I looked over to Bruno and gave him a sly look as Dwayne opened the cards up and looked threw them. He raised a eyebrow and bit his lip giving me his ‘it’s on’ look. He took out the two jokers and started passing the cards out. The only game that we all played was Tonk, so I was already knew my plan. I loved playing cards with Bruno because he was so cute when he was upset, most of the time he always lost. But, at the same time he was competitive and we would always count it into our points that we kept on each other. I picked up my cards and shuffled them around in my hand, waiting for Phil to put down. As he laid down his first card, Dwayne quickly put down his and then Bruno threw down his before I could, making me hit his hand. I looked over to him and he stuck his tongue out at me behind his cards, such a kid I thought to myself. After a couple of rounds Phil was winning everything, and he reminded us every time he threw down. “I told ya’ll not to play cards with me… You’ll lose every time.” “Yeah well tonight, after the show, we playing for money so bring ya’ wallet.” Bruno said out the side of his mouth. I covered my laugh up with my cards, this was so much fun.
“Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.” I chanted with the crowd. He jogged out onto the stage and their chants turned into screams. I smiled to myself as he grabbed his guitar and started playing The Other Side. Each time he did a show and I watched I got even more proud of him. You really couldn’t understand how much being up on a stage and performing in front of thosands of people mean’t to him. Not to mention the things he’d sacrficed just to be here. Things we’re getting more and more amazing with each city.
Later that night instead of playing with them, I set aside and watched. They really did end up playing for money and I had never heard Bruno cuss that many times in my life. I laughed as I sat back on the couch and looked up to the TV. We we’re in route to Chicago and they had a show tonight as well. They had only 3 more shows before we had a small break for about 2 weeks. I still had no idea what city we would be in, but I knew wherever we would be with the guys, I would have a good time. We pulled up in Chicago at around 3 P.M. Just enough time for us to go a little sightseeing before soundcheck. I grabbed my bag as we all poured out the bus. Bruno put his arm around my waist and went down to my ear, “What you wanna do today?” I zipped up my jacket a bit, “I don’t know.. what about you?” He shrugged, “I wanted to take you on a date honestly..” I smiled and shook my head, “You really don’t have time.. and it’s fine.. being with you on tour is enough.” He hugged me closer, “Baby… thank you so much for not being selfish..” “And thank you so much for bringing me on tour with you. This is all really amazing.” He kissed me on the cheek, “You’re the best.”
November 30th, 2010
We are about 3 hours away from pulling up in Boston. Out of all the cities we’ve been to so far, I loved Chicago the most. We went up on the skydeck,
and I nearly puked all over myself. We visited places like Millennium Park, The Navy Pier, and The Field Museum. I took so many pictures in that one day and I can’t wait to get every single one of them developed. I just love how Bruno loves to mess up our pictures together by sticking out his tongue , or licking my face. Of course we got all dressed up that night after the show and went to the casino before we headed of to Cleveland Heights. I had only been to a casino with Bruno one only time before this, and this time was way better. We both got pretty drunk and wanted each other so bad, but of course we couldn’t do anything because of the guys.
I was pretty excited that this was the last show for awhile. I had asked Bruno which city we would be staying in for Christmas, and he told me that he had no idea.
What the fuck do you mean? Whatever it was, I knew he was keeping it a secret and I guess I would just have to find out. He couldn’t keep it that long. I was still trying to figure out what I would get him for Christmas. Maybe some condoms. All I know is, I had some time to think about it.
I put my arm around Diamond as we walked out of The Avila, a fancy restaurant that I would have to make another trip to next time I came to Boston. I kissed her on the side of her forehead, “Eat good babe?” She put her arm around my back as we walked up to the truck, “Yes sirrr.” I helped her step up into the truck and jumped in next to her. I was pretty upset that I had to mess up this great night we we’re having together, but I had to get threw this last show. I had heard that Boston always had great crowds. We all pulled up next to the tour bus and I grabbed Diamond’s hand as we stepped up into it. I played with her engagement ring a little before we released hands.
