Chapter 69+70

24/03/2012 13:51
Chapter 69

I opened the mailbox and started scanning threw the pieces of mail. When I was done I sighed at the fact that they mostly read Bruno’s real name. I closed it back and dragged myself back into the house. Things had been getting a little bit better for me in the last week. I got out to start looking for a job again and surprisingly I had a lot of options. It was all depending on who called me back. I felt like when I started working again I would be able to start all over. It was Saturday and I decided that I would go out and make myself happy today. I laid the mail on the and made my way to the bedroom. I had a shower and threw on some shorts and a tank top. It was going to be September in a few days and it was still feeling like the middle of the summer. I put my hair up into a ponytail and looked at myself once more before walking back out into the living room. I grabbed my wallet, keys, and a water before heading out the door. As soon as I stepped out the heat hit me right in the face. I squinted until I finally got into my car. Weather like this kind of made me wish that I lived somewhere with milder temperatures but, then I remembered how much I hated the cold. As I drove downtown I thought about so many things. Especially about how much slower life had been going now since Bruno wasn’t around. I shook my head, making myself get him out of my head as quickly as possible. I got out of the car and made my way to the mall entrance, luckily they had their air conditioning on full blast.

I laid on my stomach, and then on my side before I ended up on my back again. I inhaled and exhaled and then threw my hands behind my head. I stared up to the ceiling honestly wishing I could go out and have a drink but, it was way too early in the afternoon for that. I was surprised that I hadn’t had a hangover since I had drank a lot last night. I had a show tonight, and I just wanted to at least be okay for it. I had been up most of the night and I just wanted to take a well needed nap right now, but I just couldn’t. I had been keeping in touch with Jazzy lately and she has been seriously trying to help me get back with Diamond. I hate to not be positive but, I don’t think that it’s going to work. Sometimes I take my phone and go right to her number, but right before I press the call button I just stop. I’ve been so consumed by my career lately. Still touring, working on new songs, and being set up for countless behind the scene things. I took another deep breath and laid on my side staring into the wall. I just wanted to feel whole again. I pushed my face into the pillow and of course my thoughts started to drift away again. Soon they went right to her again, and I quickly sat up on the edge of the bed. I looked over to my phone and looked back down again. Before I could think of all the reasons not to call right now, I grabbed it.

“That’s it.” I said to the lady behind the cash register with a smile. As soon as I went for my wallet my phone started ringing almost making me drop everything. I quickly got it from out of my pocket and it read Bruno. I looked up to the lady as if she knew something and she just gave me a confused look back. I put my finger over the end button but, then switched it back to the answer. “Hello?” I said as I put the phone up to my ear. “Hey Diamond..” I continued to pay for my things, “Hi Bru..” There was a silence, “What you up too?” I nodded to the lady before I took my bags, “Nothing just out and about you know..” The phone got silent again, and I started to get butterflies as I walked out of the store. “Diamond.. I really miss you..” he said softly. I slummped down into a bench and hung my head, “I don’t know Bruno..” “Come on now.. you gotta miss me too.. I know you do..” I shrugged, “I don’t know..” “Stop saying that..” “Please don’t tell me what to say right now..” “Well say something I can understand..” I felt myself starting to get upset, “I don’t know what you expect me to say.. I haven’t talked to you in almost 2 months Bruno.. you’re like a fucking stranger now..” I said trying to keep my voice low. “Well you made it like this.. you did this to us..” “So now it’s my fault?” I said as I sat up a bit. “I don’t know..” “Oh look whose saying I don’t know now..” “Why do you gotta take me threw this why do you?” he said his voice a bit shaky. “Stop playing victim here.. just stop it..”

“You know.. my life has been hard lately.. so hard without you and I tell you that I miss you.. and all you can tell me is that you don’t know..” I said putting my hand on my chest. “Because I don’t.. I don’t know about anything anymore..” “So you lied? You told me that it was just going to be awhile.. you didn’t say forever..” “I didn’t kn—” I cut her off, “We had so much to do.. I had shit planned with you.. and you’re just giving up on me.. just like that..” It got silent, and I just listened to the sounds of her background. I put my hand up to my face feeling a lot more hurt that I had already. I had never thought that she actually really didn’t care for me anymore. “Bruno.. I love you..” I shook my head, “You don’t love me.. not like you said you did..” “No it’s no—” “Na.. it’s alright though..” “Just let me talk..” “Diamond you’ve talked you’ve said everything.. I don’t want to argue with you anymore.. and I didn’t mean to ruin your day..” I stopped in the middle of me talking and felt myself starting to choke up. “But, I love you okay.. and everything I’ve ever said to you in my life, I’ve mean’t it.. and all I want is for you to be happy.. that’s it.. so please.. if you find someone else.. just make sure they make you happy..” “Bruno.. stop..” “I love you and I’ll talk to you sometime soon..” I said holding back some tears. I heard her call my name once more before I hung up the phone.

