I don’t have to look at the person who yelled my name. I already recognized him by his voice, by the way he calls my name.
There he is coming from the other side of the street towards me. He smiles but also has a kind of scared look not knowing how I will behave.
We haven’t seen each other live for 8 endless long months now. We phoned and skyped but always because of and about Sam. We never talked about IT in a seriously and calmly way. The day he confessed his infidelity to me I only screamed at him, ran out of the house and didn’t stepped in one more time.
One month after l filed for divorce. I never gave him the chance to explain himself.
Again one month later Sam was born. Bruno begged me to join and help me through it and I allowed him. But after it I refused any privately contact again.
Then he went on worldtour and only contact through phone or internet was possible.
I turn around fully taking one step towards him.
„Hi, Bruno“, I say quietly nearly just aspirating.
My heart drops seeing him. He didn’t change at all. He looks handsome as always with his tiny black jeans, white t-shirt and black blazer with grey pinstripes. He doesn’t wear a hat. His hair is perfectly trimmed. Maybe he had a photoshoot last week, because while touring he usually doesn’t care about his hair. Or did he do it for me?
„Hey!“ He says back to me. I can see about the way his face changes into the mind-struggling-look with his wrinkles on his forehead that he is considering about the right words to say. But then just came out with: „You look good!“ and „How are you?... And Sam?“
„I’m fine! Sam also. He’s with Eve. You know, I didn’t wanna bring him here... What about you? How’s touring?“
„I’m fine, too... Man, the tour... it’s almost over. Now there are only a few shows left in Canada. It was really great! We have been to so many places!“ He tells excited with a big smile but then, facing me, he changes in a more serious look. He ruffles through his hair. „5 months of traveling is really exhausting. Especially when you can’t share all the pleasure with someone...“ He looks deep in my eyes and says: „I missed u on tour a lot, you know.“
I look down to the ground. I don’t wanna hear that. I turn to the door.
„I think we should go in there now. He might already waiting for us.“
„Alright. Let’s go.“ He sighs.
„Hello. Mrs. Hernandez. Mr. Hernandez. How are you?“
The lawyer welcomes us and offers us to have a seat. He puts out all the papers he prepared. Documents splitting the property and capital we shared once. When we still have been happy, looking forward to be one happy family, well at least I did.
I remember the day we found out that we gonna have a baby. I was already 3 weeks behind MP but never thought about being pregnant at all. I was on birth control since I was 18 but forgot about that one evening we went to his favorite Sushi restaurant and my stomach was turned over the same night. I was so tired I just forgot about it. I felt secure...
Bruno and I looked at the 3 positive pregnant tests I made. Our mood changed between being shocked, happy, scared, doubtful, worried and excited. We both wanted the baby. We said it was God-intended. But he had a rough tour plan and couldn’t be much at home. To show me and public that he stands to his responsibilities he married me. It wasn’t the big dream wedding, only a little party with our closest family and friends. We planned the big party for our first anniversary when I’m no pregnant anymore and could party right way. I was alright with it. But I still was insecure about him being faithful while touring.
I experienced on my own how the life on the road was. When I joined him I saw how the other crew members behave although they got girls at home, so I really was worried. The whole circumstances, his absence, the many nights spending alone and sleepless, my hormone inbalance, the shopping for baby stuff and decorating the baby’s room without him and all the doctor’s appointments and prenatal classes I had to go to on my own were too much for me. When he called all I did was screaming at him why he didn’t call more times. I accused him not to care about me and the unborn baby at all. I controlled him, thought he was lying to me, cheating on me and so on and so on. And then the day he came home amidst 2 shows I knew that there was something wrong, that something bad happened. And I was right. He said he cheated and felt so bad about it, he just couldn’t hide it from me. And before I read it in any magazine or saw some proof pictures in the internet he rather told me by himself.
I passed out that day not for real but literally and didn’t wake up yet... until now...
I was captured by my thoughts as I heard the lawyer saying: „Well, I already informed you both about how is everything stipulated in your marriage contract. In plain words who is getting what and all that issues. I prepared the documents, ready for you to sign. Does one of you have any more question?
„Uh... I don’t have a question, but I wanna say something. Can I?“ I ask.
„Yes, of course.“ The lawyer replies.
Bruno looks up. I feel his eyes laying on me surprised and expectantly.
