I started the car and drove as fast as I could without getting pulled over. I didn’t even have time to call Dre, I dared the paparazzi to mess with me tonight. I kept looking over to her trying to keep her awake. “Diamond talk to me..” I said as I looked ahead of me. “Bruno.. I’m fine please stop..” “No you’re not okay.. now I don’t know much about this shit but, I know you’re not supposed to be hurting like this..” She didn’t respond and I just kept driving a bit faster this time. “Baby talk to me please..” I said looking over to her raising my voice. I hated that we had to go to this private hospital that was father away. “I’m woke Bru..” she groaned. I took a quick second and reached over grabbing her face and turning it towards me. I held her face in my hand steering the car with the other. I looked back and forth between her and the road, “Just keep looking at me.. don’t sleep..please.” I pleaded. I was so scared right now, and I didn’t know if she should sleep or not. As we pulled up, I quickly found a parking spot and jumped out hurrying over to the passenger side. I helped her out and into the hospital being very aware of of my surroundings knowing the paparazzi could be anywhere.
As soon as we got in, a nurse rushed up to us. “What’s going on?” she said as she observed Diamond. “She’s pregnant and having really bad pains.. I just didn’t know what to do..” I said honestly. “How far along are you sweetie?” she asked looking back down to her. “She’s almost 5 months, just please.. help her..” I begged. She frowned a bit and another nurse came and helped her to the back, I followed close behind them my heart racing. They got her into a room and got her into a hospital bed. A doctor was in within minutes doing countless tests on her, “Is she gonna be okay?” I asked when I thought she was finished. “She is going to be perfectly fine.. her blood pressure is a little high..” “She’s always had problems with her blood pressure..” I said flashing back to the times when we we’re in college. “Well she’s fine now.. and he baby is too.. she just needs rest..” I took a deep breath as I looked over to her sleeping along, her heart monitor beeping faintly in the background. “Okay..” I said softly. “However because of the levels.. I just wanna be sure and keep her just for tonight..” “Alright as long as her the baby are okay..” She nodded with a slight smile as she left the room closing the door behind her. I sat there for a second just getting my thoughts together. I was just glad that I decided to bring her in. I got up and slowly walked over to the bedside. I grabbed her hand and started playing with her engagement ring as I observed her. I closed my eyes and said a small prayer for her and the baby. As I opened my eyes I leaned down kissing her lips softly. I didn’t like seeing her like this.
I smiled as I felt Bruno’s lips leave mine. “Hey baby..” he said his voice a bit shaky. I opened my eyes looking up to him, his eyes a bit low and hair all over his head. “How you feeling?” he said as he stroked my hand. “I feel fine Bru.. I told you that I was going to be okay..” He shrugged, “But, still.. I gotta do everything I can for you and my son..” I smiled as the word ‘son’ left his lips. I really looked forward to hearing it come out of his mouth. “I love you Bruno..” “And I love you even more Diamond..” I squeezed his hand a bit, just looking into those dreamy eyes of his. All I knew is that I was tired, and sleep would make me feel so much better. “As bad as I wanna stay.. I’m gonna go home because you know, I was already going up to my label’s office for the meeting.. I’ll be right here soon as I’m done..” I nodded, “Thats fine babe.. they’ll take good care of me here..” He leaned down and kissed me again, “You stay strong beautiful..” “Always..” I said with a smile. I watched him leave the room, usually I would want him to stay with me. But, I was so tired right now, that sleeping was the only thing on my mind. I tiled my head a bit and felt myself calming down minute by minute. It didn’t take me long at all to fall asleep.
I got home and stripped back down to my boxers instantly, extending myself across the whole bed. I felt better now that I didn’t have to worry about her, I could get a good night sleep and be ready to do business in the morning. I fell asleep with music on my mind.The next morning, I dragged myself out of the bed and into the bathroom for a shower. I stood there longer than I should have, just picturing where I would be in a couple of years. I wondered how far in my career I would be, and if it would even be successful. But, most of all I thought about my son and how many things I needed to change so that I could set good examples for him. I wasn’t going to let being a celebrity stand in the way of raising him. I got out getting dressed quickly, I had took way too long in the shower. I didn’t bother with my hair so I threw on my fedora. I grabbed a pop tart and my keys just before heading out the door. I ate it as I sang along to the radio. I had to go over and make some things final for the rest of my touring.