I sat there staring at my phone still not believing that I had just had that conversation with him. I felt horrible now, even more than I did for breaking us apart in the first place. But, how could I continue to be with him after he started to let himself go like that. I gently sat my phone down in the space next to me and put my face into my hands. I kept telling myself over and over in my head that this wasn’t the place for this, it wasn’t the time. Now I felt like I needed him more than ever. I just wished that he gave me a chance to say something before he hung up on me. I could tell in his voice that he was so hurt now, and I was too. How did I let this happen, I really started to feel like it was all my fault. After depressing myself with more thoughts for the next 5 minutes, I grabbed my bags and just left the mall. I didn’t want to do anything anymore.  The next few days we’re felt like they we’re moving in slow motion. I got called back by one of the companies and I was set up for a interview next Monday that I wasn’t even excited about going too anymore. September was here and my birthday was just a few weeks away. I knew my girls would drag me out to some club and get me drunk. But, that’s not what I wanted. Me and Bruno always had such nice times on each other’s birthdays and I had never pictured myself spending another one without him for the rest of my life.

“Is that all you think about is stuffing you’re face?” I joked to Phil as he got up. “Is sex all you think about?” he said as he opened the door and left. All I heard was owhhs from everyone. “Shutuppp.” I said out the side of my mouth as I looked around to everyone. “See ya’ll talking about this shit.. I’m just ready to be sitting on the beach looking out to the ocean, sippin’ on me a drank.. you know..” Kam said speaking up. I smiled and nodded, “Me too man.. sounds beautiful..” I looked the other direction as I thought for a moment, I had been pushing any thoughts of Diamond to the back of my head ever since we talked on the phone a few days ago. I had always thought about how fun it would have been to go to the Bahamas with her. “You alright man?” I heard someone say snapping me out of my thoughts. I reached up and ran my fingers across the edges of my eyes, “I’m straight..” “Cool..” Jam said. I looked around to everyone with a smirk on my face. “Alright everyone up out my room.. I need some sleep..” Everyone got slowly and Kam was the last to start out the door. He turned to me as I got up, “You know you just gonna jack off..” I looked at him in mock horror, “Man get out..” He laughed as he closed the door behind him. I laughed as well and then took a deep breath as I started to look around the room. I stood there thinking for a second, I mean I could. It would kind of help me out. I did have a really long flight tomorrow. I smiled as I walked over to my door locking it. I went back over to my bed and reached down grabbing my laptop out of my bag. I opened it as I laid it down. I mean it really couldn’t hurt could it. I sat back on the bed and started to undo my pants.

“Where is he right now?” I frowned and shrugged, “I don’t know.. somewhere.. singing I guess..” “Why are you so bitter about it all of a sudden?” she said lowering her voice. I looked over to her, “Listen to me Michelle.. there will never be a us again.. ever.” She shook her head, “You’re letting that drink talk for you right now..” I rolled my eyes, “Oh yeah let’s blame it on the alcohol..” I said sarcastically. “No really Diamond.. just be real for a second here.. you don’t ever just get drunk like this..” I put my hand out, “Look it’s a Saturday.. and I wanted to have some fun alright.. I think I might start this new job this week..” She shook her head, “I miss you girl..” I looked over to her, “But I’m right here..” “No.. I miss the real you.. you haven’t been the same in months..” “It’s not my fault though.. so much fucking shit.. and Bruno.. and the baby..” “Whoa.. just stop right there.. I don’t feel like making you all emotional..” “It’s too late..” I said shrugging. “But..” “No.. no you don’t understand..” I said cutting her off. “What don’t I understand?” “I can’t do anything without crying.. nothing.. I can’t fold clothes without missing folding his.. I can’t look at pictures.. I can’t do anything.. I’m just so unhappy.. and I don’t like it..” “It’s gonna get better though..” “No it won’t.. Things are just—” Before I could finish my sentence I turned to my TV. Bruno’s music video for his song Grenade started to play. I closed my eyes and just let his voice fill my ears. I missed it so much, I missed him, I just wish that he was here singing to me right now. I needed to get myself together as soon as possible. There was honestly no point in missing him when there was nothing between us anymore. I seriously needed to figure out life outside of Bruno Mars…..


