I wake up not feeling well, it’s not the hangover, and I just don’t feel right. Anyway, waking up was. Erm. Awkward? Oh God. I wake up before him, take a long lonely shower, get changed, and go in to the living room. Our hotel room really is amazing, and huge. I find Mid asleep on the couch. Next to Phred? Ok then… I wake them both up. I need to talk. I don’t give a fuck; I shake the living daylights out of them until they wake up. “The fuck you doing on the couch with me!?” Mid yells. “Ouch! Don’t yell in my ear like that, and I don’t know, you’re the slut, not me…” Phred says as he sits on the floor. God I do love them both. “Lex, you don’t look right, are you feeling ok? Here, come sit lie on the couch” Mid says concerned as she feels my temperature. “Lex, you’re burning up, lemme get you something for it” “No, wait, can we just talk first?” I beg. And they both sit down and listen. After a silence, I finally say. “I couldn’t sleep last night, not properly. I felt lonely too, usually he’s always wrapped around me or I’m wrapped around him, but not last night” “Lex, so this is your first fight, so what? You’ll get over this feeling, besides, he’s in the wrong anyway, it’s not fair you put yourself through this” “Yeah, just think about how many times you fought with Jake, and you still stayed with that assshole after everything” “Lex, tell us what you’re thinking, let us know what you’re going through, it’s not good to keep everything in all the time” Am I really tearing up? What the hell is wrong with me? I take a deep breath and blurt out “I don’t know, I wish I knew what exact fucking emotion I have but I don’t. Obviously I’m upset that he’d do something as stupid as that, but obviously I’m fucking angry too. And on top of that I’m just shocked that he would even do that! I mean I thought I knew him, you know? At this stage in our relationship surprises like this shouldn’t happen. I mean, I can’t handle all of this! I work so hard, I mean so so hard and that is the most stressful part of my life, I can’t handle having all of this too. There’s only so much I can take. I’m only fucking human” My eyes are so blurry from my tears right now it’s unreal. “You still love him right?” Phred asks concerned. “Of course! Of course I still love him. I won’t ever stop. It’s like, I’m with this guy, this amazing guy that I love so damn much that at times it hurts, I’ve never loved anyone so much before in my life before, I didn’t even know love like this existed and he loves me too, but to think about what he’s done, and the implications it can have and how he didn’t think at that very moment in time is heartbreaking. I just wanna go in to the bedroom now and just, I dunno, hug him? Because I know he’s scared too, I just wanna hug him and tell him everything is gonna be alright, but I can’t guarantee that and I’m not strong enough to do that, I can’t be what he needs right now. I don’t even think I’m mentally stable anymore with everything that’s happened in my life” They both don’t say anything; they just get up and hug me. That’s all I need right now. Just a hug. I feel faint as fuck, I lie down on the couch and Mid brings me some Tylenol. It doesn’t help though. “I hope you’re not coming down with anything, you rarely get sick, but when you do. Man, does it hit you hard. Do you remember the last time you were sick?” Phred says reminiscing “Man, how could I forget! I do love you Phred, and you Mid” “We know bitch, we know, now try and get some sleep, maybe it’ll help” I drift off in to a very light sleep, but get woken up by Eric..
