Chapter 52+53

“Diamond..” I heard Bruno whisper. I felt like I was dreaming so I didn’t open my eyes. I felt him touch my cheek and I slowly opened my eyes to him standing in front of me fully dressed. I took a deep breath and sat up a bit, “Good morning..” I said sadly. He sat on the bed smiling, “Hey.. stop.. it’s gonna be alright okay..” I nodded, “I know..” After having some small talk about nothing, I got up and showered quickly throwing on some sweats and one his t-shirts. I made him a decent breakfast to hold him over threw his flight. “I’m gonna call you after every show okay?” he said stuffing food in his mouth. I laughed, “Alright.. deal..” “And if you ever feel yourself starting to get upset.. you call me okay?” I nodded, “Of course Bru..” I kept telling myself to just be happy. At least he would be coming back for sure. I always thought about things like this from other people’s point of views. We had soldiers in a war who had families that they had no idea when they would come home too. I just had to fight threw this and be grateful. “So you got everything?” I said leaning against the counter. He looked at his watch as he ate, “I’m pretty sure.” “All you’re hats..” I joked moving my head a bit. He laughed, “Yeah babe.. and I’m taking the white one..” “Awesome..” I said with a half smile.

I threw my bag on my shoulder and took a deep breath as I looked around the room. I pulled the sleeve of my jacket up a bit and looked at my watch again as I walked out of the room. I looked up and smiled to Diamond sitting at the bar. She spun back and forth slowly with just watching me. I dropped my things by the door and walked over to her, putting my legs between hers. I kissed her softly, “I love you babe..” She took a deep breath before she said it back. I took her hands in mine, “Hear me out really quick..” “Okay..” she said softly as she nodded. “Right now.. this is nothing but distance between us.. just distance. I’m in love with you.. and no matter how far I go, that will never change alright. I’m not going to stand here and tell you not to cry because I know it’s hard.. it’s really hard.. but, I just don’t want you to worry.. for some reason I can feel it when you’re upset.. and I don’t want it for the both of us..” She looked away and shook her head and I took her in for a hug. I kissed her forehead, “I’ll be right back..” I closed my eyes tight and just held here there, I had already started to miss her and I hadn’t even left yet. Seconds, turned into minutes, and it just felt like time was moving in slow motion. We just stood there silently, I was trying my best not to cry.

I was perfectly fine until I heard Dre blow his horn. “Oh my god..” I cried into his chest. “I know babe.. I know..” he said softly. I gripped at his shirt tightly, honestly not wanting to let go. As he started to let go so did I, “I gotta go alright..” I wiped my face a bit and got up for the stool as he went towards his things he picked them up slowly moving the strap of his back farther up on his shoulder. He turned to me smiling like a fool and I couldn’t help but smile as well. “Come here.. one more thing..” he said. I went towards him and took a deep breath. He reached down for my hand and put it on his chest, I don’t know if I was just being dramatic or not, but I could faintly feel his heart beating. “You’ll be in here until I can hold you in my arms again, alright?” he said with a light smile. I nodded and held back more tears. I let my arm slide down as he leaned in and kissed me passionately. “I love you girl..” he said smiling. “I love you more Bru..” I whispered as he reached for the door. “Not possible.” he said as he pulled it open. “I’ll be callin’ youu..” he said in a playful voice as he stepped out the door. I touched his arm a bit as he started to walk down the driveway.

I took a deep breath and wiped my small tear that had started to fall before anyone could see it. I opened up the back door of the truck and pushed my things in. I closed it back and blew her a kiss as I walked around to the front. I looked down to the ground for a second before opening the door. I hopped up into the truck and looked to her out the front window. “You alright?” Dre asked me. I looked over to him and put my seatbelt on, “I’m not gonna lie.. I can’t really answer that right now..” Dre would usually pick on me at a time like this, but I could tell that he understood. He rolled down his window, “I’ll bring him back in one piece.” he joked to Diamond. I could see her laugh and wave to us. I waved back and then touched my chest, I love you I said in my mind. Dre put the truck in reverse and I watched the front door slowly close. We went about picking up all of the guys before arriving at the airport.

I pulled the blanket up on me a bit more, just trying to go back to sleep. I really hadn’t got much sleep last night and I was still really tired plus it wasn’t even the afternoon yet. I just wanted to sleep and not worry. After I woke up almost 2 hours had passed, I sat up a bit on the bed and rubbed my eyes. Before I could let my thoughts wonder, I reached into my drawer and grabbed my notebook.

