Chapter 78
Bruno walked with Marla into the house in the late afternoon. ”Oh…my mom is here…” Marla said.
”She picked Rosie up.” Bruno told her.
”Oh…” Marla sniffed. They walked in the door seeing a clean house and smelled cooking spices. ”Mommm…what are you cooking?” Marla asked sitting on the bar stool in front of the sink.
”It’s your favorite…enchiladas…” she said handing her daughter a tortilla. Bruno walked away to go check on Rosie while Marla talked to her mother. ”Mama…I’m sorry this happened…but you know there is a reason for everything.”
”I know, mom. It just…I know Bruno was really excited. Like there were no words to describe how happy he was when he found out. I just know it disappoints him.”
”Oh mija…it doesn’t and you know that. ” her mother reassured her.
”I just keep messing things up. Last year, this year…I can’t keep doing this to him.” she told her mother.
”Marla…you two are just going through normal married people things. You know….” her mother paused.
”What?” she asked.
”When you were 7…I went to the doctor for the same reason you did. Same exact thing happened…and your aunt…she had two miscarriages…”
”Mom! You never told us?” Marla asked.
”I was sick for a week. Remember when I had the flu? I stayed home with you during Spring Break?” her mother asked.
”Oh..then..?” Marla asked. ”Mom…when does it stop hurting? When did dad get over it?”
”Sweetie…you never really get over it. I still wonder what we would be like if there was a third. But, then I remember that there is a plan for everything. This is just when you have to put it in God’s hands. There is a reason you are going through all of this.” she stopped talking seeing Bruno walk up behind them.
”When are we eating?” he asked kissing his mother in law on the cheek taking a handful of shredded cheese as he walked toward the fridge to get a bottle of water.
”Mommmmmm!” Rose ran into the kitchen struggling to sit on the chair next to her mother. ”Mommy..I love you.” she jumped from her chair into her mother’s lap.
”I love you too. Are you ready to eat dinner?” Marla asked carrying her daughter to the table. Ouch.She thought to herself.
”Mommmyyyy…are you okay?” she asked.
”I’m fine, my love.” she answered sitting down next to her daughter picking at her food. Marla picked at the food pushing it around finally deciding she couldn’t eat. They finished dinner and put Rosie to bed saying good night to Sylvia.
Marla sat down on the couch after putting on her sweat pants and one of Bruno’s t-shirts to watch TV. Bruno sat down next to her just watching her eyes go back and forth from the tv to the bedroom they would have changed for the new baby. He grabbed her shoulder dragging her toward him making her laugh. She laid her head on his chest trying to find the right words. Am I worried about myself? Am I worried about him? What am I feeling? ”Bruno….it’s okay to be upset.” she told him.
”I don’t even know what to think, Mar. I just…I…I’m just so glad I was here. I never want you to go through this, but if I wasn’t here…”
”Bruno..I’ll get over it. How are you feeling?” she asked running her fingers along his shirt.
”I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m okay, Marla. I’m upset. I feel like I did when you were in the hospital. I never thought I would feel that way…ever…and here I am again. Feeling lost and confused and like a piece of me just died.”
”Bruno….” Marla suddenly thought back to her work with families. ”You, we…we lost a part of us..and it’s okay to feel the way you say you do…I just don’t want you to throw yourself back into things without dealing with those feelings. I’m not being selfish in anyway…I just want you to be okay.”
”Marla…I’ll be fine.” he told her.
”Oh my god. That’s like me saying I’m okay.” she told him.
”I’ll find a way to tell you about it. But I can’t even figure it out myself right now, Mar.” he told her.
”Okay…you can tell me whenever you want to, Bruno.” she told him kissing him on the cheek walking toward their bedroom. ”I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.”
**
Dear Marla,
Today Andrea called me. She told me that you weren’t feeling good and that you needed to go to the doctor. I thought you had another seizure. I got in the car with Rosie and drove as fast I could to get you. Marla, the day you have your seizures you were able to walk to the ambulance. Rosie saw you and hugged you and said good-bye. She said she loved you. I don’t think you know that happened. Today Rosie asked you not to leave her again. You didn’t know that you’ve left her once already. But you’re back with us. Mar, you were so white. And you were sweating like I do on stage. It scared me. Marla, the baby is gone. We had another baby for 13 weeks. I loved that baby, even if I didn’t get to see their beautiful eyes and their beautiful hair and their beautiful ears. I know you loved the baby too. I can see that it hurts you so much. It hurts me too. I think it hurts more than knowing that you don’t remember the day I proposed to you. And I didn’t know that anything could hurt more than that It hurts me to see you hurt. But, I talked to my therapist today, you know, the one you know so well, and she said that I need to go back because it makes me happy and it makes me who I am. She also said that it makes you happy to see me happy. I wasn’t sure if she was right. There are some days when I just want to hold you and Rosie and never let go because I know you’re both safe with me. But, I know that I can’t do that. I tried. I love you, Marla.
Bruno