mama.' he smiled at me as though this was good news. for anyone else, it would've been. i just smiled and thanked him for his time, then william and i left the hospital to go back to the estate.
' i'm looking forward to being a dad.' william said with a laugh in his voice. i refused to let him enjoy this even in his little world where i was his wife carrying his child... we would share one thing: reality.
'to another man's child?' i asked. he looked over at me in the car and smiled.
'to our child.'
'it'll be a cold day in hell when i give you a child.' i said coldly. he just laughed quietly to himself as he walked me into the house and sent me off to bed.
i started to have strange dreams from that night on... always starting with me in the dark...
'where am i?'
'in your memories' a far away voice responded, in that 'of course' sort of way. it was a girls voice; soft and sweet. she sounded about two or three years old.
'where are you?' i asked the nothingness.
'wherever you need me. but enough with the questions.' she said and stopped there.
'what? what are you here for?' i asked, completley ignoring her last statement.
'i'm here...to keep you safe.' she said, not elaborating anymore on the answer.
'from what?' i asked, wanting to know of the danger i wasn't aware of.
'what do you mean?'
'you're growing weaker and weaker as time passes where you are; not your body, but your heart. you will soon debate where your love should lie; with your husband, or with your unborn child.'
'why can't i love them both?' i asked, now afraid of what the answer may be....
'william won't allow it. if you run away, from love for bruno, he will find you, and he will kill you. if you stay, you will not remember bruno anymore as time passes, but your child will live and grow strong.'
'how can you protect me from that? you're nothing but a little girl.' i said softly. she started to giggle, which both agrivated and amused me.
'i can help, because i know that there are memories that will keep your heart safe while you protect your baby.' i could hear the smile in her voice. ' you won't remember on your own, but as long as i'm around, you'll never forget what you're fighting for ...' the voice faded and i was brought to a familliar scene. it was warm and sunny in new york and bruno and i were walking down the street, each of us holding one of michael's hands....
' i love you' i said.
' i know' bruno replied. i reached over michael and shoved him playfully.
' narsasistic much?'
'not really. i just assumed that women liked it when their boyfriends agreed with them on everything.' i rolled my eyes but frowned a bit at the thought of him being my 'boyfriend' he seemed like so much more than that...
'what's wrong?' he asked. i shook my head in dismissal of the thought.
''nothing, i just don't like the term 'boyfriend' it just seems.... not correct.' i looked at him hoping for a solution to my problem.
' well, let's think...how about...'
'ooh! ooh! i got one!' michael suddenly interrupted, jumping up and down.
'what do you have, michael?' bruno asked sincerely.
'well, why con't you just call mommy 'my girl'? he asked. we had listened to a temptations album before we left, so there was no mystery as to where he got the idea from.
'sounds pretty cool,' i said.' but what could i call bruno?' i asked.
'well obviously, you'd call me your guy' he said. i thought about it. 'my guy' sounded sturdy and long-lasting, yet, not as permanent as 'husband' and not as flimsy as 'boyfriend'. it was casual, but people would know what you meant when you said it. we belonged to each other in the most simple of ways.
' works for me.' i said, and walked home with my two favorite guys by my side...
i woke up, recalling the memory that was played in my dreams; an average day, an average memory, but now, it seemed to mean so much more....
the girl in my dreams was right. as time wore on, i not only feared greatly for my child's life, but i also forgot little things about bruno, things that were only recalled in my memories....my dreams. not even, though, could my dreams completly keep me from losing things as days and weeks wore on.... like losing spare change on the street from a hole in your pocket that you never knew was there...
week 3 ( or so i thought)
'billy, please...just billy' i sighed. we were sitting on a couch watching an old film, about what or whom i can't remember, and i started to lose track of time, names, lot's of things... i wouldn't be difficult with him; he'd been docile and kind for the past weeks since finding out that i was pregnant, but i wouldn't test his temporary sanity...
'okay...billy. how long have i been here?'
'a month and a half.' a whole amonth and then some?!? impossible! i checked my mental calendar, but that didn't help much. i simply sighed and, without thinking, leaned into billy just a bit. i couldn't feel guilty; i was simply tired all of the time, and rest was number one priority to me. billy said nothing, just put his arm around me and let me drift off to sleep...
i dreamed that time of the time that bruno and i were at a beach with michael. the sun was setting, and we were sitting at the edge of the water, watching michael play in the waves...
' was there anything you wanted to do besides music when you were a kid?' i asked.
