Chapter 9

22/03/2012 20:01

“Please tell me I didn’t do this…please tell me I didn’t.” I whispered quietly as I sat in the corner of the hotel bathroom, my knees to my chest.  I awoke naked, which was the worst feeling in the world when you don’t remember the night before.  Next to me was Rupert, and the moment I saw him lying next to me I felt sick to my stomach because it wasn’t supposed to be like that.  I loved Rupert, but I couldn’t be with him again…it just didn’t feel right.  That chapter of my life was over.  A knock resounded through the bathroom and I stood up, wiping my face.

“Y-yes?” I asked.

“I need to shower sweetheart.”

I cringed.  “Be out in a minute!” I said, grabbing the nearest towel and wrapping it around my body.  I left the bathroom and quickly edged past him so he wouldn’t have time to kiss me.  He didn’t notice and went into the bathroom.  I sat on the edge of my bed, listening to the shower start running.  My thoughts were going a mile a minute.  I didn’t know what to do.  I was in my hotel room, so up and leaving wasn’t an option.

I stood up and rushed over to my dresser to put some kind of clothing on, but I accidentally knocked over Rupert’s messenger bag, spilling out papers all over the floor.

“Shit.” I muttered, scrambling down to put them back, when I caught sight of something that just wasn’t right… “What the–” I pulled out a photo of us at the cafe the other day.  My brow furrowed in confusion as I pulled out even more photos of us together.  I pulled all the papers out and found photocopies of my text messages between Bruno and I that I never erased out of my phone…my conversations with Dave about my psychiatrist appointments.  And several letters from big name publishers.

My eyes scanned over the letters, “Rupert…thanks for your submission, we would happily be interested in pursuing the interest of a tell-all for the international pop superstar Roxanne Mays.  Whatever you could provide on her backstory behind the fame would help us greatly in developing a central target within the book…” I muttered aloud.

“Oh my God.” I sat on the edge of my bed and shook my head in disbelief.  Everything that had happened over the course of my London reunion with him had been a lie.  He was using me to gain more publicity for himself.  How could I have been so careless?  I shoved everything back into the messenger bag and got dressed in khaki cargo pants and a tank top.  I took his extra clothes and shoes and opened the window, dumping them out into the streets.  I slipped his messenger bag over my head and left the room quietly.

I went down the hall and into the elevator, taking it all the way down to the lobby.  I went outside and around to the side of the hotel, where the alleyway was…deserted, even midday.  I dumped the contents of the bag onto the ground, wordlessly, and I took my lighter out and I began to light every single article of whatever was in the bag.  I watched the flames lick the side of the dumpster as they rose higher with each photo I added.  Last but not least, I threw the bag into the mixture and the flames rose higher than ever, the plastic bits melting and letting go a horrendous stench.

“Fucking….UGH!” I kicked the dumpster and grabbed my hair.  I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life.  I trusted him! I had sex with him last night! I thought he would be the answer to my problems, to this emptiness I couldn’t fill when I was alone.  I returned to the hotel room, only to find Rupert looking around frantically for his bag.

“Have you seen my messenger?” He asked, checking under the bed.  He really looked frazzled about it.  I said nothing, I simply walked over to the mirror and stared at my reflection.  “Roxanne?” he asked, turning to me.  I shoved my fist into the glass mass, feeling the razor sharp edges slice my hand and halfway up my arm as the shattered pieces fell to the floor.  Rupert yelped and jumped back.

Laughing, I walked over to the phone and dialed the police.  “What’s your emergency?”

“M-my boyfriend shoved me into the mirror! I’m bleeding, I’m so scared–”


“Room 5031 of the Four Seasons…we will send someone right away ma’am, remain calm.”

“O-okay, HE’S COMING FOR ME NOW!” I hung up the phone and let go of raucous laughter.  Rupert searched the room for clothes, clinging onto the towel that was wrapped around his waist.

“Why would you do something like that!? Merlin’s beard do you know how psycho you are!?” He searched more frantically once he heard police sirens.

“Wow…they’re prompt here in London.” I said, getting up and going over to a corner in the room.  “Make sure you put this in the tell-all.” I grinned deviously as the police kicked the door down and came bombarding in.  I barely had time to enjoy Rupert’s shocked and horrified expression, as the cops quickly wrestled him down and cuffed him.

“SHE’S CRAZY! I HAVEN’T DONE A THING, I HAVEN’T!” He yelled.   The police covered his naked body in a white sheet and led him away, while one cop came over to me to get my report.  I refused to press charges, I just wanted time alone to pack my things to leave.  I explained this to him, and he wrote everything down dilligently.  They wanted to bring paramedics, but I consistently refused medical assistance and soon I was left alone to my thoughts again.

Slowly, I stood up and made my way to the bathroom, and fully clothed…I stepped into the shower.  I closed my eyes and let cold water run over my body.  I felt as though I was beginning to truly experience what insanity felt like.  Maybe everyone close to me was right…maybe I just did have a condition that needed help.  My only issue is that I kept refusing help.  And the saying always went…you can’t help someone unless they want to be helped.  I think it’s time I wanted to be helped.


Robyn hopped into the van that was on it’s way to the airport and sat next to me. “What the fuck happened this morning? Rupert’s all over the news and–”

“Oh my GOD your arm!” Ashley exclaimed.

I shrugged, staring out the window.  “We got into an altercation. I won. Obviously.” I grinned only slightly, to make things seem less serious than they actually were.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen when I invited him to your show Roxx…I am so sorry.” Robyn apologized sincerely.

“Not your fault.  You didn’t know this would happen.” I stole my hand away from Ashley, who looked like she was getting ready to play doctor with my scrapes and cuts and bruises.  “Let’s make Milan less dramatic yeah?” I looked from one to the other, and silently they both nodded.