I honestly couldn’t wait for the day where she would get my last name. I already had some of my vows already written. The day honestly couldn’t come fast enough, she was everything I would ever need. I went to our bunk and started getting my things together for the show tonight. We we’re set to start soundcheck in around 45 minutes. I called out for Diamond and she came to me smiling, “Yessss Bruuu?” “Fedora or no fedora?” I said putting it on and off my head. She giggled, “You should wear your fedora tonight.” “You sure? I don’t want anyone to try and take me away from you..” I said smriking. She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me close to her face, “No one will ever be able to take you away from me..” I looked into her eyes, “And why is that?” She unexpectedly started kissing me as she rubbed my face gently. I smiled as we unlocked. “That’s why.” she whispered.
“I’m gonna throw up….” I heard Jam say. I quickly looked up to his bunk, I had no idea he was up there. “Shutup.” I said laughing. I looked back to Diamond and she blushed a little. I did the same thing that we did to all of them, I bent down to her ear and whispered, “I’m gonna fuck you so good when I get the chance.” As I moved back she looked at me in mock horror and turned and walked away. Jam pointed to me and laughed as he pulled back his cover on his bunk. I couldn’t do anything but shake my head at myself.
My phone started to vibrate in my pocket and I quickly pulled it out, Ryan. I looked both ways as I answered it. I thought he was on the bus. “Yo yo.” “Aye Brunz.. come out back really quick…” I frowned, “Why?” “Just do it.. I need you for something..” I knew what he sounded like when he was up to something, and this was it. “Tell me first.. and then I’ll come.” “Promise.” I really didn’t want to promise him on it, but he was my best friend. “Promise.” “Talk to these girls with me.. I’m trying to get hooked up with one.” “What?! Are you crazy?” I said lowering my voice. “Come on man damn…” I shook my head to myself, he was really trying to get me into some deep shit…
“Out back.. really quick… You’ll be fine!” “Fuck.. here I come man..” I finally said. I hung up and pushed my phone back into my jeans. I went to the lounge and passed by the rest of the guys. “Going to take a smoke.” I said pushing the side door of the bus open. Right as I closed the door Ryan grabbed my arm and moved me over to the side. He shushed me quickly. “Ryan what the fuck man… I swear you always trying to get me into some shit..” He lightly pushed me, “Why you so stuck up all of a sudden?” I frowned, “What do you mean stuck up? I got a fiancee’ now man..” He shook his head. “I told you I’m done with that life..” I turned to grab the door handle to go back in and I heard a girl’s voice, “Hey Ryan.. Bruno.” I slowly turned around and smiled.
I walked into the lounge and looked around to all the guys, “Where’s Bruno?” “Taking a smoke.” Kenji answered smiling. I returned the smile, “Thanks.” I turned and went back to the front of the bus. I really didn’t want Bruno to smoke, but it was one of those things I had to deal with. I remembered how hard it was for me to stop, and I could see why he hadn’t yet. He did have more important things to focus on right now… I guess.
“I love your song Grenade.” she said getting a little closer to me. “And you’re name is?” I said holding out my hand for her to shake it before she got any closer. “Amanda.” she said. I quickly looked over to Ryan and he just smiled. I couldn’t believe he was making me go threw this. “So, where’s your friend?” he asked her. I looked back to her and she pointed behind her, “I don’t know.. somewhere.. but she’s coming… I think.” I knew then that she was drunk.
I sat out the table and pulled out my notebook to write again, but decided I would wait until tomorrow. I was kind of looking forward to tonight’s show for a number of reasons. One being that it would be the last show for a little while, and that Bruno kept telling me how good Boston’s crowds are. And I knew that since this was the last show, Bruno was going to give them a good one.
She started to stumble over a bit and I instinctively helped her back up to her feet. She giggled, “Oops.. thanks so much.” I shot Ryan a look, I knew he was just trying to get some. I watched as another girl walked up from the distance, I was guessing it was her friend. “Marie right?” he said pointing to her as she got close. “You know it baby..” she said as she hugged him. I really didn’t like when Ryan used my fame to help him pick up girls. “Marie… look it’s Bruno Mars!” she said hugging me making me really uncomfortable.
After 10 minutes I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. Bruno had to be at soundcheck in a little over 20 minutes, and I knew if I didn’t go and get him then I would hear Dre’s mouth about being late all night. As soon as I got up, I had to use the bathroom. I blamed it on all the water I had been drinking.
