'Are we there yet?'
'bruno, shut up and let me sleep' he smirks at his childish attempt at humor; but I knew he was only trying to ease my nerves. this trip had me on edge and i needed all the relief i could get. i had a big choice lying on the outcome of this visit...
'you'll love it' he said. then he placed his hand on my leg and slowly slid it down. i pinned his hand there
'anywhere but on a plane,' i said. bruno smiled and shook his head.
'you don't know how good it is,' he said. i looked out the window to see the afternoon sun was high in the sky;michael saw it too and started to softly sing a song to himself about sunshine. he was so adorable...
'so what are we going to do when we get there?' i asked
'well, you two are going to stay with phil whle he shows you around. i have some music buisness to take care of.' i pouted a little. if the whole time the trip would be like this, L.A. would get to be pretty lonely...
'don't worry, i'll be meeting you guys at the hotel later tonight,' he said and winked at me. maybe this trip wouldn't be too bad...
we got to the airport where we said our partial goodbyes. bruno pointed phil out to us and left. phil looked over at the two of us and smiled. he seemed friendly enough; deep dimples and large glasses. 'hey, i'm sure bruno's already told you about me, but in case he's neglected to remember about me...again...' he huffed in mock-exasperation.
i giggled ' i'm danielle, and this is my son michael' i gestured to michael who hid behind me from phil, but he knew exactly what to do. he asked michael about himself and what he liked to do and he opened up like a book.
'well, shall we, madame?' phil asked
'we shall' i smiled and left the airport. from there we did a lot of sightseeing from museums, to famous landmarks;we stopped for a late lunch at a small resturant.
'so what did bruno say he was doing today?' phil asked in between bites of oversized cheesburger.
'something about 'music buisness' and stuff' i rolled my eyes and shrugged. would he always be this vauge?
'hmmm- that's weird. he didn't say anything about going to the studio.'phil furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out the situation. i shrugged
'maybe he wasn't recording today.' i said. phil was still pondering the small dilema, but excepted the answer begrudgingly. he got up from the table and swung michael onto his shoulders.
'ready to go, buddy?' he asked. michael nodded enthusiasticly. i got up from the table and left the money to cover the bill plus a generous tip. i wanted to spread my extremly good mood that day. we finished our little adventure and phil dropped me and michael off at the hotel. we waved goodbye as he sped away from the drop-off area. we got checked in and went upstairs.we went the room(more like a house) and waited for bruno to come in...and we waited...and waited...and waited. by the time he arrived, michael was well off to sleep and i was following suit when i heard the locks to the front door click and bruno stepped in.
'what took you so long?' i murmured.
'work...work and more work.' he said and rubbed his neck. he looked tired, but happy.
'but now, it's time for play.' he said as he began to undress. i smiled and went along with it. michael was in a room that was well away from bruno and i with a tv on. he wouldn't hear a thing. bruno's body felt a bit stiff and rigid against mine, but, work can do that to a person...
i decided the next day to visit the city of angels by myself and left michael and phil alone. i found myself at a local beach sunbathing in the middle of the afternoon when all of a sudden,a sea of people swarms to one area. i glance over to see who the poor star was that would be escaping, and notice that the man retreating from the vicious mob was wearing a fedora...
no. no way. uh-uh. there is no way on this earth that-
it was bruno, escaping the crowd with a woman not too far behind.
i stood up slowly. he escaped behind a building, but i was standing where i could clearly see him and the girl. i watched him as he gave individual bribes to the photographers a little while later so the pictures would never be leaked to the press. i then watched him smile at the blonde, brown-eyed girl as they walked hand in hand down the street. i didn't know what else to do but to follow them. i watched them play and hug and kiss each other until i thought they could bear no more. their final destination was a small motel. i took out my phone to take two pictures: one of them entering the building, and one of only their silouettes reappearing in the second story window. then i silently walked away.
'...and then we saw this guy on this HUGE bike, and he was...' i couldn't totaly pay attention to everything that michael was saying. i knew he was recapping the day he spent with phil, but that was it. my mind was elsewhere.
damnit. well, so much for love; what's the point if ever man is the same? i can't trust any of them....i never could. but bruno...he's leaving me to think i can't trust myself...what will i do now? what's going to happen with michael? he loves bruno... but, bruno could care less what michael thinks or feels...he could care less about how i feel....maybe we could leave right now...
'hey, beautiful.' bruno said. he was back on time, for once.
'hey.' i said cooly.
michael hopped around bruno in excited little circles, dying to tell him something.'hey bruno! today, there was this guy, and he was playin' these drums really good, and everyone was givin' him money, and i wanna play like that someday!' bruno picked michael up and swung him around.
'hey, maybe i could teach you... i happen to know a thing or two about the drums...' i couldn't stand it, him acting like he gave a shit about what happened to my child. i stood up and coldly took michael from bruno.
'baby, me and bruno need to talk, okay? go in your room for just a sec.'
michael jumped out of my arms and ran to his room. i stood where i was, not facing bruno, but i could almost feel the look of confusion on his face.
'babe what's wrong?' he asked. i turned to look at him.
'do you mind handing me my phone?' i asked. he slowly walked over and gave it to me. i calmly went to my recent pictures and, without saying a word, faced the screen towards him so that he saw the last two pictures. his whole face dropped. there was no denying what was on the screen.
'danielle, let me explain-' what? was he really going to try to pull that one off?
