This chapter does have some 'adult' parts i guess you could say...Just to warn any of the young Hooligans who decide to read this. I don't want to upset anybody so I'm letting everybody know before hand...
"What's the matter?" I ask him. I shut the door and sit next to him on his bed. He lays back and covers his face with his hat. I watch him for a minute. His chest is going up and down fast, and I can tell he's breathing hard. More time goes by. I wish he would say something. This isn't like Bruno. Besides the fact that he never stops talking, he always tells me everything, good or bad. "Are you mad at me?" I ask. No response. Than, "I just got a lot on my mind." "Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask. More silence. I get up slowly from the bed. He lifts the hat and sits up. "I'll leave you alone, if you wanna talk later, call me okay?" I say heading for the door. "Lena, don't go." My heart beats fast and I try not to smile. The words I want to hear. I sit back down on the bed. He lays his head on my lap and I play with his hair like always. Mixed emotions of happiness and sadness fill me. Why do we do things like this, but were just best friends? He looks up at me. I stick my tongue out and he smiles. All of a sudden, he sits up and stares at me. "What?" I ask, my eyes widening. He moves my hair out my face. I can feel my cheeks turn red. He smirks. "Why do you always turn red around me?" he asks. I cover my face. "I'm not red." I say. He laughs and pulls my hands down. His brown eyes stare into mine, as if he's searching for something. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to explode. He touches my face and slowly leans forward. The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy. His lips are warm and soft. As he kisses me, my whole body goes numb and I feel like I've left reality. I kiss him back and can't believe this is happening. He pushes me back on the bed and goes from my mouth to my neck. I grab the back of his hair and bite my bottom lip. Oh god, his tongue. I start breathing faster. He lifts my shirt and kisses my stomach. I push him forward and sit on top of him. He puts his hands on my hips and slowly moves me back and forth. He groans softly as I kiss his neck. I run my hands up and down his chest and he unbuttons my pants. He doesn't know this is my first time. "I don't know what I'm doing." I tell him. He whispers in my ear. "Just go with it." I can feel him through his pants I unzip them and the kissing gets more intense. Our tongues go back and forth, in and out. He goes slow at first. I moan and he goes faster. I still can't believe this is happening. It feels like a dream. He groans in my neck and I know he's close. He presses me against him hard and I feel him shudder. He keeps his arms around me for a long time until our breathing goes back to normal. I lean forward to kiss him, but he backs away. The feeling of shock and hurt overwhelm me. He sighs and rubs his forehead. "I'm sorry Lena." he says. I don't say anything. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I don't why I let this happen." I swallow and try to form some words. "What do you mean?" He shakes his head. "I needed to get my mind off of some stuff, but I totally went about it the wrong way." Tears sting my eyes. "So you only had sex with me.....To get your mind off stuff?" "I'm so sorry Lena." I grab my clothes and get dressed as fast as I can. Without looking back, I ran out the door and down the stairs. When I get home,I bury myself under my blanket and cry until I had nothing left in me. I hated Bruno. No, I hate myself. Why did I let it go that far? 'Because you're in love with him idiot.' I remind myself. And because of that, I just lost my best friend. I know I would never be able to look Peter in the face again.
I wake up and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't even want to be awake. My phone buzzes. I look at it. Bruno. I throw it to the other end of my bed. It keeps buzzing. I loose count after the 23rd call and turn it off. I hear the house phone ring a minute later. "Ugh!" I bury my head under the covers. Avoiding him is not going to be easy. My mom knocks on the door. I pretend to be sleeping but she knows me too well. "I don't know what's going on with you two, but you have to talk it out." She leaves the phone on my pillow. I can hear music in the background, and the bump bump bump of the drums. Typical day at his house. I don't say anything, I just stare at the phone. "I'm not gonna leave you alone until you talk to me." he says. Silence. "Lena, I'm sorry. I know that's not what you wanna hear but that's all I can say. I do stupid, crazy things all the time. You know me. It's like I'm not from this world or something. Like I'm from Mars." I can't help but smirk. "I don't want to lose my best friend over something that shouldn't of happend. Over a mistake we both made." We? That word "best friend" will haunt me forever. "If I know you, which I completely do, you won't let this change things between us. And your smart enough to know that we've been friends too long to be anything more." Shows how much you know. As if my heart and soul doesn't hurt enough. I want to say, no scream so many things at him. I want to punch him, kiss him, slap him, hug him, cry in his shirt. This boy doesn't know what he does to me. He has me up and down worse than a roller coaster. I hear him sigh. "God Lena, say something!" he yells. Now you know how I felt yesterday. I wait a while and pick up the phone. "I got a lot on my mind" I say and hang up. I finally drag myself out of bed and take an extra long shower. I don't want to face the world today, but I don't have a choice. The phone keeps ringing off the hook. "Mija, what is going on? Did you two have a fight?" I shake my head. "Well than what?" "Nothing ma, I just don't feel like talking to him today." " You two are inseparable. I never see you without him or him without you and now all of a sudden you don't even want to talk to him. No no no mijita, I'm not buying that." Sometimes I hate that she knows me more than I know myself. "I'll be back later." I say and almost run out of the front door so she doesn't see my tears. Walking down the streets of Brooklyn in the midst of hundreds of people going in the same direction I am, I've never felt more empty and alone as I do now. I start to make myself paranoid. Since I was trying to avoid him, every guy I see with curly hair, makes me run and hide inside whatever store I'm passing. 