8. Truth comes last
Bruno’s Mind 11.14 AM @ His house.
I woke up on this not so beautiful Saturday morning. And with not so beautiful I meant that it was pouring rain since last night. The sky was grey, and so were my emotions. I felt so screwed up inside.
Guilt was killing me. My heart told me to tell her that I was the one who got them in that car accident, but my brain tells me that she and I are not prepared for it. I closed my curtains again cause the weather was making me too depressed. I miss my family. Once in a while I think about how great it was back in Hawaii. I know that if I think too much about it, I am wanting to go back home. But I don’t want to go back as a failure. I want to go back as I told them how I would come back. As a famous singer. Well..I don’t know about the fame..I just want to share my emotions and my voice with people that might have gone through the same shit that I have been through.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth and dressed myself. I walked out of the bathroom. I threw my dirty clothes in the laundry and walked to the living room. Since I started selling my own music things have been going a little better in my life. I can actually afford milk now. And a house. I sat down and thought about Alissa. I haven’t done anything else actually. She is so beautiful, funny, strong, smart and she has a nice voice. I smiled. Yesterday was fun. I smiled again. I don’t want to have feelings for her. I really don’t. I don’t want her to be the rebound chick. And I absolutely don’t know how she is going to react when I tell her..if I tell her. I looked at my phone I didn’t realize it was vibrating until……now! I grabbed it and looked at it. I don’t want to answer it.. I just want alcohol. I looked at the caller ID “Kenji Chan” well this must be important..he never calls. I answered it ‘hey man, whattup?’ I say. ‘The record company called Eric.’ I froze ‘WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE TELL ME!?’ I heard a sigh ‘He tried too…but you kind off showed him the door.’ I grabbed my hair with my other hand ‘FUCK!’ Kenji laughed ‘would you calm down for a second, please?’ I started to breath normally again ‘Sorry, it’s just..I have been waiting for this opportunity for so long.’ ‘Yeah, maybe you will think twice about not answering your phone and sending your brother away.’ I sighed ‘alright..but I wasn’t in the best mood at that moment’ I walked to the kitchen ‘what happened?’ I didn’t answer him and grabbed a whisky glass of the top shelf. I poured some Black Label in the glass and took a sip of it. ‘Did you know Chanel was cheating on me?’ he laughed ‘So that’s why.’ Anger started boiling in me again. ‘Did you or didn’t you?’ He sighed. ‘No man, I didn’t, I would’ve told you even if it wasn’t my business.’ He chuckled . ‘I am kind off happy for you. She was a first class bitch.’ I took another sip ‘I know…well I didn’t think that before but now I do..and in the first place that wasn’t even the reason of me wanting to break up with her. I just wanted to break up with her because I finally noticed that our personality’s just don’t fit together.’ I looked down at my glass and decided to drink the rest all at once. I swallowed ‘I have to go…I’ll call Eric about it..thanks’ Kenji cleared his throat. ‘If you need me call me, bye.’ ‘Bye’ I threw my phone as far as I could and it landed on the couch as planned. I was so irritated for some reason, but I don’t know why. I opened the refrigerator and as always it was empty. I took my wallet, grabbed my jacket and walked out the door. It was still raining. ‘Fuck’ I sighed and walked to the supermarket I always went to. My black leather jacket always kept me warm and cozy. I got there, my hair was wetter than Chanel’s pussy when we had sex. I sighed and wanted to take a basket. “Please put in 1 dollar.” Seriously!? I didn’t have cash, since when did this happen. I searched in my pockets for that damn dollar, But I couldn’t find it. ‘Excuse me sir? You can take mine if you want I’m done with it.’ I turned around. It was her. I smiled ‘You shouldn’t be so nice to strangers.’ She gasped ‘WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE I GO!?’ She laughed. I smiled at her ‘You know we kind of live in the same neighborhood.’ Joelle laughed ‘You’re holding up a lot of people with angry faces behind you’ I turned around and I saw at least twenty people waiting. ‘It costs a dollar.’ And suddenly they were all gone. We laughed. I mean who has cash these days. ‘Here have fun’ she passed me the basket and smiled at me. ‘Why isn’t Alissa with you?’ I asked. ‘She is trying to get a job.’ She laughed ‘Poor thing’ I said. ‘I know, it’s hard to get a GOOD job in this city.’ Tell me about it. I looked down. ‘Why are you in shorts.’ I asked. ‘…I didn’t know it could rain in California.’ I laughed at her. ‘You are even more stupid by day.’ She laughed ‘Thank you!’ We exchanged some smiles ‘Well I’ll see you around, I have to go.’ She said showing me a bag full of ice cream, in packaging of course. I laughed ‘Bye’ she walked away ‘Thanks for the basket!’ She yelled ‘no problem!’ and disappeared. I walked in and just didn’t know where to start. I didn’t have bread, cheese, milk, eggs. You know all the regular stuff. When I went to check out I saw Melinda again. ‘Oh sweet baby Jesus’ She always flirts with me in a sexual way. She always tries to touch me. I really had no choice. All the other cash registers were closed. I got in line reluctantly. When it was my turn I got my wallet and just stared out the window . I knew she was looking at me with her ‘Oh I so want to jump on you’ look. She nicely took care of everything. After scanning the products she put it in a paper bag. She kind of did it in slow motion. The line was getting bigger and bigger and they opened 3 more lines so it all went a little quicker. This was getting so awkward. ‘That’ll be 79,95 please’ She said looking at me like she just had an orgasm. I got my credit card out of my wallet and paid for it. I looked at her and just gave her a friendly smile or else it would look like I was staring and believe me I wasn’t. I put the bags into the basket and walked away. Someone dropped their receipt . I picked it up of the ground and handed it to the person. ‘..Bruno?’ I heard. I turned around. ‘Hey!’ I said opening my arms for a hug. She excepted it. I saw Melinda glaring at me. Damn her. She has long blond hair, brown eyes, always wearing tones of make-up like she’s going to have dinner with Obama. Always dresses in these boobie showing tank-tops with her shorts. She let go ‘…so..you..like food?’ I laughed ‘It’s a lot right?’ she smiled ‘a little, yes’ God her smile. She is so beautiful. She looked all business women alike with her hot pink suede jacket, her white tank top and her black skirt that just came above her knees. I looked into her Blue/Grey eyes this moment was just perfect.
‘I saw Joelle just 40 minutes ago..here’ I said still looking in to her eyes. ‘Yeah, she forgot something so I had to pick it up for her on the way home.’ We walked to her car. I looked at it. ‘You..got it back?’ I asked. ‘Yeah…not really the other one is wrecked, we got this one from our insurer.’ She smiled ‘you know, those are a lot of bags..I should drive you home.’ I smiled. ‘Yeah..you should.’ I loaded in the bags and brought the shopping cart back. I got back and I drove her to my house. We talked for like a minute cause that’s when we got there. She got out of the car and stared at my house ‘…wow’ I smiled at her ‘You like?’ she nodded staring at my house. It wasn’t huge. It just looked very gorgeous. I took some bags and she did too. We walked into my house and I placed my bags on the kitchen table. ‘Bruno a little help here!’ she yelled. I laughed ‘what are you doing!?’ I asked her smiling. ‘You know, I can’t really see with bags before my eyes!’ I took some from her and we walked to the kitchen and put it down on the kitchen table. She sighed. ‘Let’s cook and invite Joelle and Phil over’ she said smiling at me. ‘That’s a very, very good idea!’ I said. ‘There is just one thing’ she looked at me ‘what?’ ‘I can’t cook’ I said laughing. She cracked up ‘I’ll teach you!’ We put everything we didn’t need into the fridge or in the shed. It was a fun bonding moment cause I always had to show her where the product belonged in my un-organized kitchen. I looked at the products on my kitchen table and just couldn’t see what we were going to cook. ‘…what are we making?’ I asked. ‘My special chicken’ she said smiling. ‘wait..you aren’t a vegetarian right…neither is Phil RIGHT?’ I laughed at her freaking out ‘Believe me..we aren’t.’ she smiled her sexy smile ‘Good’ I looked at her staring at me. ‘What?’ I asked her with my baby voice. ‘…how would you look in an apron?’ she said. ‘..uhm stupid?’ I said. ‘Good! Where do you keep em’?’ Oh I hate her, but in a good way. I chuckled. ‘Right over there’ I pointed to a drawer. She got one and put on me. She leaned in closer as she put it on me and tied the strings together. She was so close. And I liked it. ‘Damn that’s tight.’ I said. She let go. ‘I know’ She grabbed a knife and a cutting board. She took some tomatoes and started cutting them so fast that it was over while I blinked ‘Damn, you’re like a pro!’ I said looking at her. She smiled ‘Yeah, yeah just take pan put in on the stove and put some oil in it.’ I felt so stupid ‘Oil?’ she laughed at me ‘YES! Sun flower oil’ I giggled ‘I knew that I was just checking you’ I said lying. She chuckled ‘Uh-uh’ We laughed. But then my phone rang. It was right next to her. ‘Can you answer it’ I asked while searching for the sun flower fucking oil. ‘Me?’ she asked. ‘No I was talking to your OIL’ I laughed. She answered it. I heard her talk ‘No it’s Ms. James….yes well he is kind off busy right now….yes….w-what….’ I heard her voice freeze. ‘Y-yes…T-thank you..’ She dropped my phone. I stood up with the sun flower oil in my hands. ‘Alissa?’ tears started flowing ‘It was you?’ I froze. ‘…Alissa please’ She took of her apron and threw it at me ‘IT WAS YOU!?’ she was shaking. My whole world was just spinning 250 miles an hour. ‘Alissa, please let me e..’ She cried ‘NO I WON’T LET YOU!’ I sighed and came closer ‘please, just let me explain’ I saw how heartbroken she was , I saw how much she had the urge to slap me. She backed away. ‘Y-you lied to me…I trusted you…Joelle…WITHOUT SURGERY SHE DIED!’ I couldn’t see her hurt. This is why I didn’t want to tell her. ‘…I never want to see you again!’ she ran out. I just stood there, I felt so bad….I have never felt so bad in my entire life….
‘I screwed up.’
9. Because i love you
Alissa’s Mind 5:45 PM @
I was so heartbroken. I feel so stupid for ever loving him, for ever trusting him, for ever telling him what I have been through. And now I look back, he never told a thing about himself. Only that he wanted to become a singer. It killed me so bad. He killed me so bad. Life hates me. Nothing good ever happens to me. I can actually say that I hate him. It was still raining. It was actually storming. It began to thunder and my radio started playing itself. I turned it off. My wipers were making an awful sound. I was driving and thinking. Thinking about everything. I am so mad, but I can’t stop loving him.
Love hurts. It’s not a good feeling. Hate feels better than Love. Hate makes you think of evil stuff, like evil stuff happening to the person you hate and then you smile..then you are happy. But love….love rips you to shreds.. It jumps on your chest. It fucks you up. It hurts. It doesn’t feel right. I got home. The sky was as dark as my emotions. I don’t know why I made such a detour but it was already 6 PM .
I looked at my phone. 9 missed calls from Bruno. No, no ! I won’t break. I won’t call him back. I deleted his number from my phone and didn’t listen to the voicemails he left. I deleted everything.
And I wished I could delete him out of my memory too. I opened the door. ‘HALAW SISTA!’ I heard Joelle yelling full of happiness. ‘Did you get the job?’ I walked in and glared at her. ‘…yikes…I guess you didn’t’ I sighed and threw my pink jacket on the couch. ‘I got in a huge fight with Bruno’ her eyes widened. ‘ARE YOU SERIOUS, HE STILL OWE’S ME A DOLLAR!’ I got angry ‘HE WAS THE ONE WHO HIT OUR CAR IN THE ACCIDENT’ Her face went from crazed to emotionless, but then she got mad ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?’ I sighed ‘HE, AS IN HIM?’ ‘YES HE AS IN HIM.’ She sighed ‘what a dick’ I frowned ‘Is that all you have to say about him?’ she sighed ‘Well yes..he probably kept it from us because he didn’t want to hurt us…or…you’ I blinked a few times. ‘Me?’ she laughed ‘I see the way he talks to you, looks at you…I can see him wanting you in every single way there is Alissa.’ I sighed with irritate ‘stop. I do not want to be remembered to what I felt for him’ her eyes widened ‘I KNEW IT!’ I sat down on our couch ‘I know you knew, but I just…want to get over it okay.’ My phone rang. I remember the first 3 numbers of his phone number and that’s how I knew it was him. I didn’t answer. ‘…who is it’ is what Joelle asked me ‘…him’ I said. ‘answer it’ ‘NO’ we started to argue ‘YOU LOVE HIM, NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP YOU FROM LOVING HIM!’ Why is she ALWAYS right. I so didn’t want her to be right. But she is. ‘I AM TRYING TO FORGET ABOUT MR. SEXY NOW LET ME!’ she sighed and started painting her nails again ‘I really don’t get why you forgive his so easily. You were the one who was almost dead.’ She stopped painting her nails and looked at me with her serious face ‘Alissa…I love you, and I can see you love him, and I just know that if you cut him out of your life…you will regret it..and I don’t want to see you heartbroken, or sad , or even worse.. You did so much for me and this is the least I can do by forgiving him…something you should do. Alissa..you can’t be mad at him for something he did out of love for you…out of knowledge.’ I looked down ‘Thank you…but I just can’t I need time to think…and…what knowledge?’ she sighed and sat next to me looking me right in my eyes ‘…He knew that you weren’t prepared for it…he knows you already. That’s good though. He did it out of respect for your feelings.’ She is the best older sister in the world. She just is. She seems so fucking stupid but she is so wise…her words touched me. But I just couldn’t. ‘We’ll see.’ I said and started flipping through a magazine. ‘…It’s up to you sista love.’ She said, sat back on “her seat” and started painting her nails again. I looked at my phone with hesitant. And all of the sudden it started ringing again. She looked at me. ‘Pick up.’ She said. She just naturally knew it was him. I did as she said and picked it up. ‘Now answer it’ she said with a “you stupid” look on her face. ‘No.’ she sighed ‘DAMNIT!’ she stood up, stretched her toes – so her nail polish on there wouldn’t fail – and walked over at me like a penguin. She took my phone out of my hands and answered it. ‘Hello?’ she said as sweet as possible. ‘Put it on speaker’ I mouthed. She did as I asked. ‘It isn’t Bruno.’ She said softly. My eyes widened. ‘Yeah are you Alissa? Well, you should know that I was the one who told you about it. You know…IT’ That voice…it’s the girl who told me about the accident. ‘Y..yeah it’s Alissa..how did you get my number?’ Joelle said. ‘You were still kind of registered in the computer, My aunt talked too Bruno when he was waiting for you guys in the hospital..she told me everything and I pretty much got pissed so I told you.’ The only thing that was spinning in my head was ‘Bitch , that is none of your business.’ ‘Name’ is what I mouthed to Joelle ‘W..who are you?’ She asked her. ‘Chanel , Bruno’s ex girlfriend.’ Joelle hung up. ‘WHY DID YOU DO THAT!’ she sighed. ‘I don’t like her already.’ I laughed. ‘I know, it’s none of her business…but I am kind of glad I know now.’ Joelle sighed ‘So what’s for dinner?’ I laughed. ‘Taco Bell is on the corner.’ Joelle smiled ‘TACO’S IT IS!’ We got our stuff (Phones, Purses, Jackets, Keys) and walked out. The rain stopped. ‘You are driving.’ Joelle said. I laughed. ‘Yeah from now I will.’ We laughed and got in the car. It’s amazing how Joelle can heal anyone from a broken heart. She has always been the love doctor in my relationships. Even though they never lasted. We got there. Joelle was hitting male employees as always, In the hope that we got a dollar of. I just stood behind her holding back my laugh because the guy she was hitting on was an ugly-ass brace face who looked like a girl with serious acne. A guy who was sitting behind us knew what she was trying to do, he was kind of cute though. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans with a t-shirt saying ‘Ma Hood Nigga’ I laughed at the shirt and then looked at him. Our eyes locked. ‘Does she always do that?’ I smiled at him ‘Jup, is she doesn’t have coupons she does that’ He laughed. ‘I’m Jamareo.’ Is what he said. Joelle got back with our food ‘3 DOLLARS OFF BEEECHH!’ I laughed ‘NICE!’ Jamareo laughed with us. Their eyes locked ‘H..hi’ Is what Joelle said almost dropping the tray. ‘I’m Alissa, and this missy here is Joelle’ Joelle laughed ‘You look lonely.’ Jamareo smiled ‘I kind of am…join me?’ Oh my god. I could see a romance popping up. ‘Joelle.’ I said ‘huh?’ I chuckled. ‘nah, it’s nothing.’ I sat down and she did as well we talked, laughed, exchanged phone numbers and left. ‘He was one cutie pants! ‘ I laughed at Joelle ‘Do you like him?’ She sighed. ‘I don’t know…YES!’ We both laughed and got in the car. ‘His hair is all fluffy!’ I smiled ‘I know, I was there..’ Joelle looked at me. I was driving again. ‘It didn’t seem like it.’ ‘I just watched you guys flirt with each other. He likes you woman!’ She smiled ‘I know…’