Chapter 31-34

She laughed, and I realized that I had really missed this laugh from her. “Bruno don’t start because we’ll be playing all night.” she said as she grabbed my arms. I leaned down slowly and gently kissed her, “Nothings wrong with that..” She looked away and shook her head, I knew exactly what she was thinking. “Can you get off of me please..” she said quietly still not looking at me. I slowly crawled off of her and she got up and headed straight for the door. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands as I heard the bathroom door close. I felt something different between us now, it just didn’t feel the same and it was all because of me.  Not only would I have to win her trust back, but now apart of her love. I could just feel that she wasn’t happy. I heard the door open and I looked up to her coming to the doorway. She stopped, smirked, and leaned against the frame. I smiled, “What?” “We both didn’t really use our heads this morning.” I frowned, “Huh?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

I smiled and shook my head, “We didn’t use protection.” His jaw dropped and he looked down to my stomach, “You think so?” he said softly. I shrugged, “I don’t know, I mean it’s a small possibly.” He smiled ear to ear as he got up and came over to me. He put his arms around me and pulled me close. He looked down to my stomach again and then back up to my eyes, “You know what I hope so..” I honestly couldn’t believe he was saying this. I couldn’t help but smile, it actually mean’t a lot to me. I leaned in a kissed him softly, “I hope so too Bru.”

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December 29th, 2010

I honestly don’t know how I am even clam enough to write this right now. When I seen my dad this morning, laying there I broke all the way down. It was bound to happen, but I talked to him for awhile. He always told me that he was so proud of me, and that I would always be his little girl no matter how old I got. I touched his hand, and just wished I had a chance to see his light brown eyes again. Bruno sat and held my hand the entire service, he was there everytime I turned around. Whenever I would look deep into his eyes I felt a little bit better. I think that it would have been even harder for me to get threw all of this without him. He understood that I didn’t just lose my father, I lost a friend.

I really love the fact that Bruno told me he would actually be ready to have kids if I was indeed pregnant. But, I don’t really think I am. Only time will tell, and if I really am then the wedding was really going to be on hold. Each minute I’m feeling a little bit better about him.

I’m trying my best to cheer up because New Years’ is in a few days but, it’s a little hard right now. I would be making my 2nd trip to the Big Apple. I hadn’t been since I was in my pre-teens. I had a feeling that Bruno and the guys would make things a whole lot better with their love and performance. No matter what, I am telling myself that I WILL have a good time. And if that means getting some drinks in me, then so be it. Cheers!

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“What you writing?” Bruno said as he sat next to me on the couch. I quickly closed my notebook and held it close to me, “Nothing.” He laughed and reached out, “Lemme see.” I frowned and moved away, “No Bruno..” “Come on.. what is it a diary?” he joked as he moved his hands away. “A diary? I’m 25 years old thank you.” I said strongly. He laughed, “Alright.. I’m sorry..” I looked away as if I was mad. He reached out and grabbed my shirt, “Put that thing down and let me love you..” he said softly. I smiled as I put it onto the coffee table. As soon as I put it down he pushed me back on the couch and just laid on top of me. I laughed, “What are you doing?” He moved down to my stomach and I widened my eyes. He took his chin and moved my shirt up as he grabbed my arms. I knew exactly what he was he about to do. “Bruno.. please not now!” I laughed. “Like that’s gonna work.” he said as he started to kiss me. I laughed almost uncontrollably as he tickled me with his kisses. I knew he was doing this just to keep my mind off of everything from today. “Do you give in?” he said as he came up for air. I tried to struggle away from him, but of course he was too strong. “Never!” I said using my knees to push him up. “Hey, hey watch out for the carrot!” he said moving away a bit. I laughed and then threw my head back into the couch again, I had missed play fighting with him.

“This is all just so funny huh?” I said looking up to her. She kept laughing and just shook her head, she hadn’t smiled this hard in awhile. I continued on kissing her but, this time I made them passionate and long. “No..” she whispered. I closed my eyes and kept moving down as I got to the top of her sweatpants. I knew she loved it because she had stopped trying to struggle away from me. She finally looked down to me and I licked my lips, “Can I?” She rolled her eyes, “Right now?” I shrugged, “Yeah why not?” She shook her head, “Let’s just not right now..” she said softly. “Awww come on babe..” I said frowning a bit. “Please.. just not now..” she said finally getting her arms away from me. I took a deep breath and pushed myself off of her, I knew that she mourning and all so I could understand. As I sat up on the couch she sat up as well. I looked over to her observed her. “Babe.. I miss you..” I said almost at a whisper. She looked over to me, “But, I’m right here..” I reached over and grabbed her hand, “You’re here in person, but YOU haven’t been here in a couple of days. I really miss you..” I said honestly. I really had felt like she wasn’t herself in the past couple of days. It wasn’t just because she was turning down sex, but it was everything.