I slowly opened my eyes to voices. There we’re three people in my room, I only recognized the one from last night. The other two looked like nurses. I felt the urge to want to sit up and when I tried I got the most awful pain my my stomach. I moaned out in pain and all three of them turned their attention to me quickly. One nurse came and put her hand on my arm, “Sweeite please.. lay back down..” I looked at her confused as ever, “What’s going on?” She looked up to the other doctors and they all shared a small head nod. “Well.. I just want to first say that I am terribly sorry for your lost..” I looked at her like she had gone crazy, “My lost?! What?” “This is going to be hard to hear but, we have help if you need it.. we promise to be here..” I started to get frustrated and I felt my emotions coming, “What are you saying to me right now..” “Your baby didn’t make it..” Right then my heart shattered into a thousand pieces, and time just stopped. She was lying to me right now, this couldn’t happen, it can’t. I put my face in my hands and started to cry like no other, “No.. No..” I kept repeating over and over. “We understand that this is going to be hard but, we can offer you help..” “I don’t want help, I want to know why?! What did I do wrong, why is this happening to me..” I cried.
I adjusted my hat as I stepped out the doors back out into the day. I put a cigarette in my mouth as I opened the driver side door and jumped in. I lit it just before I stared the car. I made my way to the hospital and flicked my cigarette right before I got the the entrance. I walked in with a smile on my face, the nurse that had checked us in last night was still there and I pointed towards the back asking could I go. She took a deep breath and nodded. I frowned, “You alright?” “Yeah I’m fine.. thanks.” I shrugged and kept walking to the back, as I got closer to Diamond’s door I heard someone crying. I didn’t realize that it was her until I got to her door. I slowly pushed it open frowning, I quickly went to her side, “Baby.. what’s going on.. they didn’t give you any medicine for your pain?!” She just kept crying into my chest and I held her to me, “I’m so sorry.. I’ll go get someone okay?” I said as I started to let her go. She pulled me back close to her, “Bruno it’s not that..” I don’t know why, but my mind went to the worst possible thing and I put one of my hands up to my face, “Diamond.. don’t tell me that..” “I don’t know what to do Bru..” There was no point of me even fighting back my tears, I put my head into hers and let them go. “Tell me you’re lying to me please.. tell me..” I cried. “I wish I was..” “Oh my god..” I said squeezing her close to me. “Why did they tell me that you we’re okay.. I knew it was something.. why god.. why..” There was knock on the door and the doctor started to walk in.
“I’ll come back later..” she said backing up. I lifted my head up, “No.. you come in here right now.. I need answers..” She came in looking a bit scared, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at her but, I just couldn’t control it right now, I had never felt so hurt in my life. “Why did you tell me she was going to be fine when she wasn’t.. why did you lie to me?” I said putting my hand on my chest. “I’m so sorry.. I didn’t lie.. there are just some things that we can’t control.. I’m very very sorry..” she said her words just stabbed me right in the heart. I put my hands on my face and just backed up against the wall, I couldn’t take this, I couldn’t accept it. I felt myself sliding down the wall as I sat on the floor. I put my head down and just let it all out, why us I kept thinking over and over.. why us……
“I know that this is a hard time for the both of you.. so I’ll leave you both time to talk..” I didn’t say anything. I just sat there frozen, hurt, and angry. This whole entire time, I didn’t even begin to think that I had something seriously wrong with me. All the times I had been in and out of hospitals for years, and not getting pregnant even still when I wasn’t on birth control. I listened to Bruno sniff light from down on the floor, it only made me want to cry even more, but I had cried so much in the past 15 minutes. I felt like now, I would be crying for a long time. I had a disease called Endonetriosis that I never knew about. Even if I tried my best to get pregnant it was hard, and even when I did I would lose it anyway. The high blood pressure, the cramps, it all made sense now. I put my face into my hands again, just unsure on where to go from this point. If I had of known earlier, me and Bruno wouldn’t have had to go through this. “You know Diamond.. I feel like a lot of this is my fault..” I quickly looked down to him his head against the wall. I shook my head, “Bruno don’t say that.. you couldn’t control this..” “Diamond.. I loved that kid.. I really did.. I had dreams, and things planned already.. and now it’s all gone..” I went into explaining the whole disease thing to him even though I knew that he was far to upset to understand all of it. When I was done, he looked at me like I had just told him his death date.
