We Drive back to jams hand in hand, it was strange because it was quiet but I still feel like I’m floating on a cloud…But I keep waiting for my gut to sink or for someone to pop out & say surprise this is all a joke. For me to wake up & this all go away…but as many times as I blink, I’m still in this car with Phred.
“You OK over there?” he ask
“you keep blinking like somethings wrong.”
“No no, every things Perfect.”
“Good, I feel the same way..”
It was quiet again but he had a smile on his face just about as big as mine.
We drive up the hill to jams house, all I hear is a female voice screaming. What the hell is going on?! Pulling up, I fall from my cloud & land right on my ass. This Bitch just ruins every fucking thing! Before Phred even stops the car, I get out & storm over towards Gina. I watch her turn around and almost stop in my tracks. She looks horrible, like someone drew black lines her her face & colored in her eyes with red marker.
I walk up to her, pushing her so she could feel my frustration. She slams into the fence but I grab her tossing her away. She yanks her arm away and fucking slaps me and like the bitch she is, she cringes her body & I fucking let her have it.
Or at lease I though I was. The only thing my fist are hitting, is the concrete and as I finally look up all I see is Gina on the fence. Her holding on to it with dear life, I can’t really see her face but I can see little rips in her yellow dress & that’s when I realize there’s someone holding on to me with all their might.
Phred turns me around & makes me look up at him. Taken aback, I’ve never seen him angry especially with it towards me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!!” Phred says
“WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?” I screamed
“YES, I TOLD YOU TO STOP, SHE WASN’T EVEN WORTH IT ALISIA!!”
“I DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH HER!”
“THE FUCK YOU DIDN’T, I TOLD YOU TO STOP & YOU IGNORED ME LIKE I WASN’T EVEN FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!”
Phred let me go and walked over to Gina, she immediately let go of the fence and ran to Phred but this time she turned towards me. Hot damn, I really fucked her up but I don’t even remember touching her. I look at my hands and seen no bruises, bumps or blood so how the hell did I…
“I think you should go cool down.” Phred says
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I say
“I’m not telling I’m asking you!”
“What ever Phred.” I said with a laugh
“I find nothing amusing!”
“How? You got Gina in your arms so since you want to be her superman I’m out. Later.”
I turned around and walked away, Phred saying my name over & over wasn’t going to change a thing. Getting that feeling in my gut and feeling my heart slow down, I start walking with my head held high, I let my tears fall down down down..
“The fuck are you doing here Gina?!” Phred said
“Phred, I just wanted to talk to you.” She says
“WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!”
“Please just give me a Minute.”
“I Love you.”
“I want us to get back together.”
“I know you still want me!”
“NO I DO NOT WANT YOUR CHEATING ASS!”
“OBVIOUSLY YOU DO, IF YOU WERE PROTECTING ME FROM HER!”
I push her away and look at her, her face was swelling & lips were puffy. She was right, what am I doing. I didn’t protect her I just, tried to stop Alisia from killing her but why? I have no Idea. I kept looking over Gina shoulder to see how far down the hill Alisia was. Gina turned around and then looked at me.
“She’s not coming back Phred, so just be with me. You still love me like I love you.”
I don’t know why I did what I did but I just made a big fucking mistake. I push past Gina but she grabs my arm.
“You’re making a big mistake Fredrick.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Why it’s your name.”
“look….What ever, Gina just stay out of my life.”
“So is that a no?”
“a no for what?”
“For us to try this again?”
I snatched my arm away from her and started jogging down the hill. I smiled at Gina making the right choice for once. I started running and screaming behind me still with a smile on my face.”
“THAT’S A NO, A FUCK NO & A HELL NO!”
I stop in my tracks as I see Alisia about to get into a car. She stops and looks at me and I can tell she’s been crying. She smiles at me then gets into a car with Alicia & Maria. They drive off with all of their middle fingers out the window. I watch her drive away and I start to get this sinking feeling in my gut. Fuck.
The girls & I end up at this new juke joint. Called the Blue Blues, where everything is blue just the perfect place for me. There is jazz playing in the back round and Maria is already leaned over talking to some guy at a table while Alicia & I are at the bar. I look at her in amazement. I don’t know how she can just move from one guy to another with out crying about the one before. Now that me & Phred were over… I feet my head start to hurt but I just blink & take another sip of my drink making me numb.
“Alisia don’t even think about it.” Alicia says
“Trust me I wasn’t.” I say
“I’m just glad to be with out.”
“Excuse me miss.”
I looked up and there was this tall drink of a man. He was, tall, tan, curly hair & gray eyes type of drink. Nothing like…
“I couldn’t help myself, so I had to just come over.” he said
“Oh really.” I say
“And do you have a name?”
“Carlos & yours?”
“Alisia, so let’s cut the bull & just ask me what you want to ask me.”
He was shocked but I didn’t care, I was feeling buzzed and just wanted this day to be over with. I smiled at him and he smiled at me.
“Straight forward Woman?”
“I’m just in a no bull shit kind of mood, so spit it out.”
“Damn it’s like that?”
“Can’t take the honesty?”
“Yeah I can but i’ve never had a woman be so bold.”
“Well congrats, I made your wish come true.”
“I guess you did but you know what would make my dreams come true?”
“What? You want me to come home with you?”
Alicia started choking on her drink, I look over at her and pat her back. She gets up and walks towards the bathroom and I just take another sip of my drink. I look up at Carlos and his face is flushed but I just give him a stank face.