“I don’t care if he’s asleep! Lex looks like death, I’m waking him up” Do I really look that bad? “Eric, don’t, I don’t wanna speak to him right now anyway” I just know that if he comes out and sees me I’m just gonna melt and act like everything is ok. “You sure? *he feels my forehead* you’re burning up, but the rest of you feels cold, how do you feel?” “Urgh, I feel like death. And I’m cold, and I want Bruno to hold me…” Did I really say that last part out loud? Shit. “Awwhh, sweetheart, here, I suppose I’m the closest thing to Bruno right?” He sits with me on the couch and I cuddle up to him purely for the body heat, and because he’s so squidgy that it feels nice. Within seconds I fall asleep. I wake up again and see that Eric is still sitting with me but I have a blanket on me. Wow, my stomach doesn’t feel right, I feel, I feel like I’m gonna throw up but at the same time I feel dizzy. What’s happening to me? I get up and run to the bathroom and like I thought, I throw up, I don’t know if I feel better or worse now. I go back on the couch next to Eric and he puts the blanket on me again. “Can I wake Bruno up now?” I think for a second. “He’s gotta get up anyway, you guys have sound check soon, then your show. “FUCK! The show” I completely forgot!” Jamareo says, I didn’t even realise he was in the room, I look around and see that everyone is in here with me. I feel slightly uncomfortable so I start to squirm and sit up, but as I do my head starts to spin again and Eric just pulls me closer to him. I hear the shower go on and use this to my advantage. “I’m just gonna go and get changed in to my pyjamas and come back” “You need any help?” “No thanks Mid, I’ll be fine” “Ok, call if you need any help, I’m gonna call the doctor to come and see you too, because you’ve defiantly come down with something” “Nooooo, I’m sure I’ll get better later on or something” “Don’t care, I’m calling them anyway” “Urgh, fine….” I go in our room and change in to my pyjamas, I have to do it slowly though because I genuinely feel like I’m gonna pass out at any moment. Once I’m changed I collapse on the bed, I haven’t even got any energy to get up, I close my eyes and… “Lex? Baby what’s wrong!?” I didn’t even hear Bruno come out of the shower, I open my eyes and he’s right there. I look in to his beautiful eyes, but I can’t say anything. He instantly touches my forehead and says “Fuck, you’re burning up, have you called a doctor?” I nod. He sits next to me and goes in for a hug and like an instinct I hug him back. He’s wet and I pull back. He’s only in a towel. Fuck. I know I shouldn’t. I mean. I really REALLY know I shouldn’t, but I just stare at him, stare at his perfect body. In a towel. All wet and hot from the shower. “Wow, you must be coming down with something” He says as he gets up and starts to get changed. “Get under the covers baby, you’re freezing, do you feel cold?” I nod again. “What else is wrong? Have you been throwing up too?” I nod again. He opens the door and says “You guys coulda woken me up and told me she was sick” “She didn’t want us too” Ryan says. “Well, you should’ve done it anyway, you called a doctor?” “Yeah I did, he said he’ll be here soon” “I hope he gets here before we have to leave, what time do we have to go?” Bruno says as he grabs a bowl for cereal, from our room, with the door open, I can see everything that happens. “We’re performing in the hotel, so you don’t need to be there until 8 to go on for 10, but you’ve got to go talk to staging so they can set up everything for you all” Ryan says as he reads it off his phone. “And what time do we need to be at staging?” “Errrr, 5ish, and its 3 now” After Ryan says that an awkward silence occurs. Great, I turn the TV on to ignore everyone else. Once Bruno is done with his cereal he comes back in the room and sits with me. I wish he wouldn’t, but to be honest, right now. I just don’t care anymore. I place my head on his chest and fall asleep again.
“Lex….Lex baby, the doctors here, wake up” I feel Brunos cool, soft hands on my face trying to get me to wake up. I try to sit up but fall back “Ouuchhh, my head” “Is that dizziness?” The doctor asks. I nod, what other symptoms has she shown? “Dizziness, a high temperature but she said she feels cold, and she threw up earlier too” Mid explains. “Has she thrown up again?” “No, but I think that’s because she hasn’t eaten anything. And that’s not right either, because she loves to eat” “Lexii, do you have any aches and pains?” the doctor asks me directly. “Yeah, my back is killing me and my head” Bruno helps me to sit up and he starts rubbing my back, fuck that’s helping. Only slightly, but at least it’s helping. I rest my head on his shoulder. “Ok, it looks like to me like she has a serious viral infection, it’s not contagious, it’s just one of those things that happens, I’ll prescribe you something and you’ll be fine in no time” and with that, the doctor gives Mid the medication and leaves. “What time is it? Don’t you have to leave soon?” “It’s 6, but its ok, Phred knows all the arrangements, you’re more important to me anyway” and he kisses my forehead. I really don’t want to ask this, but “Baby, will you help me take a bath?”
