“Alright let’s go—“ Ryan said as he walked into my house, stopping midsentence as he saw me sitting in a chair. “You’re not even ready,” He flatly stated, staring at me.
I ignored him, not giving him an answer in reply. I wasn’t in the mood to go out anyways tonight.
Ryan walked around my messy living room, picking up a few blankets and tossing them on the sofa. Grabbing a button up t-shirt from the ground, he glanced back at me. “Come on,” He said, throwing the shirt in my lap. “Get up, you’re coming with us.”
I ran a hand through my messy hair before resting my head in it, shaking my head. “I’m not really in the mood to go out,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders.
Ryan let out an annoyed sigh, opening his mouth a few times before finally speaking. “You need to stop this,” He stated flatly, shaking his head.
“Stop what?” I asked defensively, not realizing I was doing anything.
“This!” He slightly yelled out, throwing his hands up as he motioned around me. “You’ve kept yourself shut up in here for the past week, doing nothing. You’re supposed to have a bunch of shit done in a week, and you can’t even leave your house. The least you can do is stop withering in your sorrow and have fun tonight,” He said as he shook his head. “As your friend, I am making you get out,” He said after a moment of silence, his tone much lighter.
“Ryan, I don’t want—“
“I don’t care,” He said, turning away from me, walking down the hall. “Say whatever the hell you want, but you’re not getting out of this one,” He slightly yelled as he became out of my sight.
I leaned forwards from the chair, leaning my head into my hands as I rubbed my face. Maybe I needed to do something. It wouldn’t hurt to get out. And like Phil said, move on.
“Go get ready,” he said as he walked back into the room, throwing a set of clean clothes and a towel at me. I heaved a heavy sigh before standing up, deciding I’d end up going anyways.
An hour and a half later I stood next to a bar alongside Ryan, ordering up another round of drinks. I took the short glass from the bar, tipping it back into my mouth as I nearly downed the entire drink in one swallow.
I just need to forget, I thought as I finished it off, setting the glass back down. I gripped tightly on the side of a stool as I struggled to hold myself up, fighting against the alcohol. I took a deep breath as I stood up once more, turning back to face the bartender.
“Bruno I think you should—“
“I’m fine,” I said, ignoring Ryan’s concerned tone. I knew he thought I wouldn’t be able to handle myself. But I really was fine. And the longer the night went on, the better I felt.
I grabbed the two bottles from the bar, turning back to head over to the table where the rest of the guys were. I flopped down into the booth, flipping the cap from the glass bottle and taking a large drink from it.
I saw Eric giving me a concerned look as he and Phred exchanged glances. I ignored both of them, glancing down at the table and scratching at a chip in it with the bottle cap I held in my hands. “Are you doing alright?” Eric asked after a few minutes of silence, giving me a sideways glance.
”Yes”, I said in an irritated voice, tired of answering the same question. I didn’t understand how everyone was so worried about me when I constantly insisted I was fine.
Eric nodded his head before shaking it, looking slightly taken aback from my response. After a couple of minutes everyone was back to their regular conversation and laughter, no longer concerned of me.
“I’m sick of this,” I slurred after realizing how bored I was just sitting there. I barely managed to stand myself up straight, struggling out of the booth.
“Then let’s do something,” Ryan said, standing up as Eric and Phred followed, leaving the rest of the guys at the large booth.
I staggered behind Phred as we walked near the dance floor until he stopped, turning towards Ryan. “Look who’s here,” he quietly said to him, nodding his head off in one direction. They gave each other nervous glances, making eye contact, but not saying anything.
I followed my eyes in the direction Ryan had pointed out, scanning across the many faces until my eyes dropped on a familiar one. Ally was here.
She turned her head slightly, making brief eye contact with me for a moment before breaking apart.
“Maybe that’s not a good idea—“ Phred began as I started to walk over to her.
I shook my head, moving his hand out of my way. “No, it’s fine,” I said as I moved his hand away from me when I saw her walking over in our direction.
“Hey guys!” She said with a smile when she made it past a large group of people. “What are you all up to?”
They made small talk as I stood awkwardly beside them, not exactly listening to any of their conversations. I had a strange, numb feeling that had nothing to do with the amount of alcohol in my system. It was weird, and I didn’t understand it. Before long, my thoughts were quickly filling back up with thoughts of Abigail again.
“Are you here with Abby?” I asked, breaking the conversation between everyone. They all grew silent, the guys giving me anxious looks at my question.
“Actually,” Ally replied, looking down at her drink as she slowly stirred it with a black straw. “I am. But I think she left with—“ She quickly cut herself off, her body suddenly stopping. She bit her lip, shaking her head as she clearly forgot she was talking to me.