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February 28th, 2011

Well… I’m feeling the love right now.. and instead of my usual writing, I decided that I’ll wrote a poem… Here goes nothing..

To Bruno:

Things have not always been easy for us,
But I’m proud of us for holding on..
For working together to make it through this,
and for everything we have undergone..

I know we’ll be okay in the end,
and I hope you believe that too.
Because no matter how hard things become at times,
I know this won’t take me away from you.

It will only make us stronger and help us realize how much we love each other.

The distance is the only problem which is difficult to think about and deep inside it’s killing me knowing I can’t won’t be able to see your face..

I was never strong enough,
but thanks to you, I learned how to be,
how to never give up but always smile,
and to never want to change me.

You made me think,
You gave a meaning to life, which I couldn’t do without.
All I can do for now is just wait and pray.

Remember that I love you
no matter what they say.

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I sat there looking out to the huge white clouds that passed by my window. I had been silent just about almost the whole flight now. I just really didn’t have anything to say. I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I knew that I was. It was hard already and it had only been around 6 hours. I looked down to my hands and then closed them tightly. I threw my head back into the seat unsure of how I felt right now. I had so much to look forward to with the shows, and the fans. But, at the same time I was already missing a huge part of my heart. “Ayoo Brunz.. you good?” I heard Jam say. I turned my head to the seats opposite of me with a half smile, “I’m making it.” “You sure?” I nodded as I turned my head back, “I’m sure man.. I just got stay positive..”

After finally getting off the plane, I felt a bit better. I knew the guys wouldn’t let me be down for too long. “Gerrrmss!” Phil came over and yelled into my ear. I laughed, “Come on man..” “Cheer ya little ass up then! We gonna be back home sooner then you know it.” I smiled, “I know..” When we got to the hotel I fell into my bed, I had some terrible jet-lag. It was only 5 in the afternoon here in Berlin, yet I felt like it was midnight. There was a knock on my door, “It’s open..” I said as I rubbed my face. “You trying to get out and about?” I heard Phil say. I sighed, “I don’t know..” “Let’s go get ya ass up.. or we’ll leave you..” I smiled as a I sat up, “Alright.. here I come..”…….

Chapter 53

I called Diamond before I went out with the guys, letting her know that I was fine. I think we might have said ‘I miss you’ to each other over 10 times in the 5 minute phone call. She never failed to make me smile even threw the phone. I got up and went out with the guys venturing around Berlin. Surprisingly I got stopped by a couple of fans for autographs and pictures. The rest of the day really took my mind off of missing home. The next morning, I got up early to meet for a radio station, it honestly was a lot earlier then I would have liked to get up. Then they expect me to try and sing Just The Way You Are for them, and I try my best anyway. That afternoon we got all our things together and made it into our new tour bus, and it was a lot damn better then our one back home. I mean this one had two levels, two levels. The beds weren’t as small, and we even had a bar. I really didn’t have to go out as much now. Each day I was having more and more fun. I didn’t have to say I can’t wait anymore, it was finally here.

I had butterflies like no other leading up to the meet & greets, and my show. It was mixture of excitement and nervousness. Even though pictures really aren’t my thing, I took each one with a genuine smile. The fans we’re really amazing, they just grew so fast. Some would just nod there head unable to speak, or instantly start crying when they seen me. I would tell them that it was going to be alright and they would give me gifts that we’re a little weird but I appreciated them nonetheless. I took the guys around and we had our prayer just a couple of minutes before the show. I could hear the crowd going crazy already. I pulled down my astronaut t-shirt a bit and looked down to my shoes as I stood there waiting for them to give me the signal. I ran my fingers threw my hair that I had tried to do something to, but it really didn’t work out. I got the signal and I ran out on stage and the crowd roared. I smiled and grabbed my red guitar and gave them all I had, every single thing I had.

I laughed, “Yes babe.. I’m eating right..” She laughed as well, “I’m kidding Bruno.. I just don’t want you sick over there..” “I’m fine babe.. I promise.. I only eat.. what Phil lets me.” “Oh god.. Phil isn’t the exact person I want in charge of you eating..” I glanced over to him watching TV across the room, “I mean he’s alright so far.” “Ayoo Brunz, you want some of these cookies? They bangin’.” he said holding up a box. I put my hand on my face and laughed. “Exactly..” she said softly. I breathed in after I got done laughing, “Look let’s change the subject though babe..” I said as I got up. “What’s up?” I slid my hand down the railing of the steps as I went down, “Well.. I really miss a lot of stuff about you..” She giggled, “Same here Bru..” “I don’t know if you understand what I’m saying..” I said softly. “Ohh.. I know… but, what do you want me to do about it?” I shrugged even though I knew she couldn’t see me, “I don’t know.. tell me some shit.” I could just picture her face, “No Bruno.. I told you last time you left that I wasn’t doing it ever again..” “Come on babe please.. just a couple of things you don’t have to do anything..” I begged. “Nope..” she said softly. “Alright.. you win.. it’s fine…. I’ll remember that… when I get home..” I said dragging my words out. She laughed, “Mhmm okay.. Bruno go get some sleep.. I know it’s really late there..” “It’s only 12..” I said looking up to the clock on the wall. “Right.. so that means you should be resting because you got a bunch of shows to do, and I know you want to be perfect up there..” “I miss you..” I said as I shook my head.