I really didn’t know what to say to him but, I knew exactly what he saying. Even I know that I haven’t been myself. I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand, “It’ll get better I promise.. I just got a lot to think about..” I said glancing ahead of me to the TV. He didn’t say anything and I looked over to him and he was just nodding. “Look Bru.. I’m sorry alright.” I blurted out. He frowned, “What are you sorry about?” “Acting like this you know.. my emotions are just.. UGH!” I said motioning my hands around. He laughed, “Baby.. it’s fine..” I took a deep breath, “You sure?” He nodded, “Positive.” In a way it made me feel a lot better, if he was fine, then I was too. He got up, “Now come on we gotta start packing before bed.” I smiled a bit as I got up aswell and followed him into the bedroom. We both cleared out our suitcases of all our shorts, and short sleeve shirts from Hawaii for heavier clothes. I knew that New York was going to be brutal when it came to the cold. Bruno and I we’re used to the sun and we almost hated it, but it was all worth it.

“I did not miss that alarm clock..” I groaned my eyes still closed. I let Diamond go as she moved over and hit it. “Me either..” “10 more minutes.. please..” I whispered. She laughed, “No cause you’ll fall back into a deep sleep!” I smiled, “I won’t.” “Right..” she said as she pulled the covers off of her. “Alright.. you go take a shower and I’ll be right…” I stopped talking and started fake snoring. She laughed, “Bruno seriously get up!” I smiled as I quickly sat up in the bed, “Alright I’m up!” “Yeah.. you better get up. I was inviting you to this shower.” I quickly got up and ran over and grabbed my towel and ran for the bathroom, “Don’t have to tell me twice!” I yelled as I got in there. She walked in smiling as I started to pull off my boxers. “Let’s do this.” I said raising my eyebrow. She shook her head, “None of that..” “You can’t stop it if it happens..” I said as I reached over and turned the water on. “Mhmm right..” she said as she started to strip down as well. After another minute, we both we’re in and I was trying to get something started but, it didn’t work. “You keep making me wait..” I said as we got out. She just shook her head as she dried off and I watched her closely, only turning myself on more. I honestly wanted her so bad, it had only been around 2 days but, it felt like way longer.

I saw him watching me out the corner of his eye, so I quickly wrapped myself up and walked out of the bathroom. He laughed as I walked out, he got the idea. We both went on and got dressed and made sure we had everything together. I watched Bruno pace and talk on the phone to Phil as I looked threw pictures in my phone. I smiled at the random ones I had took in Hawaii that I had forgot about. We both looked at each other when we heard Dre blowing the horn from outside. I got up and stretched, another long flight how beautiful…..

“Can I just say that we are about to have a ball here!” I said as we got into our taxi. “Hell yeah we are.” Phil said getting in as well. I was here, the city that never sleeps. I was really looking forward to doing the small performance I was scheduled for tomorrow. A couple of interviews here and there, and a good time with Diamond was all in this one weekend. I looked over to her as she looked out the window admiring it all. I scooted a little closer to her and she turned around smiling. “Hi Bru.” I smiled and just put my arm around her, our flight here wasn’t as good as any of the others that we’ve had. We we’re pretty much quiet, and it was a bit irritating, but I knew that she was going threw a lot right now. I pulled her head down to my chest and ruffled her hair around a bit, trying to cheer her up. “Stop it!” she laughed. I released her and she kept her head resting on me and I just observed her. I was just hoping that everything would be alright after New Years’. I looked out the front window as we made our way threw New York to our hotel. We had a bit of rehearsing to do this afternoon for tomorrow.

I slowly stepped out making sure not to fall out of the van. “I’m ready to perform tonight!” Kam said as he got out of the van behind me. I smiled at him as he went to the back and started unloading things. I looked up to the huge skyrise hotel that we would be staying in and it seemed like a dream. Sometimes when I seen things like this, and his name on huge billboards, and on TV it’s hard to believe. “You alright babe?” he said coming next to me. I quickly looked down from the building and over to him, he had caught me in a daze. I nodded, “I’m fine.” He nodded and gave me a worry look, I knew he was just trying to be protective. We continued on taking our things into the hotel and getting all checked in. We got up to our rooms that we’re almost on the top floor and I was completely amazing. The rooms here we’re bigger then all the ones we had ever been in not to add that there was a jacuzzi bathtub in this huge bathroom. I watched Bruno as he laid back across the huge bed, “Oh yeah.. we might have to stay here a few extra days.” I laughed and went over and sat on the bed next to him, “Maybe so.” He leaned up quickly and just stared at me. I frowned, “What?”