“With who?” I asked, taking a step forwards so I wasn’t behind Phred’s shoulders.
Ally shook her head, obviously not wanting to answer. “No, tell me,” I said leaning in closer, my pulse slightly quickening.
“He’s just a co-worker,” Ally replied with the shake of her head.
I stiffly nodded my head, a small anger building up. “Bruno, it’s fine,” Ryan said as Ally excused herself from us, going back in the direction she came in.
I shook my head, not wanting to listen to him. “No,” I said as I continuously shook my head. “It’s not.” I brought a hand up to my suddenly throbbing head, turning in a small circle. Why would she do that? Why would she go off with another guy?
“She went with another guy…” I stated, wrinkling my forehead in deep thought.
“Bruno,” It was Eric’s calm voice this time. He put his hand on my shoulder as he tried to relax me. His touch only tensed me up further, causing me to shrug him off.
“I can’t believe it,” I thought out loud, shaking my head still. I suddenly felt a surge of angry swarm through my body, causing me to stop pacing. This asshole. “Where is he?” I asked, looking up at no one in particular.
“Hey, calm down,” Ryan said, giving me a concerned look. “Don’t worry about it.”
I shook my head with a scowl on my face. “I bet they went to Abby’s. Her place is only a few blocks from here,” I stated, beginning to walk forwards to the door.
Ryan grabbed my shoulder as I tried to walk past him, slightly shoving me back. “Don’t,” he said as he shook his head. “Bruno, you’re drunk. You don’t want to be doing this.”
I shrugged him off, still shaking my head. “No,” I stated angrily. “You don’t get it,” I said, my jaw slightly clenched. “She fucking left with another guy.”
“Yeah, well that’s not your problem to worry about anymore,” Ryan said in an equally annoyed tone, looking me in the eyes as he refused to let me get past him.
I stared at Ryan with a sudden urge to punch him. How could he say that? I thought, a partial amount of my anger now directed towards him. “Let me go,” I flatly stated, trying to step around him.
“Bruno,” Eric spoke out, causing me to turn to the side. I saw him simply shaking his head at me, as if I were a child. Ignoring him as well, I pushed my way around Ryan, quickly speeding through the people around me.
I felt Ryan’s tight grip around my wrist, trying to pull me back. I swung my arm forcefully, pulling away from him, quickening my pace.
“Bruno!” He shouted out in a loud, slightly pissed off voice.
I didn’t turn back around at his statement, my mind already made up at where I was going. This guy has the nerve..
“I really like these ones,” Jameson said as he flipped through one of my notebooks, pointing to a few things. I leaned over the counter to take a glance at which ones he was referring too, nodding my head in agreement.
“You know, how come we’ve never done anything together?” He asked with a small smile, looking up at me.
I shrugged my shoulders, resting my elbows up on my counter. “I suppose the opportunity never presented itself,” I said as I glanced up at him.
He leaned his arm on the table, reaching the same level of eye contact with me. “Well now here’s an opportunity,” he stated as he raised an eyebrow.
I shrugged my shoulders slightly. I know I’d love to have a few opportunities with you, I thought, trying to shake my head from the thoughts at the same time. My god, I think I’ve had a bit too much to drink tonight.
“So this Bruno guy, are you two still together?” he asked after a moment of silence.
I shook my head. “No,” I said softly, playing with a ring on my right hand.
“Are you doing alright?” He asked in a calm tone, still looking at me.
“What?” I asked, glancing back up at him confused.
“Ally told me what happened,” He said with a small shrug.
Of course she did, I thought, silently angry with her. “I’m fine,” I said, nodding my head at him. I mean, I only loved him, but that’s no big deal.
“Don’t worry about him,” Jameson said after another moment, as if reading my thoughts. He took a cautious step closer to me, looking down at my eyes. Woah, he’s so much taller than Bruno, I thought as I looked up at him. “You deserve better,” he said with a smile and a wink.
Ah fuck it, I thought as I stared into his deep blue eyes. He’s far too hot to resist.Whether it was the alcohol doing all of my actions, I didn’t know, but I felt myself leaning in towards him until our lips met.
It didn’t last long until a loud bang quickly brought my attention away from him. I opened my eyes, jumping back from Jameson as I turned around towards where the noise came from. I saw my apartment door swung wide open, a very furious looking Bruno standing in the doorway.
Why in the hell is he here?! I thought, my mind trying to comprehend what was going on. Bruno staggered in the doorway, a scowl on his face as he glared at me.He’s so drunk, I thought, recognizing the look in his face. I heard more footsteps behind him until a panicked looking Eric appeared in the doorway with Phred and Ryan close behind. Oh shit.
