9. Because i love you
Alissa’s Mind 5:45 PM @
I was so heartbroken. I feel so stupid for ever loving him, for ever trusting him, for ever telling him what I have been through. And now I look back, he never told a thing about himself. Only that he wanted to become a singer. It killed me so bad. He killed me so bad. Life hates me. Nothing good ever happens to me. I can actually say that I hate him. It was still raining. It was actually storming. It began to thunder and my radio started playing itself. I turned it off. My wipers were making an awful sound. I was driving and thinking. Thinking about everything. I am so mad, but I can’t stop loving him.
Love hurts. It’s not a good feeling. Hate feels better than Love. Hate makes you think of evil stuff, like evil stuff happening to the person you hate and then you smile..then you are happy. But love….love rips you to shreds.. It jumps on your chest. It fucks you up. It hurts. It doesn’t feel right. I got home. The sky was as dark as my emotions. I don’t know why I made such a detour but it was already 6 PM .
I looked at my phone. 9 missed calls from Bruno. No, no ! I won’t break. I won’t call him back. I deleted his number from my phone and didn’t listen to the voicemails he left. I deleted everything.
And I wished I could delete him out of my memory too. I opened the door. ‘HALAW SISTA!’ I heard Joelle yelling full of happiness. ‘Did you get the job?’ I walked in and glared at her. ‘…yikes…I guess you didn’t’ I sighed and threw my pink jacket on the couch. ‘I got in a huge fight with Bruno’ her eyes widened. ‘ARE YOU SERIOUS, HE STILL OWE’S ME A DOLLAR!’ I got angry ‘HE WAS THE ONE WHO HIT OUR CAR IN THE ACCIDENT’ Her face went from crazed to emotionless, but then she got mad ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?’ I sighed ‘HE, AS IN HIM?’ ‘YES HE AS IN HIM.’ She sighed ‘what a dick’ I frowned ‘Is that all you have to say about him?’ she sighed ‘Well yes..he probably kept it from us because he didn’t want to hurt us…or…you’ I blinked a few times. ‘Me?’ she laughed ‘I see the way he talks to you, looks at you…I can see him wanting you in every single way there is Alissa.’ I sighed with irritate ‘stop. I do not want to be remembered to what I felt for him’ her eyes widened ‘I KNEW IT!’ I sat down on our couch ‘I know you knew, but I just…want to get over it okay.’ My phone rang. I remember the first 3 numbers of his phone number and that’s how I knew it was him. I didn’t answer. ‘…who is it’ is what Joelle asked me ‘…him’ I said. ‘answer it’ ‘NO’ we started to argue ‘YOU LOVE HIM, NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP YOU FROM LOVING HIM!’ Why is she ALWAYS right. I so didn’t want her to be right. But she is. ‘I AM TRYING TO FORGET ABOUT MR. SEXY NOW LET ME!’ she sighed and started painting her nails again ‘I really don’t get why you forgive his so easily. You were the one who was almost dead.’ She stopped painting her nails and looked at me with her serious face ‘Alissa…I love you, and I can see you love him, and I just know that if you cut him out of your life…you will regret it..and I don’t want to see you heartbroken, or sad , or even worse.. You did so much for me and this is the least I can do by forgiving him…something you should do. Alissa..you can’t be mad at him for something he did out of love for you…out of knowledge.’ I looked down ‘Thank you…but I just can’t I need time to think…and…what knowledge?’ she sighed and sat next to me looking me right in my eyes ‘…He knew that you weren’t prepared for it…he knows you already. That’s good though. He did it out of respect for your feelings.’ She is the best older sister in the world. She just is. She seems so fucking stupid but she is so wise…her words touched me. But I just couldn’t. ‘We’ll see.’ I said and started flipping through a magazine. ‘…It’s up to you sista love.’ She said, sat back on “her seat” and started painting her nails again. I looked at my phone with hesitant. And all of the sudden it started ringing again. She looked at me. ‘Pick up.’ She said. She just naturally knew it was him. I did as she said and picked it up. ‘Now answer it’ she said with a “you stupid” look on her face. ‘No.’ she sighed ‘DAMNIT!’ she stood up, stretched her toes – so her nail polish on there wouldn’t fail – and walked over at me like a penguin. She took my phone out of my hands and answered it. ‘Hello?’ she said as sweet as possible. ‘Put it on speaker’ I mouthed. She did as I asked. ‘It isn’t Bruno.’ She said softly. My eyes widened. ‘Yeah are you Alissa? Well, you should know that I was the one who told you about it. You know…IT’ That voice…it’s the girl who told me about the accident. ‘Y..yeah it’s Alissa..how did you get my number?’ Joelle said. ‘You were still kind of registered in the computer, My aunt talked too Bruno when he was waiting for you guys in the hospital..she told me everything and I pretty much got pissed so I told you.’ The only thing that was spinning in my head was ‘Bitch , that is none of your business.’ ‘Name’ is what I mouthed to Joelle ‘W..who are you?’ She asked her. ‘Chanel , Bruno’s ex girlfriend.’ Joelle hung up. ‘WHY DID YOU DO THAT!’ she sighed. ‘I don’t like her already.’ I laughed. ‘I know, it’s none of her business…but I am kind of glad I know now.’ Joelle sighed ‘So what’s for dinner?’ I laughed. ‘Taco Bell is on the corner.’ Joelle smiled ‘TACO’S IT IS!’ We got our stuff (Phones, Purses, Jackets, Keys) and walked out. The rain stopped. ‘You are driving.’ Joelle said. I laughed. ‘Yeah from now I will.’ We laughed and got in the car. It’s amazing how Joelle can heal anyone from a broken heart. She has always been the love doctor in my relationships. Even though they never lasted. We got there. Joelle was hitting male employees as always, In the hope that we got a dollar of. I just stood behind her holding back my laugh because the guy she was hitting on was an ugly-ass brace face who looked like a girl with serious acne. A guy who was sitting behind us knew what she was trying to do, he was kind of cute though. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans with a t-shirt saying ‘Ma Hood Nigga’ I laughed at the shirt and then looked at him. Our eyes locked. ‘Does she always do that?’ I smiled at him ‘Jup, is she doesn’t have coupons she does that’ He laughed. ‘I’m Jamareo.’ Is what he said. Joelle got back with our food ‘3 DOLLARS OFF BEEECHH!’ I laughed ‘NICE!’ Jamareo laughed with us. Their eyes locked ‘H..hi’ Is what Joelle said almost dropping the tray. ‘I’m Alissa, and this missy here is Joelle’ Joelle laughed ‘You look lonely.’ Jamareo smiled ‘I kind of am…join me?’ Oh my god. I could see a romance popping up. ‘Joelle.’ I said ‘huh?’ I chuckled. ‘nah, it’s nothing.’ I sat down and she did as well we talked, laughed, exchanged phone numbers and left. ‘He was one cutie pants! ‘ I laughed at Joelle ‘Do you like him?’ She sighed. ‘I don’t know…YES!’ We both laughed and got in the car. ‘His hair is all fluffy!’ I smiled ‘I know, I was there..’ Joelle looked at me. I was driving again. ‘It didn’t seem like it.’ ‘I just watched you guys flirt with each other. He likes you woman!’ She smiled ‘I know…’ She said full of confidence. We got home, we walked up to our apartment and she opened the door. I turned on the lights and took of my jacket. But instead of throwing it on the couch, I put it on the peg. ‘I don’t know about you but I am EXHAUSTED!’ I looked at Joelle ‘What did you do all day? ‘ I asked. ‘Uhm, Hello! I did the groceries!’ I glared at her ‘Wow, you’re so right, you should lay down and wake up at 2 in the morning like you did yesterday.’ She laughed ‘Nah…I probably won’t, it’s too early, do you like want to watch a mo..’ She didn’t finish her sentence ‘ALISSA!’ Joelle looked at me with her eyes widened. I was just as surprised to hear his voice. ‘ALISSA, JUST LET ME EXPLAIN!’ Bruno… ‘OH MY GOD!’ I was so shocked to hear him. I looked at Joelle. ‘OPEN THE WINDOW IDIOT!’ I opened it. ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!’I yelled back. ‘ALISSA JUST LET ME EXPLAIN!’ He was creating a crowd. People were watching, Opening their windows. Opening their doors. I even saw a fat dude on his flip flops walking outside. ‘WHAT!’ I yelled. ‘I THOUGHT I WAS CLEAR WHEN I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!’ He looked down. ‘ALISSA JUST LISTEN TO ME!’ I looked at Joelle mouthing at me that I would regret this. I nodded to him. ‘TALK’
He sighed ‘THE ONLY REASON I KEPT IT FROM YOU IS BECAUSE I KNEW YOU JUST WEREN’T READY…BECAUSE I JUST DIDIN’T WANT TO HURT YOU MORE THAN YOU ALREADY WERE..’ Joelle sighed and mouthed ‘I told you so.’ I looked back at Bruno. He was looking drop dead gorgeous.
‘I DIDN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE…’ he stopped and looked down. ‘Because I didn’t want to lose you…Because I love you.’