“So.. we can’t have kids?” he said his voice shaky. I shrugged, “Not of our own..” He put his face down again and started to cry. I never knew that he had such deep feelings about children. “Bruno.. please stop you’re making me cry..” “I’m trying to be strong.. I know I’m not supposed to be like this.. but it’s hard..” he cried pulling his shirt up over his face. I looked away from him, I couldn’t handle seeing him like this. I was stuck in the worst of situations right now, and the worst part about it was that it shouldn’t have even happened in the first place. After sitting silently for I don’t know how long a nurse slowly pushed the door open, “If you’re ready they would like to start the surgery. I sucked in air and held back more tears, “Okay..” “Sir.. would you mind leaving for a second..” she said looking over to Bruno. “It’ll only be about an hour or so..” I watched him as he wiped his face with his flannel. He pushed himself up, storming out of the room not saying one word. I just shook my head as they closed the door back. I laid back in the bed as they started to prep me for the surgery. I honestly just wanted to run away right now, run away from this, runaway from this pain. It was all just too unreal.
I inhaled and exhaled countless times trying to keep myself from crying anymore as I paced in the lobby. I had worried so much that something bad was going to happen and it did anyway. Now, instead of calling my mom and telling her that I would be getting ready for my baby boy, I would have to tell her that’s he’s gone. He never even got a chance. I slammed myself down into a chair, trying to calm myself down enough to get my thoughts straight. My eyes and mind we’re so blurry and I all I knew is that I was hurting and after each passing minute the pain was only getting worst. I leaned my head back and just started praying, talking under my breath. I didn’t care if anyone heard me, I just needed it right now. As soon as I finished my phone started to ring in my pocket. I honestly didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, but the noise started to bug me. I quickly took it out of my pocket, seeing that it was Phil. I answered it on the last ring. “Hello..” “Ayoo Brunzzz, so what we doing tonight..” “Phil.. I’m going through it right now.. I’m not doing anything..” “Damn man you don’t sound good.. talk to me..” “It’s so hard to say the words man… it hurts to think about.. and I can’t get it off of my mind..” “Shit man you scaring me..” I just hung my head low putting my elbows into my thighs, “The baby man.. the baby..” “Oh nah man don’t say that..” I put my hand on my face just trying to keep the tears from coming again. “Look man.. I can’t talk to you like this.. call me when you get everything together..” “Alright man.. prechiaite you..” I said sniffing. He hang up and I set my phone on the chair next to me.
After waiting almost two hours in the lobby basically driving myself crazy. We we’re walking to my car in the parking lot. We got in and it was just silent, it was so silent that I felt like we could each other breathing. As we pulled up in the driveway I turned off the car, but sat there. She sat there for a moment before opening the door. As she closed it I started the car again. “Bruno.. where are you going…?” she said threw the window. “I’m just going to the store..” I said glancing over to her but, not looking her in the eyes. “Oh my god.. please don’t..” “Baby.. just go in the house I’ll be back..” I said looking forward again. “Okay..” she said backing up. As soon as she moved I backed out of the driveway and went to the liquor store down the street.
I rumbled threw my bag looking for my keys. I was lucky that I had pain medicine in me right now or I would be in intense pain. I went right in throwing my things onto the bar and going straight for the couch. I laid down looking up to the celling, I moved my hands down to my stomach that was sore and wasn’t what I had been used to feeling for almost the last half year. I closed my eyes and tried to take my mind off of it so that I wouldn’t cry anymore, but of course I couldn’t. I didn’t want to tell my mom, I didn’t want to tell my girls, I just felt trapped in a never ending pain. When I felt myself going to sleep I heard the door open. I slowly sat up to see him putting the all too familiar brown paper bag on the bar. “I knew you would drink.. I just knew it..” “Diamond please don’t right now..” he said not even looking my direction. He proceeded, pulling out the bottle of liquor and going to the cabinet for a glass. I had no idea how much he was really hurting right now, and if it was as much as I thought it was then he would honestly drink till he couldn’t feel anything anymore. I got up walking into the kitchen as he started to pour himself a shot next to his already made dancing juice. I grabbed his hand as he reached for the shot, “Please don’t do this I need you right now..” I whispered.