“Who the hell is this?!” Bruno shouted as he neared us, throwing his arms up. Oh my god he’s really drunk, I thought, taking a step back as he neared closer to me.
“Oh so here’s the asshole…” Jameson said with a nod towards Bruno, suddenly making me uncomfortable.
Bruno suddenly launched towards Jameson before Eric grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him back. Numerous cuss words and angry shouts towards him streamed from his mouth, and I stared at him in disbelief. Jameson stepped towards Bruno, shouting back at him, but not making a move to touch Bruno. He was nearly a foot taller than him, his body towering over Bruno’s.
Everything slightly blurred around me as I struggled to stay standing. What the fuck is going on? I thought as I shook my head, beginning to feel scared from the two in my home.
Bruno’s not like this, I thought as I felt tears threatening in the back of my eyes.He’s never like this. Something’s not right. “I can’t believe she actually dated an asshole like you. I see why she broke up with you,” Jameson said with a laugh towards Bruno as he reacted at his statement.
No, no, no, I thought, shaking my head. I Want this to stop. I’m freaking out. “Fuck this, I’m out of here,” Jameson said after another not-so-calm moment.
“Jameson, no,” I said, shaking my head. Why am I begging him to stay? He ignored my words, bumping shoulders with Bruno who was still being restrained by his brother. I heard him mumble out something to Bruno which really sent him on edge again, causing him to cuss out once more.
I watched Jameson walk back out the doorway, not bothering to shut it on his way out. Bruno struggled to release himself from the grip of Eric and Ryan, attempting at wanting to follow him out the door as well.
I stared at the ground through Bruno’s yelling, my mind blanking out for a few minutes. I felt numb as I looked down at my hands, then back up at Bruno. This was never supposed to be like this. Everything was always supposed to be perfect.And then he goes and fucks everything up, I thought as I stared at Bruno’s face that had forgotten I was even in the room.
Anger began to build up in me the longer I looked at him, and any possible sadness that was threatening my emotions quickly diminished. I squeezed both my hands into fists at my sides, trying to steady my breathing. Fuck you, I thought as I stared at him. Fuck you.
“Bruno!” I yelled out after a few moments of his yelling. He suddenly stopped moving, turning his attention back towards me. He shyly glanced up into my now angry eyes, trying to avoid eye contact completely. Eric and Ryan took a step back from Bruno as they exchanged glances, knowing they didn’t have to hold him any longer.
“You don’t get it, do you?!” I yelled, throwing my arms up towards him.
Bruno didn’t say anything. He stared back at the ground once more, his shoulders loosening.
“We’re over, done!” I yelled. There was no point in holding back now; my mind was already taking over. “That means I have a right to be with a different guy! You don’town me. I am capable of my own life, and you should worry about your life only, Bruno! You and I are the past now. Can’t you see I’m already trying to move on and forget about it?! It’s obvious I’m trying to forget so why don’t you do both you and I a favor and do the same?” When I finished the last few words, a long, eerie silence filled the room.
Bruno looked up at my eyes, and I saw the hurt I’d just put in them. He nodded his head once, taking a deep breath as he suddenly appeared calm. Eric, Phred, and Ryan stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
“Abby, I—“ Bruno began, looking up at me again.
“No!” I yelled back, cutting him off. “I don’t give a shit about what your explanation is this time, Bruno! I don’t want to hear it! You don’t get it. The biggest flaw between you and I and why it’ll never work out again. You only say what you wantme to hear, even if that means completely bending and twisting the truth. In fact, you’ll even lie to me just to save your ass,” I said, feeling tears beginning to burn in my eyes once more. “And you don’t see me going off and hunting down this girl you fucking cheated on me with so I can kick her ass! But no, I forgot, it’s alright if you do the same to a guy you’ve never even met because you’re Bruno fucking Mars. You can do whatever the hell you want just because you’ve got a big name to match the size of your ego,” I finished off sarcastically, tears now beginning to fall freely.
My last words shut him up completely as he stood in a daze-like stance, not moving as his eyes remained fixed on the ground. “So just like that?” He asked, looking up after a moment. I stared at him, my arms crossed over my chest. “Just like that you’re going to forget about me, with no shame or anything?” He asked once more, tossing his arms up.
I nervously nodded my head as tears fell from my eyes. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Bruno shook his head in disappointment, sorrowful eyes watching me. “You’re not even going to let me try and fix this, are you?”
I stared back at him with a clenched jaw. “Get out of my house,” I stated, ignoring him.