My publicist texted me, ‘Roxanne WTF is going on in London!? The press is WILD over here!’

I replied, ‘No comment to everything. Just a small altercation.’ And with that, I shut my phone off and pulled my hood up…readying myself for a nap before we jetted off to Milan, Italy for my next four days of shows.

I was quieter than usual.  That’s another thing I loved about Robyn and Ashley…they picked up on my vibes and knew to leave well enough alone.  I was a talker, and I would express myself when I felt like it…but right now I was extremely introverted.  I got out of the van and went straight up to my room, locking the door and closing the curtains.  I felt violated, like anybody could be watching or using me.  I knew this world was cutthroat, but not likethat.

I sat down on my bed and took my phone out, scrolling through my call log that was of course…void of the one call I was looking for. I threw my phone down and pushed my hair out of my face.  “Bruno, are you there at all? Can’t youfeel me?” I spoke to nothing.

I slammed my fist on the mattress, “You win, alright?! You’ve completely taken over my mind and driven me insane! Can’t you just let me go!? Can’t you, can’t you–” I breathed heavily, “–Can’t I just let you go?” I quieted myself.


“Mr. Grint?” The officer stood staring blankly into the cell at the prisoner in question being held.  “You’re free to go.” He unlocked the cell gate and walked off with a dopey grin.

Rupert stood up and rushed to the gate.  “About time my publicist bailed me, that good for nothing-” He mumbled in annoyance, but his sentence was interrupted by the man who bailed him out and was staring straight into his eyes with a satisfied grin.

“I think we need to talk.” Bruno stepped inside the cell and closed the gate.

“What the….you’re dead!” Rupert backed up, stumbling over his feet in disbelief.  “This is a dream, this isn’t real.”

With accuracy only a vampire could master, Bruno slammed Rupert against the wall, lifting him up by his hand around the throat.  “Well at least you were right about one thing.” He said with a chuckle as Rupert clutched at the vampire’s hand, kicking and trying to breathe.

“That….this….is….a dream?” Rupert asked, his vision going into vertigo.

Bruno’s fangs extended, making his charming smile a lot more vicious.  “No.” He threw the boy down to the floor.

“I am dead.”

Bruno knew he could not kill the boy; but Jason didn’t say anything about him getting as damn near close to the edge as he possibly could.  Rupert backed against the wall, pain shooting through his body from the force of the blows he was receiving.  In seconds, Bruno had himself a handful of firey red hair and he made sure to bite hard into Rupert’s neck.

He laughed, “Tastes like ginger.”

The screams of horror echoed throughout the police department, but all of the glamoured officers continued their business, waltzing around as if they were relaxed by orchestral music.


“Hold up, hold up, hold up band.” I walked across the stage and the band silenced while fans cheered me on, wondering what the sudden change in my concert meant.  An assistant ran out and gave me a bottle of water, which I opened as I took a seat on the wooden stool that was more towards the front of the stage.  I took a sip of it and raised my eyebrow curiously as the bottle touched my lips, this made the fans go into hysteria.

“You guys notice that when I’m about to drink my water, I stick my tongue in first?” I asked with a laugh.  They laughed along with me and clapped.  “Weird shit, I know.” I screwed the top back on and set it on the floor next to my stool.

“So your probably wondering why I just made this random stop in the show.”

“ROXANNE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” A stage manager yelled into my monitor.  I pulled it out of my ear and let it hang loose down by my neck.

“Well, as many of you probably have seen…Rupert is in the news for getting arrested thanks to a police call from me.” When the crowd became completely silent, my heart thumped.  What I was doing was probably stupid, but since when did I ever play by the rules?

“I’m gonna tell you the real story, from my mouth to your ears.  No tabloid bullshit, alright?  Yeah I see your camera phones, make sure you put this on Youtube.” A few people cheered, the rest listened intently.

I readjusted myself on the stool.  “He tried to use me, and I let him because I’ve been very naiive lately.  He went through my personal stuff and was about to give it to publishers to write a tell-all book about my issues.  Needless to say, we got into an altercation and…I’m sure you’ve seen my arm.” I let the crowd see it clearly in the spotlight.  I heard gasps among the audience.

“It’s alright, I punched a mirror is all.  I’m ah–” I glanced over my shoulder at my friends watching me with horrified looks on their faces from backstage and I turned back to the crowd, “–I’m no Rihanna…if he laid hands on me, he wouldn’t be alive right now.”

Surprisingly I got laughs for that one.  I knew Robyn was gonna kill me later.

“But there’s no need for a tell all because I’m gonna tell it all right now.  Ever since I lost the love of my life, Peter Hernandez–you know, the guy who sings Grenade?” Although I knew they were already well aware of who he was, “I’ve blamed myself for that accident and I never forgave myself…even after the rest of the world did.  Hell, hismother even forgave me.  So I’ve kind of been driving myself crazy over it, and it caused me to go into this inner turmoil and I never told anyone because I felt like who cares, you know?” I bit my lip in thought before I continued.  I had the attention of twenty thousand amazed faces right now, plus whoever else was watching this streaming from phones.

“But that’s not healthy.  To hold shit in, it burns you alive man.  I turned to alcohol, I turned to sex, I turned to comfort in stuff that wasn’t my music and I ended up in a psych ward recently.” The whole crowd gasped and I had to close my eyes to take a minute to assess what I was really doing right now.

“But now, I’ve learned from my mistakes,” I stood up and walked across the stage, “And I want to live free from my past, I want to be able to greet my past with open arms and walk away from it when need be without all the dramatics.  I just want to be able to function like a normal person again…and well…this is the only way I know how…”