“Well, is that true?” I ask
“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes it is.” Carlos says
“Sorry to tell you but it ain’t happening.”
“What can I do to change your mind?”
“Change my mind.”
“You expect me to give you all the answers?”
“No, because as a man. It’s my job to figure it out but i’ve picked up somethings about you.”
“Oh yeah like what?”
“You’re strong & that’s why your single.”
“Yes, and you’re lonely but you don’t want to make it seem like your desperate.”
“is that so?”
He sat down next to me and whispered in my ear something it thought a man would never have the guts to even say to a woman.
“& I can make you feel so good that you forget all your problems and I can do it all with my mouth.”
My. Mouth. Drops. But I keep my eyes forward just to make sure he don’t know that he surprised me. I will admit that I can feel myself get a little excited and I feel my heart sting a little but I blow it off.
I look towards Carlos and he got that look in his eye. With is hand on my knee I knew where this is headed. I can feel my heart pounding as I turn my head towards him and look into his piercing gray eyes. He put his hand out and I just look at it then look around. Maria and Alicia were no where to be found so I put my drink down and stared back into his eyes.
“How do I know you’re not some crazy person?” I ask
“You just got to know that’s all I can tell you.” he says
I inhale then close my eyes. Images flash in my head like a flip book of Gina & Phred, him holding her and she holding on to him like they belonged together. Phreds face full of anger towards me. The protection and the look on Ginas face as she looked at me while holding my man.
I open my eyes and take Carlos hand. Putting my drink down, I follow him out of the bar and to his car.
I kick the trash can over, then pick it up and launch it as far as I can throw. The car Alisia was in is long gone and I’m still here at the bottom of the hill. Damn it, I’m such an idiot! It was like I chose Gina over Alisia right in front of her eyes and I can’t even deny it. I couldn’t help myself but now? Fuck her, fuck Gina. I got to find Alisia and soon before it’s too late.
Jam pulls up in his moms car and I just look at him. He shakes his head and I get into the car without a word knowing where we are going.
We end up at Gi’s, find a booth and sit down. We order our things and I brace myself for the worst. The explanation.
“Phred, my ma..”
“Alisia & Gina fought. More like Alisia gave Gina a beating and I protected her.”
“But why? I thought you were done with her.”
“i am… I though I was. Well I don’t know man.”
“i mean, ya’ll were together for 2 years bro. So maybe it was a reaction.”
“Maybe.. I don’t know. All I know is that I fucked up big time.”
“You know what I think?”
“I think you still love her.”
“Look think about it, the same day you broke up with Gina you got with Alisia. You didn’t give yourself time to you know. Relax.”
“..i see what your saying but it’s like I care about Alisia a lot.”
“Do you love her?”
“No. don’t get me wrong though. I do like her a lot.”
“Well If you like her so much then why did you do what you did?”
“..I honestly cant tell you.”
“Well how you gonna make it up to her.”
“I got to find her first.”
The waitress came back with out food and we tore into it. Man I love this joint, the food is always right no matter what you order from here. I look up and jam and see him almost finished with his food.
“Man I’m full.” he says
“yeah that was good.” I say
“But back to what I was saying. I think that you still love Gina, now I’m not saying that you don’t like Alisia but it just makes sense.”
“But I don’t understand why Gina was there in the first place. She cheats on me with Eric out of all the people in the world & now she wants to work it out. Then she freaked me out in school.”
“Wait, in school?”
“Yeah, she came up to me acting all crazy saying I still love her and we should be together and all that jazz. I told her to stay out my life.”
“Damn , that’s crazy!”
“yeah, then she pulls that shit. She’s crazy!”
“But you protected her from Alisia.”
“I know, don’t remind me.”
“I’m just stating facts but you know what, you should go find Alisia but after you think things through. I know Gina cheated but either way you where with her for a long time & just to move on like that with Alisia isn’t healthy but you do owe Alisia an explanation. Once you find her.”
I put my hands in my dreads and sighed. He is right & this is why jam is my best friend. He always gives good advice but even with his wise words. I still don’t know what to do. I hurt someone I care about but as crazy as it sounds, I think I still care for Gina. I don’t know.
“So what now brother?”
“I don’t even know, I need some time to think about things. Get my head straight.”
“Alright, I’ll see ya when I see ya.”
I give jam a shake, leave my bill money and head out the diner to that new blue bar. I’m in need of a drink.
Carlos handed me the bottle of jack & I drank the rest of it. We ended up going no where, just sitting in his car in front of the bar just sharing a bottle together. He kept me laughing and we are having a good ole time. I’m glad though, I needed it.
I look over at Carlos and he’s staring at me with a smile on his face so I stare back. I drop the bottle out the window and lean back and just look up at the ceiling.
“Thanks…for this.” I say
“Your welcome, you look like you needed it.”
“Why where you in there any ways?”
“it’s my spot, it’s where I go.”
“Why? You can drink at home.”
“Damn, what’s with all the questions.”
“Whats so wrong about me asking questions?”
“It’s not like I’m gonna see you again.”
“Oh so this is it?”
“Again with this why shit.”
I sigh and fold my arms looking out the window. I look at the door and wonder if the girls are even looking for me. He pokes me in the arm and I just ignore him, he keeps at it and I start to get irritated. I look over at him and he looks away, Carlos pokes me again and I look at him but he looks away. I smirk a little, stupid ass. It’s quiet and from the corner of my eye I see him staring at me. I look around but nope, he’s still looking. I sigh and turn towards him.