He bit back his lips as he nodded his head sarcastically. “Of course,” He said with an eyebrow raise and a tone that made me cringe. “Clearly I’m not important enough to even bother listening to,” He said as he began to turn from me. “So sorry for making your life hell,” he stated in a pissed off voice, shoving his way between Eric and Ryan.
He was just in the doorway when he suddenly swung his fist to the side, sending it through a mirror that sat on the wall by my door. I jumped as I watched the glass shatter, thousands of pieces falling onto the ground. Bruno didn’t even look down at his hand that was now dripping with blood as he stormed out of my house.
The three guys stood silently for a moment, not a single sound coming from anyone. My eyes remained locked on my open door, my vision blurred from my tears. After a minute Ryan and Phred excused themselves sorrowfully, quickly dodging out the door as they ran after Bruno.
“I’m sorry,” Eric said, breaking the silence. “Do you want me to help you clean that up?” He asked as he motioned towards the pile of shattered glass and blood near my door.
I shook my head, still staring at the door.
“I’m really sorry, Abbz,” Eric repeated once more with a sad look on his face before he too, turned to leave, this time closing the door gently behind him.
I suddenly felt weak in my knees as I realized I was by myself now. I slid down the counter until I sat on the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest as I buried my face in, my shaking body crying silently.
I walked out of the double glass doors with an unusually slow pace based off of how I felt at the moment. Walking out into the sidewalk, I stood, not knowing where to go. I looked around, knowing I should leave, but not knowing where I should leave to. There was a surprisingly large amount of people still out for this time of the night. They all walked around the sidewalk, ignoring my presence. Even after an entire year of this, sixty percent of the population still failed to recognize me; I found to take that to my advantage at times like these.
The cold feeling of blood and pain brought my attention down towards my hand. I looked down at it, bringing it closer to my face. I tilted my palm down to the sidewalk as i looked at the backside. The pain was just beginning to get through to me, the deep gashes across all four knuckles burning as if on fire. Fresh blood literally covered my entire hand. Some passing by looked at me strangely from the cracked blood on my right hand, but no one said anything.
I looked up again, turning my head side to side. So this is it, I thought as I tried to figure out what direction to take. This is really the end this time. This is how its going to be. I let out a shaky breath as I tried to stabilize my breathing. Finally settling on taking the left direction, I took an equally unstabilized step down the sidewalk.
I walked away from the building I knew I would never be able to set foot in again. I had no idea where my feet were taking me, but I knew I was going somewhere far away from this place. I didn’t want to hear the words from everyone, telling me “I told you so” or “We warned you”. I didn’t need anyone to complain about my actions; I needed to be alone, to think and take in this dreadful reality.
And then I saw it. I saw him. I squinted my eyes in the distance, recognizing the familiar distinct hat I’d just seen only minutes before. A wave of anger filled my body when I confirmed it was who I believed it to be.
My body took over my mind, forcing me to begin running through the crowded streets towards him. So much anger and hatred began to boil under my skin, my body feeling extremely hot. I weaved my way through the people on the streets, shoving them out of my way.
No one was going to stop me this time. He and I were alone from anyone who cared enough of the situation, and I swore to myself he wouldn’t run away this time. The second I was in arms reach of him, he would have it, and he’ll know what he did wrong. I didn’t care what would come of me at this point; all I knew was that I wanted this asshole dead.
I was nearly behind him now, my bloody fist clenching at my side at the sight of him. I clenched my jaw when I was five feet from him, taking a deep breath as I prepared myself to yell at him.
“Hey Jameson!” I yelled as I made it to the pathway of the park across the street. He barely had enough time to turn around towards me before I swung my bloody fist at his face, hitting him directly under his left eye, setting him off balance.
I don’t care what Abby thinks of me now anyways, I thought as I clenched my jaw when Jameson struggled to stand up. She’s made up her mind and I’m making up mine.
I hardly had enough time to retaliate before he reacted to my actions, sending his own fists flying in my direction. My mind swirled around me in a haze as all of my focus diminished at once. Darkness faded in and out and I heard shouts and yells coming from voices outside of my own.
I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders, trying by all means to pull me away from Jameson’s reach. A loud voice filled my ears as I continued to struggle with Jameson, my fists continuously making contact with parts of his body as I attempted to shield myself at the same time.
”Bruno!” It was Eric’s voice that rang in my ear when I finally did hear an audible noise. I couldn’t stop myself no matter how much strength Eric’s hands had on my shoulders and arms at that moment. So much anger escaped my body at once with this guy I hardly knew. A drop of sweat fell from my forehead, sliding down my cheek until it dropped off the end of my chin, falling onto the ground.