„I know it’s a little bit too late because all the papers are already prepared, but... the last days I had a lot going through my mind, I pondered much... and I know that according to the contract and Bruno’s will half of the estate is due to me, but... I considered that... I don’t wanna have it.“
I look at Bruno. Trying to talk calm and to hold back my emotion.
„All the money... it belongs to you. You earned it, you worked hard for it. I don’t have any right to get the half of it. That’s too much. I only need a little amount until I found a job. And then I only want you to pay the monthly upkeep for Sam. And that you take care of him regularly. That’s all.“
I swallow like I wanna keep down my heart, my emotions not to come up.
I look back to the lawyer. „Can you change everything please? And contact me if it’s ready to sign.“
With that said, I stand up quickly heading to the door. I need to get out of here fast, before I start crying.
I don’t see Bruno’s face, but I know how he would look like fully suprised, maybe with a frozen gaze at me, not believing what I just said.
„Sabrina! What...“, he shout out, getting out of his armchair quickly after me.
„Wait“, he grabs my arm strongly, so that I have to stop if I don’t wanna be pulled back hard by him.
„Can we please talk about that?! I’m not getting it. Why you wanna have it now like this? You know that I won’t agree with that... Please TALK to me! Stop saying NOTHING. Please break your silence! I can’t stand it any longer! I wanna say so much to you. I’m so sorry. Everyday I regret what I did to you. I know I destroyed like everything and I would do anything to change it, if I just could turn back time... I’m so ready to make it up to you. Finally be a real, responsible husband and father I supposed to be much more earlier. Be the man you deserve. Please! Sabrina, forgive me! I love you so much! I can’t take any more day without you! Please!“, he sputters out.
The words hit me like one punch after another.
I know every single word he says comes truly from the bottom of his heart. But that doesn’t help at all. That wouldn’t undo my sins. It even make them more diabolic.
„No, no, no. I don’t deserve a caring man. But I DO deserve the feeling of a devoted pregnant woman whose husband betrays her.“ I shout out and break down crying out loud.
„What the hell are you talking about? Why do you should deserve that?“ Bruno knees down in front of me, his right hand grabs my hanging head and pulls it up. With his left hand he wipes my tears away. His hands are so soft and his touch is full of love and care.
„I deserve it because...“ I calm down and whisper „...because I made another woman, a caring wife, feel like that... fucked her man behind her back... not adhering to my sins...no... I even consoled her knowing that I’m the cause of all her suffering... I was acting like the devil! That’s why God punished me by feeling the same way, the same pain she went through because of me... and I gotta say it feels like hell. But... I deserved it so I gotta deal with it, I guess.“
I cry out again, because of regret but also relief that I finally told him the truth. The hideous secret of my past, I carried for such a long time within me.
Bruno puts his arm around me and holds me very tight. "Ssshhh... it's all good... just stop crying alright?!" Is all he says. I bury my face in his chest sheding some more tears. We hold tight to each other feeling each other's heart beat, forgetting everything around us.
We remain like this for a while until the lawyer caughs slightly. He jolts us out of our little own world we went to for a short time. We part from our tight embracing and stand up, but keep looking at each other eyes deeply. Bruno takes my hands and kisses them. "Everything's gonna be alright, okay?! Let's just talk please... finally!" He says and I just nod in agreement wiping my tears away.
Then he turns to the lawyer and says: “Well I think things have changed now. We will contact you soon about our further actions, okay?!“
„Yes, of course. Don’t worry about it. Just take your time. I wish you all the best.“
„Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez.“
Weird to hear someone talking about us as a couple again, as husband and wife. The last time it was spoken out so officially was at our wedding day.
Does this really happen? Did God delivered me from my sins, now so easily?
Bruno and I walk out of the office arm in arm. The sun hits us straight into our faces and I feel like our life together begins new right at that moment and it will be much more better than before. I always enjoyed feeling the warm sun on my skin. It cheers me up and I smile a little bit. Looking at Bruno I see he just does the same, holding his face against the sun with closed eyes and breathing deeply. Oh how I love this man and how I missed him.
„And what’s next?“ I ask.
„Let’s go to the park. Sitting in the sun and... I think we have a lot to talk about. Okay?“ Bruno suggests.
He takes my hand and we start walking slowly in the direction of the park...