“What are you looking at?” I ask
“You.” he says
“Here we go with they why.” he says mimicking me
“Shut up.” I say with a chuckle
“but no really, stop it. It’s making me uncomfortable.”
“but I like looking at beautiful women.”
“Oh hush, I’m not…”
“yes you are.”
Before I could say another word, Carlos is in front of me. My heart starts to pound as I stare into his gray eyes. His mouth is slowly open and I can feel the heat rise from him. He leaned towards me and stopped. He looks me dead in my eyes and I can see his arm twinge but he doesn’t move at all. Now I don’t know if it was because I was buzzed or what but it hit me like never before. Tears fall from my eyes and I just start sobbing hard and fast .
“I.II. II I’m so so so sorry.” I said sputtering my words
“Shh, it’s ok. It’s ok.”
“NO! I Shouldddn’t bbee bee crying.”
“Alisia it’s ok, shh.”
He wiped the tears from my eyes and I just let it all out. I didn’t even know him but fuck it I’m drunk & sad. I miss my man but he don’t want me, he’s with Gina. I lose it all.
“Maybe I should take you home.” he says
“I’m I’m soory..”
“Shh it’s ok just show me the way.”
Carlos get’s in the drivers seat and I show him the way there. The whole way there, he’s holding my hand while I calm down & it’s comforting. As strange as it sounds, it’s comforting. We get to my house and pull up to the drive way. He turns off the car and still has a hold of my hand but I pull away.
“Thanks for driving me home.” I say
“Yeah, anytime.” he says
“Can I see you again?”
“Why?” he said with a laugh
“Because, this wouldn’t work & I’m in need of sometime.”
“Time for what? You got a man?”
“..I don’t know.”
“How don’t you know?”
“I just don’t know.”
“Why what happened? He cheat on you?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Fine be that way.”
“I will be that way. I don’t even know you.”
“Yeah but you got in my car and drank & laughed with me so obviously you had different intention on what you wanted to do to me until you started crying about your boyfriend or what ever he is to you.”
“You just think you know me so much about me don’t you.”
“No, i’ve just been around girls like you before. So tough & no bull shitters on the outside but really your soft. So stop with the bull shit & let me see you again.”
“Looky here Mr. Carlos. I don’t know you like that ok & I just cant be going around being with anybody plus I have never seen you around here and this is a small town.”
“I’m from L.A., since you don’t know me and I also just moved next door to you so either way, I’m going to see you again. So why don’t you just cut the shit and kiss me like you want to.”
“You heard me right and you know I’m right. I had you in that bar ready to get it don’t even act like you didn’t. So why stop? If he cheated on you then why are you debating to be with him?”
“Because I care about him that’s why!”
“You just sound so stupid.”
“To hell with you!”
I get out the car and slam the door. I hope I broke it, bastard. What ever, it’s not like I’m going to see him again anyways. Carlos drives away but I can’t get him out my head.. “you just sound so stupid” . No, he was wrong, I’m not stupid. Far from it, I’m just confused on the situation. I feel used, like I was something to make Gina mad & foolish for falling for him so easily. Damn it Alisia, you did it again.
I hop over my wall and walk over to my window then start to climb up. Open the window, climb in and close the window. I strip down to nothing and hop in the shower thinking about this crazy dramatic day. I close my eyes and see Phred holding that whore, the look on his face as I got into the car with the gals and then Carlos piercing gray eyes. That know it all bastard.
I hear a knock on my door and turn off the shower. Wrap a towel around my head & body then walk towards my bed. It’s just the madre sitting on my bed.
“Hey Mija. You getting ready for bed?” she says
“Yeah, I had a long day.”
“Oh really? What did you do.”
“A lot of things ma. Why?”
“because you weren’t home all day.”
“I was with the gals as usual.”
“Hmm, you seem different about it.”
“what do you mean? I’m the same person.”
“You are usually , I don’t know happier?”
“I’m just tired ok?”
“alright, i’ll leave it alone but I hope this boy is worth the pain.”
I didn’t say anything I just rolled my eyes. She kissed my forehead and said a prayer then she left the room. I get up and turn off the light then I hear a knocking sound again. Huh mom go away.
I get up and open the door but don’t see anyone. Hmm, maybe it’s candy playing a trick on me. What ever, I hop back into bed when I hear knocking again.
“Candy it’s not funny go away!” I say
but nothing, gosh I can’t stand her. I roll over and turn on my lamp, when i hear that knocking again. I look around and then my eyes advert to the window,hearing that knocking sound again I get up slowly and open the curtain.
“Oh My God you Scared me!” I say
“Sorry I just had to see you.”
“Did you follow me Carlos?” I ask
“I can’t resist you.” he says
“You’ve only known me for 24hours!”
“Shh! Do you really want to wake your parents?”
“No but you shouldn’t be here.”
“I don’t even know you get out!”
“Alisia is everything ok in there?” candy asked
“..Yeah, go back to sleep.”
“I’m trying but your so flippin loud!”
I bite my tongue, holding back what I really want to say. Carlos stares at me and I glare at him. Why would he follow me into my room?! What is wrong with this cat? Carlos sit on my bed & starts playing with my blue satin sheets. I fold my arms as I stare at him but he pays me no mind.
“Sorry. Go back to bed candy.” I say
“You too.” she says
“Who was that?” Carlos ask
“Oh I see.”
“Well you can leave now.”
“Not till you come with me.”