'not really...though at one point i considered becoming a male exotic dancer' i laughed and rolled over in the sand to face him.
'what did you want to be when you were a little girl?' he asked. i thought for awahile.
' i just wanted to leave home...anywhere that wasn't where i was was were i wanted to be.'
'wait.... say that again?'
'anywhere but home, bruno, anywhere but home. but at one point...' i left it at that. he didn't need to know my silly long-abandoned aspirations. i wouldn't risk his endless laughter...
'at one point what?' he asked like he earnestly wanted to know. i couldn't help but to humor him.
'i wanted....to be... a singer.' i quickly covered my face with a beach towel and waited for the laughing to start.
'really?' he asked. i was shocked to not have him chuckling in my ear.
'yeah. in high school, i thought i had a pretty nice voice then...i even entered the school talent competition.'
'how'd you do?' i looked down sheepishly.
' won?!?!? a freshman and you won? well, lemme hear something!' he exclaimed. my eyes grew wide at the thought of this insane request. i hadn't sung for anyone since then. 'c'mon babe...just a little something?' i couldn't help myself....
'hands over my head, thinkin' what else could go wrong....would've stayed in bed, how can a day be so long? never belived that things happened for a reason....but how this turned out you moved all my doubt so belive that for you i'd do it all over again....do it all over again.... all i went through led me to you so i'd do it all over again...for you' i finished and watched the expression on his face.....pure shock. 'sorry, i'm a little rusty...'
'rusty? you sound better than me on a good day!'
'stop! no i do not!'
'no really! that was...amazing...' i smiled, if he was sincere, then it sure did mean a lot coming from him. he smiled and took my hand.
'c'mon. let's go before your son turns into a mer-boy' i laughed...
son? i had a son? a knot of worry grew in my stomach as the truth sinked in...
month 2( i assumed)
'dana?' i turned away from the mirror and faced my faithful friend. she was the only person here besides billy, who took the time to get to know me and cater to my more....personal needs. but today, dana wasn't herself when she spoke with me...
'yeah danny?' she asked in that soft southern voice i absolutley adored. she was a tall woman in about her late thirties or early forties. she had curly blonde hair and full lips which i always begged her to put lipstick on. i watched her as she swayed from side to side nervously.
'who-was there anyone...do you remember anyone that i....missed when i first came here?' i know there was a man....my beloved; but how was i supposed to remember him...with this life consuming my already faded memories?
dana sighed before answering. she ran her slender fingers through her hair.
'i knew this was coming' she murmered under her breath. i watched her quizzicaly as she crossed the room to come to my bedside. she put her hand on my leg and looked into my eyes.
'no sweetie. we had to...rescue you awhile ago. you were going crazy; wandering the streets and whatnot. we had you put on meds awhile back...but the process is slow now because of the dosage and the baby and things....' she kept her head low as she told me supposedly my story. i simply put my hand on my more than slightly round belly and waited for her to look up at me before asking my next question.
'how long have i been here?' i asked.
'about four months now.' she said softly. i watched as she quietly got up and left the room without another word.
Month 5 ( i really wasn't sure at this juncture)
'billy...' i called with a certain fondness i wasn't used to having when calling his name.
'come here...' i beckoned. he came into my bedroom. i smiled and pulled two baby outfits out of a bag.
'was this you?' he looked down sheepishly.
'guilty as charged.' i simply smiled. he'd been so kind these past few months...i walked across the room and slowly, timidly, wrapped my arms around billy. i waited until he returned the embrace. i placed my head against his chest and heard his heart racing. i frowned.
'billy? are you alright?' i asked, concerned for my close and dear friend.
'i'm fine' he said quickly, 'it's just that...i...'
'well, spit it out!' i laughed
'i love you.' he said quickly. my eyes grew wide as he watched me, waiting for me to say something. i was shocked. no one had ever...in quite a long time, i'll say....said those words to me. i realized that...i felt the same way.
'i- i love you too, billy.' i tilted my head up and kissed him gently. he picked me up, never taking his lips off of mine, and carried me too my bed where he gently lay me down on the thick soft blankets.
'are you ready for this love?' he murmered softly in my ear.
'ready as i'll ever be.' i smiled and kissed his neck. after that we simply went with our lusty passions for each other...
i rolled over afterwards to look at my lover. something in me still begged for that one question to be answered.
'how long have i been here?'
' about...six and a half months...'
i woke up with a pain in my back. god, this kid would be the death of me.