“Let me go..” he said not looking me in the eyes. “Bruno look at me..” I said trying to see his eyes, I honestly hadn’t looked into at all since I had told him. “Just please fucking let me go..” he said snatching his hand away. I backed up, “I can’t believe you right now.. I really can’t..” He took the shot anyway slamming the glass back down. He put his hands into the counter gripping it and he looked like he was going mad, “Diamond.. I just need it to stop.. I can’t deal with it right now..” “Well let me help you.. don’t get yourself drunk.. you don’t know how to control yourself..” “Just please..” he said finally looking over to me. Our eyes locked a second before he looked away again. We had never looked at each other like that before, and it felt terrible. It was so different that it was scary. I just backed away shaking my head, I didn’t want this to affect us like this. I took myself from the situation walking into the room and closing the door behind me. I laid down in the bed, not caring anymore. If he wanted to do that to himself, I couldn’t stop him now. I started to cry again and this time I honestly couldn’t stop.
I slowly opened my eyes realizing that I had cried myself to sleep. I could see the sun setting through the blinds from the window. I sat up wincing in pain a bit, I knew that I would be feeling this for a long time. I got up going out into to the living room to find the patio door opened. I heard Bruno strumming away on his guitar just outside it and I walked past into the kitchen. I heard him stop as I opened it. I pulled out a bottle of water that I was planning on using it to take my medicine. As I turned around Bruno stood there scaring the living shit out of me. “Diamond.. I love you..” he said softly. “I love you too Bruno..” I said realizing that we we’re even making eye contact anymore. He started coming towards me and I don’t know why but I started backing against the refrigerator. He leaned in like he wanted a kiss, but I pushed him away looking the other way. He reached down and grabbed my wrist, “I can’t kiss you..” he said sadly. I could tell in his voice that he was past drunk. “Bruno.. not right now please..” He reached up and grabbed my face tightly moving it back to his. I tried to push him away but, he held me up against the fridge with his chest. “Bruno.. what the fuck are you doing..” I yelled as he tried to kiss me. “Why are you fighting it.. why are you doing this to me..” he said inches away from my face. I tilted my head as much as possible out of his grip but, he moved my head back and kissed me anyway. He kept kissing me even after I screamed stop against his lips. What the fuck is this doing to us….
I wasn’t fighting with all the strength I have because it was Bruno, and he wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me. I started to get a bit scared when he put his hands into my shirt. I moved my head from his mouth, “Bruno stop..” “Come on babe..” he whispered. “Get off of me..” I said quietly not even wanting to look him in the eyes anymore. He moved his hands down until he was grabbing my hips tightly. I would try to push away with my body, but he would push me further back. I was dreaming, I know I was. He went in and started kissing on my neck, but I didn’t like it at all. I felt his hands move to the front of my jeans as he started to unbutton them. “Bruno are you serious right now..” I said scared as ever now. “I just told you..” he said sternly. Before he could get my jeans unbuttoned I pushed him away with all my strength. He stood there for a second just staring at me like I was the crazy one. As soon as I tried to move away he came as me again grabbing my arms. “Oh my fucking god stop.. I don’t know who are you are when you’re drunk..” I yelled at him. He slowly let my arms go and fell into me, he put his face in my shoulder and I felt him starting to cry again. I reached up and put my arms around him. “Diamond I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry..” he cried. I couldn’t take this, I just couldn’t. I felt like this would never end. It was already hard enough knowing that I wouldn’t ever have his children. But, it was even harder seeing him go through it, he was just strong and this turned his world upside down.
“You gotta stop..” I said pulling at his shirt. I felt tears coming down my face also. He came up looking me in the eyes. I looked away quickly, for some reason now it was hard to look at him. “Baby don’t do that..” he said softly. “I can’t look at you like that..” I said. “I’ll make this right okay?” he said. I shook my head, “No one can fix this..” “I can.. I promise I will..” I just kept shaking my head, “He was just talking just to be talking right now..” “Why aren’t you looking at me..” he asked. His eyes we’re too much for me, especially right now. A lot was too much for me right now. This day every year, would bring back unforgettable and tragic memories that I could never fix. I’ve watched shows and cried whenever someone lost their baby. I knew exactly what happened, but there is no comparison to actually feeling it. The more me and Bruno talked the rest of the day, the worst it got. We we’re just so sad and I wasn’t used to it. I don’t think anyone was. I was still practicing myself on how I would tell my mom all of this, how could we tell Bruno’s mom this. How could we tell anyone. That night when we laid down in bed, it wasn’t the same. We held each other but, for the first time in my life I didn’t feel right there.