“Um, I don’t think so. It’s late & I got to go to school tomorrow.”
“So do I but still come with me.”
“Alright you made me do it..”
Carlos opened his mouth and I pounced on him so fast he didn’t even see it coming. We both fell on the floor with a loud bump and I covered his mouth with my hand.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” Candy screamed
“NOTHING GO TO BED!” I say
“BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I COME UP THERE!” Papi says
“See you made me wake up the house.”
“All you had to do was listen to me.”
“Don’t you even say a word..” I say covering his mouth
“Come with me?”
“Come where with you Carlos?”
“Just come on.”
“Of what ?”
“Ha, in your dreams.”
“Your already in them.”
“What? You are a strange one.”
“& you talk a lot.”
He gets up, grabs my arm to pull me up. He pulls me along to the window and climbs down & out. I look out the window and see him with his arms out. He has lost all of his marbles! Do he expect me to jump & for me to believe that he’ll catch me? Ut uh, he can go on with all of that wacky jack.
“Jump!” Carlos says
“Hell to the no!” I say
“I’ll catch you.”
“Oh so you’re a frady cat?”
“I’m not afraid of anything, but the thought of putting my precious life in your hands is a big no no.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“Like I keep trying to tell you, I don’t even know you.”
“then why are you here talking to me still?”
“…you sure you’re gonna catch me?”
I say a little prayer and step out the window. My heart is pounding and I can’t feel myself breath but I close my eyes and jump. I feel myself fall & then I heart a grunt, too afraid to open my eyes. I keep them closed.
“I caught you.”he says
“..yeah. You did.”
I had my arms rapped around his neck and I cleared my throat for him to put me down but he didn’t. I kept my head down because I know if I look at him, he’s going to try something. I can feel it in my gut.
He finally put me down but didn’t let me go. Carlos pulled me close to him and moved the hairs out of my face then traced my lips. But I looked away.
“Took you long enough to jump.” he says
“I was sure you were going to drop me.”
“No you finally decided to shut the fuck up and jump like I said.”
I scoff and push him away from me. He just smiles at me and takes my hand towards the infamous wall that surrounds my house. He helps me up while I help him climb up and over. He pulls me along across the street where he stays at. His house as big as ours but not as white or as tall, it was a a little more homey.
Carlos pulls me along through a garden and I look around in amazement. There are a lot of flowers everywhere surrounded by small Christmas lights all around the garden. There was even a swing and a pond and by the looks of it, I guess that’s where we’re going. Sitting down, he started the swing.
“This garden is beautiful.” I say stay
“Yeah, Mama is into stuff like this.”
“How long does it take her to do this?”
“Well all of this took a couple of days but mama just kept the old plants from home in their pots & stuff then planted them here.”
“Wow, it’s Amazing though & relaxing. I could swing on this swing forever.”
“i could swing with you forever.”
“I know, I know. I don’t even know you but admit it. You feel relaxed around me.”
“..yeah, you could say so.”
“You know so because I’m funny, I make you laugh& that fiery personality you have fuels the fire in me. You can see it too. That’s why you’re here. Your as curious as I am but don’t let something in your past stop us.”
I stared into those intense gray eyes but I had to look away. Getting those butterflies in my stomach again and feeling a little nervous. I look out into the garden and feel my eyes water but I blink them away causing me to gain a headache. I didn’t let my past stop me with Phred by just jumping into things but look how that turned out.
“I’m sorry Carlos but I just…can’t make the same mistake again.” I say
“Oh, so it’s my fault your hurt. It’s my fault so now I’m paying for it. I knew you were that type a girl that oh I just want to wait, I need time to heal. Bull shit, grow up and move on!”
“You think it’s so fucking easy to forget about someone you care about?!”
“Alisia, if you cared about him so much you wouldn’t be here confused about me!”
“Confused about what?! I don’t even like you!”
“Then why the fuck are you here!!”
“I DON’T KNOW!!”
“Let me remind you..”
His lips were on mine and for a split second, I closed my eyes. He started sucking on my neck but then I push him off of me and slap him. Getting up off the swing I walk towards the gates leaving this place when I feel a hand on my arm and I get spun around. He pulls me close to him and I try to push him away but then I stop fighting it. Carlos is just holding me and rubbing my back, I take a deep breath and give in. I put my arms up and around his back and hold him back.
We just stand there holding each other when he lifts my chin. I look at him then my eyes fall to his lips and I watch them smile. I look back into his eyes and he just stares back at me. I feel so weird, like my body is so comfortable around him , live i’ve known him forever. I don’t like the fact that he makes me feel so calm like that. It’s scary to even think that you can feel a certain way about someone you just met. Kind of like how I was with Phred, liked him forever, known him for a second & got together like that.
My heart pinches. Phred. Why? Why couldn’t you of held me like you held Gina? Why did you protect her like she was yours when it was clear that I was yours? Why did you leave me heart broken like that, give me the cold shoulder like I was nothing after I told you my secrets, my dreams & my fears. You got this man holding me making me feel secure when it should be you holding me.
“This is why you’re here. You need to be held & you know that I would do it. Alisia, I know a connection when I feel one and I got one with you. You feel it too but you give me no benefit of the doubt because you don’t know me but Alisia, even if you knew me all your life. You would still ignore what’s going on with us because your feelings still belong to that guy who’s breaking your heart.”
“…i need to go.”