'dana...' i called
'comin'" she yelled. she walked in my dark room and opened the curtains. she stood by my bed and waited for me to sit up and start another day with assisting me.
'i just need some asprin for now, thanks' i sat up and rubbed my enormous belly. i was due any day and was extremly wound up about it. this was my first child i've ever had and i wasn't even sure i was ready for it. it didn't help that once i did get this huge, the only person supporting me through this whole ordeal, my husband, won't even look at me anymore. we barely spoke at dinner and i still slept in my own bed.
'ah- dana, never marry men with money....they're nothin' but trouble' i said as i took a large chug of my water to wash down my two huge pills. 'thanks hon'
'sure thang sug' she always overdid her accent whenever she wanted to make me feel good. i giggled and watched her walk out of the room. lately, she's been getting this sort of....switch in her walk. i guess i liked it...
'billy' i called feebly. i waited for a few minutes before seeing his frame slip into the doorway. i missed seeing him...but not this way. his eyes looked sunken in, he looked so thin. 'you okay hon?'
'perfect. how's our little man doin' in there?'
'it's a girl, i've been telling you for the longest.' he smiled and sat next to me on my bed.
'yes, yes you have.' he kissed my forehead.i tilted my head, hoping for him to go for my lips, but he simply looked down and chuckled.
'no no love, not until the baby arrives.' he got up and started to walk out, but i couldn't let him; i savored these rare moments where he and i were alone.
' when do you think- oh god.' this couldn't be happening,i
'i think- i think my-'
'is the baby coming?' he asked more casualy than i had expected. all i could do was nod my head and start to roll myself out of bed. he just stood by the door and waited for me to hobble to the doorway where he was finally kind enough to take me by the elbow and help me to the car...
i was rushed to the hospital. everything was a blur. billy was always further away from me than i had wanted him to be. this wasn't right at all. the labor wasn't too long. i was heavily drugged and almost didn't feel a thing. i don't remember billy coming into the room to comfort me or even hold my hand; just a team of doctors flocking around me waiting for my baby...
'one more time, mrs. flynn; one....two...' all of a sudden, there she was, my daughter. i heard her screaming and crying and was glad; she'd been kicking and moving inside of me for so long, i didn't expect her to be anything but strong. they dried her off before putting her in my arms. i took one look at her and my jaw dropped; she was so beautiful. but another thing had also caused great shock to reverberate through out by body: she looked nothing like billy. she had my eye colour...sort of. on my fathers side she got her hazel eyes, speckeled with grey and blue, but mostly brown and green. she got my lips, full and shaped just right...but everything else...was...off. she had large eyes with thick long lashes, and had very tan skin with very rosy cheeks...and very deep dimples. she also had dark curly hair all over her head. it was everywhere! where did she get it from? billy had hair straight as bone, and mine was simply thick. i was a mixed woman, black dad, white mom; billy was white. where did her colour come from? neither billy, nor i had large eyes. she was so lovely to see....yet so strange.
'what are you going to name her?' a nurse asked me. billy re-entered the room at this point. he explained that he didn't want to be a nervous wreck around me at this time.
' do we have a name?' billy asked. i thought back to my strange dreams. all i ever remembered from them was music...and laughter.
'melody?' billy asked.
'yeah. melodie, bernadette, gracie, flynn.' i liked the sound of it. billy didn't protest. i spelled out the name for the nurses and watched our daughter as she looked around at the bright lights and strange people.
'hello my little mellie' i cooed. i stroked her full cheeck and started to hum to her. billy stood on the other side of the room, just watching us.
'come over here and say hello to your daughter' i said. he slowly walked over and started to pick melodie up; she started to cry and try to wiggle out of her blanket. billy quickly placed her back into my arms where she calmed down almost instantly.
'she's just used to bonding with me...' i said with a smile. i held out my pinkie and she took hold with a firm grip.
'woah. we've got some muscles on our hands billy.' he just nodded and continue to stare out of the window.
'i can't wait to go home...'
we brought melodie home three days later. just like that the dreams had stopped. no more strange visions that i guessed were faint memories. whoever that man was, his family that i met, his friends, his voice, they were behind me now.
maybe it's for the best...
i adored melodie. i always had her in my arms, rocking her, brushing her hair, doing whatever it took to make her happy. i had to make up, anyway, for her father not even attempting at doing any of these things.
"she always cries when i hold her"
meanwhile i started to obsess like a young schoolgirl over a certain music star.