Chapter 18

26/02/2012 23:15

I wake up with a terrible headache and a mouth dry as the desert. That's the last time I drink so much ever! I swear myself. I grab my phone, it's 1pm. Good! Enough time until I have to go to the airport to pick up Caroline. Shit! Caro... How in hell should I explain to her what last night happened? But I have to... if I don't do it Beverly for sure will tell her and then I'm really in trouble. But actually I didn't do anything, Bev threw herself at me. I didn't want that. She just has to understand it! I drag myself out of bed and make me some eggs and bacon and drink a lot of water. I feel lightly better. Looking around the apartment I sigh. It's a mess. I have to tidy up and after that buy some food since I emptied the whole fridge. At least I watered the plants... Flowers! I'll buy some flowers for Caro... I rub my forehead. Gosh I just hope she can deal with the Beverly thing. If she quits I don't know what to do. She's done so much for me and I really don't wanna lose her. She's the best I had for a very very long time...

3 hours later I fall exhausted on the couch. The fridge is full and the apartment looks good again. But I still feel terrible. Please god she can't leave me because of this damn Beverly! I watch some TV. In about an hour I have to leave to the airport... 



The week went by so fast and now I'm already on my way back to LA. Last night I slept the last time in my old bed in the house I grew up in. It's such a weird feeling knowing foreign people will live in it soon or even tear it down. I shake my head. I should think of good things. Noone can take away my memories and it's even harder for my mom and my sister to leave. They take it better than I thought and so should I... I promised my mom to come after the MJ tribute in 3 months and help her with the move and then I'll take Isabella with me to California. I always told her when she's 16 she can come and now it's just the perfect time. I'll have enough time for her and she has 6 weeks summer holidays. I can't wait her to meet Bruno and the guys. I bet Eric will love her because she plays drums as well. I'm really surprised how much I actually miss the guys and of course especially Bruno. He's something special and now with all him breaking into the music business and finally getting some recognition, I feel so proud. Weird when I think I only know him like a month. But he's so sweet, talented and funny and gosh the sex... I smirk and lean back. I can't wait feeling him inside and all over me again. 

I want to sleep after the lunch but I'm not tired at all, so I start working on the To-Do-list for the MJ show. Before I know we're about to land and I get all excited. Finally I can see and hug my Brunz again. I smile like a fool all the time when I leave the plane, get my luggage and walk through security check. And then I see him, looking cute like I had in my mind with his LA cap, big sun glasses and plaid shirt. I flung my arms around him and we hug each other tight.

"I missed you so much, babe!" He says when we let go and then he kisses me passionately. I feel like in heaven. Please can this just stay that way like forever?!

"I missed you even more." I say back and we head out driving to my apartment.

I breath in deeply when I step through the door. Nothing feels better than being home again and especially when such a fine piece of man is with me. I grab his hands and drag him towards the bedroom. But he stops me and drags me into the living room. Everything is so clean and on the table stands a big bouquet of white roses, my favorite ones.

"Oh Bruno you shouldn't have.... They're beautiful!" I smile like a fool and kiss him again. Then I step to the backside of the couch. I sit on it and wrap my legs around him while pulling him near and continue kissing him. He kisses me back ardent and starts caressing me, first my breasts but soon going down between my legs. I do so too and smile when I feel him being hard already. I guess he really missed me. One thing leads to another and our clothes fly off of our bodies fast. I want to go to the bedroom because the couch isn't so big but he insists to stay here. So I give in and to be honest it feels amazing. We have to get even closer due to the lack of space but at the end we fall on the floor, not that it makes him stop. I guess tomorrow I'll have some bruises, but I don't mind. He fully concentrates on me and my pleasure as if he wants to show me how much he missed me. Well not that I complain... Afterwards we take a shower together and put on some comfortable clothes.

"Are you hungry?" He asks me while we're going into the living room.

"Erm... no not really. You?" I smirk. I know he's hungry. I bet he didn't cook at all the last week and not to mention he ALWAYS can eat.