'Stop Lena, you're being dumb. If you see him, just keep walking and ignore him.' I come out from the restaurant I'm in and as soon as I step foot on the sidewalk I run into somebody. "I am so sorry, I----" I look up and all I see is brown, curly hair. "Are you kidding me?!" I say outloud. I throw my head back as Bruno grabs my arm and drags me back inside the restaurant. I avoid his eyes as we sit there in silence. "I know you have a lot to say, so spit it out." I keep my head down. "There's nothing to say." I stare at my glass of water. "Can you at least look at me?" he asks, almost pleading. As hard as it is, I lift my head and look him in his eyes. He looks distraught. Not put together as he usually does. Flashbacks of yesterday run through my mind and it's too painful to see his face. I look down. I hear him sigh. The waitress comes and asks if were ready to order. I hear Bruno and her talking but it sounds so far away. My breath sounds loud in my ears and I feel like passing out. I jump up from the table and run out of the restaurant. "Lena!" I can hear him calling me, but I keep running. I run 8 blocks and stop in front of the cemetary. My chest hurts and I can't catch my breath. After a minute, I walk through the big heavy gate. I slowly make my way deeper in until I see the familiar black headstone. I kneel in front of it. I run my fingers over the letters. Anthony Luis Osvala Sr. "Hola Papi." I whisper. The wind gently blows my hair back. I smile, knowing he's there. "I know it's been awhile, but more than ever I wish you were here now." I close my eyes and lean my head against his name. The tears roll down my cheeks and fall into the dirt. I don't know how long I was there, but when I open my eyes and stand up, I feel a lot better than I did at the restaurant. I hug myself as I make my way home. When I walk in the house, my mom comes towards me with her arms out. I swear she sees into the future. Mother's intuition is weak compared to what she has. I let myself melt into her and she strokes my hair like she did when I was little. Mom and Dad. All I need. Who cares about Bruno. We stay that way for awhile. "Que mijita, dime que tienes." I shake my head. "There's nothing wrong with me Ma, I just needed a hug." I kiss her cheek and go upstairs. When I open my door, Bruno is sitting on my bed. All the calmness and relief that filled me 10 seconds ago, instantly gets replaced with rage. I slam my door and before he can stand up, I lift my hand and slap him twice. He doesn't move anything but his jaw. The rage bubbles up from inside me. "You fuckin asshole! Leave me the hell alone! What do you want?! You already fucked me, isn't that enough? Or do you want to mind fuck me some more, you did a pretty good job with both yesterday!" He puts his head in his hands. I stand there, fire coming from my eyes. He doesn't say anything. It seems like time stands still. After an eternity, he gets up and stands in front of me. I push him but he pulls me towards him. We struggle for a minute, until I give in and he wraps me in his arms and squeezes me. "I'm so sorry." he says in my hair. I have the back of his shirt balled in my hands. I don't want to cry. "I hate you." I whisper. I say it over and over. "I hate you...I hate you!" "I know." he says, still squeezing me. I scream louder. "I HATE YOU!!!" I try punching him but he holds my fists. I fall to my knees, screaming. Screaming because my heart hurts. Screaming because I don't really hate him. Screaming because I hate that I love him. Screaming because being in his arms makes me feel like nothing is wrong, but everthing is wrong. He holds me like a baby and lets me cry and punch him until I can't anymore. He holds me closer to him as I let myself go limp. I look up into his beautiful brown eyes. They're glossy with tears. He kisses my forehead and leaves his lips there. I feel sick, and weak. I don't want to be alive. "Don't ever say that again!" I perk up. Did I say that outloud? He looks mad and worried at the same time. "God Lena. If I could take back yesterday I would. I never want you to feel any kind of pain. Physical or emotional, but look at you. Look at what the hell I did to you." My head is against his chest and I can hear his heart beating fast. "I don't know how to make this up to you. I don't even know if I can make this up to you." he says. I stay quiet for a minute than say "Just leave me alone." He looks down at me. "I can't do that." I lift myself up. "I don't want to see you. Please. Just leave me alone." I stand up and walk to my bed. He stares at me. "How am I supposed to just leave you alone?" I point to the door. "You just walk through that and don't ever come back." A deep sadness fills my heart to say that, but it's the only way I'll ever be able to get over what happened. He stands up, slowly and heads for the door. Before he leaves he says, "If I could do it all again, I wouldn't hurt my best friend and I'd throw away all my selfish ways. I'm sorry. I know you're mad and i don't wanna be like every other man that you had. So I'm stopping all my childish games cause you mean too much too me, your love is worth too much to lose."