Chapter 18

09/05/2011 17:35

He doesn't move and neither do I. Phred steps away from me and kinda pushes me towards him. I trip over my foot and feel really dumb. My face gets red. The corners of Bruno's mouth twitch up into a very small smile, and than it disappears. He gets up from the chair and stands in front of me. "What are you doing here?" he asks, in an annoyed voice. I forget how to talk. "I--uh, i wa--um.." I look to Phred for help. "Don't act like that man, Just talk to her." he says to Bruno. He stares at me, his jaw clenched. I feel so out of place and scared. Bruno walks away. "Both of you can get the fuck out.." I want to cry. I start to walk towards the door, but Phred stops me. "He doesn't want to talk to me, so let's just go" I say quietly, my eyes tearing up. Phred moves the hair out of my face. "Don't take what he says or how he acts to heart. He doesn't know what to do cause you're here. He'll be fine....I think" Phred looks at Bruno, unsure. "I'll leave you two alone, call me if you need me." he says and walks towards the door. I watch him slip out and I want to run and go with him. The door shuts and it's just me and Bruno. I hesitate for awhile before I eventually turn around. He's sitting in the chair again. I look around. He doesn't have much. Just the usual, couch t.v. table and chairs. Something's off though. I keep looking around to put my finger on it. No guitar. No keyboard. No instruments. Bruno without instruments? That's not possible. I sit on the floor next to the chair, staring out the window. I look over at him. His facial hair has grown out slightly, he has deep bags under his eyes, and they look droopy and tired. "How are you Bruno?" I finally say. His eyes glance over at me. "I'm doing fan-fuckin-tastic Lena." I wince at his sarcasm. The awkward silence continues. I play with my fingers. "What the hell are you even doing here? Don't you have you're little boyfriend at home that you should be with? Go be with him...You don't give a shit about me." he says, angrily. I cringe. "That's not true Bruno...I lo--" "Don't fuckin say you love me! I don't wanna hear that shit.." he says. I look at the floor, fighting back tears. You brought this upon yourself. Karma's a bitch Lena, so shut up and take it. "I do love you Bruno, whether you believe me or not. I came here because I heard you weren't doing so good..." I spit out. "Well whoever told you that is fuckin lying! I'm doing great!..Just great, all by myself, broke and about to be homeless! I've never been better!" I look at him and furrow my eyebrows. Is he...drunk? Oh god, he is. "Let's get you something to eat. You'll feel better." I get up and try to pull his arm, but he pushes me away from him. I stare, hurt. But I think of what Phred told me. Don't take what he says or how he acts to heart. He stumbles to the balcony. I run after him, afraid of what might happen to a drunk Bruno high above ground. He rests his hands on the railing. "I don't have anything left Lena." He says. I shake my head. "Don't say that--" "NO, it's true. I sold my car, most of my belongings, my...instruments." He looks like he's in pain when he says that. "But it didn't do any good. I'm broke, I'm about to lose my apartment and I have nowhere to go." He sighs and stares off into the distance. "You know you can always go back.." I tell him. "I don't want to go back." he says. He lets go of the railing and tries to steady himself, but almost falls. I run and catch him. He leans all of his body weight on me and I struggle to hold him up. "Come on, let's go inside. You need to lay down." I guide him to his room and lay him on the bed. He curls up with the blanket and stares at me. I get kinda nervous. "What?" I finally ask. "Lay down with me?" My face gets hot. "Um...I--Bruno, I have a boyfriend." I say, looking at the floor. "So what? Were not doing anything. You're just laying down with me. We used to do it all the time, remember?" He says, pleading with his eyes. My heart breaks as I do remember. I swallow, than slowly sit on the bed. He grabs my hand and kisses it. I pull it back like it's on fire. "Really Lena!? You've moved on that fast? I don't care what you say or do, I know you don't love this guy the way you love me." I stare at the floor again. He's right, but I won't let him know that. "He's never hurt me the way you have." I say quietly. He puts his hands on his head. "God Lena, don't start this again! I know what I did to you was fucked up but can't you get over it already?!" The anger bubbles inside me and comes out. "No I can't Bruno! I can't get over the fact that you took my virginity and than said it was a mistake! So sorry for overreacting!" I scream at him with tears in my eyes. He rubs his eyebrows. "It wasn't a mistake. That day when I said I had a lot on my mind! What I had on my mind was you. It's always on you. I couldn't take it Lena! I couldn't just sit there anymore and hear your laugh, or see you smile, or watch you play with your hair, smell you everytime you walked by...And JUST SIT there when all I wanted to do was kiss you, run my fingers through your hair, listen to your laugh in my ear..." I stare at a spot on the floor, the tears rolling down my cheeks. I want to believe him, and somewhere deep down in my heart, I'm starting to. I clench my fists. "I can't just let it go." I whisper. He sits up and grabs my face. I close my eyes so I can't see his. "Lena, I love you." He says. My body turns to jelly and I want to push him away, but I can't. I feel his lips on mine. I back away, but he pulls me closer to him and I melt. His tongue plays with mine. No! I push him off. He looks at me like I'm crazy. "Bruno, I didn't come here to make up with you. So if that's what you think is gonna happen, than I think I'll leave now." I stand up and he says, "Yeah, run away, that's all your good at." I whip around and stare at him, livid. He stares at me back. "Fuck you Bruno." I say. "Already did" he says back. I slap him and he grabs me and pushes me against the wall. "Get off of me!" I scream in his face. "Slap me again Lena and I swear to god---" "Swear to god what? You won't do shit" I tell him. I push him and walk away, but he pulls my arm and drags me towards him. He grabs the back of my hair and kisses me. I try to pull away, but his lips and his tongue.., it's impossible. I wrap my legs around him and kiss him back. He drops me on the bed and lays on top of me, kissing my neck, my chest, my stomach. His hands run up and down my body. I suck softly on his neck and he groans. My mind is yelling at me to stop, but this time it's my body that wins. I'm not going anywhere. Our hands are in each other's hair, and our tongues all over each other's bodies. I've never wanted him as bad as I do now. I guess I say it out loud cause he says "You got me all night babe". A little moan escapes from my lips when I feel him in me. He buries his face in my neck and breathes heavy as he grinds his hips slow, than faster. I bit my bottom lip and dig my nails in his back. "Oh god.." I breathe in his ear. He licks his lips and smiles. I grab the back of his neck and kiss him. I wait til his tongue slips in my mouth. I suck on it, hard. I feel him grab the sheets and he moans. He kisses me and I bite his lip. "Damn Lena..." he groans in my hair.

