Let me tell you about my life. Well, actually about my love-life, my Life of Love. Because my whole life is centered on love – L.O.V.E. these 4 letters are the focus of my life.
Since my birth I’m in love – with many people – from a short period of time to my whole lifetime, sometimes it was a little crush, but also the big, great, true love. The heartbeating, innocent love and the love that will tear you up and almost break you, because you know it’s not working. I gave love and received it. Yes, I experienced already all the different kinds of love in my still young age of 24.
It began with loving my parents, my pretty sister, my grandmom&dad and all the other family members, who are playing a role since my first time taking breath.
Continued at school loving my friends, some of them are still in my life – praise God for that! Without them I couldn’t go through some dark times... and all new REAL friends who came into my life.
Continued with loving some amazing boys and men.
Since I got 18 – the first time I really fell in love with a man, Robert. He’s still in my life – but not as MY man. Eventually he’s the reason why God won’t let me live a peaceful life without sadness, disappointment and harm. I knew that God will punish me for loving him, having an affair with him – a married man whose pregnant wife and 2 kids welcome me at their home – just before or after I slept with him. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life and it happened so many times. I feel ashamed about it everytime I think of it. But can’t change it. Well that’s the bad thing about mistakes they can’t be taken back and they become your past. I’m not proud of this part of my past. Only thing I can do is to learn from it and won’t do that again. And now I have to pay for it, for my sins...
But further with mentioning my Life of Love.
It continued with loving my husband and my lil son – the best and purest love in my life – Samuel Peter Max Hernandez, named after his both granddads Peter and Max, and Samuel, translated this name means „from God requested“...
Oh man, I’m looking at him right now, he’s so his Dad with this soft light-tanned skin, his curly dark hair and his beautiful brown eyes. Damn I miss his Dad! But I can’t forgive him what he did to me and Sam.
Well, actually I can’t forgive him yet, but maybe soon?
If I forgive him, will God forgive me, too? And let me live a peaceful life?