I held Amanda up as much as possible because I would hate for her to fall. “So… where are you ladies off too?” Ryan asked looking back and forth to the both of them. “Well.. we’re going to this party later tonight.. maybe you guys wanted to go?” Marie said looking to Ryan and then to me. “Well it’s all up to Bruno..” Ryan said looking at me. Is he fucking kidding me right now…
I dried my hands on the mini towel as I walked out of the bathroom. I walked past the bunks touching them as I got to the lounge. “Bruno’s back here?” I asked Phred who was closet to the side door. He nodded but, never took his eyes off the TV.
“Uhh.. I.. don’t..” I started to stutter. Amanda tripped over herself again and I helped her back up again but, this time we got way closer then we needed to be. She held me tighter and looked up in my eyes. I also hugged her a bit tighter, just trying to keep her from falling. “Bruno….?” I heard Diamond say. I quickly turned around and let Amanda go. She stepped down out of the bus, “What are you doing?” I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I quickly looked to Ryan and then back to her. Both of the girls we’re silent. “Baby.. I swear it’s not what it looks like..” She shook her head and opened the door back up. I shook my head at Ryan and ran after her. “Diamond please…!”
Before he could grab me, I stormed back into the lounge. “Will you fucking listen!” he said walking behind me. I stopped and turned to him, “Bruno… I’m tired of listening.. you never fucking stop!” I yelled at him. The room got silent and all the guys just watched us. I continued storming out of the room past the bunks until I got back to the front. I slammed myself into the couch and just put my hands in my head. It’s not what you thought, I kept saying in my head.
I took a deep breath and looked around to all the guys. “What did you do…” Phil whispered. I shook my head and kept walking until I got to her sitting on the couch. “Diamond… can you listen to me… please.” She looked up at me, “I don’t get you Bruno..” I shook my head, “Please I swear it’s not like that.. Ryan was just trying to get hooked up with one of them..” I said honestly. “You told me you weren’t going to be apart of anything Ryan ever did anymore because it always got you in trouble..” I grabbed my head, “I know, I said that.. but.. this..” “This is different, oh I know.” she said cutting me off. “Why can’t you trust me..?” She looked up at me in the eyes, “Bruno… I’m sorry.. but I stopped trusting you a long time ago..”
I felt my heat break a little, “Babe… trust is everything..” “Right! But, you can never get it right..” I started walking towards her, “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re the only one I want..?” She looked away and shook her head, “You’ve told me that over 50 times Bruno.” “That means I’m telling the fucking truth.” I said pointing to myself. She just kept shaking her head. “She was drunk.. and I was helping her..” She laughed, “That wasn’t helping… you had your hands all over her.” Why did she have to come out at that moment? “It wasn’t supposed to happen like that..” “That’s you’re excuse?” she said looking back up to me. “It’s not an excuse.. it’s the truth..” “I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t go out there… I just wonder.” “Nothing would have happened! Because I’m smarter than that now!” I said motioning my hands around. I still couldn’t get over that she still didn’t have not one bit of trust in me. But, I had did all of it to myself.
“I hate you..” she said under her breath. I heard her perefectly, but I was praying that she really didn’t say that. “What…?” “I said I hate you Bruno!” she yelled at me. “What the fuck, I hate you too!” I said just saying the first thing that came to my mind. I got so mad, so quick I didn’t mean not one bit of it and I knew it was the same with her. “You’re a liar and a cheater… you keep telling me you’re going to change.. and you don’t! I’ve changed for you!” “And you don’t think I’ve changed for you either? I’m human too!” I said getting in her face and pointing to myself. She turned her head and I knew she was holding back tears, “Just go away please…” “No..” I said bluntly. She scooted away, “Just go away!” she yelled. I leaned out and started to walk away, “I fucking quit man.. you don’t ever give me a chance!” “You’ve had way too many!” she yelled as I walked into towards the back lounge. Everyone looked at me like I had gone mad. “Dre.. can we please leave right now..” I said looking directly at him. He stood up and frowned, “You alright?…” “I’m perfectly fine..” I lied. I was a little mad at myself, and a little mad at her. This all wouldn’t have happened if I had of just told Ryan no. She was right, I could never get anything right.. no matter how hard I tried….