Day after day it got worst, we took our time telling people when we thought we we’re strong enough too and we would end up crying again. Bruno kept leaving, and coming back drunk or with drinks. He sometimes wouldn’t even talk to me. He would sit out on the patio strumming away on his guitar and sometimes I would hear him start to cry and I would just cry too. When he wasn’t drunk and emotional, he was angry at the world. If he got frustrated with anything, I was the one to hear about it. I started to not like doing things I used too. Then the arguments started again and each time we got even closer and closer to putting our hands on each other and that’s the last thing I wanted.
“Bruno this isn’t working..” she said shaking her head. “What do you mean it’s not working.. you won’t even touch me..” I said trying to look her in the eyes but, she looked down to the floor. “Diamond!” I said raising my voice. She jumped and then looked up to me, “Can you not yell at me please!” “Well answer me then..” “I don’t think… we can do this..” “No.. no..” I said moving in closer to her. “Don’t fucking touch me.. just don’t right now..” she said putting her hand out in front of me. “Baby.. please..” “As much as I would hate to do this.. I don’t think.. we should be together right now Bruno..” I felt tears coming, “Don’t do this to me.. please..” “You know.. just for awhile.. until this gets better you know..” “No.. no.. come on we gotta do this together..” I said grabbing her shoulder. “No.. neither of us are even ourselves anymore..” I said moving out of his grip. “You can’t fucking leave me Diamond.. you can’t do this right now.. I’m already hurting enough and if you do that.. I don’t know if I can live with myself.. alright.. please don’t do this to me.. I’m begging you..” I cried. She looked up to me in my eyes, “I’m sorry Bruno..” “That’s it.. you’re gonna give up on me.. just like that..” “I’m not giving up on you.. I’m giving up on us..” “What.. are you serious.. all that we’ve been through..” I cried. I watched her slide her ring off of her finger and it broke my heart all over again. She reached out for my hand and put it into it. She rolled my fingers into a fist and I just stood there staring at my own hand. “Just for awhile Bruno.. just till’ it gets better.” I couldn’t believe this was happening right now.
We both came to agreement that we would separate for awhile. A couple of days later I had moved myself into an apartment letting her keep the house. I wasn’t looking forward to sleeping alone for awhile but, I would have to just try and live. I was going back on tour in a couple of weeks but, for now I stayed in the studio, writing and planning just trying to take my mind off of things. I would look at my phone and have the urge to call her but, then I just wouldn’t. 5 minutes later I would pick up my phone and call her anyway, getting no answer. I missed her there was no doubt in that, but as the days went by I was getting the picture that she didn’t want to talk. I kept telling myself that she said awhile, and I didn’t know how long ‘awhile’ was but, I was hoping it was a short amount of time. In the mean time I kept myself busy with work, just waiting until I can get back on stage. We decided that I we would go out tonight just before we went on this tour the day after tomorrow. This would be my first time going out again since I had been ‘single’ I wonder how’d fun this would be.
It was almost mid August and I hadn’t talked to or seen Bruno in almost three weeks. Everyday it was getting easier and I missed him but, at the same time I didn’t. We we’re both just bringing each other down with our pain so there was no point to be with each other right now. I didn’t know how long this ‘awhile’ was but, I was just living right now. After begging me for a week, I finally decided to go out with the girls. They told me that I needed to get out and try to ‘live a little’. But, things weren’t the same in my life anymore. I ordered a drink and then turned looking out to everyone there. I moved a bit in my seat and I knew that if I got a couple of drinks in me that I would be perfectly fine and get up and dance. I turned around just in time to the bartender bringing me my drink. I went to get my wallet but, I heard a voice, “Na.. I got it..” They put their hand out with money and the bartender took it. I looked up to a nice looking guy with short hair. He was dressed in a button down and he smelled really nice. He reached out for my hand as he sat down, “Hey I’m Leon nice to meet you..” I took his hand with a smile, “I’m Diamond..”
I got out on the dance floor doing my shit to the music. I was already drunk so I was dancing like I was up on stage. A girl that had been eyeing me all night finally came up to me. “You trying to dance baby?” I said moving close to her. She just smiled and rolled her eyes and I bit my lip as I grabbed her hips, “Come on I don’t bite..” I said. “Yeah okay..” she said with a sly smile. I went to her ear, “I mean only if you want me too..” She looked me up and down, “I get it..” We kept dancing and getting even closer. Eventually we sat down at a table and started talking and I couldn’t help but flirt with her. “So.. you got somewhere to go after this?” She shrugged, “No not really what you got in mind..” “You trying to come back to the crib?” I said giving her a smile. “If it’s fine with you..” I got up and nodded towards the door, “Let’s do it..”