My head throbbed, my heart raced. I squeezed my eyes shut in anger as I finally towered above Jameson, his much taller body tripping onto the ground. Eric’s hands held a death grip on my upper arms, still trying to pull me away as he continued to yell my name in my ear over and over.
And suddenly I felt his grip release, letting go of both my arms. I took this to my advantage as I attempted to hit Jameson again, thoughts overpowering my mind.Fucking cheat, I thought as more sweat dripped from my face. He called me a fucking cheat.
A new set of hands gripped around my forearms suddenly, clearly not belonging to Eric’s. A new, bitter voice filled my ears as another set grabbed my other arm. ”Hey! Let it go,” The man’s voice said sternly while he and the other eventually pried my arms from within touching distance of Jameson, pulling them behind my back.
“Calm down,” he repeated over and over again, dragging me away from where I was. Images still blurred through my head as I struggled to breathe correctly, my footing also proving me wrong as I tried to walk correctly along with the grip of the man behind me.
A sudden, cold, clasp tightened around my wrists, tugging my arms even closer together as they were behind my back. The man’s grip released from my arms, but I was still unable to move my arms apart from each other, a pair of handcuffs holding them together tightly.
What’s going on? I thought as I turned around to see a man standing in a uniform with a yellow vest. I glanced around my surroundings, the realization that I was in the middle of a park finally dawning on me. Shit, shit, shit, I thought as I clinked my wrists together, seeing Jameson standing not too far from me in the same position, another park officer talking to him.
A sudden headache consumed my mind as the word spun around me. I stared off in the distance, feeling nauseous. My vision blacked in and out as my head buzzed, muffled voices around me. I turned to my right, seeing several people passing by who took curious glances to the scene I’d created.
I saw Eric, Phred, and Ryan standing together, talking quietly. Eric took a glance in my direction, a face of disappointment and shame in his eyes as he briefly made eye contact.
I shook my head to myself, kicking at a rock on the ground. No, I thought as I felt pain in my head. What the hell did I do? Why do I always manage to fuck things up?
It took all of my strength to resist from yelling at the top of my lungs.
Only I could manage to send a shitty day rocketing towards the ground at full speed.
I don’t know how long it was that I sat in the same curled up position on my kitchen floor, my head tucked closely into my knees as I cried. I eventually heard my front door open again, agitated footsteps swiftly walking down the hallway as a voice called out, “Abby?”
I lifted my head up as Ally walked into my kitchen, Jake close behind her. She stared at me in shock for a second before running over to me, sitting down as she wrapped her arms around my shaky body.
“Abby,” she said in a soft voice. “What happened?”
I shook my head, leaning into her as she tried to comfort me. “I’m scared Ally,” I cried as I wiped some tears from my eyes. “He’s not like that. He’s never like that.”
She squeezed me into a tight hug, looking up to tell Jake to grab some tissues. “I’m sorry,” she said in a soothing voice, although not making me feel any better. “I saw them only a few minutes after you two left,” she added in the same tone. “Bruno worried me.”
“What?” I asked, confused at her statement as I looked up. “’They’? They were where?”
“Bruno, Phil, and all of the guys. They were at the club too. I went over to talk to them and Bruno—he, he asked about you and I told him where you went, but he began freaking out and next thing I knew he was in a straight line headed here. I’m so sorry Abby.”
I shook my head, wiping some more tears. “It’s not your fault,” I said, trying to calm myself. “It’s not like you knew anything would happen.” I sat for a moment, not speaking as I let all of this really sink in. I shook my head after a bit, not understanding. “He just seemed so different, it was scary. And he and Jameson nearly took each other out, and there was so much yelling and shouting.” I shook my head again, furrowing my eyebrow in deep thought as images replayed in my mind.
“Where is Jameson?” Ally asked, looking up as if expecting to find him.
“He left,” I stated flatly. “And even after that, Bruno was still angry.” I paused for a second, trying to comprehend everything that went down. My mind drifted for a second as a realization came over me. “I yelled at him,” I said as I continuously shook my head. “I hurt him bad,” I added as I looked at Ally with a painful look. “I know I shouldn’t be the one feeling bad for all of this, but you should have seen the hurt look in his eyes, Ally. I said some really painful things.” I felt tears falling from my eyes again as I finished my sentence, making me want to yell at myself for actually feeling sorry for him.
“Shh,” Ally said into my head as she hugged me again. “It’s not your fault; you don’t have to be sorry.”
“He was so mad when he left,” I said muffled against her body. “He was so drunkand so, so hostile.”
Ally nodded her head with some ‘Mhmm’ noises as she listened to me continue to pour out my feelings. She didn’t interrupt me; but she listened and listened only. And that’s all I really needed right now anyways.