November 31st, 2010
I don’t even know where to begin…….
Last night was horrible. I feel like I may have overreacted a little bit, but at the same time not at all. I told Bruno that I hated him.. and that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told in my entire life. I was angry, and things weren’t coming out right.. that’s how it always goes right? The worst part about it all, is that we didn’t talk about it to clear up our words. He just fucking left. Dre asked me if I was going, and I told him no. I should have. There was one thing that I truly did mean.. and this is the trust part. I honestly did stop trusting him a long time ago, matter of fact right after the day I seen Karmen coming out of my front door. That was the day, I stopped.
I could have fucking killed her. Like Bruno said ‘trust is everything’ <—— (IT REALLY REALLY IS) But, as many chances as I’ve given Bruno I see why I’m skeptical when he’s around other girls. I’m pretty sure he could have told Ryan no about the whole situation, that’s where he messed up at.
He had PROMISED me that he wouldn’t follow up on Ryan’s games after he told me how he got him into so many situations where he could have easily cheated. Just to think that he could cheat on me again breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. I really can’t trust him, if I was any other girl in this world, I would have gave up on him back in college. But, NO…. I HAD TO BE IN LOVE. And I am in love.. with one of the most amazing persons in the world. I’m mad, but at the same time, I’m not.
Last night I slept on the couch out in front of the bus, me and Bruno didn’t say not one word to each other, and it was making everything really.. just not fun on the bus anymore. I wondered how he performed last night with all of this on his mind.. I haven’t slept all night, and I felt this if I wrote this.. I might be able to get some sleep.. Let’s see if it works.
I just don’t want to be heartbroken anymore. I want some happy tears for once…
I tossed and turned for the last time. I sighed as I laid on my back and put my hands behind my head. My little bunk felt really empty and everything from last had been on my mind heavy. It was almost hard to focus during the show. I’m glad the guys understood what I was going threw and didn’t constantly ask me what was wrong, that would have only made it worst. I slid out of my bunk and ran my fingers threw my hair as I walked into the bathroom. I used it and brushed my teeth, I wasn’t going to fight going back to sleep anymore. As I walked out I saw Diamond lay back down on the couch and close her eyes. I looked back down to the bunks and then back at her, I debated on wether or not I should try and talk to her.
I knew Bruno was standing there, and I was deciding on if talking right now would be smart. It really wouldn’t if it lead to a argument and woke the entire bus up. “Bruno.” “Diamond.” We both said each other’s names at the same time. “Are you ready to talk?” I said my eyes still closed. “That’s what I wanna do talk.. I don’t want to argue anymore.” My open my eyes and looked up to him, he was so cute with his morning hair everywhere. I sat up and patted the couch next to me, signalling for him to sit down. He did, and intertwined his fingers together, “So… I wanna first say I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean anything I said…” he whispered. I looked over to him, “Same here..” He took a deep breath and I knew he was thinking hard about something. “Do you really.. not trust me..?” he said his voice breaking up. I shook my head and he did too. “Baby I am so sorry for everything..” he said softly. I looked down to our hands together as one. I loved how when he grabbed my hand he always played around with my ring.
“Look.. I understand why you wouldn’t trust me.. but, I need also need you to understand that I will NEVER cheat on you again alright? Ever.. I’m not doing it anymore.” I said honestly. And I did mean every word that I said. She slowly looked back up to my eyes. I nodded, “Really baby…” “Bruno but..” I put my hand up to her lips and shook my head, “Shhh… there is no but, please… I love you, and I wanna marry you… I want to be with YOU forever babe..” She quickly put her head on her face, and I knew she wanted to cry. I took her in my arms, “You can cry… go ahead.. I’ll let you do it this time.” I whispered into her ear. I ran my fingers threw her hair as she cried a bit. I kissed her ear, “I love you.” “I love you too Bru..” she cried. I smiled a bit and held her tighter.