The phone got silent, “I really do..” I whispered. “Bruno.. please don’t do this right now.. I do not want to cry tonight.. I really don’t.” “Okay babe.. I’m sorry..” “Now go to sleep, don’t eat those cookies.” I smiled, “Yes ma’am..” “Goodnight Bru..” “Goodnight beautiful.” I hung up my phone and shoved it into my pocket. I jogged back up the stairs and went and flopped down on the couch next to Phil. Without looking at me, he handed me the box. I looked at it for a couple of seconds and grabbed it anyway and started stuffing my face. It was going to be really hard for me to get in shape, but I was going to do it eventually.

After doing shows in both Amsterdam and Stuttgart, I was really getting into the rythem. However, my next three shows I didn’t have a break in days in between them. The worst about all of this was the tossing and turning I was doing at night. I was so used to sleeping with Diamond that was it hard to just lay there on that bed alone. Some nights I would drive myself crazy just thinking about home and sex. I hated when I would be thinking about something completely different then sex, and I would end up on it anyway. The days we’re growing larger and I was getting pretty irritated. Ireland was such a fun show, the crowd was a lot bigger here and they knew the words to every song. I also played with my favorite guitar that Diamond had gotten me last year. With each passing show I was getting more and more confident on my voice and dance moves. With the crowd cheering me on with everything I did, it just made me feel so good.

There was supposed to be a two day break before I hit up London for two days, but I wouldn’t call it a break. London knew me best, and I was set up for countless interviews. I didn’t mind it at all as long as I didn’t get asked the wrong questions. If I did, I would skip around them. I realized now that my personal life was really going down the drain, everyone knew everything about me. My personal things mean’t a lot to me, so I was trying my best to keep what I could. That was a huge task just by it’s self, and I made sure to say out of the paparazzi’s way.

“I hear the stove, what you cooking?” I said smiling to myself. “Just some frozen stir fry.. you don’t want any.. trust me.” “Hey you don’t know that.. I’m actually dying for you to cook for me..” “Aww.. thanks Bru..” “So that means the day I come back, I want a meal laid across the table..” I said strongly. “What now?” she said laughing. “Why don’t you take me serious, I don’t understand.” I said shaking my head. “Babe.. I take you seriously.. but, I don’t know if you think about what you are saying before you say it..” “I didn’t hear anything you just said..” I said softly. “Ughh.. exactly..” “No babe.. I was just listening to your voice..” I said almost at a whisper. “What about it..?” she said almost sensually. “You know I like your voice.. especially over the phone..” “Don’t get yourself turned on Bruno.. I’m not doing it.” I threw my hands up, “Babe.. come on please!” I thought it would work this time. “No.. I’m sorry.. I can’t.” “I understand..” I said as I sat on my bed. “Why do you sound sad then..?” I shrugged, “I’m not sad…” “Okay there is no sense of this turning into a arguement.. just go to sleep, don’t you have another show tomorrow?” “Yeah I guess I should turn in.. goodnight babe..” “Goodnight Bru..” I hung my phone up and put it underneath my pillow.

I took my time taking off my shoes and just trying to take my mind off of it all. I had no idea how I was going to cope, it hadn’t even been half a month yet, and I was already dying. I went ahead and put my head into the pillow and after around 20 minutes of thinking about stuff, I finally fell asleep.

I had been on the road for two weeks today, and each show was getting better and better. The fans, the music, the guys all of it was perfect. The crowds never disappointed me and my confidence was getting to an all time high. Each day had new adventures and lessons. I learned so much about different cultures and their languages. Everyone was so much different from us Americans. I loved learning something new and then using it in my show. Each time the audience would give me the exact response I was looking for. Tomorrow it was another city here in England and a whole new atmosphere. I knew these crowds could get live, but I knew I had a lot in store for me when I made my way over to Germany……