"I could eat some if you eat with me aaaaaaand if I can have you as dessert." He replies wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"Oh you didn't have enough yet?"

"Are you fuckin kiddin? I starved a whole week." 

I laugh. He's so horny all the time. "Ooooooooh poor Brunz. I promise I won't let you stay alone again. I really missed you too and.... your dick." I turn around, squeeze his package and run away quickly. Of course he catches me soon. "Damn this crib is just too small." I say through my laughter. He holds me tight and looks at me with a big smile showing all his dimples. I instantly melt again. I think I said that already but this smile will kill me one day.

"Soon I can buy us a bigger crib, a whole house... Ya know ya man is now riiiich biiiiatch."

I burst out laughing and shake my head. "You a nigga... Pizza?"

He nods in agreement and while warming the oven I ask him. "So tell me about what Kalman said..."

We talk the rest of the evening about his meeting with Kalman and I mention my experiences with him. He appreciates my worries but he wants to do that on his own. I understand him and I really don't wanna be the bossy girlfriend either. He has to make his own experiences so that he can learn from. I love how we can talk about something so serious in a calm way. With Tony it wasn't like that. After working that out I tell him everything what happened in Germany ending up with stories from my childhood... until I almost fall asleep on the couch. He's tired too and we go into the bedroom. We cuddle up against each other in the spoon position. There's no place I feel more happy and safe than in his arms wrapped around me.


I wake up first and go peeing quietly. Then I make coffee and walk back into the bedroom with 2 cups. In the meantime he also woke up and we drink the coffee while staying in bed another hour just cuddling, kissing, caressing each other. Sunday mornings are the best!

Then suddenly he breaths in deeply and sits up with a very serious look. "Caro I gotta tell you something..." He starts. I look confused and sit up too. What the hell does he mean? Everything just went so fine. We talked about his new jobs and worked that out yesterday already. "You not gonna like what I'm tellin you now... and I want you to know that I'm really sorry about it. I don't know how this could happen I..."

"Bruno, you scare me now. What did you do?" I interrupt him. 

He tells me what happened Friday night.

I only can stare at him in unbelieve. "Are you fuckin kiddin me? Beverly? How in hell could you do this?" I stand up and my voice gets louder and louder with every word. I look at him hurt.

He stands up too and steps towards me. I raise my hands in front of me so he can't get too close. "I was drunk, babe... and I didn't do anything she tried but I pushed her away when I realised it wasn't you."

"First don't babe me and drunk? Is that your excuse? So every time you get DRUNK you do shit like that?" I really get angry now. I thought I would never hear this lame reason ever again after Tony, but there it is. Why? Just why? Flashbacks are in my mind and I could cry but I won't! I don't wanna show him how much this hurts me.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah right. You only did go into her apartment, that's nothing right?! Tell that shit someone who believes it!"

He looks down and bites his lips. "I didn't go with her..."


"I... We..." He starts. "Listen baby, please this was nothing..."

"Stop! I said don't call me baby! And can you just finish your sentence! What does that mean you didn't go with her?"

"Urgh I told you she drove us home... so she drove me here...."

"WHAT? You tellin me you made out with her in this bed? In MY bed? In the bed WE slept with each other?" I gasp. "Oh my god. That's why you insisted to do it in the living room yesterday because you were in here with her... You fuckin disgust me! Get out of here!" I yell and point to the door.

"Caro, please..."


He steps towards me but I back up. "Please Caro, I'm so sorry! This will never ever happen again! Please don't let this bitch destroy what we already have! You mean so much to me! Please don't do this!"

"Maybe my contacts mean much to you. You took your advantage of me already. There's no need for you to stay any longer." I step backwards shaking my head. "I heard that before so many times... and I learned that none of these words are true! So just get out of here." I reached the main door and opened it.

His head and arms drop and he walks past me. "There was not one second I was with you because of that! I'm not like Tony or whoelse idiot you've been with. Believe me!"