My emotions we’re everywhere, one minute I was mad at the world, and the next crying on his shoulder. I felt every word that he had just said to me a couple minutes ago. I was going to take his word, I really hoped that he wouldn’t do it anymore. I wiped my face with my PJ slevee and sniffed. As we unlocked he grabbed my face and smiled at me, “You okay now?” He used his hands and made my head nod, making me laugh. He wiped the rest of my tears with his thumbs, “I don’t want you crying anymore.. you’re too beautiful for that.” I looked away and just smiled again, every-time he would say things like this to me, I would feel them in my heart. “Yous my baby..” he said leaning in to kiss me. I laughed a bit before I kissed him, what was I going to do with this boy.
I was so glad we had made up, it lifted so much pain of off my shoulders. In all honesty, I think that we needed to have this argument because she would have no trust me in at all and I would have never knew that. Maybe now she had at least a little bit. ‘Gaining Diamond’s trust back’ was now going on my mental to-do list. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore because I knew how it felt. “So Bruno.. what are we doing like today..?” she said looking around the room. “I have no idea babe…” “So.. you don’t know where we are going to be for Christmas.. still?” I smirked, I was thinking if I should tell her now or not. It would surely lighten her mood, I hope. “Why are you smiling I’m serious..” she said. “Remember I told you that… I had a surprise?”
I nodded, “Yes.” “Well the surprise where we’re going.. for Christmas.” My mind started racing through all the places that we could be. “Oh my god.” I said squirming in my seat. “Well it’s finally time for you to meet my mom face to face.” he said smiling. My heartbeat sped up like no other, I put my hand over my mouth. “Are you serious right now?” He nodded and laughed, “Yes.” “Oh my fucking god yes! YES!” I said jumping up and yelling. I didn’t even care about waking up the guys at this point. I listened as they started to groan. “Are they having sex while we’re here…” I heard one of them yell. I looked back down to Bruno and he just smiled from ear to ear. I grabbed his hands and pulled him up. “Baby… this is some of the best news ever.” I said hugging him. “I’m glad you’re happy..”
I rocked her back and forth a bit, I was so happy when she was happy. I loved the fact that she would be able to bond with my family over the holidays this year. I had spent the last past 3 holiday seasons with her and her parents, and I would truly miss them also. But, this was a huge step in our relationship. This was the last thing I wanted to do before I said ‘I do’. “When do we leave?” “On the 10th babe.” “The 10th?! That’s only 10 days!” “I know..” I said laughing. She back up away from me a little, “Oh my god.” I frowned and threw my hands up, “What?” “Bruno… I’m meeting you’re family.” “You’ll be fine…” She grabbed her head, “But… you’re sisters and you’re uncles.. and you’re dad too?” she said pointing to me. I nodded, “Yes my pops too.” She dragged her hands on her face. Here comes the worrying that I knew she was going to do…….
I hadn’t quite thought out the day I would meet his mother face to face, I just knew I wanted to meet her. “As long as you’re with me, you’ll be fine.” he said trying to reassure me. No matter how many times he told me I’ll be fine, I would still be nervous. His family was way bigger than mine and I just might not be what they we’re looking for in a daughter-in-law. I guess these questions always arose in one’s head when they met their significant others’ family. I knew his mother pretty well and I knew Eric, and I talked to Presley a handful of times on the phone. I was just hoping everyone else was just as sweet as them.
I looked at my watch once again. I took a deep breath, “Diamond come on I’m sure you look fine..” “Please. Don’t. Rush. Me.” she said from the bathroom. I rolled my eyes and got up and started pacing just trying to kill them. I was so anxious to get on this plane so I could be home already. After a couple of more minutes that felt like hours, she still hadn’t came out. I grabbed my jacket, “I’m going to take a smoke.” I said putting it on as I pushed the door open. I leaned up against the bus and pulled out my cigarettes. I kicked around random rocks as I smoked. I knew Diamond was just trying to make a good first impression. But, I would have to explain to her that my family wasn’t all about that. They knew that if I loved a girl, then I loved her and my reasons for loving her we’re enough. I had stayed up late sometimes talking to my mom and sisters telling them about her. She didn’t know that but, I wanted them to feel comfortable around her when she finally did meet her. And now, the time had came.