I really wanted to ask her for sex right now, but I felt like it might have lead into a argument. I quickly changed the subject, “I can’t look at you now?” She smiled and looked away, “I never said that.” I got up and stretched, still trying to keep my mind off of sex. “After my I’m all done with everything today.. what you wanna do?” She shrugged, “I don’t know… it depends on what you want to do..” “I mean you already know what I wanna do..” I said out the side of my mouth. She laughed and shook her head, “Oh I know.” I pointed, “So that’s a yes? Cool.” She frowned and shrugged, “Bruno I just don’t know..” I really wasn’t understanding her right now, I didn’t like it either. “What do you mean you don’t know?” I said frowning. She just stared at me, “I don’t know..” she said dragging her words out. I put my hands out, “Alright.. it’s alright.” I went over and grabbed my fedora off of the huge dresser. I threw it on my head, “I’ll be back.” “Where are you going?” I shrugged, “I don’t know.. just go look around..” I started for the door and as I got to it she called my name. I turned to her, “What?” “I’m sorry..” I waved her off, “Don’t be..” I turned back to the door opened it and closed it behind me.

I watched him as he closed the door and I instantly just put my face in my hands and fell back into the bed. I hated how awkward it was being with each other right now. I was just so upset at him, and I can’t just keep giving in to him every time he gave me good sex. I groaned to myself, I was so frustrated with everything that was happening right now. One minute, I was happy and the next minute angry all over again. I kind of wished that I was still in Hawaii right now, I really missed Bruno’s mom. I missed the air, I missed the atmosphere. It was all just perfect, and I could see why they called it paradise. I could really use a drink right now, but I decided that I would just let my body get ready for tomorrow night. I got up and kicked my shoes off, I was just going to take a nice nap and maybe I would wake up in a better mood. I snuggled up under the thick brown and golden blankets in the bed. It was just almost as comfortable as my bed back home. After fighting with myself on my thoughts, I finally drifted off to sleep.

I shook my head, “I don’t know Phil.. I mean I’ve tried you know..” “Look.. she has the right to be mad at you.. so you can’t be mad.” he said stuffing potato chips into his mouth. “I’m not mad.. I’m just a little upset…” I said putting my face in my hands. He laughed a bit, “You look mad to me..” I uncovered my face and shot him a look, “Let me have my moment alright..” He back away and started talking with a fool mouth, “Oh I’m sorry Mr. Mars.. didn’t mean to offend you..” I smiled, “Stop with all of that!” I loved how Phil could cheer me up with just one of his comments. “Just make it up to her tomorrow.” he said as he finally got done with the bag. I nodded, “That’s what I’m planning on doing.” “Then do it!” he said raising his voice a bit making me laugh. “Calm down over there..” Phred said threw his hand making it sound like a radio. We all laughed, and I tried my best to stay positive. “So how long we got till this rehearsal shit?” I said pushing myself out of the chair. Phil looked at his watch, “About a good hour or so..” I took a deep breath, “Alright I’ll be back in about 30.” “Goodbye..” he said as if I was leaving forever. I laughed as I opened the door and went back down to my room.

“Tonight is gonna be a good night huh?” I said as I started going threw my suitcase. “You know it babe..” I heard him say. I pulled out a nice shirt and some jeans that I would wear just for the some of today before getting my dress out for tonight. All of a sudden I felt Bruno grabbing my hips and I instantly shot up. He pulled me closer and started to kiss on my neck from behind. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, I really loved when he did this. “I just got ask something right now..” he whispered. “Okay..” I said slowly. “No matter what.. if we have drinks in us or not.. can I have you tonight..” I smiled my eyes still closed, he started to move his hands from my hips down my thighs, and it only turned me on even more, “I mean it depends..” I whispered back. “On what…?” he said as he moved his hands into the middle of my thighs.