He didn’t fight me about it or give me a smart come back, he just let me go. I walked away but I can feel his eyes watching me walk away. I can’t deal with this right now, I look up at the stars and see them twinkle. Why? Why now? I don’t know what I’m feeling but I’m feeling something. Should I move on & forget? Or should I keep holding on to something that i’ve wanted for so long. As soon as I got what I wanted it was like it was taken away from me in an instant but then someone else shows up right after. I don’t know what’s going on but I need to think about this.
I do my jungle woman and climb back into my room. There is a note on my pillow and I look around. Lock my window then read “We need to talk.” it is all it says and my heart sinks. It’s Phreds writing. Huh. I sigh and turn off my lamp and try to go to sleep praying that i’ll know what to do when I see Phred tomorrow at the last day of school.
I hear my alarm go off. Damn, I’m still tired. Looking all over town for Alisia was draining. I seen Maria at the bar with some guy and asked her if she’s seen her but she told me she’s not her keeper. I even went back to her house and snuck into her room but she wasn’t there.
I roll out of bed, do my daily morning routine of washing, brushing and dressing then go down stairs to the kitchen. I see jams mom making breakfasts and it smell wonderful.
“Morning Mom.” I say
“Hey Phred, good morning.” she says
“You came home early? How was you trip?”
“it was ok but I won’t be here long. I have to go back to finish some business.”
“Don’t stay away too long now.”
“I won’t but Your plate is on the table. Pour some OJ for J & D will you please?”
I go to the ice box and do as I’m told. She’s not really my mom but the closest thing to it. D lives here like I do, she took us all in when she didn’t have too. I love her for it. Jam is lucky to have a mom in his life.
I hear the fellas come down the stairs and we all eat together as a family. After I can’t eat anymore, she hands us our lunches and we’re all about to leave when she grabs my arm.
“Can I talk to you?” she asks
“Bye mom I love you!” Jam says waving bye
“Have a good day baby!”
“Bye D, behave in school or else I’m fittin to come up in there.”
He laughs and waves good bye. i watch them drive off and then look at ma and she don’t have a happy look on her face.
“Where were you last night? You missed dinner.” she asks
“I was looking for someone.” I say
“I thought so. Was is Alisia?”
“How did you know?”
“Now you know J can’t keep a secret from me.”
“It’s ok but don’t come home late again. Do you understand me?”
“Ok, now go to school.”
“Ok I will.” giving her a kiss on the cheek
“Oh and Phred?”
“Being in love & caring for someone are two different things.”
I just shook my head and headed out the door. I don’t know how she knew but I guess sometimes that a mama thing.
I get to school with 15mins to spare when I see Alicia sitting on a bench reading a book. I jog over to her and sit next to her. She’s still reading the book but I know she sees me, I mean I’m sitting right next to her.
“What do you want?” she says
“Damn, no hello?” I say
“No because I don’t respect you nor like you so get away from me before you feel my wrath through a book.”
“Ok, I can respect that.”
“Then respect me by getting the fuck out of my face.”
“Damn! Why it have to be like that.”
Alicia turned towards me and closed her book with a face of an pissed off animal. She slammed the book down on the bench then poked me in my chest.
“Why? Are you seriously that stupid Phred?! You played her, you used her & you broke her heart acting like you cared! That’s why Its like that! I hate men that think it’s funny to play with a woman heart then try to act like they didn’t do anything. Guys like you are the reason why Alisia is the way she is. Now excuse me. I have to get to class.”
I watch her walk away but don’t get up. She’s wrong, I do care about Alisia. I just made a mistake I didn’t need all the attitude I just needed to know where she was at so we could talk. I know what I did but it’s not the way it seems, I don’t know why I did what I did but I did do it and I’m sorry for it.
I sigh as I hear the warning bell ring for class. I get up and walk to class dreading this day because it feels like it’s gonna be a long one but thank god it’s the last one.
The bell just rang for the last class and people bust out of school smelling the freedom of the last day of school. Thank GOD summers here, I don’t think I can take another day of school. I need a serious break.
I walk to my locker and gather the last of my things when I see Alisia coming out of the bathroom. I pick up my book bag and run over to her.
“Hey wait up!” I say
“What do you want?” she asks
“I want to talk to you.”
“About what, we have nothing to talk about.”
“Did you get my note?”
“The one I left on your pillow.”
“I burned it why?”
“You burned it?!”
“Phred, I’m tired & you’re wasting my time. So go back to Gina and leave me be.”
“NO! I don’t want her I want you.”
“You had me, you lost me & now you want me back.”
“Look I know I made a mistake.”
“Oh do you now? Do you also know that you made me look like a idiot? The whole school knows I was dumped because the bitch is running her mouth.”
“Yeah so have a good life & I guess i’ll see you at graduation.”
“why not? What could you possibly say to make me forget what you did?! You chose what you chose. So I chose to leave.”
She turns around and walks away but I’m not letting her get away again. So I follow her outside. She gets to her car and turns around towards me, her eyebrows burrowed and her lips frowning at me. She looks at me with anger but I can see the hurt in her eyes. I try to think of something to say, anything but nothing comes to mind. She’s staring at me like she want’s me to say something to make her feel better but it’s like my brain is frozen.
“I knew you had nothing to say.” she says
“..All I can say is that I’m sorry. What else can I do?”
“Nothing. I’m done with you. So be done with me.”
“What If I don’t want to?”
“Tough, now move before you make me late for work.”
She pushes me out the way and I don’t fight it, all I can do is watch her get into her car. She sits there but after a while she starts the car and drives off. I watch her car drive away as I start to walk to Gi’s. With a plan churning in my head to get Alisia back.