“Alright I’m ready.” she said opening the door. I offered my hand and helped her step down. “You look amazing.” I said looking her up and down. She smiled, “Thanks.. I tried.” “But you know.. you didn’t too.. because you was amazing just the way.” “I know Bruno… just the way you are!” “Actually, just the way you is!” I said talking out the side of my mouth. She started laughing like she always did when I talked like that. I put my arm around her, “Let’s get out of here babe.”
I leaned over to Bruno, “I’m telling you right now.. There is nothing like last time going down on this flight.” I whispered. “It sure won’t be while I’m sitting right here..” Eric said from in front of us. I quickly looked to his seat and then back to Bruno. He just shrugged, I thought I had whispered pretty well. Bruno grabbed my head awkwardly, covering my eyes and grabbing the back of my neck. I laughed as he pulled my head towards him. “Like I said before.. if this is where I get you.. then this is where it’s gonna happen..” he whispered sexually making my stomach tingle a bit. I laugh it off, “Yeah.. okay.” The pilot started making his announcements as he let my head go.
I was way more nervous about this flight compared to the others I had been on with him. I had a pretty good reason though. Not only would I be visiting one of the most beautiful places on Earth, but I would be meeting people that I would be around for the rest of my life. Bruno squeezed my hand and I looked over to him and he flashed his striking smile that still made me melt to this day. I returned it as he started to play with my ring again. Here goes another flight full of deep conversations with him. I wondered what new things I would find out about him.
“Babe what do you want for Christmas?” I asked randomly as I skimmed threw a magazine.” “I don’t know Bru.. surprise me?” I shook my head, “No.. I want it to be something you want..” “Well I pretty much have everything I want..” she said looking back out the window. “Am I in that ‘everything’?” I asked already knowing the answer. She laughed, “Yes PETER you are in there.” I dropped my smile, she knew I didn’t like that name. She got so tickled at my face. “You won’t be laughing later on when we get home..” “And why not?” “I don’t even have to tell you.. you know it’s going down babe.. it’s been WEEKS.” Her face went blank and I got my laughs in.
4 hours into the flight me and Diamond had talked about everything under the sun. I loved the fact that I could talk and be myself with her whenever. She supported me, and understood my opinion on different things that we just might not have agreed on. We weren’t perfect for each other, and that’s why we we’re still together. If we had no problems and everything was right, we wouldn’t be able to be real or learn how to love each other. “Aye Brunz… come here really fast..” Phil said from a couple of seats forward. I looked over to Diamond, “Be right back babe..” She smiled, “Alright.” I slowly unlocked my seat belt and smoothly walked up to Phil’s seat with him.
I quickly went into my carry on bag and pulled out my notebook.
December 10th, 2010
I can’t believe I am on my way to Hawaii right now. I am so nervous that I could
throw up rip all the cotton out my pillow. I kind of figured that we would be staying at his house the time we we’re there while the guys stayed at the hotel. I knew it would still be fun to go out with them those nights before their last shows. They had to get back to their families for the holidays too. I knew this would be a month I would remember for the rest of my life.
During me and Bruno’s 4 hour conversation, he taught me some ‘Hawaii things’. I asked him if he would take me surfing and he instantly started laughing. I gave him a death stare until he stopped, and promised me he would take me. I couldn’t wait to see the night life, and see how Bruno acted around all of his family when I was around. And I def wanted to hear about those embarrassing stories that Presley had secretly told me about.
Hahahaha the freezer.
2011 was right around the corner and I knew Bruno had some big things in store for him. He was finally getting everything he deserved and more. To know that I’m apart of something as amazing as him made me constantly smile. I really did hope thing stayed going good for the both of us. It was about time to plan a wedding already, I would have to talk to him about it.
And force him to do it tomorrow. <—- Haha
I looked out to the beautiful blue ocean over the horizon as the sun began to come up. The time differences we’re so different, and it was early morning now in Hawaii. As we got closer to touching down I could spot buildings and houses. It was one of the most amazing sights I had ever seen in my entire life. I still couldn’t believe I was about to land here. I quickly turned to Bruno and pulled his headphone out, “Babeeeeeeee! We’re hereeeeee!” I whispered. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled, “Awesome.”………