“And I don’t know where he went,” I finally said with a small sniffle, sitting back up again. “But I know I’ll probably never see him again.”
It was nearly four am by the time I finally stepped into the door of my home, alone. An excruciating headache throbbed behind my left eye causing pain with even the slightest of moves. I threw my hat to a random chair, not caring that it ended up landing on the floor.
I groggily walked into the kitchen, reaching into the medicine cabinet as I searched for some ibuprofen. Grabbing the bottle, I opened it up, tipping my head back as I let several fall back into my throat, swallowing the pills.
I staggered up the stairs to my bedroom, sitting down on the edge of my bed with an unbelievably graceful touch. I set my blackberry on the nightstand along with a small slip of paper.
Disorderly conduct, I thought as I stared at the white page, shaking my head. I shook my head with shame as I put it in my hands, my fingers running through my curls stressfully. Just another great thing to add to my criminal record. And even more shit for the media to pick up.
I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried my best to remember everything that happened only several hours ago. Flashes of Abby’s angry face flickered between images of Jameson’s bloody one from a blow taken to the nose. Some things were blurred or blacked out completely from the amount of alcohol in my system at the time, but I knew well enough that the events that took place in the park were not ones I would want to remember.
Voices of Eric and Ryan filled my memories with their shouts of anger and distress at trying to calm me down. I shook my head in my hands, my palms clammy with sweat as I remembered the look on Eric’s face when the officer showed up on scene. Taking me in and questioning me over a drunken public fight, I continued to think as I remembered sitting in the hard wooden chair, thoroughly annoyed with the pointless, never-ending questions they threw at me. And a $350 fine for it.
Eric agreed to pick me up when I was finished, but neither of us spoke a word the entire ride home. By that point my head was beginning to pound and I knew that anything I said to him would only backfire right back at my face. I didn’t even bother opening my phone to look at the missed calls and messages that were already in double digits from when I turned it on upon leaving the station. Everyone just wanted to know the same thing: Was it true?
I drew my head up from my hands, staring blankly at the floor for a moment until I felt the heavy weight on my eyes beginning to drift me off. I kicked off my converse, stripping down to just my boxers before slipping into the bed that seemed oddly uncomfortable despite how tired I felt.
I closed my eyes finally, not even wanting to have to wake up to everything tomorrow.
My phone buzzed for the fifth time in a row, finally causing me to open my eyes. I stared at the lit up screen of my BlackBerry, afraid to see who was so urgent in calling me this many times. I sat up, throwing my legs over the side of the bed as an immediate throbbing filled my head.
Rubbing my left eye to try to relieve the pain, I reached blindly down to the small table, grabbing my phone. I took a brave glance at the screen, letting out a stressed sigh as I read the caller ID: Brandon Creed.
“I know I’m probably the last person you want to be hearing from,” he said as I brought the phone to my ear without a hello, “But we’ve got to talk about this.”
I let out another sigh, nodding my head. “I figured,” I replied, rubbing my temple now.
He went on to discussing the events of last night and where everything stood media wise. I simply nodded my head, trying to focus as my mind refused to comprehend this was all real life. He mentioned several things that I tried to forget, one being the destructive photograph that Abigail had thrown in my face only a week ago. “Sydney’s management wants to keep it as low profile as well,” Brandon said as he explained the photo could easily be proven to be an ‘old’ picture of Brynn and I a few months ago.
And that would just be lying to the whole world, I thought as I agreed to the terms that he explained. Which would only give Abby more reason to hate me. But there wasn’t anything else I could do with it, so I had no other choice but to lie.
“I’d consider yourself pretty lucky,” Brandon finally said with a small stressed sigh. “You’re lucky he didn’t charge for assault,” he added as he finished up.
Lucky, I thought, shaking my head. That’s just the world I’d have thought of. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was almost one already. “Do you think we could work the rest of this out later?” I asked, not in the mood to talk anymore. “Or after rehearsals…” I said, referring to the rehearsals I had starting next week for a few shows in LA and Las Vegas.
Brandon let out a small sigh, not speaking for a minute. “I don’t know,” he spoke softly, as if shaking his head.
“What do you mean?” I asked, scrunching up my forehead in confusion.
“Maybe you should take a break for a while,” Brandon replied with another sigh, getting straight to the point. “You know, take a breather until you get back on track again.”
I shook my head. “I am on track,” I said, not understanding. “It’s only a few small things setting me back, but I’m fine to keep working. And I still have the deadline in a week that needs to be filled.”
“I can talk to the label; we can work something out. I’m sure they’ll understand with the circumstances,” He replied in the same calm tone, sounding slightly stressed.