* * * *

"Wow." He says, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I turn my head to look at him and smile. He rubs his nose against my cheek and kisses me lightly. I shiver a little, partly cause I have no clothes on and I'm only covered in a sheet, and because being in his arms makes me feel like all the problems in my life are insignificant. He pulls me closer to him. "You cold babe?" Babe. My heart drops as I think of Brendan. So, I'm a liar, and now a cheater. "I'm fine." I tell him. He strokes my hair. After awhile, he gets up, puts his pants on and goes to the bathroom. I cover my face. What the hell did I just do? All of me wants to be with him. My heart still belongs to him. I knew this was going to happen. Why did I come here? I get up and put on his red and black plaid shirt that's laying on the edge of the bed. I walk to the living room and plop down on the couch. It makes me sad to see his apartment so empty, especially without his instruments. How can a musician survive without their essencials? He comes out of the bathroom and smiles when he sees me. "Stealing my clothes I see." he says. "It looks better on me anyways" I say smugly, but smiling. He grabs my hair, kisses me and sits on the couch. I stare into his eyes. So many memories and feelings hit me. "Bruno, tell me what's going on." I say. He rubs his hand up and down my thigh, not looking at me. He looks sad again. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." I say. He makes little circles with his finger on my leg. "Why are you gonna lose your apartment?" I ask him. He finally looks up. "Nobody wants to sign me. I've tried over and over but, they're 'just not interested' I lost my job cause they said I spent too much time focusing on my music. I sold everything I had to keep this place because I know, I just know I'll make it here. I just have to keep trying." He clenches his jaw. "A producer was interested in one of my songs. He didn't want me to sing it, he wanted it for another artist. He offered me $20,000" he says. My jaw drops. "Bruno, please tell me you sold it to him" I say. He shakes his head, angry. "There was no way in hell I was gonna sell him that song." "Why not?! You need that kind of money!" I practically yell at him. "I showed him other one's I had, but he kept going back to that one." He furrows his eyebrows. "God Bruno $20,000? What song was it that you just had to keep?" He stares at me with sad eyes. He opens his mouth and sings :


I've been working hard so long, seems like pain has been my only friend

My fragile heart's been done so wrong

I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Oh just like all the seasons, never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change.

He runs his fingers through his curls. "That song, is too special to me. I can't just let it go Lena, no matter how much money they offer for it." All I'm hearing is, he's broke and about to be homeless because of me. My heart sinks into my stomach. "Bruno..That song can give you a chance. Who cares if you wrote if for me?" His eyes turn red. "I care! Why would you even say that?!" His face is red as he spits the words out like fire. "Am I really worth it though?" I say. Big mistake. He stands up and clenches his fists until his knuckles turn white. "Are you fuckin worth it?! Seriously Lena, you must really not know how I feel about you, How I've felt about you all these years. When it comes to you, I would do anything to protect you! I would fuckin catch a grendade for you, or...Jump in front of a train, Take a bullet straight through my brain for you, I would die for you Lena, but to be honest, I don't think you would do the same..." I jump up and stand if front of him. His nose almost touches mine. "Bruno, I would do all that plus more for you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but distancing myself from you is the only way I could move on and be happy. I love you so much, that's why what you did, literally was ruining me and there was no way I could get over it, but to get over you." He leans his forehead against mine. "I love you. I love you so much.." I whisper. He kisses me and I jump on him and kiss him back. He walks to the couch, never taking his lips off of mine. He sits down, so I'm on top of him and starts to run his hands up my shirt. All of a sudden, I feel the couch vibrate. My phone. He kisses my neck and says "Babe, just leave it." I stretch towards it. "I can't. What if it has something to do with my sister?" "Ugh!" He throws his head back. I grab the phone and look at it. A text. From Brendan. "Fuck you Lena! I hope your having fun in L.A. with your little bitch! Wait til you fuckin get home..." I close my eyes and lean my head back. Fuck!