I drive to work with so much anger built up in me it’s causing me to have a serious headache. Phred had his chance to say something to change my mind. My head was screaming for him to say something, anything! But..all I got was a big nothing and that let me know that it’s truly over. A sign that I needed to move on to laundry him.
I pull up to work and rub my eyes trying to make the pain go away but I know it won’t . Can’t let the girls see me like this or Gi. He’ll have a whole fit if he see me mad especially if it’s over a boy. I look in the diner and see that no one was in there. Thank goodness it’s a slow day. I walk inside, change into my uniform in the bathroom and go in the back to make me a triple chocolate milk shake.
“Hey you ok?” Gi asks
“Yeah why?” I ask
“Because you only make those when you are feeling a type a way.”
“I’m ok Gi.”
“You dont look good.”
I take a sip of heaven and close my eyes. Yes, exactly what I needed, I swear this is the best medicine in the world. Chocolate & Pepsi cures everything.
“Talk.” Gi says
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Why is that?”
“Because why Alisia Jaay.”
“It’s stupid, don’t worry about it.”
“If it’s so stupid then why are you acting like your whole world just ended?”
“It didn’t end. It’s just painful.”
“Who did this to you?”
“…no one important.”
“Alright block head.”
“I’m not a block head. Don’t insult me.”
“Don’t insult me!”
“How am I insulting you!”
“Trying to make me seem stupid Alisia, I know when something is wrong with you so stop acting like nothing is wrong!”
“THAT’S BECAUSE NOTHING IS WRONG!”
“THEN START ACTING LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG!”
Gi slapped my shake out my hand! The bastard!! I walk over towards him and punch him in his stomach but he put me in a death grip. I hit him as hard as I can, with blow by blow going right into his back and he just takes it all. All my anger & frustration, my pain my fears & my broken heart. I let it all out until I finally crack.
Gi shushes me and rubs my hair and back while I make his shirt my tissue when I hear the door bell go off. I turn around and see Phred standing there, all drenched in his sweat with blue roses in his hands and a pleading look on his face. My heart says Go but my brain wont let me leave where I’m at…
I stare at Phred, clinging tightly to Gi. deciding on what I should do. Phred makes my heart melt with so many emotions but Carlos..just that one night with him, he made me feel some kind of fire and as much as I hate to admit it, I kinda like him but I just don’t know. From Phred chocolate pools of love to Carlos steamy gray eyes, I don’t know who’s I love most.
I stare at Phred with the flowers in his hand & follow up to his lips till i hit his eyes. Darting away from them i look at Gi. He just stares at me back, no look of an answerer any where. He Kisses My Forehead & Hugs Me Then Walks Into The Back of The Restaurant. Shit, i guess i got to do this on my own.
“Alisia.” Phred says
“What?” I say
“How are you doing today?”
“Good..i got these for you.”
“Throw them away, i don’t want anything from you.”
“i would rather you had them”
“give them to the love of your life.” I say sitting on a stool
“I’m trying too but she won’t take them.”
“I’m sure Gina would love them if you left them on her door step.”
“I wasn’t talking about Gina.”
”..you don’t love me, so cut that shit right now.”
“You’re right, i don’t love you but i know that i truly care..”
“What’s so funny?”
“Your bull shit!”
“It’s not bull shit Alisia!”
“Yes it is!”
“No it’s not!”
“so that shit with Ginas not bull?!”
“Must we always revert back to her Alisia!”
“FUCK YEAH, YOU HAD THAT STUPID BITCH IN YOUR ARMS INSTEAD OF ME! I HATE HER & YOU WERE PROTECTING HER!”
”..Alisia, please listen to me when i tell you that i don’t know what came over me but i regret everything i did in those fucked up minutes. I fucked up & i would do anything to fix it but i fucking can’t!”
“And who’s fault is that hmm?”
“Mine, & i know a sorry ain’t shit to you but it’s all i got for now but If you let me have you again, i swear I’ll make it up to you.”
I stare at the floor clenching my jaw. Why, why do i have to be in predicaments like this & where are the customers to distract me! I feel like I’m being punished. I look out the window watching people walking by but no one walking in.
“So, what’s it gonna be?” Phred asks
“I don’t know Phred!” I yell
“Fine, i’ll leave it up to you then. You know where I live, so when you make decision please. Just stop by ok? We need talk about this, I can’t just…let this go.”
I didn’t say anything as he put the flowers on the table and closed the door. He turned towards me then flipped the sign over. Huh, so that’s why no one was coming in, he made the sign say closed. Sighing, I walk to the back of the place and grab a mini bottle of jack, then walk behind the diner and lean on the wall. I feel the burn go down my throat and man it feels so good but too bad it’s over already. I’m not even buzzed. I toss the bottle into the trash and soak up the sun as much as I can. I’m so glad that school is over forever and I don’t have to be forced to see Phred everyday. Once I graduate, I’m out of this city & going somewhere far away and I don’t have to ever come back.
“Damn! You scared me!”
“I was calling your name for the longest chica.”
“Oh, damn. Sorry maria.”
“Eh, Esta bien.”
“What are you doing here? I though you worked the late shift?”
“I do, i’m just meeting this guy I meet yesterday here.”
“Jeeze, I swear Maria..”
“You swear what?”
“you got a new one everyday.”
“I just said I met him yesterday stupid, if you were paying attention.”
“Ugh, I don’t even care..”