I still shook my head once more. “I need to be doing this,” I said, a small scowl on my face. “It’s better I have something to do. I know I can get my shit together,” I added, trying to convince myself.
Brandon was silent for a few minutes as my last words settled on him. He finally let out another exasperated sigh before speaking again. “Just don’t make things worse on yourself,” he finally said.
I nodded my head, rubbing my temple still. “I’ll figure something out,” I replied in a small tone, knowing inside that I truthfully wasn’t all that stable to be working right now.
I’m just going to have to deal with it.
“Aww, poor Abbs got her heart broken,” I said with a sad look towards Abby as we sat together on her sofa. She stuck out her bottom lip, giving me a pouty face that drove me insane. Laughingly, I tapped her lip with my finger, smiling down at her perfect face. “But,” I said, raising an eyebrow to her. “If it’s one thing I’ve learned from personal experience,” I continued, keeping my eyes locked on hers, “it’s if you ever want to stay with a woman you really love, never break her heart.” A small smile crept up on my lips as I finished the cheesy statement.
“Wow Sherlock,” Abby said with a smirk as she rolled her eyes. “I never would have thought of that one,” she added in a sarcastic tone.
“Good,” I replied, trying not to laugh. “Because I promise I won’t break your heart.”
“That’s a big promise,” Abby replied, raising an eyebrow. “Is that a risk I’m willing to take?”
I suddenly shot open my eyes, nearly falling out of the chair I sat in. A loud, echoing clunk filled the house as an empty vodka bottle fell from my hands to the floor. I slightly jumped at the impact before bringing my hand to the side of my face, rubbing my aching temple.
I leaned forwards in the chair, rubbing my neck as I reached for my blackberry.2:52, I thought as I looked at the time. Oh shit, I suddenly thought, jumping up as I remembered we had rehearsals at three. I buttoned up the rest of my shirt as I quickly shoved my feet into my shoes, feeling a full-on headache already beginning to impact me.
This will be great to rehearse with, I thought as I nearly sprinted out the doorway, not in the mood to be singing like this. I drove until I got to the small venue, getting out of my car as I walked into the building, noticeably late.
The guys were all already onstage, talking and messing around until I walked in. I noticed a small silence filling the room as I walked along the side, going backstage enough so I could grab my guitar. I was used to situations like this in the past few weeks, so it didn’t come as a surprise to me when they suddenly shut up whenever I walked into a room.
I lost a good ninety percent of moral support from Phil after all of this as well, making it even harder to be working in the studio or in general. He never said anything after the night with Jameson, but I could tell he thought about it. Conversations were duller with him, as if we had tension between us. But I do understand where he’s coming from, and I know I deserve that treatment from him.
Eric grew silent about everything as well as the rest of the guys. They never spoke anything of anything while I was in their presence, but their faces show that they do talk about it when I’m not around. I tried my best not to let it show how much it bothered me.
I grabbed my mint green fender by the neck before walking over to the mirror that sat on the wall. I stared at myself for a moment, taking in a deep breath and relaxing my shoulders. I relaxed my face muscles so they looked more natural as they usually did. Being around the guys was the same as being in public: if you act and show as if nothing is wrong, then no one will be suspicious and bother you.
When I was sure I looked presentable enough, I turned from the mirror, walking back out into the venue. Nobody really paid much attention to me this time as when I first walked in. I readjusted my mic and tuned my guitar for a while before we got to the actual rehearsals.
By the end of the session I had developed a piercing headache, throbbing with every note sang or played. I was more than willing to finally put everything away, planning on going home and sleeping some more.
“Hey, are you going to come and grab a bite to eat with us?” Ryan asked as he walked up to me as I stood in front of the stage.
I glanced up from my blackberry, shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t think so,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Come on man,” Ryan said with an annoyed sigh. “It’s been two weeks since you’ve done anything. You need to get out.”
“Yeah, and look what happened last time,” I replied as I typed on my phone. “I’m still not going.”
Ryan let out a sigh, giving up at trying to convince me. After a few minutes he finally spoke again, his tone soft. “Are you doing alright?” He asked, slightly looking down at me.
I glanced up from my phone at his question. “What do you mean? I’m fine,” I said, giving him a confused look.
“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying,” he replied with a small eyebrow raise and shoulder roll.
“So then why can’t you just believe me and leave it at that?”
“Because Bruno,” Ryan said in a louder voice, looking me up and down. “I mean lookat you. You reek of booze and smoke, and haven’t even left your house other than for rehearsals or for alcohol. Everybody’s worried about you,” He added, shaking his head stressfully.