'-do you really think i'm that stupid? that whatever you say i'll just nod my head and forgive you? what the hell bruno?!?!?! why the hell would you drag me all the way down here just to do me like the that. what the-?why would you-' i couldn't ask anymore qustions. i didn't even know what i wanted to know. i looked at him and he was standing there, looking down a bit. looking sorry.
'i'm sorry.' he said. i ran out of the door
i wandered the streets well into the night. i ended up wandering into a large museum. i loved them bacause of what they contained: history. it always stayed the same. it was what it was. the story never changed, unlike people. the museum was empty and the lights had gone out except for a few. i shamelessly cried and asked questions aloud like: why me? why him? it was pretty pitiful. i thought the night of misery would never end...
'hey, i don't know who's out there, but this ain't no homeless shelter so take the charity drive somewhere else!' a deep voice boomed.
i looked up and saw a man walking towards me. he looked almost exactly like richard gere in 1999 except with more grey. he was tall, and he was mad.
'i'm sorry,' i said, wiping away tears.' i'm just having some issues and this was the only place open...' the man stepped into my light. we saw each other clearly and his expression completly changed.
'oh, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to scare you; i just thought you were- well a- ' he stammered as he continued to stare at me.
'oh, it's fine; closing time is closing time, no matter if someone is crying a few tears or not.' i smiled weakly.
'maybe you should come with me' he said out of nowhere. i looked at him curiously. 'i mean, with it being so late, you probably couldn't find your way very far, could you?' i shook my head no. he extended his hand and i took it, followong him into the darkness fo the night.
the man's name, i found out, was william, and he was the owner of the museum. we went to his place where we talked over wine and i explained my situation.
' so this guy; he's your...?'
'i don't even know,' i laughed.
'hmmm... his heart seems to be in the right place.... but he still hasn't quite mastered the art of not thinking with your dick.' he said. i smiled and thought about it. made a lot of sense, this man did. and i owed him the world for not leaving me to get even more lost than i alredy was.
'huh...it's pretty sad, really' he said.
'that a beautiful woman such as yourself should be put through hell like this.' he glanced up from his wine glass to look at me.we were sitting on a large leather sofanot too far from each other. i looked at him and said softly,
'what would you do differently?' i asked. he said nothing, but leaned in to kiss me. i thought of bruno but then stopped. it was time to think of myself again...
william led me to his bedroom. this was routine for me; i knew what i was doing. i started to unzip my dress when he came up behind me.
'allow me,' he said and slowly undid the zipper. he rubbed his hands against my bare back. it went on like this; undressing each other, caressing each other; we both had experience for ages; i didn't have to think at all, just do...but i thought anyway; about bruno. why would i do this to him? this made me no better than him, and it didn't fix anything, but the pain that ran so deep earlier subsided with every touch, every movement, that occured between william and i. back to old habits...
i left william early in the morning to return to the hotel. i was sure that bruno would be gone and michael would be asleep. i decided to pack my things and go back to new york; my reason for staying in L.A. was all gone, and i needed to catch up with the real world...
i opened the door to the room and stepped in. i stumbled into the room and flopped onto my bed...so tired... i heard a stumbling from another room and turned my head a little. bruno. what was he doing here? then i noticed that his eyes were bloodshot-he'd been crying all night.
'Bruno, what are you doing here?' i groaned. he just came over, picked me up, and held me; i was too tired and weak to fight him.
'danielle,' he sighed.
'what?' i asked. he pulled away to look at me. tears started to well over and fall from his eyes. 'what do you mean, 'what?' you ran out and i didn't know where you were! that's what! whenever i tried to call your phone, it went straight to voicemail! that's what! i'm here-'
'what difference does it make, bruno?' i stepped away from him 'you could've just ran to that girls' house and you wouldn't have noticed i was gone! why do i matter to you now?'
'now? you've always mattered to me!it's 'that girl' that doesn't mean shit! if you had listened to me, you would've heard me say that i was going to break up with the bitch for you! i met you and things changed. i stayeed with her those two days because i didn't want to hurt her. i dumped her at the motel and came back early to tell you! you showed me those pictures and i was only sorry that you thought i was going to be like every other guy...then you left...michael was crying, i couldn't figure out where you could've gone, i left and looked everywhere; i thought that someone... i thought that you were...' he let the tears run down his face. his voice was fine, the crying didn't affect it much, if at all, but his mind; it was speeding through the horrifying possabilities...
' i didn't know.' i said quietly.
'yeah, that's been established. danielle if you thought that i was just carelessly hurting you, you just don't know how i really feel about you...' i walked to him in the dim light of early morning. his eyes looked tired from a night of worry. he really did love me. he held me tightly in his arms and wouldn't let go. i kissed him, running my fingers through his hair gently. he kissed back fiercly, and then started to undo my dress. i turned around to make things easier. he slowly slid his hands acroos my breasts, down my stomach, and then proceeded to kiss where his hands had already traced. i would never stop loving him, never..
we awoke the next morning to michael crying in his sleep. bruno and i went to his room to calm him down. he saw that i had returned and he jumped into my arms
'mommy!' he squealed. he was starting to sound like he was mine. i smiled and put him down.
'i'm sorry for scaring you like that baby; mommy won't ever leave like that again.' i said and kissed him on the forehead. bruno stood by and watched. michael ran to bruno and hugged him too.
'what was that for?' bruno asked.
'i heard you crying last night for mommy too; i thought you would need it.' bruno smiled and held michael for awhile, then let him go to get himself some breakfast.
'so what do we do now?' i asked
'whatever you want.'
i wanted that moment to last forever...