“What’s wrong with you? Still moaning over that Phred guy?”
“Mhmm, I don’t even know why you even like him. He’s not all that great anyways. I think he plays for the other team”
“What do you mean by that?!”
“I’ve tried to get with him when he first moved here but he like kept pushing me away saying no.”
“You Fucking bitch! I told you I thought he was cute when he first moved here!”
“So! You never said you liked him! So I made the first move!”
“UGH, DAMN IT MARIA!! I SWEAR YOU ARE SUCH A HUZZY!”
“I DIDN’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM ALISIAA! I TRIED TO BUT HE IS GAY OR SOMETHING!”
“JUST BECAUSE HE DON’T LIKE YOU THAT DON’T MEAN HE’S GAY YOU STUPID BITCH!”
“YOU’RE A STUPID BITCH! YOU’RE CRYING OVER A GUY THAT DONT CARE ABOUT YOU! HE LEFT YOU FOR HIS EX & YOU STILL HAVENT MOVED ON!”
“I’M NOT A WHORE LIKE YOU ARE MOVING ABOUT LIKE A ROLLING STONE!!”
“FUCK YOU CABRON!”
This bitch swings but I duck, as I come up she grabbed my hair keeping my head down. Pulling and pulling my hair trying to swing me around, I’m trying to find her face but Ugh, I cant see! I raises my hands until I feel skin and dig my nails into her, she lets go and I sit up as fast as I can but Maria back hands me. I feel a sharp pain across my cheek & then warm liquid which just pisses me off even more! Pulling back I swing making my fist kiss her cheek just like my brother taught me.
She falls back right into the arms of Gi, I didn’t even notice the he even appeared anywhere. I feel someone grab both my arms and pull them back locking my to the only thing I can do is yell.
“GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!” I scream
“TAKE HER HOME!” Gi yells
“FUCK YOU MARIA YOU FUCKING BITCH!”
“SHUT UP & TAKE HER HER HOME! GO!!”
Next thing I know someone is lifting me up and over their shoulders squeezing my legs together. I pound on this persons back knowing that if I try to kick, i’ll just fall right on my head. I hear a car door open & then I get thrown in, peering down on me are those gray eyes. I glare at him as he does the same.
“Shut the fuck up, put your seat belt on and calm your self down before I do.” Carlos says
“Fuck you!” I say
He slams the door and I fold my arms. Bitch is lucky, if no one was there that would have been Maria’s ass all over the wall. Carlos get’s in and starts the car but don’t go anywhere. I look over at him and he looks back at me with an frustrated expression on his face. He puts on his seat belt without turning away but I stand my ground with the eye contact.
“Put the fucking thing on now.”
“Fuck you Carlos.”
“I’ll take you up on that offer.” he says smirking at me
“It’ll never happen..”
“Whatever, stop changing the subject & Put the fucking thing on before I do it for you.”
“Put it on.”
“PUT THE FUCKING SEAT BELT ON NOW!”
He raises his hand and I flinch out of habit. He reaches over and i punch him right in his jaw, hearing him inhale and then I hear a click. He sits back in his seat and move his jaw around, I try to fold my arms but something was in the way. My seat belt.
I look at Carlos and bit my lip, shit. He was just putting my seat belt on, he smirks pulling the car out of park.
“Next time, hit a little harder. Sucker punches don’t do nothing to me.” Carlos says
Fuck! It aint work! I swear, I could kill Gina but it’s not all her fault. I fucked up too,Damn it! I throw my guitar pick against the wall, it don’t make a sound but it’s good enough. Falling onto my bed I stare up at the ceiling, re running how that should have went. She was supposed to come home with me and we were supposed to work it out.
I roll on my side and sigh, man this sucks. I look over at my night stand and smile, remembering when Alisia hit her head off of there. She was so red, she could have been an apple or a tomato. Then damn the way she smiled up at me, so embarrassed that she made a fool of herself in front of me. I roll back on my back and close my eyes and start to remember when I first kissed her & the way he looked when she was on top of me putting me into a world I never though I see. Damn it! I messed up big time!
Sighing I pick up my moms guitar pic and grab my guitar and start strumming. I closes my eyes and all I can see is Alisia. When we was on that beach and that far away look in her eyes when she was talking about going away. The way she bashfully looked away at me and turned red. She was glowing but now when she looks at me it’s all anger.
There was a knock on the door but I’m not saying anything. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Jam walks in with his bass and looks at me, I get up and follow him out back by the pool. Dwayne is warming up his sax and jam is plugging in his bass. He starts to play around with some notes then I hop in then Dwayne does his thing.
I start to jam, damn we all are right now. Just playing our own little thing and smiling. I start to do this amazing guitar solo and I just don’t stop, just letting my fingers fly and just enjoying the music man. D man starts to do his solo just blowing away, like a pro he is. Making that sax talk or as I call it, sax sex! Then jam does his thing and damn he is mean. We all jump in again and end our jam session with a hit.
“I needed that, it was amazing. Haven’t played in a while man” I say
“Yeah me too, I feel a lot better.” D says
“Same, here but now that schools out, we can do this everyday.”Jam says
“Shoot, I’m down!” I say
“Saame here” D Says
“But Maan! That was jumpin!” I say
“Yeah, all we need is a singer & some drums.” D says
“Yeah, then we start our own band!” Jam says
“Hey, don’t forget the keys.” I say
“Yeah, your first love.” D says
“How is your mom anyways?” Jam asks
“She’s hanging in there I guess but I don’t want to talk about it. It’ll just make me mad & I’m already fuming.”