Chapter 70

The middle of September came and a song that I was featured on called ‘Lighters’ was set to release in just a couple of days. It’s funny how it all worked out to where it would be released on Diamond’s birthday.The song it’s self really mean’t a lot to me, and I had wrote the words for it right before we had separated. Surprisingly, each and everyday it was getting a lot easier to live without her, and I almost just wanted to move on. But, I knew that my heart wouldn’t let me. Instead of getting all down about it, I enjoyed my time with my band and my pops when I was in Pureto Rico. I was happy that I got a chance to sit down with my dad and just talk. He gave me some good advice and told me to just be a man about it. ‘If you love her than, you won’t let anything stand in the way of that’ was his exact words to me. I keep playing that line over and over in my head. But, at the same time I flash back to our conversation a couple of weeks back. This was my same thought every night before I went to bed, and the more I thought about it, the closer I got to my decision. I didn’t want to spend too much time on it, because it was just one or another honestly. I had important things to focus on and I didn’t want this bringing me down right now. I was just trying to get on this flight and make my way to Germany and give these people their monies worth.

“So.. do you wanna go out, shake your ass or what?” Carla asked from the living room. I sat there moving my straw around in my smoothie my hand under my chin, “I don’t want to do anything..” “Oh sorry sweetie, but you’re getting out of here..” I smiled a bit, “But.. there is no where to go..” “Look Diamond.. I don’t wanna hear that shit, we’re going out.. because we both need a good time..” I smirked, “You just wanna go out..” She took a moment to say something back, “Okay.. I do.. but, still.” I laughed, “Sure I guess..” “Hell yeah we in there!” she announced. I took a deep breath, “It just won’t be the same..” I whispered under my breath. It honestly wouldn’t be, birthdays we’re something special to me and Bruno and now they just weren’t anymore. My new job had been keeping him off of my mind. It was honestly a lot more work and I was only just a assistant. However, the lead lady of the company was planning on giving up her position and because of my degree I was set to take it. Hopefully that all worked out, if it did I would just be even more busier and I think that’s what I needed. On my way to work the next day Just The Way You Are came on the radio and took me threw it all again. It seemed like I heard his songs more now that I wasn’t with him anymore. Of course I let some tears fall but, I managed to get myself together enough to get to work.

Tomorrow morning Lighters was set to released and I was hoping that a lot of people could relate to this song. After being on this one, I felt like people we’re honestly going to start knowing my name. My album was still making big numbers and I had so much more to come. I found myself interacting with fans more through social networking and I tried my best not to get caught up into it, but I did anyway. Actually, being on my computer was a lot more entertaining than I thought it was. I found some of the most amazing things online and it made me understand this whole technology thing a bit better. Even though me and Diamond aren’t talking I made sure I sent her a happy birthday message at midnight. Even if we never talked again, I would wish her a happy birthday at the same time every year, I would never forget it. She sent me back a simple thank you and it made me smile like no other. I wanted to go ahead and move forward asking her if I could buy her something or take her out for her birthday, but I just didn’t. I didn’t want to end up in a argument with her, because we we’re fine like this for now. I had a huge line of shows coming up in October and it would be a straight shot right into the official end of my Doo-Wops & Hooligans Tour. I was just trying to prepare myself for how emotional that last show would be for me.