I quickly moved away before I let him turn me on even more, “It just depends okay..” He threw his hands up, “Are you serious right now?” I frowned, “What do you mean am I serious?” He shook his head, “I don’t like the way you’re acting… I hate it.” I frowned, “You just can’t get mad at me because I don’t give you sex Bruno!” “I’m not mad because of that..” he said raising his voice. “Then what’s your problem with me huh? Am I supposed to be just all happy and cheery after you’ve done what you’ve done, or my father has passed away.. Am I supposed to just give you what you want all the time?!” I said raising my voice higher then his. I knew after I had said that, that I was walking myself into yet another argument with him. Why does this all have to be so stressful?….

“How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t do anything!” he said staring me right in the eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but, he cut me off. “And I know your mourning alright, I know this.. But, I’m just trying to make you happy alright.. that’s all I want.” he said letting his arms fall to his side. It made me emotional a bit, to hear someone say that all they want is for you to be happy is special. I shook my head, “Why do you do this to me Bruno.. why? You do this shit to me, and then you make me feel like I’m doing wrong when I’m mad at you..” “I’m not trying to make you feel that way.. I’m sorry okay..” he said as he walked towards me. I shook my head and looked down to the floor as he took me in his arms. He stroked my hair and whispered into my ear, “I just want you to be happy again.” I held back tears a bit because I realized that I hadn’t been genuinely happy in almost over a week now. It’s crazy to know that he actually knows the things that I feel on the inside. He held me tighter, “I miss you so so much.” I just stood there in his arms and breathed in his scent, some days I wished that I could just stay there all day because it was one of the places that I felt most safe.

I sat there looking at my watch almost every minute. I was so anxious to get this interview done. I looked out the huge window of the hotel and a sea of people we’re already here and it was still a good 5 hours till’ the ball actually dropped. I loved the fact that I would be able to see it all from the best view in Times Square. A lady came in interrupting my thoughts and I got up and shook her hand. I cruised threw the interview without any problems. It really made me excited for this next year even though it was consist of mostly touring. It was something that I really wanted to do. I’m honored to be playing here in New York, getting to watch the ball drop. It’s not just a tradition, but a dream come true for me. After the interview I went backstage just to hang out for a couple of hours before the guests would start arriving and we could get the show started. I couldn’t believe my ears when they told me the one and only Rev Run would be opening up for me. I loved doing small shows like this but, I knew things we’re about to get bigger and better.

I looked up from my phone to see Bruno walking in smiling softly. He came over and sat next to me on the small couch. “How was it?” I said smiling. “Nothing too hard.” he said nodding a bit. “Good..” I said almost at a whisper. All of a sudden he kicked up legs up and put them across my lap. “Let’s talk.” he said strongly. I frowned, “About..?” He shrugged, “Me and you..” I shook my head and smiled, “What about us?” “Well.. I’m ready to commit.” “Haven’t you already..?” I said a bit confused. “No I mean commit.. I’m ready to get married babe.” I shook my head, “Not yet..” “Come onn!” he said moving his legs on me making me laugh. “You know you want to marry this..” he said pointing to himself making me laugh even more. I nodded and smiled, “I really do want to marry all of THAT.. but, I just can’t right now..” He put his lip out, “Pleaseee…” I couldn’t help but smile, I didn’t understand where he was going with this conversation either. “We’ll see alright babe?” He took a deep breath, “Alright…” I had mean’t what I said about waiting to marry him. I just felt like we we’re ready for it, I needed to see if he would really change his ways. That was the only way I would actually start planning a wedding and all. We both sat there talking for the next 45 minutes talking about random things, surprisingly neither marriage or sex came up again.

I adjusted my tie in the mirror. Phil came over and put his hands on my shoulders, “Is you ready for this!” I turned around and smiled, “Don’t I look ready?!” He stepped back a bit and observed me, “You look alright.. I mean not better then me but.. you know..” I laughed, “Yeah alright..” I heard them making the final announcements out on the stage and I started moving towards he door quickly with the guys behind me. “Let’s give these people a good show guys.” I said as the announced my name. I jogged out with a huge smile on my face and went straight to the microphone. “New York.. I’m here!” They all cheered and clapped and I scanned the crowd very carefully for Diamond. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m trying to bring in this new year right!” They cheered again and I started off one of my all time favorites ‘Top of The World’. The crowd was small but, they’re energy was perfect. Everyone raised their drinks high as I performed one of my personal favorites ‘Billie Jean’ by the late and great Michael Jackson.