I was silent for a moment. Was I really that readable? I thought everybody thought I was fine. But according to Ryan, they all thought the opposite. “Well everyone worries too much then,” I replied, glancing over to him. “There’s no need to waste your breath on something that isn’t even an issue.”
Ryan shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, I’m only trying to help you.”
“I’m fine!” I slightly yelled back, my tone much louder than I anticipated. Everyone else around us grew silent, glancing over in my direction at my sudden outburst. I shifted my shoulders slightly, glancing at the ground, a bit embarrassed. I glanced back down at my phone as I suddenly turned from where I stood, walking away from Ryan.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” Ryan said when right when I passed him. I turned around to see him giving me a sad look, shaking his head. “Keeping to yourself and shutting out the rest of the world isn’t going to solve things. It’s only going to get worse,” he said with a shrug.
I nodded my head, taking in a deep breath. “I just need some time to think this out is all,” I said with a shrug before bidding my goodbyes.
“I can hardly even say ‘I told you so,’” my mother said through the phone in her usual tone. I rolled my eyes, looking down at my nails as I picked the polish from them.
“Really mom?” I asked in an annoyed tone. “Do you have to do this now?”
“Well I’m just saying. I told you he was bad news from the get-go.”
“Will you stop?” I asked, thoroughly annoyed now. I knew she would be like this. I didn’t even want to tell her in the first place, but I felt I should, knowing she’d end up asking about him anyways. “I don’t need you lashing out on this any more than it needs to be. I’m already stressed as it is.”
“Well honestly Abigail,” She said in a motherly tone. “What did you expect from a past like his?”
I shook my head, rubbing my temple in annoyance. “I don’t know,” I said, trying to get off the topic. “But we’re done, so let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“…And to think you were in cahoots with that,” my mom continued, ignoring me completely. “Getting himself arrested…”
“What?” I asked, confused at her statement. “What do you mean getting arrested?”
“You didn’t hear?” My mom asked in a surprised tone.
I shook my head, wrinkling my forehead in thought. “No…” I said, pondering what she meant.
“Well apparently the kid got into a street fight a couple of weeks ago and landed himself a disorderly conduct ticket for being drunk in public,” She said in the typical gossiping tone she always used.
I felt myself stiffen up at her words, confused and shocked. That doesn’t sound like him, I thought, shaking my head. Was that even something he’d do? And who would he have gotten in a fight with? “When was it?” I asked, the only words I could manage to choke out.
“I don’t have an exact date. Why?”
“Mom, do you even know if that’s true?” I asked, now biting my nails.
“Well, it was from some gossip site. There weren’t any pictures, but they claimed they had a source who witnessed it, claiming it was Bruno.”
I shook my head, wrinkling my nose. “Then I highly doubt it,” I said, shaking my head still. “Anyone can spread rumors you know. And I don’t think he’d do something like that,” I added, knowing that he could’ve actually been capable of doing it. I didn’t mention the night after the club a couple of weeks ago to my mother, knowing she would only worry about me and probably wouldn’t even flinch in trying to getting a restraining order against him.
“Well I don’t find it hard to believe,” She replied in an almost snotty way. “I don’t see how you’re standing up for the guy.”
“Okay mom!” I slightly yelled, standing up straight. “Fine, I believe you; you’re right! You’re always right! Yes, he’s a horrible person that doesn’t deserve anyrecognition for anything he’s ever done. And yes I believe he’s the type to go out and get his ass arrested for stupidly pointless shit! Are you happy now?!” I asked sarcastically, running a free hand through my hair.
My mom let out a small sigh on the other side of the phone. “I’m sorry Abigail,” she said in a soft tone. “I’m just worried about you. I hate seeing this happen to you.”
I let out my own sigh. “I know, but you shouldn’t worry so much,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m fine. I can deal with it without the help of you or dad.”
“And I believe that,” She replied in the same soft tone. “I just tend to get carried away sometimes.”
A small silence grew between us as neither she nor I spoke for several seconds. I finally heard her take a deep breath, letting me know that the subject was dropped by her. “So are you coming home for Thanksgiving?” she asked.
The past couple of weeks had gone by so fast that I was just now realizing Thanksgiving was already next week. I shook my head into the phone. “No, I’m far too busy at work right now so finding time off of work is hard.”
“Alright,” My mom replied in a small tone, making me believe she was nodding her head.
“But I’ll be home for Christmas,” I added quickly, knowing I would have time to take off around the Holiday season.
“Okay, that’s fine sweetie,” My mom said in a happier tone. “But I’ve got an appointment at four so I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I replied, ending the call as I squeezed the phone in my hand stressfully, letting out a small groan.