Eric is sleeping in his room. Bruno is on the couch and I'm in his arms. Even though he's asleep, his grip around my waist is strong. I stare at the moon. Being in his arms is comforting and I feel safe, like nothing can hurt me. But in my heart, I know that this won't last. I can't let go of what happened and that's exactly what will ruin us. I touch his face and watch him sleep. He looks like a little boy. I smile as I remember the day we met.
"Peter and Alena." The 4th grade teacher points to the two desks in the middle of the classroom as she tells us our assigned seats on the first day of school. I walk to the desk with my head down. She would have to sit me next to the cute boy I think to myself. He sits next to me and keeps staring. I'm too shy to look up. "Hi, I'm Bruno." he finally says. I slowly lift my head. "I though it was Peter." I tell him. He smirks and tells me the story. I cover my mouth, laughing. "If this is going to be a problem, I'll move your seats." The teacher scolds. "No." we both say at the same time.
Ever since than we've been inseparable. I slowly get up and walk to the window. "I love him, but I can't do this. At least not now." The moon and the stars light up the room. I'm crazy. Or a fool. Talking to the moon like it's going to answer me back. I sigh and walk back to the couch. I lean down and kiss him on the forehead. I gently grab his hair one last time and make my way to the door. I hesitate when I get there. I'll regret looking back so I quickly open it and run down the stairs. I cry the whole way home. My heart feels like a brick and I feel like I need to throw up. It gets worse when I get to my house. I go upstairs and pack as much clothes as I can into a duffel bag. I stop and look at the pictures of me and Bruno that cover my dresser. No way I can take those. I tip toe to my brother's room. I watch him for a minute than shut his door. When I get to my mom's door, I lean my head against it as the tears hit the carpet. I walk in and softly kiss her on the cheek. "Te quiero mucho Mami. A un dia, regreso. No te preocupes. Papi esta contigo siempre." I leave, feeling not worthy of living for abandoning my loved ones. But if I don't get away, this will literally ruin me and than what will be left? Nothing. I take one last look at my house before I shut the door and make my way to the sidewalk. It's a long walk to the train station, but I get there eventually. I pay for my ticket and wait. The hardest part, waiting. I keep jumping and looking around, in fear that Bruno or my mom will bust through the doors and try and scoop me up and take me back. I can't go back. I need to get out of Brooklyn. I stare at my shoes. Red Nike high tops. Forever came and went by the time my stop came. I boarded the train and took a seat in the back. Off to the airport.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I jump. I guess I was asleep longer than I thought. I look at it. Eric. I don't answer. It goes off again. Bruno. Than again. Mom. I turn it off and shove it in my duffel bag. The train starts to slow down and eventually stops. I get off and I've never felt more lost in my life. The sea of people overwhelm me, but I have to keep my cool. There's no way I'm going back.
"I need a ticket to Miami. Asap." I tell the lady behind the desk. She puts her lips together as she checks the computer. She shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry....There's no more seats available." she says. In my head I knew this but, it was worth a try anyways. I was on my way to go sit down and bawl my eyes out when it hit me. My sister, Ahmity. I run back to the desk and tell her "Alena Osvala, check it." She looks at me crazy but runs her fingers over the keyboard. Tap. Tap. Tap. Her eyebrows raise. "Um, alrighty one coach ticket to Miami, Florida for Alena Michelle Osvala. Departure time 10:15 A.M." She hands over the ticket and I've never felt more relieved in my life. Ahmity buys me a ticket every year. In hopes that one day, I'll go and visit her. I never go. I couldn't face her after she left us. The last time I saw her, she was walking out of the front door with a duffel bag full of clothes. It was 2 days after the funeral. I swore I would never be like her. Look at me now. More waiting. I keep looking at her name in my contacts. I haven't talked to her in over 5 years. I press send and hold my breath. She picks up after the 3rd ring. "Hello?" I swallow. "Hey Ahmity, it's Lena." Silence. My whole body feels like pins and needles. Did she hang up on me? "Oh my god! Hi mama's! How are you doing?" I smile. Same Ahmity. "Um, I'm okay. I was calling to ask you something." "What's up mama's?" "Um....Do you think you could pick me up from the airport? I'm about to board a plane to Miami." She screams for about 2 minutes. I pull the phone away. "Yes! Of course I can are you kidding me? Is mami with you? Or Joe?" I swallow again. "Uh, no just me." I try to laugh but it doesn't really work. "Okay, that's cool. I can't wait to see you mama's. It's been too long." "I know." I say and hang up. My stomach is turning and flipping. Oh god. Seeing her is going to stir up a lot of old feelings and memories. But it needed to happen eventually, might as well be the one to do it. I turn my phone off again because everybody keeps calling. I feel horrible just leaving...but I've never done anything for me. My whole life I've always put someone before me. Nobody would expect for Lena to just pick up and go to of all places, Florida. The intercom announces the 10:15 flight to Miami, Fl is boarding. I pick up my one duffel bag and my ticket and walk up the ramp. The lady takes my ticket and says "Enjoy your flight!" I hope so. I find my seat. Window seat. Nice. I put my bag inside the luggage compartment and sit down. Not even 15 minutes later were told to put our seatbelts on and stay seated. Were off. Miami, here I come.