“So how old are you again? I thought 62.. so I got you these diapers.” Tori joked as she handed me a present. “Yeah, yeah.. whatever..” I said with a smile. I opened my gift to find some a couple of shirts that I had been meaning to buy for awhile. “Awwhh.. that’s girl..” “Anything for you..” she said with a smile. I hugged her and we swayed back and forth for a bit. “So.. we ready to hit the club or what?” Carla came in interrupting. We all laughed, “Yeah man.. let’s go have some fun..” I said setting my gift onto the bar. I went out with all my girls besides Leiyah who was home with Zadeh tonight. He was just like Phil in so many ways, and Phil was someone that I missed a whole bunch. We talked sometimes, but our conversations just weren’t as open anymore. I went out and did it big, taking shots like a pro even though I knew I would be a mess tomorrow. However, Carla was right alongside me, acting like it was her birthday as well. I loved when she did that though, it made me want to have even more fun. At the end of the night I found myself stumbling in the door in Michelle and Tori’s arms. “I’m so hungry..” I groaned. They helped me onto the couch, “You need to sleep not eat..” Michelle said looking me up and down. I collapsed onto the couch, “Yeah.. I hear you, goodnight..” I said waving them off. I closed my eyes and didn’t even bother getting undressed, the alcohol had me so weighed down. I heard a couple more voices and my front door close before drifting off to sleep.

I sat there watching Jazzy carefully as she listened to my new song through my headphones. Her eyes we’re everywhere just looking around and then she would put her hand over her face like she was going to cry. When it was finally over she slipped the headphones from over he ears. Before I could say anything she put her hand out, “Give me a fucking moment.” I laughed, “Alright..” She did take her moment before she looked back up to me, “Bruno.. you wrote this?” “Uh.. yeah and sang it too.” She smiled a bit and shook her head, “Man this song.. is.. wow..” “You think so?” “You’re so good man..” I shrugged and wiped my shoulders, “Did you think I was just doing this for fun..” “No seriously be real for a second right now.. this song is huge…” “I know..” “And it’s going to be in a movie?” “Yep..” I said nodding. “Wow..” “So.. do you think this will get her back?” “Shit.. if she doesn’t come back to you after this than… I don’t know..” I looked off into the distance, “I hope she understands..” “When does this come out?” I looked back down to her, “In a couple of hours at midnight.” “Holy shit..” she whispered. “Come on man.. you making me more nervous than I already am.. stop that shit..” She laughed as she got up, “Chill out dude, you got this..” “I hope so man..” “This song is going to be huge..” she said saying the last word much louder than the rest. There was still always that doubt there when you put out a new song, you just don’t know how people would react to it, and Jazzy had honestly never lied to me, if she said it was good, than it must be good.

I sat on the couch holding a pillow close to me as I watched a new episode of a criminal show that I loved. I was so tired and I should have already been sleep since I had work tomorrow afternoon but, I had to watch this. As it went to it’s last commercial, I felt my phone vibrate next to me. I reached over and picked it up frowning a bit as I read Bruno’s name. I inhaled as I opened the message. (Just go to my website at midnight..) “Oh god..” I whispered to myself. I shrugged and tossed my phone back over onto the couch, I didn’t know if I should or not. It would probably be some corny video that him and Phil had put together. He was only just trying to make me laugh. After my show was over right at midnight I made my way into my room. I stripped down into my PJs and crawled into bed. I laid there thinking on if I should get up and check Bruno’s site still. After basically talking to myself I got up and went and grabbed my laptop from off of the dresser. I carried it back over to the bad and folded my legs under me as I brung up the browser. I smiled a bit as I typed in ‘’. I waited a few moments as the page loaded and a huge video screen popped up with a silhouette character as the background. The colors we’re so bright that I had to squint a bit. I knew for a fact that it was Bruno sitting in a chair holding a umbrella, but I was still so confused.

I moved my cursor over the play button and clicked it. I heard faint music come on and I turned up my volume just before his voice filled my ears. I instantly covered my mouth as his voice echoed throughout the room. I kept listening to the lyrics and each and every word spoke to me like no other. It was like he was speaking right to my heart. “Oh my fucking god..” I whispered to myself after the first chorus. I was almost unsure if this was real or not. I shook my head and tried to hold back tears as he said things that had only described us in the past months. I just couldn’t believe that he had actually wrote another song like this for me. As the song went off, I just my tears come out, all of them that I had been holding in for the past month. Every time I opened my eyes to look at the cover art of the song, I cried a little bit harder. My heart beat sped up by one hundred times as I thought I heard my doorbell. I looked around frantically, unsure if I was just crying so hard that I was hearing things. I heard it again and this time it startled me. I closed my laptop and grabbed it setting it on the dresser again as I left the room. I slowly walked to the door and stood in front of it. “Who is it..” I said quietly. “Diamond.. open the door please..” I heard Bruno’s voice say from the other side. ”Oh my god..” I said putting my hand over my mouth and crying some more. “Come on baby.. please..” I shook my head as I reached for the lock….