I sipped on my drink and watched Bruno closely as he kept grinding against his red guitar. I shook my head a bit as he got so passionate as he sang. No matter what the occasion live on TV, concert, or just playing around he always gave it his all. I cheered and chanted throughout the whole show as if I was just a fan of his. He gave me small smiles and looks that only made me melt. The more drinks I took in, the more fun I started to have. I started to have almost not a care in the world, all I knew is that it was New Years’ and I was watching my amazing fiancée perform. 5 minutes rolled around and Bruno quickly got off the stage and was by my side. He came and grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes. “Hey.” I just observed him, he was all sweaty and I wanted to lick him. I bit my lip, “Hi.” He took a deep breath and looked out the huge window, “You ready?” I smiled from ear to ear, “So ready.” “Alright but, first.. I wanna tell you something.” I put my arms around his back and pulled him close to me, “Anything Bru.” He breathed out and then in, “This year.. besides working on my figure..” he joked. I nodded and laughed a bit waiting for him to finish. “My New Years’ resolution is to be a better man. No more cheating, no more fights, no more arguments.” I smiled and shook my head, “Aww Bru..” “And I mean that.. I swear.. I swear, I promise, I swear. And last but not least, I wanna marry you this year babe..” he said as he observed my face.

She looked down and shrugged a bit, “I don’t know what to say..” “You don’t have to say anything right now babe..” I said as we both stepped away a bit. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. I anxiously played around with her engagement ring and looked out to the thousands people that stood there waiting as well. I glanced over to Diamond and she was already looking at me. I licked my lips, “You ready for this big ol’ kiss?” I joked. She laughed, “Oh I’m ready.” Everyone in the whole venue started counting down with the faint music and horns blowing in the background. I could hear Phil close behind me. 59, 58, 57.. “This a good year alright.. no more bullshit.. I’m gonna go on tour.. and you’re going to be happy..”  I said sqeezing her hand a little bit tighter. “Okay Bruno..” 44, 43, 42.. “New lifestyle alright.. I swear I’m done..” She laughed, “Bruno I get it..” 32, 31, 30.. “I promise you baby.. I wanna do right..” She kept laughing and just didn’t even respond. 25, 24, 23.. “We’re gonna get married.. and you gonna have my babies.. and..” She cut me off and kept laughing, “Stop it Bru!” 12, 11, 10.. I turned to her quickly and pulled her into my arms and looked in her eyes as we both still counted down. As our numbers got smaller we started to whisper. “I mean every word.” I whispered as it got to two.

Time went in slow motion and I listened as everyone screamed ‘Happy New Year!’ “Happy New Years’ baby..” he whispered as he leaned in for a kiss. I closed my eyes and kissed him back with so much passion that we both didn’t even care who was watching us. As we unlocked he smiled and I did as well. “I love you Bru..” I whispered. He put his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, “I love you so much more.” I didn’t even mind that we was all sweaty or that his fedora hit me in the head a little, I loved it all. The night continued on with us having a blast and Bruno doing a couple more songs for the crowd. After her was done, he started throwing back the drinks. “Fuck it it’s 2011.” he said like he did when each new year passed. I laughed, “Slow it down there..” “Me slow down?” he said as he pointed to himself with another drink in his hand. I laughed, “Yes.. you need too.” He leaned in to my ear, “I’ll only go slow if you want me too..” I bit my lip, he had already been turning me on the entire night and that kind of took it over the top. I looked him up and down, “When are we leaving here?” He raised a eyebrow, “Oh so.. you ready to leave now?” I shrugged, “I mean it’s already a bit after 1 A.M.. and you know.. you already asked..” “Damn.. you’re right I did didn’t I..” I gave him a sexual look, “Why are we still standing here..”

I loved the way she was talking to me right now and it made me want to just run out of here. She honestly didn’t have to tell me twice. “I’ll be right back..” I said giving her my drink. “Alright.” she giving me a sly smile. I quickly found Phil over at the table with Phred and Jam. I put my hands into my pockets, “Ya’ll about ready to go?” They both looked at each other, “Damn Brunz it’s not even 2 yet..” Phil said holding his arms out. “I know.. but, I just got some business to take care of..” They both looked at each other and laughed, “Oh business!” Phred said. “Ha ha funny right.. I’m serious..” Phil frowned, “Na I’m not ready to go.. ya’ll can go..” “Ya’ll gonna be okay?” I said pointing to the both of them. They both looked at each other again and then back to me. Phil put his hand on his chest, “I’m a grown ass man..” I shot him and look and just walked away. I could hear them laughing as I got back to Diamond. I reached out my hand for my drink and she gave it to me. I downed it and I could feel her watching me. “Damn.. it’s like that?” she whispered. I sat my glass on the bar nearby, “Yeah babe.. it’s like that.” I grabbed her hand, “Let’s get outta here..”

Chapter 34