“Of course, you sure you want one?” He asks casually. “Yeah, I think I just need one to relax, I had a shower this morning, but that didn’t help, I just wanna sit in the hot water” “Ok baby” and he kisses my forehead and goes to run my bath. Why does he keep kissing my forehead? I wish he’d just kiss me properly, I’m getting tired of this now, I’m sick, and I need my boyfriend. I mean, Fiancé….. I keep forgetting that part. He comes back in and says “Can you walk? Or do you need me to carry you?” “No I can walk” I get up and feel faint again, damn. “Fuuuckk” Instantly Bruno’s by my side and helps me up. “Urghh, thanks…” and we walk to the bathroom. “HOLY SHIT! How many bubbles do you think I need!?” I say through laughter. “Well I don’t know! You’re a girl, I thought you’d like it” “Well, yeah, but not THIS much, how much did you use?” “A whole bottle… WHAT!? Don’t look at me like that! Just get in ok?” I stare at him for while…. “Oh my God Lex. Are you serious? Do you want me to turn round or something?” He says whilst laughing, even I know that sounds stupid! “Because you know, I’ve seen you. I’ve seen quite a lot of you, in faaacttttt-“ “Ok ok ok, shut up, and never say that again…” “Deal” he says as he comes up to me and kisses my forehead. I look up at him and reach my lips up to his and he happily kisses me. Hmmmmm I missed kissing him. I wind my hands around his neck and only pull back for air “I love you” he whispers. I nod and say “I know” and push him away so I can get undressed. I start to pull at my top before I realise that I haven’t got any strength to do anything. Fuck my life, why do I have to be so sick? “Its ok baby, lemme help you” and he does. Nothing is awkward, why would it be? It’s only me and Bruno in here. I get in the bath, close my eyes and just relax, wow, I’m really covered by all these bubbles in here. I open my eyes after a while and see Bruno sitting on the floor staring at me. Why am I not surprised by this? “Uhhhh, you wanna join me?” “FUCK YES! I mean, uhh, if you really want me to?” I laugh and splash him with the water making him all wet “LEX!!” “Awwwh, now you have to join me” He puts on a mocking voice and says “Ok, but don’t watch me….” Fool. Obviously I watch him. In fact, I watch him very carefully. God damn, what have I don’t to deserve such a perfect guy? “Stop staring at me” he says and I snap out of it. I realise he’s only in his boxers now. “Strip baby strip!” He raises his hands and places them at the waistband of his boxers and looks at me, well, at least I think he’s looking at me, I’m not really looking at his face. “Nahhhh, I’m cool” and he gets in the bath with them still on!! “HELL NO BRUNO!” “what? Someone’s sex crazed ehh Lex…” “I. Am. Not.” I say all stubborn and annoyed. How could he do that? What a stupid sexy guy. Ok, maybe I am over reacting a little bit… “Well we’re not gonna have sex, you’re sick as shit for one” I just stare at him all annoyed. “Fineeee, you want them off? Here” and under the water he takes them off and throws them at me. “BRUNO!” It’s not the first time he’s thrown them at me. “I hate you…” I say. “Ok baby, sure you do” and he leans back and closes his eyes. The bath is quite big, I have plenty of room to move about… I take my foot and slowly graze it up his leg, passed his thigh and up to his-he jumps and opens his eyes “Don’t, or I’ll get out, you’re not feeling well, that’d be wrong” Ugh, “HAVE SEX WITH ME!” “Shhhhhh!! My brother is outside!!” Why am I so horny? Like seriously? I think it’s this fever that’s making me act all strange. “Fine, don’t have sex with me….” He comes up to me and kisses me again on the lips, I lift my knee up and “YOU’RE NOT EVEN HARD!! WE’RE IN A BATH TOGETH AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN HA-“ He places his hand on my mouth to shut me up “Do you have to be so loud!?! Eric probably heard EVERYTHING you just yelled!” he says