I look at him. He looks so sad and regretful. But I can't believe him. I know he's not like Tony. I feel he's different but... "3 weeks, Bruno. Only 3 fuckin weeks! And it already starts like this... where should this lead to? My time is too precious." Before he can response I shut the door.  

The rest of the day I spend with unpacking, watching TV, eating a bit, listening to music and most of all ignoring Bruno's calls and messages. I still can't believe that this happened. I can't sleep in this bed. It disgusts me and tomorrow I'll face Beverly and she for sure gonna tell me the whole story with a grin on her face. I hate him to put me through this. Fuck! Why Bruno? Why? I angrily pack all his stuff into 2 bags. I'm gonna bring them to the studio tomorrow after work. I know he'll be there most probably but he needs his stuff and I don't want him to come here to get it. Everything in here reminds me of him so I go for a long walk to get other thoughts. It doesn't help at all of course. I miss him so much. But I can't deal with this again. What did I expect anyway? He's so young and his career is just in the beginning. When he gets bigger, situations like this will come up every week just like with Tony. There's no future for us. I can't let my heart break again. I'm 28 now, I wanna get married and have children. I don't wanna wait til I'm 35 to have my first child. I hate to think that way, knowing Bruno makes me so happy but I have to think about the future too... Gosh why do I always fall for the wrong guys?

When I get back, luckily I'm so tired that I fall asleep fast. Why is it always so that after one good thing a bad thing shows up? Didn't I receive enough pain in the last year? I just wanna live a calm happy life without all this drama. Is that too much to ask for?


Ok here we go. Finally after 5 minutes sitting in my car, I'm ready to get out and walk into the office. Everyone welcomes me back and I straight go to Mary's office. I stay as long as I can in there talking about every detail that happened in Germany until she literally throws me out. On my way to my desk I see Beverly. She wears skinny jeans and a red tight blouse which is buttoned open too much like always. I feel I tense up a bit when she raises her head and sees me coming. A small smile runs across her face but watching me glare with disgust at her makes her serious in a second. She stands up and steps towards me. Urgh no please. I don't wanna hear her fucking high pitched voice now, telling me how good Bruno kisses or shit like this.

"Hey Caroline." She starts with a kind of sorry tone. "Welcome back. Erm... can I talk to you for a minute?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Honestly I'm not in that mood right now. Bruno told me everything... So I think there's nothing left we have to talk about..."

"Oh." She bites her lips and looks on the floor. Is she embarrassed? I thought she will happily tell me that she made out with my boyfriend. "So it's ok for you?"

What the fuck? Does she mean that serious? I stare at her. "No Beverly! It's fuckin NOT ok for me! What do you expect? You fuckin tried to..." I look around and see that all the other people are looking at us. I spoke too loud obviously. I step to my desk and sit down putting out my laptop from my bag.

"Listen Caroline. I'm really sorry about that. I don't know what I was thinking... I just want you to know he turned me down the second he realised that I wasn't you... He loves you and I was dumb to do that. Maybe I was jealous seeing you so happy... I'm sorry. Really!"

I stand up and walk fast past her towards the restrooms. I can't stand this fucking bitch telling me all what I want to hear. That just makes it harder for me.

After using the restrooms I fix my hair and wash my hands with ice cold water. I dry them and touch my face, this always calms me down. The last time I did that was at Roxy's after Mandy was talking to me about Bruno. And now again I have to calm myself down because of him. I hate this. On the one hand he makes me so happy and I feel so good around him but on the other hand he reminds me of all the shit I went through with Tony and there'll always be this doubts that he not really wants to be with me. He dumped Mandy and she's like... perfect. Why should he be serious with me? I run my palms again over my face and my neck. I have to decide if I can deal with it or not. He treats me so much better than Tony... Oh god I don't know what I should do.

I go back to my desk and try my best to concentrate on the work. Luckily Beverly doesn't bother me the rest of the day. At lunch time I call Lena and tell her everything. She doesn't have much time but her message is clear. I should give him a chance. It's not that he cheated instead he rather showed how much I mean to him with turning Beverly down. I go back to my desk and continue working. Lena's and Beverly's words run through my mind over and over again. But I need to know how serious he really is...