“Man, I guess it aint go well with Alisia.”
“It just aint go the way it was supposed to just making me realize I messed up big time.”
“That’s crazy! Usually flowers do the trick.” D says
“Well,she’s stubborn and not your average woman.”
“You just got to try harder.”
“Well, you know where she lives right?” Jam asks
“Why don’t you go over there& talk to her”
“Because I already tried talking to her & you see how that worked out.”
“Try again, maybe she just needed more time to cool off or something.” D says
“I don’t know guys.”
“Trust me, she’ll listen this time.”
“How’d you know? You’re no exactly a ladies man”
“Actually, I have a lady.”
Me & jam both looked at each other & started laughing. D just shook his head with a smile on his face. I’m not saying that D can’t get a girl but his luck is bad, he stay getting rejected. As mean as it sounds, I don’t believe him.
“What’s so funny?” D asks
“Because you a lying brother.” Jam says
“Whaat? Why would I lie about this? Look I even got a picture!” D says while digging in his wallet.
Jam and I both walk over towards him and look at the picture he pulls out a picture of what looks like Alicia. Alisia’s friend.
“Is that Alicia?” I ask
“Since when were ya’ll together?”
“Well, we’re not together but we’re cool and I like her a lot.”
“Well then my brotha, that means she aint your lady!” Jam says
“Man, it’ll get there!”
Jam starts laughing but I just look at D. D looks back at me and raises an eyebrow at me. He know I’m thinking of a master plan but it involves him.
“What Phred?” D asks
“Well, I was thinking..” I says
“Well that’s a first..” Jam says laughing harder
“Shut up!” I say pushing Jam and laughing. “but no seriously, D I need a favor.”
“If it involves Alicia talking to Alisia, it won’t work. She already told me no.”
“You already asked?”
“Well, try again.”
“Iight man, but if she don’t budge. You can’t say I didn’t try.”
“Ok, but not until I go over there to talk to her again.”
“Oh so you’re gonna go over there?” Jam says
“Yeah. Right now actually.”
We do the brotherly love shake & hug then I put my guitar on the beach chair, put my shoes on and start walking towards her house. Man I pray that this works this time…
We end up in front of my house and I immediately get out of the car. I walk to the gate and unlock it with a special key then walk up to the door. I hear foot steps and turn around.
“Why are you following me Carlos?” I ask
“Because I can & will.” he says
“You’re not coming in here.”
“Why not? Your parents aren’t even home or anything.”
“how you know?”
“Because you just told me and there are no cars here.”
I roll my eyes and tun back around to open the door. Smart ass, follows me in and closes the door behind him. I throw the keys on the table and walk into the kitchen pulling out some ice from the ice box. Carlos get’s up and looks in the cabinets.
“What are you looking for?” I ask
“A bag, some rubbing alcohol, cloth rag, a tea bag & some Vaseline.”
“Just shut up & tell me where these things are.”
“How can I tell you if I’m shutting up asshole.”
“Alisia, stop bullshitting.”
“Fine. There in that cabinet over there & the tea is in the next cabinet. There is a rag in the closet next to the stove.”
He grabs the things and puts them on the table. Carlos points to the chair and I shake my head no, he picks me up and sits me on the counter. Damn he didn’t have to little kid me& sit me on the counter jeeze. I watch him as he puts the ice in a bag then he double bags it, runs cold water over it & puts it back in the ice box. He washes his hands, walk over and puts some alcohol on the rag then dabs my face with it. A rush of stinging comes to my face and I ball my fist. Maria must have cut me with her ring when she back handed me the little bitch. He blows on my face and the stinging get a little better.
I look at his face and my heart drops, seeing him so close to me then with him making a face like he’s kissing. I watch him grab the tea bag & tear it open a little, he dumps it out on the counter then puts some Vaseline on top. I watch him as he mixes it all together & picks up some and looks at me.
“Trust me ok.” he says
“What are you gonna do with that?” I ask
“Just trust me.”
“No! Stop telling me to shut u..”
“Boy you got one more time.”
He rolled his eyes and grabbed my chin, tilting my head to the side a little. I watch as he puts that stuff on my face and the stinging completely stops. I will admit I am a little amazed. I believe in home remedies but I would never expect Carlos to even know one.
“Who taught you how to do that?” I asked
“Oh, it’s a little trick my mom taught me.” he says still rubbing the stuff in
“That’s Amazing, the stinking went away just like that.”
“I told you to trust me & see all the pain went away.”
“It’ll keep it from scarring too, so your face can stay pretty.”
I didn’t say anything and my now blushed cheeks did all the talking. He smiled and I smiled back at him .He stop rubbing my face and was just looking at me still holding my chin. We stare at each other and I can feel my heart pounding as those eyes just stare into mine once again. It’s like every time he looks at me like that,my heart starts to pound like a mad man.
He kisses me on my forehead then looks at me then kisses my cheek. It’s like I want to tell him to stop but my brain shut my mouth up. He traces my lips and I a shiver goes down my spine. I think he notices because his eyes change and he’s looking at me like he wants to make me do that more. Biting his lip, I gulp as he leans forward towards me.
Just then the Door bell goes off and I hop off the counter so fast, you would of though someone pushed me. Jogging to the door of my savior, the bell goes off again. With out even looking to see who it was, I swing open the door and see Phred standing before me.
“I’m Sorry,i just couldn’t wait. So I came to you.”