through laughter. “Shiiiiiiiit, I thought Eric left” “No, he fell asleep on the couch so we’re gonna go down together later, although you probably woke him up” “Oh, sorry…” we stay sitting in the hot water for a while longer before I decide to get out. He helps me get out and get changed and tucks me in the bed. I really do feel like shit. “Baby, you need to eat something so you can take your medication” “I don’t wanna eat, I’ll probably just throw it up” “I don’t care…. Mid! Can you make Lexii something to eat so she can take her medication?” “I’m on it!” Mid yells from somewhere. I lay my head back on the pillow and Bruno lies next to me. He turns on his side to me and moves a piece of hair from my face. “You’re burning up, I’m worried” “I’ll get better Bruno, stop worrying for nothing” “Yeah but you just work so damn hard all the time, and now you’re sick, and, well, on top of everything that happened last night, I’m sure you didn’t need that stress added either” “Baby, don’t bring it up, ok?” “Just promise me you’ll take it easier? And I promise I’ll be a better fiancé” As soon as he says that I get a huge smile on my face, he notices and kisses my engagement ring. He looks at me and says “You still wanna have sex?” I nod and reply “Yeahhhh….” “Wow! Usually it’s me begging you!” “Well don’t get used to it” right at that moment Mid walks in with some toast. “Uhhh, I don’t wanna eat any” “You have to so you can take your medication” she says. Bruno hands me a slice and like a little child I sit there trying to stomach it. I take a bite and feel sick, so I put it back on the plate. “I can’t do it” As if I didn’t just say that, Bruno picks the slice up and forces me to eat it. “Am I really gonna have to force you to eat it?” he says. Just to shut them both up I eat that one slice and take my medication. “Baby, when do you have to go?” “Uhhh, half hourish, I really wish I didn’t have to go perform tonight” “It’s ok, you can’t go cancelling concerts for me, besides Mid is here to take ca-“ SHIT. Instantly I get up and run for the bathroom shutting the door behind me and start being sick in the toilet, within seconds Bruno rushes in next to me. “Go away” I say whilst throwing up, he bends down and holds my hair out of my face. In a way, it’s kinda sweet, yet fucking disgusting at the same time. I don’t know why, but once I’m done I start crying. He just hugs me from behind and whispers “It’s ok, I’m here, don’t worry” and he helps me wash my face and brush my teeth and takes me back in to the bed.
“Bruno, you have to go” “No, I can wait another half hour” “Baby, Eric’s already left and you’ve missed dress rehearsal, please. Go” He sits there hesitating, he clearly doesn’t want to go. I don’t want him to go either, but he has to. “Bruno! I understand that Lex is ill, and I really feel awful for her, but bro, you gotta come down NOW, I’m sick of getting yelled at” Phred says as he rushes in. He comes over and sits next to me. “Hey Lex, how you doing?” he asks as he feels my temperature. “I’m not doing well” I say as I rest my head on his shoulder. Oh I do love Phred, I mean apart from Mid, he’s one of my oldest friends. “Phred, we have your keys on track right?” Bruno asks. “What?” “Your parts on the keys, we have it on track? So we can just play it and you don’t need to perform tonight? Would you stay with Lex and Mid? I know she’d appreciate it” And I really would. “Sure I’ll stay with her. You sure you don’t need me tonight?” “We’ll cope, worst comes to worst we’ll stick Dre on keys….” and this we all start to laugh, but I stop because I get a head rush. Fuck. “Ok then, baby, I’m going, I’ll be back asap ok?” I nod “Have an amazing time, thrust a little harder for me will you?” He laughs “Anytime *Kiss* I love you *Kiss*” I watch and get slightly sad as he leaves, I’ll miss him. Spending the night in with Mid and Phred tonight. Just like the old times, before Bruno :)