Before I leave Beverly steps once again to my desk.

"Hey Caroline. I'm really sorry about that all. I hope you don't quit with him cause of me and... I hope you don't tell Mary about it. Ok?"

I glare at her. So that's what she's afraid of... losing her job. "Don't worry I won't tell her. Just don't you ever dare to get into my private life again or try to take my place here! And believe me a pathetic bitch like you won't ever destroy my relationship." I stand up, pack my things and walk outside. Gosh that felt good! I breath in deeply. The sun shines straight on my face and I have to blink a bit. I put on my sun glasses and walk to my car. Now I have to drive to the studio. Please just let him say the right words. I wanna forgive him and this relationship to work so bad.


I grab the bags and walk into the studio. When I enter the recording room there's only Phil in there. He smiles big immediately when he sees me.

"Hey beautiful. You're back! Did the Germs treat you well?" I smile back letting the bags fall onto the floor. They're really heavy. After hugging he continues referring to the bags. "What did you bring us? Souvenirs? German chocolate? Sausages? You don't have to do that."

I smirk but get serious again. Bruno didn't tell him obviously. "No, it's Bruno's stuff. Didn't he tell you?"

"Erm no! Did he find another crib already or what?"

"No, it's we..." I stop when the door opens. It's Bruno. He freezes when he sees me then he looks at the bags. I can tell he instantly knows what's in them. He steps in fully and closes the door.

"Is that my stuff?" 

I nod and we stand there for some seconds in silence. Phil looks from me to him, back to me and then to him again. "What the hell is wrong here? Man what did you do?"

Bruno ignores Phil totally and walks towards me. "So you're serious? You wanna quit cause of this little shit?"

"Little? Sorry but for me that's not little!" 

"But it is! I didn't cheat and I didn't do it on purpose! Please!" He tries to take my hand but I shrug it off.

"So I should be happy you didn't fuck her? You only kissed her that's nothing right?! What the hell Bruno? What would you do if I make out with like... Brian? How would you feel? Would that also be LITTLE then?" I raise my voice. He doesn't understand anything. 

"That's not the same! I was drunk and she threw herself on me. Brian would never do that knowing that you're my girl."

"Gosh then let it be someone else. Someone who doesn't care about you... How would you feel?"

"I would be pissed of course just like you and disappointed, but I would believe you when you tell me that it meant nothing to you and you're fuckin sorry that it happened and swear that you never ever let it come so far again that you can't stop it earlier that you can't control it and I fuckin would believe you when you say you regret it every damn second and would do everything just to make it up to me and show me how much I mean to you... cause that's exactly how I feel now!"

I gulp. Wow! How can I say no to this man? But I'm still not sure about how much I mean to him. I need to know what he would do for me! I look into his eyes. "So you say I mean much to you?"

"You have no idea how much!"

"You didn't start all this because you want to take advantage from my contacts?"

He sighs. "I told you. That was never a reason!"

"Then I have one question."


"What would you do if let's say Kanye asks you to sing a part of his song but you gotta have to work with Tony cause he sings the hook?"

He looks at me serious. "What kind of question is this?"

I stare back. "Just tell me. Would you do it? Knowing he's my ex and did all this shit to me. Could you work with him?"

He looks sternly into my eyes and his forehead wrinkles. I can tell he's thinking. Why the hell is he thinking about it? Otherwise I wouldn't believe him if he just shoot out 'No' without thinking... As much as his hesitation makes me sick I know his answer will be the truth. 

He takes both of my hands and this time I don't shrug them off. After another some seconds he breaths in deeply and finally open his mouth not taking away his eyes from mine. "Yes I would do it." 

What the fuck? 

"I would do it." He repeats as if it didn't hurt enough the first time hearing it. My heart drops I can't look at him anymore and let my head hang down. I knew his career means everything to him. What did I expect? He lifts my chin forcing me to look at him. "I would do it, but..."